Losing a part of me

I have not been eating well these last couple of days, but I also have not been gorging myself. As an example: Leslie and I were at breakfast this morning. She ordered off the menu while I opted for the buffet. I went up once, took what I wanted (an omelette, an English muffin with lox and cream cheese, some berries, and a yoghurt), and went back to the table. When that was done, I knew I could have gone to take more. The old me would have done just that. I did not. I was not trying to ‘get my money’s worth’ out of it. I was sated, and although I could have eaten more, I did not need to… and I did not.

I had two interactions yesterday that gave me pause to think about my life, and I want to share them here.

The waitress at breakfast yesterday morning (Gladys) was talking to me. When I told her that my bride and I live so far apart she said, ‘That must be so hard.’ I thought for a minute and responded to this effect: “Gladys, I have seen a lot of very difficult and sad things in my life. From your accent I suspect you were born in Cuba which means that you have too. Would I rather live with my wife? Absolutely. With that said, my friends in Cuba who are grateful for the used clothes and half-empty bottles of shampoo and toothpaste I leave for them have a much harder life than I do. My friends and family in Israel who are at war, and the innocent people on both sides of that war have a much harder life than I do. While I do look forward to living with Leslie, I live a life that allows me to pay my rent and my bills and support my children, and I can still afford to fly to Dallas to see her every month. I can afford to eat breakfast in this lovely restaurant and still smoke the cigars that I want. That’s not a hard life… it is simply one that has some challenges and sadness.” She was surprised by my answer because she said that most people – especially her customers who have money and privilege – are seldom grateful for what they have. She is right. I try to be grateful… even though I do not always succeed.

The second interaction was with a student of mine. He asked me if he could ask a personal question. ‘How do you deal with stress? In your career you have to deal with so much. Does your faith help you to deal? I think it is so difficult to have faith these days… it is almost seen as a weakness to admit you believe in G-d.’ I responded that it helps to put things in perspective, but that my faith was personal, and I have never felt the need to explain it to anyone. I do not shy away from it, and I do not hide it. With that said, I have never cared what others think about my relationship with G-d. As for dealing with stress, it helps to breathe… whether you do so out of religion in prayer, or just as meditation.” It was a deeper answer than that, but that was the gist of it.

With all that said, I know I am gaining weight this weekend and I know that when we get back to Dallas I will start to get back on track. I am going to live my life, and I am not going to deprive myself of the occasional splurge.

Oh, and despite that all I ordered two more pair of pants in the 36×32 size… they will arrive Monday!

Have a great day folks!