Losing a part of me

Category: Attitude

  • Day 1273

    I slept two nights since yesterday. I’ll explain.

    After the debacle that was yesterday I knew that I would not be going to the Grand Lodge event in Toronto today, but I had promised someone that I would give him something there. I arranged for a brother to drop by to pick them up on his way. I did not fall asleep until nearly 1am, so when my doorbell rang before 6:00am I was not nearly well rested, but I got up and dressed and did my thing… which is to say that I took Her Floofness for her walk, and when we came home I fed her, brewed a half pot of coffee (I realized I did not have sufficient coffee to brew a full pot) and mixed my meal replacement shake. I sat down at the computer and did my email thing and even opened up my blog page to write… but did not write a word. My sleep score was 56 – plenty of deep but not nearly enough overall.

    At 8:30am I realized how exhausted I was and decided to lie down for a bit. Princess Sophie jumped at the opportunity to join me. I am not sure that it was as deep as the overnight inadequate sleep, but it was actually longer – I woke up around 2:30pm! I prepared my meal replacement shake, I actually had a bowel movement (only my second one in nearly a week), and brushed my teeth again. While I would normally never do this, I weighed myself again, and was pleased to see that I had dropped another pound and a half since this morning. With that said, I have not decided if I will keep it… weighing myself at 7am versus 3pm? Yeah… it will depend on what the bathroom scale says tomorrow morning. If it is down from this afternoon then I will keep it, but if it is up then I will wipe it. Anyhow, I then sat down at my computer to pay some bills.

    I am trying to think more positively today than I did yesterday afternoon. Yes, the exam cancellation completely screwed me for the next several weeks, but nobody is shooting at me. I will try to be patient and wait to hear back about rescheduling the exam. In the meantime, I am going to drive to the supermarket – I am out of coffee, and I have some dry cleaning to drop off. Once that is done, if the rain has abated then I will take Her Floofness for another walk before sitting on the balcony with my book – an author that I love releases a new book in his series every July 15, and I downloaded it that day planning to read it after my exam. Since that did not happen I will try to read it today.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1271

    I do not remember at what point I stopped updating my offline journal – that is, the one large document that included all of the posts from my online blog – but it occurs to me that I should seriously think about going back and updating it. I do not really want to see a lot of the worst of my entries from the deepest times of despair, but I suppose I can just copy-and-paste without reading them. We will see. That will not happen before Thursday – today is my last complete day to study for my exam which is at 1:00pm tomorrow afternoon, so my main focus until after the exam will be that. Wednesday I will be at a provincial Grand Lodge event, which takes us to Thursday.

    I should mention that I did resume updating my weight tracking spreadsheet from my bathroom scale. That is much easier to do, and does not involve going to each individual day to cop-paste. All I needed to do was to expert all data from the scale since the beginning of April and then copy-paste that into my spreadsheet.

    The new shirts and jacket that I ordered are out for delivery according to FedEx, and I will have them in time for my event on Wednesday. That is a relief. While I do have a suit that I can wear, it is tight and I will feel more comfortable wearing something that is tailored to my size. The disturbing truth is that from the day the tailor measured me for these new clothes I gained over ten pounds… that is just over a month ago. Fortunately I have these last five days lost all of that. Phew! As terrible as I feel that I needed to have bigger clothes made, that would have been amplified had they now been tight.

    Yes, today is Day 5, and according to the bathroom scale I have dropped a little over ten pounds. I am pleased but far from satisfied. I have a long way to go, as I said yesterday, until I am anywhere near satisfied. Maybe ‘satisfied with my progress so far’ is a better way to write that.

    I need to start exercising in order to make sure I continue to not only lose weight, but also to ensure I get back into shape. My doctor will tell you that I am in great shape for a man a fucking overweight as I am (she would not use those exact words), but that is not good enough for me. I would like to run a marathon next year. Before I do that, I need to start walking again before I can start jogging again. I am going to wait a couple of weeks before jogging for a number of reasons, but as for walking I might start as early as Thursday, depending on the weather. Yes, I have a treadmill… but if the weather is nice I would much rather begin my journey again in the fresh air.

    My sleep score last night was equal to the previous night. I suspect that if I was not drinking what amounts to a small swimming pool every day it might be a bit higher… but alas, I am going to continue to drink as much water as I can. Water is great for the body, but it is also a big contributor to weight loss… even if it did not help to fill my occasionally hungry stomach. I only woke up three times to pee in the night last night which is a 25% improvement over the two previous nights.

    I did finally move my bowels yesterday which was a relief (no pun intended). I neglected to add fibre to my morning meal replacement, but will make a point of doing so this afternoon.

    Owing to something I needed to get done for a buddy yesterday, I was not as productive as I would have liked to be. I did get some studying done… but not as much as I hoped to. Today there will be no disturbances, and that is what I am going to do.

    There are so many things I probably should do with regard to tracking my renewed weight loss efforts, but I am not ready to do that yet. I know that my Body Mass Index (BMI) is a disgusting 42.6, up twelve points from my best ever in October 2023. I have to assume that means that I would again be classified as morbidly obese, but looking to see at what point I would drop out of that… I am not ready for that. I know that I need to set short, medium, and long-term goals for myself, but for the time being I just want to follow the program like an automaton. I will drink my meal replacements and do nothing more other than journal about my emotions.

    The friend who came over yesterday is one of two who has gone through the same medically supervised program that I did. He understands a lot of what I am going through. He and his wife went through it and they lost a lot of weight. It is good to have people that I can speak with who have been there.

    My only plans to go out today are to go to the store to pick up milk for my coffee. Other than that, I expect I will migrate between my desk and my balcony, studying either inside or outside. I will continue to try stabilizing the timing of my meal replacements, which might be easier today at home than tomorrow (when I have my exam) and Wednesday (when I will likely be in Toronto for the day). Speaking of which, I had better remember to bring my meal replacements with me if I go to Toronto… I do not want to be caught having to break the program as I am still trying to make it a habit… and while I am doing so well.

    While I have felt hunger at times, I suspect that yesterday was the first day that I did not consider the program (which is by any measure extreme) a hardship. I was able to get through it without a great deal of difficulty. There have been times these last few days when cigars have helped to distract me from my hunger, and I will continue to use them as a tool. I was going to use the word crutch but no, it is not a crutch. I am not leaning on them, rather I am using them to bridge the hunger meal replacements, much as a snack might bridge the hunger between meals.

    I have said before that forcing a happy face when one is down can be a way to actually induce the happiness eventually. I am trying to put on that positive and happy air these days, and I hope that after tomorrow’s exam I might start to feel it. Until then? The exam and its implications are all consuming.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1268

    It was Sophie’s fault.

    Okay, that is both wrong and unfair. The explanation for it, unjustified though it may be, is that I was extremely hungry as I prepared to end my class yesterday, and my plan was to have a meal replacement shake before taking HRF Princess Sophie out for her walk. She was having none of that. She was ready to go out immediately and no amount of coaxing would change her mind. We went out for a long walk… she insisted on seeing the sights and greeting her friends and possibly sniffing every blade of grass in her park.

    When we got home I was even more ravenous, but knowing that I was on Day 1 of my program I could not go crazy. I did, however, decide to prepare those three eggs that I was going to give away or throw out. All in all I could have done much worse, but I still felt guilty about it.

    This morning there were no eggs in the house. After we got home from our morning walk Her Floofness wanted to go to see the neighbour, and knowing that Sue had told us that Charlie would be there today, I was more than happy to accommodate her. I came back home and put on the coffee before preparing my meal replacement shake.

    Four shakes per day for the foreseeable future. Not fun… but I have put on a disastrous amount of weight since my life fell apart, and it is time to get off that ride and to try to get control of my life back from my emotions. That starts by losing the weight… again.

    It pains me to know how heavy I am. I had done so well, and then my life fell apart… in fact, it happened twice over a 19-month period. Thanks, Lady. No, I will not go into detail. Yes, I am somewhat bitter. That doesn’t matter though… it is time to pick myself up off the floor and get back on track.

    I got an email yesterday that my new sports jacket and shirts are en route from Hong Kong and should arrive by the end of next week. I am excited to receive them; I am equally hopeful that within a few months they will no longer fit, and I will be back to wearing my original weight-loss wardrobe… hopefully by the beginning of September?

    I have been sleeping poorly the last week, in which my fitness watch registered a sleep score over 70 only once. Last night was the first night in over a week that it was slightly better… an 81. I hope to continue that trend.

    It is Friday, and thus my last day of class. I had some technical issues yesterday which means that I am going to have to rush through a little of the material today but I am still confident that I will be able to get through it all. This evening I will light the Sabbath candles as usual, but for the first time in a long time I will not be eating my ritual challah bread to say that blessing. Nor will I be saying kiddush on the wine… I am back on the program.

    Because I had eggs for both breakfast and dinner yesterday I might consider yesterday to have been a Day Half rather than a new Day One. Sabbath or not, today I am drinking my meal replacements, coffee, and a lot of water… and that is all that I will be ingesting. I hope that I can follow that discipline for a few months and not just a few days. I have fallen off the wagon too many times. I have to be strong this time.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1152

    Day One of my renewed efforts saw slight but not total fails. I found myself away from home for longer than I expected, and I bought a bag of potato chips. I was certain that when I weighed myself this morning I would be back up to 212 lbs.; what a relief that my weight was in fact down by a pound from yesterday, making for a total drop since Thursday morning of 4.4 pounds. Considering how disgustingly heavy I was then I am not calling this a resounding success, but at least I know that I am trying to regain my footing and begin to make progress.

    I was sitting with a Lodge brother yesterday and I told him, without going into the details of how, that I decided to drop twenty pounds before the banquet. He told me that he would encourage me and discussed his weight loss goals as well. I was glad that he did not try to discuss his strategy and did not ask me about mine. I really do not feel like discussing my plans for how I will do it but am happy to have the support of people who are encouraging me to do it.

    I also had a lovely video chat with my wife yesterday. It is hard living so far apart, and I am glad that technology allows us to not only talk but to see each other as well. I cannot imagine how much more difficult a long-distance relationship would have been before the era of video chats, let alone reasonable phone calls. I dated a girl when I was in the Army, and she lived in the United States. I cannot imagine how much money we wasted on long-distance calls… before she came to Israel to see me, and we both realized that it was a mistake. My marriage to Leslie is absolutely the right thing, but I am still glad that we do not have to pay thousands of dollars on phone bills!

    I did not sleep very well last night, and it was in large part because of my shoulder which has been bothering me. I spoke with a Lodge brother who is a chiropractor, and he is going to help me out, but first I have to have a day when I can go to his office. That will not be for a couple of weeks yet, and so I am thinking about taking a couple of pain killers in the evening before I go to sleep. I am hoping that helps, but we will see. If not, then I will stop taking them and I will try something else. In the meantime, my sleep score of 63 from last night does not bode well for how this day will go; I will be teaching from 8:30am until 5:00pm, and then from 6:30pm until 10:30pm. It is going to be a very long day… and I have three of those this week, while Tuesday and Thursday I am only teaching the daytime class.

    I said last week that I was hoping the packed schedule would help me with my eating, but it did not… if one can go to the grocery store to buy provisions, one can eat; also, once one is at the grocery store already then it is easy to just buy a couple of things that are counterproductive to weight loss. Knowing that I will not be shopping this week, but will be relying solely on meal replacements, is going to be most helpful. I am still weaning myself off food and will likely have my last plate of pasta for lunch today. Okay, I actually have plenty of pasta in the house, but only one meal worth of pasta sauce, so that should do it. I am giving myself this option because I know that the first few days of the program are extremely difficult, both emotionally and physically, and so if I find myself lagging in class this morning then I will give myself the option. I will not absolutely eat, but if I need it then I shall. I also know that if I do not eat it for lunch, but after a long day of teaching I feel I might need it to make it through the evening of teaching then I will have it between classes. It is a safety net if nothing else.

    So far this morning I am doing well on water and coffee, and I did remember to add fibre to my morning meal replacement. Also, in anticipation of a resounding success getting back onto the program, I have ordered more shakes.

    Wish me luck folks… and have a great day!

  • Day 1058

    Despite all of my eager gung-ho attitudes yesterday morning, I did not have the energy to attack the day as I had planned. With that said, I was not about to break my streak. Yes, I took Her Floofness for her two very cold walks during the day, and I went out to pick up and then drop off my cleaning lady at the train station… but with all that, I still did my very best to stay inside.

    The problem was that I did not have the energy. I got onto the treadmill after Sophie and I came back in, and I just could not run. This was partly because I did not have the energy, but also partly because I felt a bit of pain in my ankle. It was not injured, but it felt like it had the capacity to be hurt. I did my best to keep a decent pace, but the instant I hit my steps-goal for the day I shut it down. I completed 4.87km I shut it down and got into the shower. The steps-goal for the day was 11,050. I went to sleep with 11,140 steps recorded (and only because I got up to transfer my laundry into the dryer). Today’s goal is 11,070 steps, and my streak is up to 13 days.

    I have mentioned before that I have been strategically metering my steps so that the daily goal does not jump too high. I am three days short of my best streak (since switching from Fitbit to the Garmin fitness watch), and I do not want to set the bar too high which might force me to fall short. It will be easy to regulate my steps today because I will be home for most of it (not only because it is extremely cold outside, but that is part of it). If I achieve my steps-goal for today that will extend the streak to 14 days… and will bring us to Saturday, the only day where the strategic metering might be difficult. I will definitely make sure to exercise before, but in the evening, I am going to a holiday party for a Lodge, and I do not know what to expect. I doubt that it will be a sit-down meal, and do not know how many steps to expect while milling about. Because of that, I expect that assuming I do extend the goal streak until then, Sunday (the potential Day 16 of the streak) might be the hardest day. I will do whatever I can to beat the streak… even if that means a longer and more arduous Sunday.

    Both my sleep score and body battery were tremendous this morning. My sleep score was 91, and my body battery was an almost unprecedented 99. That means I should be able to jog the full 5km today, depending on a few factors. I still have not decided whether or not to drive down to New York State (I have to decide very shortly) but if I do not then I will make lunch and then hit the treadmill.

    The weather is slowly warming. That is to say that the windchill, which was -20° when Sophie and I went out, is up to -8°. It is by no means warm or comfortable, but at least it is closer to reasonable than it was. It is sunny out as well which makes it pleasant to look out the window. I will try to keep that in mind throughout the day… especially if I decide to stay home.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1044

    Weight loss is not linear. Weight loss is not linear. I have to keep repeating that to myself on mornings like these, when I mostly stuck to the program the previous day, and yet the bathroom scale has me up by nearly a pound. What does mostly stuck mean? I had my usual breakfast, then after walking 3km on the treadmill I had a meal replacement shake. Later in the day I had one of the protein bars that I took with me, but I added a small handful of almonds because I was not fully sated. When I got home (after 9:15pm) I had another meal replacement shake.

    There are two ways of looking at my short treadmill walk from yesterday. Yes, I only walked 3km. On the other hand, on a day when I did not want to walk at all, I walked 3km. I did not extend my steps-goal streak as I hoped to, but I still did something.

    I added a new element into my evening routine last night that I am hoping will help me to fall asleep on nights when I cannot. I know that I fell asleep very quickly last night, but I wonder about the long-term efficacy of this new element. I was up twice to pee (that is not unheard of) and I had a bit of a headache from it. Also, according to my fitness watch, my sleep score was only 67… not very good. My body batter did not get higher than a 37 and is now down to 29 (four hours after waking up). I am not blaming this new element for any of this… it could all be a coincidence. I will try it a few more times before deciding if falling asleep faster is worth the down sides.

    I have to pick up a few things from the supermarket today, as well as collecting my dry cleaning. Other than that, I do not have much planned for the day. I will exercise – most likely on the treadmill, as the high temperature is forecast to be around 2°… a bit chilly. With that said, if it is not too windy then I will have a cigar on the balcony later on… hopefully with my wife on video.

    I have been getting very stressed lately when people ask me about my immigration process. People do not seem to understand that I will tell them when there is news, but until there is then every single time they ask me is like stabbing at me, and I am no longer staying calm and patient about it. I am swearing at them and am going to start cutting people out of my life. Unfriending them on Facebook is easy… I am also going to stop seeing people in real life who don’t stop asking. From now on they will get one warning and that’s it.

    Oh, and I also plan to do some studying for the exam that I am taking on Monday. I am stressed about that as well, but I am starting to feel more confident that I might pass.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1026

    Remembrance Day is always one of those days that is a bit difficult for me. As I walked Her Floofness this morning, a woman with her young daughter engaged me in conversation. How’s the weather, cute pup, and so on. She then said to me ‘I see you are wearing a poppy too. Happy Remembrance Day!’ I said to her that no, it is not a happy day, but a solemn one. As she fumbled with a sincere apology I recovered quickly and told her that she had nothing to apologize for, and that our language does not have a phrase that we use to greet each other with on these solemn days. On any other day I might have just smiled and nodded, but I have trouble with that phrase… to a soldier it is like saying ‘Enjoy the funeral!’… it’s just wrong.

    My knee is still in agony, but I think it is getting a bit better… slowly. The anti-inflammatories that I am taking are helping and while I wish I could boost the dosage, I have to be careful to not do so. They can damage other parts of my body, and I do not want to do that. I have asked my pharmacy to send my doctor’s office a request to refill a prescription for the second gout medication that I sometimes take. I will follow up on that today.

    My weight was down this morning, and I am once again at the horrible mark… 300 lbs. even. I will try to eat properly again today so that in the next day or two I will once again drop under it. I slept well – my sleep score was a very respectable 85, which is better than most nights for me. I have also moved my bowels twice today – once earlier, and once just now as I paused to write this entry. How my body can go three days without is a mystery to me. I think I am going to make sure I take fibre every day for a while.

    The next twenty-four hours will be ‘one of those days.’ I am teaching a class for Germany again, which means I’ll be working from 1am-12pm. Fortunately it is only a one-day (night?) class, so while I will be a bit off, I should not experience the disorientation and jetlag I had last time. I need the work… I want the work! I will take it when I can get it

    Autumn is well and truly here. The leaves are on the ground, and I am wearing a sweater and my vest to take Her Floofness on her walks. While it was rainy yesterday, today is just damp but dry. Pretty soon the winter will be upon us, and I know our weather will get worse before it gets better. I will try to keep my attitude positive… some days it is harder than others.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1012

    I will start with the here and now… my usual daily update. As I said that I would, I did go out for a long walk yesterday. I power-walked 8.4km in the 28° sun, even though my initial plan had been to do 6-7km. I do not follow a route I had taken before, and when I crossed over the highway to start heading back I realized that there was no service road – let alone a sidewalk of any kind – on the other side of the highway. I had to go through residential streets that were unfamiliar to me, and somewhat winding. I would also have to contend with finding a level crossing of the railroad tracks, not to mention an underpass that would get be back onto the friendly side of the aforementioned highway. I was proud of my accomplishment though, even though I did need to stop to rest for a minute once along the way.

    It was that accomplishment that I felt gave me leave to enjoy the movie theatre popcorn that I shared with my wife. In the future though I think we should share the medium size and not the large. Had I thought of this at the time I suspect my weight would have been down more than it was – a mere .2 lb. from yesterday morning. At least I did register one food-related accomplishment… we went for peri-peri chicken for dinner, and for the first time in I don’t know how long I ordered the quarter breast meal instead of the half chicken. I need to start eating less… even when the foods are healthy, I need to control my portions.

    As we sat on the patio smoking and talking last night Leslie did something extremely meaningful and helpful. She asked me what my plans for succeeding on this weight loss journey were. I told her, and it led to a good conversation.

    1. Yes, I need to eat less. I have to control my portions. There is no question that this is going to be important.
    2. I need to stop buying any foods that are bad for me. She pointed out that when she reads in these pages that I ate a mango, for example, the mango is full of sugar and however otherwise healthy it may be, the high sugar content is bad for weight loss.
    3. She asked what my plans for activity are, citing that in the winter months I can get lazy. I told her that when I get back to Canada, I am clearing everything off my treadmill and will be using it regularly throughout the winter months. I acknowledged that while I do walk HRF Princess Sophie twice daily for nearly 4km total, that is all at her pace, and is not really exercise. I will me making sure to use the treadmill and it is easy because I can just put something to watch on the TV and go for an hour. On days that I am teaching I need to do it in the evening, and when I am not teaching I can do it during the day… but I need to do it.
    4. I need to be accountable to myself. When I have a bad food day, I need to enumerate in these pages not just ‘I had a bad day’ but rather how… and why. If I am to ask her to hold me accountable then the only way she knows when I am going off is from my journal, and if I write out ‘I was bad today… this is the list of what I ate’ then not only does it help her to help me, but it will help me to help myself.

    In addition to all of this, I need to write when I have a massive failure. Over the past few weeks, I have been wearing my dress pants when I need to wear long pants because they are the only ones that fit me. I ordered two pair of slacks from Amazon that arrived Monday… and they were a size 40. FORTY! It was such a huge accomplishment when I was able to fit comfortably into a size 36 in some fits, and now I am back into a size 40. I am disgusted with myself over this, and need to reverse that. I need to get back into the smaller sizes again. I recognize that it will take time, but I need to do it.

    (I also needed to order a new belt Monday morning when I was securing the one that I had brought with me, and it broke. This was more because when I wear looser pants (such as my dress pants) I need to pull it tighter to hold them up, and I have more belly pushing back against it. I had known for a few weeks that it was on its last legs, and it was folly of me to not bring another one with me. Oops!)

    The Size 40 is bad… but the fact that my suits are tight, and that I can only wear one of my sports jackets is worse. How I have not discussed in these pages that so many of my nice clothes (which I was so happy to call a non-scale victory at the time) no longer fit because they are too tight… I was just so embarrassed by my failure. I am ashamed to be where I am.

    I have never been one of those people who needs to put a positive spin on everything. I do not need anyone blowing smoke up my rear. When I screw up, I need to acknowledge that I screwed up. That is what will encourage me to un-screw whatever was screwed. That is why I am writing all of this. I need to get out of the Size 40 and into the custom-tailored clothes that I was so proud of. I need to be wearing my pants around my belly button and not around my hips with my belly hanging over them. I need to know that if I put on a shirt that does not fit, it is because it is too big, and not too tight.

    If this new attempt works, then I have Leslie’s pointing it out to thank for it. I will do the work, but I am so happy that she is not coddling me about it. That is what people who love you need to do some times.

    For the record, if you are a friend who is also a reader and you think this gives you leave to start talking to me about my needing to lose weight, let me stop you there. I am happy to take it from my wife. That’s where it ends.

    As for this being where it begins, I am going to try to record another 24km of walking between now and the time I return to Canada. That is four walks of 6km each… or three walks of 8km each.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 966

    I woke up this morning to see that my sleep score was a 68. This, after two nights in a row of the highest sleep scores I can remember (90 and 94). I don’t know what I did wrong, but I am sure I will feel it throughout the day. My body battery is an abysmal 39 at 9:30am… I have taken Princess Sophie out so I have likely depleted that somewhat, but 39? Yick.

    I did not feel like exercising yesterday. I told Leslie as we sat on the balcony after lunch that I did not want to go out for a walk… and so I did. I jogged the first kilometre (6m46s) and then walked… and while I doubt I broke any personal records, I certainly smashed my best times for this year on a couple of kilometres! Six split kilometres were under 9m32s, and one was even under nine minutes flat! I felt great throughout… but around kilometre number seven I started to feel a blister developing on my right heel. Yes, I wore one of the two pair of running shoes I have that are extremely great for performance… but also cause blisters. By the time I had 9km behind me I was ready to limp home. I didn’t of course… but I did stop at Shopper’s Drug Mart to pick up a bottle of Gatorade and to replenish my water. For the next few days, I will be wearing the other shoes that may not let me perform as well… but they also do not tear up my feet. I will also be bandaging that heel until it is properly healed.

    Here is a tip for all pedestrians: I will gladly give you right of way for a lot of reasons, but not if your eyes are buried in your phone as you walk right at me. Even if I was not 6’2” and 280 pounds, I would still walk like a bulldozer. I am not easy to miss! As I walked up Headon Forest Drive, there were two girls from the Catholic high school who were walking toward me, side by each. One of them was looking up, the other was not. I saw them from 150 feet and assumed that at some point the one girl would look up, or at least her friend would tell her that she should do so. Neither of those happened, so when I was 15 feet from them, I said (in my best Drill Sergeant’s voice) Look Up! This is not something new to me – I remember doing it when I was in Japan a decade ago. The girl freaked out, hiding behind her friend and doing her best to get as far away from me as possible. Am I that scary? I don’t know… but I will not break my stride for you if you do not look up from your phone for that long. In truth, I suspected she might call the police because she was so frightened… but I did not look back at her, and no police cruiser stopped me (From that point I stayed on the same street for over 3km… I was not hiding!) so I guess I’m okay.

    After not wanting to exercise but going out anyways, I was pleased to see another drop on the bathroom scale this morning. I did not get to cross off anything on the chart this morning, but dropping nearly a pound still felt good. I am now at my best weight since June 16! I suspect with what I have planned for today it will be the last day of losing weight… but we will see.

    Yesterday I prepared egg salad sandwiches for lunch. It was my first attempt at egg salad, and while it was not great, it was also not bad. For dinner I made seared tuna with a sesame crust and a side of rice. Leslie and I were joking that with good tuna you just need to show it the pan… but in all seriousness I think I needed to keep them on the heat a little bit longer. Live and learn, right? We had fabulous cigars in the evening, paired with two different Cuban rums that were both smoother than silk. A good time was had by all, but we were both quite inebriated by the time we hit the sack.

    I don’t know if I mentioned it this year, but I know I did last year. One of the apps that I use has a yearly challenge called You Vs. The Year. You have to log 1,024 kilometres of activity to be eligible to win the prizes (which I have no expectation of winning). Considering I was not exercising for a few months I am thrilled that I am currently at 744.89km on the year and am in the top 14.1% of 172,500 participants. Yes, it does log my walks with Sophie, so while I was not exercising at least I was not stagnating. I seem to recall last year hoping that I would complete the challenge by October. If I continue to walk as I have been these last few weeks then that is a real possibility for this year as well.

    I mentioned a few paragraphs ago that I do not expect I will be losing weight today. I am planning on picking up shawarma for a late lunch. More often than not that is a recipe for gaining weight. I will likely not have much for dinner, but it won’t matter… shawarma is both fattening and salty, which means that tomorrow my weight will almost certainly be up. It is also extremely tasty… and a nice occasional treat that my wife and I both love.

    I am not sure if I am going to walk today or not. The only reason why I would not is the blister on my heel. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 823

    Tonight the festival of Passover begins and I am going to begin my annual ritual of not eating any bread or ‘risen’ products for eight days. That does not mean that I need to eat healthier, but it definitely limits what I can eat. I will try to be mindful of what I put in my mouth.

    I have given a lot of thought to how I have fallen again and am not going to let it happen. I have already said that when my friend starts his program that I will be joining him on that journey to support him. In truth I will be restarting the program because I have, once again, let myself go. I know that I have had tremendous emotional stress over these last six months… it began October 7 with the terrible attacks on Israel, and the realization that so many people around the world are working to spread disinformation designed to spread hatred of my country and my people. The problems in my marriage, many of which stemmed from that attack, made things worse. None of that should matter though. I need to stay strong and focused.

    It has been a terrible slide from my best weight in October and I have to put an end to it. While the actual reset on the program will not start until the second week of May, I am going to try to get back to at least not overeating and not eating so many of the wrong foods. If I can do that then I can hopefully start to get back into the mindset of making progress… or at least stopping the slide that has resulted in my gaining nearly fifty pounds from my best weight ever.

    This is going to be hard, but I think one of the things that I need to work on is making sure that I start taking this journal serious again… not just writing placeholder articles for days that I miss because when I do not think about weight management then I do not think about my journal.

    Have a great day folks!