Losing a part of me

I have not been posting religiously every day as I have on previous diet reboots. With that said, I am at the end of Day 2… although I do not even want to think about how many Day 2s I have gotten to the end of. It is not ‘Fall down seven times, stand up eight.’ It is more like my twentieth attempt.

My son the elder is living with me in my new place. When I told him on Saturday that I would be starting the program on Monday, he asked me what he can do to support me. I told him that I did not know, but if I thought of anything then I would let him know. Since then I have:

• Asked him to surrender my ‘large cube ice trays’ so that I could use them in my meal replacement shakes;
• I told him that the larger of the blender cups, as well as the blade cover, needs to be available and clean. I did order more cups of that size though, so now it is only about the blade;
• I warned him that there would be times, especially during the first week or two, when I would likely be in a very crappy mood, and that if I took it out on him then I would need for him to forgive me PDQ;
• Over the first few days, while I am sluggish until the ketosis kicks in, I asked him for some help with my dog, especially the evening walks.

He asked me a couple more questions: Would I still be drinking coffee, and would I still be taking milk in it? Yes… and sugar, although I am severely cutting down on the sugar. Would I be eating anything other than the shakes? Hopefully not… but in the event that I needed to, I would buy unsalted peanuts or almonds.

I did nearly blow my top today, but he was not around, and it had nothing to do with him. I thought for a minute that I might leave my firearm in the safe for a few days, but I was extremely well-trained in firearm safety and discipline. I will not be drawing it unnecessarily.

There are so many things I want to write, but it is 9:45pm and I just sat down at the computer because I was having my final meal replacement of the day, so I am not going to write essays. With that said, there are two things I want to put down before they slip my mind:

1. I still have some of the meal replacement that I have always used left. I brought it from Canada, and I have a ten-day supply. They used to have an equivalent product (under the same trade name) in the USA, but from what I can tell it seems like they stopped selling it. I had heard about a year ago that they might have, but this was the first time I had to check. I will have to find an equivalent product, and fortunately there seem to be a few options which I can research later this week.
2. I know I tried to start again in 2026, but it never really lasted very long. There have been so many changes to my life since I was last fully open and honest and transparent in this journal. Over the next few days I am going to try to cover some of what was going on.
3. I do not remember the first time Connie emailed me offering her support, but she has been so amazing in trying to back me over the past few kicks at this can. I realized I know very little about her, but she has been the one constant and completely supportive cheerleader in my corner these past few tries. I cannot tell you how much her emails mean to me. We have never met or spoken, and I do not even know what country she lives in… but when I posted last week that I was planning to start again she emailed me, and it meant so much. I started to write a sentence that would have been perceived as a shot at someone and I do not want to do that. We all have to do what is best for us. I suppose all I will say then is thank you so much for your support Connie! You will never know what it means for me.

I don’t know if I will write tomorrow, but over the next few days I’ll fill in some gaps.

Have a great day.