Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • And What a Walk!

    Speaking with Leslie today (and over the last little while) I have started to fully understand that I need exercise for a few reasons. It crucial for my weight loss strategy, there is no question that exercise is a critical component to losing weight and getting back into shape. That is an obvious and direct benefit.

    There is a less obvious (if equally critical) benefit to exercising. I know that food is an addiction, and I have to break that unhealthy relationship with food. Leslie reminded me (several times) that if I have been turning to food (and mostly unhealthy foods) to deal with stress, anxiety, sadness, and depression then I need a different go-to that I can use to replace food in those moments of despair and desperation.

    I have known my friends Rick and Isolina (The Beard and The Munchkin) nearly twenty-five years. He has been for many years the most faithful and constant reader of my main blog (www.garvis.ca) and has watched trends in my life. He pointed out to me a couple of weeks ago (yet again) that he can tell when I am back at my Taekwondo training from my tone… not only when we talk, but in my writing on my blogs and on Facebook. I know that he is right… although I am going to put in one slight amendment to that statement. I am more upbeat when I am in training… whether that be walking, running, weight training, or of course my primary sport, Taekwondo.

    (Rick is going to read that and within a day I am going to get a phone call from him saying ‘You know, you are probably right… but it is even more clear when you are in Taekwondo; I know that you love it and it shows.’ I love you, Rick!)

    Okay… so if working out in general and Taekwondo in particular are activities that lift my spirits, then why shouldn’t I turn to them as a crutch? ‘Hey, I am having a really terrible day today… I’ll go for a long walk and maybe I’ll feel better.’ Or: ‘Wow, what a crappy day. Fortunately, I can go to a Taekwondo class or two this evening, and that will help me work out my aggressions.’

    It is a question of shifting my go-to from eating bad foods to making healthy choices.

    By the way, if I do that, there will be another added benefit to my general mood. I am always in a better mood when my weight is down. Yes, this morning was the exception to that rule, but sometimes things really do get that bad. Okay, so if I am in a better mood when my weight is trending down, then exercising instead of eating will prevent weight gain and usually cause weight loss. As I wrote in my article ‘One Pound Lost is Three Pounds of Progress’ (republished on my blog March 30, 2022), every pound that I lose not only means that pound, but it also represents the pound that I could have stayed the same, and the pound that I could have gained. Lower weight equals happier Mitch. It really is that simple.

    I started today, and as the title of this entry alludes to, I had one hell of a walk. I don’t know if it was because of the motivation, because I weigh less than I have in years, or if it that I spent ten hours in the car yesterday, or that I have not walked in eleven days. I do know that I am wearing a new pair of running shoes (thanks Leslie!) and that my feet were feeling fine from beginning to end, and that I have a lot of crap in my head that I am trying to sort out. I also know that today’s walk broke a few records. Here are the numbers:

    • Distance: 9.03 km (7. 5 km)
    • Duration: 1:33:28 (1:22:42 minutes)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:21 (11:01)
    • Steps: 10.8k (9.3k)
    • Calories burned: 524 (429)
    • Elevation gain: 34.1m (28m)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 116 (112)

    There is a lot of bold text there because yes, each one of those is a record. I beat my previous best distance by 1.5km, which of course means that it was 16m25s longer in duration. My previous best pace was 10m37s per kilometre. Today it was a full 16s per kilometre better. In fact, each of my first seven kilometres was well faster than that, and had I stopped after five kilometres, my pace was actually 10m05s per kilometre!

    Yes, I kicked butt out there on my walk, and I am proud of it.

    I do not know if I will walk tomorrow because it is a Taekwondo day (as are all Tuesdays and Thursdays). What I might do is go for a lighter 5km walk… I won’t push myself; I will just do it to get a little more exercise than just the classes. I have to decide how I am going to do that, but we will see.

    I suppose there is another ulterior motive for an extra workout tomorrow… the following day is my fortnightly weigh-in, and it would be good to show progress. As it is, this morning I weighed 2/10ths of a pound more than I did on my previous weigh-in.

    That is another attitude I have to be cognizant of. I cannot act ‘business as usual’ for ten days, and then in the days leading up to my doctor’s visit push myself to get back on track. While weight loss is indeed a marathon and not a sprint, I do not know a lot of marathon runners who slack off for any amount of time during a race. I cannot either. Yes, there will be moments of weakness; what is most important is recognizing them and recovering from them as quickly as possible. All important lessons.

    I would love to push for a huge weight loss between now and the end of the summer, and so I am going to stay close to home. By that I mean I am going to avoid social situations where I am tempted to take peanuts or hamburgers or whatever else. Happily, I have a month-long teaching contract starting next Monday, which will also keep me focused and disciplined. It would be wonderful if Leslie were to come for a visit or if I were to go to visit her during that month, but unlike so many of my friends, Leslie encourages me to stay on track and to eat healthy. After all, I hope she wants to have me around for many years to come.

    As I write this, I realize the following:

    1. I have not showered since coming in from my walk. Yuck.
    2. I have ingested precisely one meal replacement shake today, which means that with the 524 calories that I burned on my walk, I am in a deficit of 299 calories.
    3. I have to get my butt in gear and go pick up Princess Sophie.

    Have a great afternoon folks!

  • Day 180

    For the second time since starting my weight loss journey, I was away for nearly a week, which means that I did not weigh myself during that time. I find that my daily weigh-ins are one of the best tools I have for keeping myself (mostly) on track. Because of that, I am always worried that I am going to come back from vacation and be disappointed by the numbers on the scale.

    For the second time since starting my weight loss journey, I came back from my trip and was happy with the numbers on the scale. Despite this ranking among the worst trips of my life, I have actually lost four pounds since leaving home. This, despite the stress and anxiety of my passport debacle; despite the absolute and complete mess that I have made of my life, completely of my own doing. Despite shawarma plates and pistachio ice cream, fast food hamburger and fried chicken and eating on the road and everything else, I have lost four pounds in the last six days.

    Yesterday I wrote that my life was falling apart. I have nobody to blame but myself. I will not go into any details, but I cannot remember ever feeling so low.

    I dropped Leslie and her son off at the airport in Long Island yesterday afternoon as planned. Originally, the plan was for me to stay one more night in Long Island, but I had no interest in doing that. As I sat in the Departures Lane of the airport in Islip, I tried to tell my GPS to plot a route for Home. As if my smart phone understood my existential trauma, it was reflected in the response ‘Error: Unable to find a route.’ I tried several times, but it was not having it. It was as if even my phone did not know where home was. In the end, I just plotted a course for Niagara Falls, New York. Somewhere along the way I would try again and get a more accurate reading. Anyways, I was only planning to get past Manhattan, and would stop for a few hours when I was tired – either in the Catskills or beyond. I am past the age where I will drive all night fighting fatigue and freebasing coffee to get to my destination in better time.

    Driving from Long Island to Ontario requires you to drive through Manhattan. This is never fun, but it is probably better on a Sunday afternoon than a weekday. It took nearly two hours to get over the George Washington Bridge, and I drove another hour until I stopped for gas in a little community in the Catskills. I do not know where I was, but there were several Hassidim there, both at the gas station and walking on the street. I filled my tank, I used the washroom, and I got the leftover chicken strips from lunch that were in the back seat. I hit the road, and only after I was on the highway, I realized that I had not bought a cup of coffee. Okay, I would either make another coffee stop, or I would just stop and sleep for a few hours.

    I do not know how I made it from there to the Peace Bridge without coffee and without stopping. As I waited in line, I filled out my ArriveCan form on my phone, and was through the border in about 20 minutes or so. I pulled into my parking lot at 2:00am.

    I do not know how I managed to get any sleep, but I did. Not only that, I do not remember waking up in the middle of the night to pee… which meant that when I did finally get up to do so, I was unable to get back to sleep. Too much going on in my mind. If I am so much lighter, how come my head and heart feel so heavy?

    Anyhow, I am back on track today… I had a meal replacement shake for breakfast, and sometime in the next few hours I will go to my neighbour’s to pick up Her Royal Floofness.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 179

    Another terrible day. I haven’t gone overboard on my diet, but my life is falling apart.

  • Day 178

    My passport finally arrived at 1:10pm yesterday, and after stopping for gas I was on the road by 1:18pm. As expected, I had problems at the border, but they did let me in. Yay.

    I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, then a bagel while sitting and waiting with Stephane. I did buy some peanuts (less than a dollar’s worth). I honestly do not remember eating lunch!

    Shortly after six p.m. I stopped along the road to get a sandwich from Subway. I would usually have made a different choice, but Leslie told me that is what she and her son were eating, and I wanted to eat with them. I had a chicken sandwich with onion teriyaki sauce. If I was not trying to keep moving, I would have ordered a salad… but I needed to move! As it is, I only pulled into the hotel at 10:30pm.

    Yes, I did buy a bag of Smartfoods white cheddar popcorn, but I only ate a little bit, then left the rest for Leslie and her so .

    Yes, I cheated yesterday… but not badly at all!

    This morning I had a bagel with peanut butter which was delicious! We went to a movie, and I did buy popcorn… but without butter. For lunch, we went to Wendy’s. I had a spicy classic chicken sandwich and a bowl of chili. While I could have done better, I could have done much worse too!

    We spent over an hour in the swimming pool, and that was a lot of fun. This evening we are going to the wedding, and I will just be conscious of what I eat so as to not do badly.

    Have a great evening folks!

  • Day 177

    Yesterday was a mess. My passport did not arrive as promised (and guaranteed), so I had to spend another night in Montreal. I cheated… badly. Pistachio ice cream late at night is not a good way to diet… but maybe not a bad way to deal with extreme stress and anxiety.

  • Day 176

    Yesterday I ate relatively normal… but yes, I ate shawarma for lunch and rotisserie chicken for dinner. I avoided temptation several times, including when my friend asked me to get her a Boston Maple Cream doughnut at Tim Hortons.

    This morning I met Esti for brunch and I was mostly good… a bagel with lox and cream cheese with a couple of poached eggs. From there we went to a funeral, and after that is where I went wrong. I picked up 4.5 dozen Montreal bagels to take to various people… two of which I ate with a couple of slices of cheese. Bad Mitch!

    I have now reorganized my trunk three times this trip. I truly regret not leaving my golf clubs at home… and maybe a few other things! I think I am finally mostly satisfied with it, and as long as I can drop my suitcase off at the hotel before collecting Leslie and her son from the airport tomorrow I should be fine.

    I had to make a very difficult decision last night. I have cut two friends out of my life, which is always very difficult for me. However there are things that I can live with, and there are things I just cannot accept. One of the friends I told, but the other I am just going to fade away. It is sad, but it was necessary… for two very different reasons.

    It is 3:15pm and I am still waiting for my passport to arrive so I can head down to New York. I am really stressed, because if it does not arrive today my entire weekend will be ruined. I really need to leave tonight, and if not everything goes to crap. I am sitting, outwardly calm, smoking a cigar. Inside, I am going nuts.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 175

    I was mostly good yesterday, despite extreme anxiety in the morning. Coffee with a friend and then music and cigars on the open road are a good prescription for what was ailing me.

    Unfortunately I was most of the way to Montreal when I realized I forgot my passport at home. I asked my son the elder to ship it overnight, and it should arrive tomorrow. Phew!

    I will not be weighing myself until I am back from New York which means I have to remember to be good at every turn.

    I brought shakes with me just in case… and have had a couple so far. Staying on track on the road will not be easy, and while Leslie will be with me for a couple of days, it is not her job to police me. I do appreciate her help and encouragement, but at the end of the day the man in the mirror has to stay on track.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 174

    As I was hoping, this morning I was down nearly two pounds on the scale. I ate reasonably well yesterday, although I did eat a bag of popcorn, as well as two of the Japanese biscuits that Leslie bought for me. I like good low numbers, and I am back below 340lbs which is the milestone that I have been flirting with for the last week.

    I am having a very bad morning so far, and everything is just overwhelming me. I want to throw things. I want to yell and scream. I want to go out for a very fattening and unhealthy breakfast. Instead, I am trying to get organized. I have a few more small things to do before I head out, and anything that I miss will be done when I get back. I am just… ARGH!

  • Day 173

    I am not surprised that I gained four pounds over the weekend, and nearly six pounds since the day of my birthday. It could have been worse. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that in my sadness yesterday evening I had two large bowls of cereal right before bed. Yes, I had a great time at the concert with Lyle and Dorothy and Tamara, but I miss Leslie when she is not there, and so rather than having something reasonable to quench my hunger, I sat down at the table at midnight and chowed down. Today will be better, and tomorrow’s numbers on the scale will be as well.

    Of course, tomorrow morning I am driving to Montreal, which means I will have to be extra vigilant with sticking to my diet, or at least to eating reasonably healthy. At Leslie’s I was able to control what I ate because Leslie and I did the shopping, and she does a good job of helping me to stay honest and on track. While we are meeting up Friday in Long Island, I will be on my own at my friends’ house tomorrow through Friday, and there will be a lot of long-distance driving to boot. There is only one person who can keep me on track, and I shave his face in the mirror every morning.

    I have a neighbour who will be looking after Princess Sophie for the week. She is so wonderful, and I will miss her. Leslie told me that her son really wants to meet her, but first things first. He will meet me on Friday, and next month he will meet Her Royal Floofness.

    I have had a headache for the past hour, so I am going to finish up a couple of things and then try to relax with a cigar, and hopefully talk with my wife.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 172

    Yesterday was great! It is so nice to have good friends. I ate too much (both the food and the cake were amazing!) but it was worth it.

    I did not weigh myself this morning. There was no reason behind it other than I forgot. I am sure I would not have liked the number so it doesn’t matter. Tomorrow will be better.

    I drove Leslie to the airport this morning which is always sad. At least this time we know that we will only be apart five days. She is sadder because it might be the last time she visits me in Canada, and my apartment was special for us.

    This evening I am going to a concert with Lyle and Dorothy and his sister which will be fun. They are picking me up and I am sure it will be fun… but I really wish Leslie was coming with us.

    Have a great day!