Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 186

    I have been on my weight loss journey for 186 days; with that said, it is also possible to look at today as Day 7. The dramatic weight loss that is usually associated with the first few days of a program – often accounted for as the loss of water weight – is what encourages us to keep going, even on the days when we are hungry, tired, and discouraged… not to mention when our bodies are aching from the unaccustomed physical activity.

    I am in an emotional funk these days, and it is not the first time. What is utterly unique about this go around with the blues is that I have not turned to food to try to feel better. Food has been an addiction for as long as I can remember. As a child when I was under the weather my mother my grandmother my nanny would give me a treat to make me feel better. I am not blaming anyone else for my gluttonous addiction, I am just examining the genesis.

    I should mention that while I am not turning to food for comfort, it is not for lack of want. There have been myriad points over the past week when I have thought to myself how nice it would be to indulge in… fill in the blank. I will not list off all of the comfort foods that I have thought of; we can refer to them as ‘the usual suspects’ which have likely all been listed off or alluded to at some point in the past six months. I want to indulge. I cannot indulge. I want to cheat on my diet. I want to throw my hands up and say FUCK IT, I’M EATING! I have wanted to do that every single day.

    I have written so many times of the need to break my unhealthy relationship with food. Until recently, I thought that was going to come organically as a by-product of my self-denial. It is not so easy as that though, is it? No, as Leslie has pointed out to me several times, if I have been using food as a crutch all these years, the only way that I can be successful in the long term is to find a new crutch to replace it with. I am hoping that I can make that crutch exercise… whether that be walking, jogging, Taekwondo, or whatever else it might be. Golf is not a reasonable alternative, owing to the fact that I currently live in a climate where golf courses are buried hip-deep in snow (or at least just closed for business) from November through April. One could make an argument that fitness walking on a cold, blistery winter day is equally unrealistic… but that is not quite true. It is extremely unpleasant, to be sure; with that said, I can bundle myself up in layers of warm clothes and go for a walk every day of the year. Yes, I will have to wear different footwear, but it is possible.

    Will exercise be my crutch? I am working my hardest to make it so. I am also using something else as a crutch for the time being: my eagerness to lose weight. What is more satisfying… the plate of Buffalo wings in the evening, or the weight loss registered on the scale in the morning?

    The gastronomical indulgence will feel good in the moment, although it will often take only a few minutes for me to feel the short-term negative effects – the ‘I ate too much’ feeling, coupled with the ‘they were empty calories’ feelings. How long will it take for heartburn to set in, requiring me to go searching for an antacid? When I overeat at night, I wake up hungry the following morning. Let’s not forget that feeling of dread when I step onto the bathroom scale the following morning… not to mention when I try to wear a shirt or pair of pants that was borderline too-tight.

    The self-restraint might mean that I need to eat nothing in the moment… or a plate of vegetables, or something else equally unsatisfying. If I am not too far from the allotted time, I might be able to enjoy a meal replacement shake. I might go to bed with slight hunger pangs, but the truth is that on my current program, I am eating between 1200-1600 calories per day, which is more than enough for a healthy fifty-year-old male, so the hunger is in my mind more than in my stomach. I seem to be sleeping slightly better (although I miss having Leslie next to me, which always makes sleeping easier) and am having fewer crazy dreams. I wake up in the morning, step onto the bathroom scale, and (more often than not) see a decent weight loss from the previous day. I look in my armoire or closet for a shirt that I know will fit – if it fit last week when I was a couple of pounds heavier, it will definitely fit today. I go about my morning routine, and after walking my pup, I put on a pot of coffee, and make my morning meal replacement. With my coffee and shake close at hand, I sit down to write my daily article on my weight management. During the week, I sit down to my first lecture. Whatever it is, I do it knowing that I might not look any different than I did yesterday… but I look much better than I did just a few short months ago, and if I continue on this path, I will look even better a few short months from now.

    Short-term pleasure versus long-term satisfaction. Which is more valuable to me? I am hoping that in my moments of potential weakness I can remember how important that is. This does not mean that I will not have the occasional cheat-meal… but I have to limit those to very occasionally and only for very special occasions.

    I woke up this morning weighing not only 1.2 lbs less than I did yesterday morning, but also 14.2 lbs less than I did on July 1. That period includes my fiftieth birthday celebrations, one of the most anxiety-filled six-day road trips of my life, and a week of self-loathing and sadness. There is really no reason for me to not be up five-pounds in that time. Instead, my weight is down, and not slightly. By any standard, losing nearly fifteen pounds in just over three weeks is a tremendous success. I have to continue to remember how wonderful that feels, knowing that instead of giving in to my temptations and losing ground on my diet, my actions and choices have led to a huge success.

    According to a quick on-line search, it can take between 18-254 days for a person to form a new habit, and that on average it takes 66 days for a new behaviour to become a habit. I am on Day 7 of that journey. I have a long way to go, but if I am able to then it will be worth it.

    Against tradition, my diet buddy and I are having our weekly check-in today. It is the first time in a month that we are meeting, having had so much travel and such. I hope she is doing well, and I am looking forward to sharing my positive report with her!

    After that, I will head to the supermarket. I have no chicken left in the house, and unless one decides to walk in, strip itself of its feathers, and then commit suicide, I had better go shopping if I want to eat. According to the weather app on my phone, there are only two two-hour windows of cloudy but dry this afternoon, and so I am aiming to go for my walk around 3pm, which means that I will be preparing my main meal prior to exercising. I am interested in seeing how that will affect my progress… and if it will lead to cramps.

    Oh, and I did order a new sling for walking, making sure that this one is adjustable to wear comfortably on either side of my body. Hopefully that will alleviate the discomfort that I am sure is attributed to the sling sitting on the same spot near my kidneys every day.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Saturday’s Shpatzir

    I discovered today that my fitness watch, and the fitness tracker app on my phone, do a pretty good job of staying in synch… except the fitness watch tells me I burn a lot more calories than does the app. I suspect that is because the app wants me to pay for the premium subscription in order to take the weather into account, whereas I paid the fitness watch, so it is not trying to upsell me. Either way, it was another good walk. I was, once again, pretty much done after the seventh kilometre… but even so, my pace for the last (eighth) kilometre was not too bad.

    Once again, I took the hiking trail for a couple of kilometres, and it was good to be away from the traffic. My pace throughout was excellent and constant – I was not breaking records, but with the exception of the final two kilometres all split-times were between 10m11 (5th kilometre) and 10m20 (1st kilometre). Consistency is never a bad thing… especially when you are performing consistently well.

    At the very beginning, or rather before my walk started, I did throw a bit of a fit. I have a fanny pack that I think I bought when I was married to my first wife. It has holders for two small bottles of water, in addition to the main compartment. I decided to wear it today, substituting the two small bottles with one slightly larger one. I was only a few metres out of my apartment building when I realized that Leslie is right… I have absolutely no butt, which means that the fanny pack was not going to stay up. I was quite annoyed by this realization, and after slamming it the ground in frustration, I picked it up and went back into my apartment to get the pack I have been using for the past two years. Remind me to find a new sling, as this one is designed to sling over the left shoulder, and has been known to cause aches when I am not careful.

    • Distance: 8.06 km (6.5 km)
    • Duration: 1:24:05 (1:10:13 minutes)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:26 (10:47)
    • Steps: 9.9k (8k)
    • Calories burned: 467 (375)
    • Elevation gain: 23m (19m)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 118 (114)

    I am happy that every statistic is an improvement on yesterday’s walk. I am also very happy that my average pace per kilometre today was the second best since I started tracking (and indeed since I started fitness walking). 10m26s, averaged out over the entire walk, is actually better than any single kilometre I walked in my first ten outings! I am excited to see if I can keep up this pace.

    Speaking of paces, I have walked 39.5 kilometres since Monday (today is Saturday). I am only counting in that the actual fitness walking (and jogging) I have done, not the total steps or distance counted on my fitness watch. That means that tomorrow I could plan an easy 5.5km outing, and have forty-five kilometres in a seven-day period. Not bad, all things being equal. I am likely going to try to do another 7-8kms tomorrow, but we will see. A lot will depend on a lot of factors, not the least being the weather.

    I have been very lucky so far… while there has been rain this week, it has never interfered with my workouts. Looking at tomorrow’s forecast, there is a 50-90% chance or rain all day long. That is not to say that I will not go out walking… only that if it is raining, I will have to make some adjustments. I will have to dress for it, and I am almost certainly going to limit the walking to 5km if it is raining. If that is the case, I think I would walk up Walker’s Line to Dundas, and then turn around and walk right back. According to Google Maps, that is exactly 5km. Hopefully I will be able to get it in and stay dry… but I am not holding out hope.

    I should mention as well that if it is rainy that will affect my selection of footwear. I do not want to get my good running shoes soaked. I have figured out that the shoes do affect my pace, so if it is raining, my statistics will be at an immediate disadvantage. No matter, what is most important is the exercise, and not the numbers. Those are just for my knowledge and enjoyment.

    Have a great afternoon folks! I am going to try to take a nap… and if not, I will just lie down for thirty minutes before continuing on with my day.

  • Day 185

    How appropriate is it that the morning after getting a kick in the teeth message, I wake up to find I have gained weight? Okay, I know… I have lost 11.5-pounds in twelve days, and it is not only unreasonable, but also unrealistic to believe that my weight will be down every single day. The weight gain was only .4 lbs, but the psychological effect of being back above (well… at) the decade I cleared yesterday is real.

    With regard to the message, it was about Taekwondo. The Master told me he is going on vacation for a couple of weeks, so I will not be able to go back to the school until the second week of August. Yes, there was a lot more to it than that, otherwise it would not have been so painful. I am just not going into details here.

    Leslie gave me good advice. She advised that I could get down about that, or I could continue to focus on what has been working very well for me – the walking routine. She also suggested that I start working on my Taekwondo patterns on my own, which is a very good suggestion, and something that someone at my level should have no issues with. Yes, I will have to find some videos to remind myself of them; fortunately, my muscle memory will kick in. It would not take me too long to remember all of the patterns that I need…

    So yes, that last paragraph sent me down a rabbit hole on web surfing, culminating in my renewing my web account for the Kukkiwon, the World Taekwondo Headquarters. It is not always easy to find (or confirm what the testing requirements are for a mid-level Black Belt, and I wanted to see if I could get a list of every poomsae (pattern) that I have had to learn so far. The list as stated is not actually available online, owing to the different testing requirements of different organizations. So I went back into my own files and found this list of poomsae that I have learned for testing over the years:

    · Taegeuk 1-8

    · Dae Mang 1-8

    · Koryo

    · Chulgi 1 & 2

    · Balsek

    · Keum Ga

    · Pal Ban Moo

    · San Gook Kwan

    · Ship Su

    Most, but not all of these are official Kukkiwon poomsae, but I know I will never be called upon to perform Dae Mang or Pal Ban Moo again… unless I decide to rejoin OMAC (Oriental Martial Arts College) again, which I do not expect will happen.

    When I was living in California, I studied at a school called JK Lim, where I learned Taebaek, which is the pattern that I will be required to perform to test for my next belt. Additionally, I will have to be able to perform Taegeuk 1-8, Koryo, and Geumgang. All in all, I will need to re-learn eleven poomsae, all of which I used to know like the back of my hand. Those are the patterns requirements for testing for my 4th Dan. Additionally, I will have to write an essay on Taekwondo, which is not something new to me. On, and I will also have to break four slabs of concrete with my bare hands. Anyone who doubts the level of intimidation contained in the previous statement might have never tried to break a 1.5” slab of concrete with their bare hands before… let alone four of them.

    First things first! I am not ready to test; following a promotion, a Black Belt must wait a certain time to test again. I am not sure whether the wait to test from Third Dan to Fourth Dan is a three-year or a four-year wait, but the date on my current promotion certificate is September 7, 2019… which means that if the wait is three years, I would be eligible in about six weeks. There is a huge difference between eligible and ready, and I am not going to play fast and loose with the second one. I will test when I am ready to wow myself… not simply when I think I can adequately meet the minimum requirements for testing. That includes getting into shape. Yes, I am currently sixty pounds lighter than I was in January; that does not mean that I am in shape.

    Getting into shape starts with losing weight, and I am really working on that. Once again, I followed the program perfectly yesterday. I was tempted to have a bag of popcorn, but I abstained. I later realized that I do not have popcorn in the house, so that would have been a non-issue. I then thought about having a Japanese biscuit… a little something sweet to welcome in the Sabbath. I did not do that either. While it was not reflected on the bathroom scale this morning, I stuck to the program again. That is my plan for today as well.

    By the time I click ‘Save’ on this entry, it will be nearly noon. Princess Sophie is on a play-date, and I am going to go for my walk. I do not know how long it will be, but if my legs don’t ache too bad in the first ten minutes, I would like to aim for 7-8km. I am going to wear the socks I have been used to wearing instead of those extra-thick socks I wore yesterday. I want to wear the Adidas shoes that are currently my favourites, and they simply did not fit over the thicker socks.

    For when I am back (and showered), I am marinating a piece of salmon for my main meal. I do not know where I got the calorie count for the fish I ate the other day (which I wrote in my journal as nearly 600 calories, but when I look now seems to be closer to 1000 calories!) but it looks like I was wrong, so I will have to be more cognizant of the size of the pieces I buy going forward. The piece I bought for today is 400g, which depending on the site you look at is between 600 and 850 calories. Yes, I am going to enjoy it today, but yes, I am going to start buying smaller portions of fish.

    My emotions are still doing terrible, but I am forcing myself to stay on track with my diet and exercise. If I can get through it all, I might come out the other side… and when things are better in my life, the work that I am putting in now might by then be habits that I will be able to continue. I am crossing my fingers (not really a Jewish thing…) that will be the case.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Two Birds, One Stone

    I had two errands that needed to get done today. I had a prescription to pick up from the pharmacy, and I wanted to buy some tomatoes for my salad. I mentioned earlier that I was planning a shorter walk, so I decided to combine the two. I planned out a route that had both my pharmacy and a supermarket along it, and set out.

    One thing I should mention is that I never realized what a difference a pair of socks can make. I put on a pair of gym socks that I dug up (and which looked like they had never been worn), and put them on. I then went to put on my new Adidas running shoes, only to realize that they do not fit! Yes, I have worn them comfortably a couple of times already, so either my feet are very badly swollen, or the socks make that much of a difference. Rather than switching out the socks, I picked a different pair of shoes that I know are a bit looser.

    • Distance: 6.5 km (8.0 km)
    • Duration: 1:10:13 (1:26:40 minutes)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:47 (10:50)
    • Steps: 8k (9.8k)
    • Calories burned: 375 (460)
    • Elevation gain: 19m (29.8)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 114 (114)

    I did find the walking/biking trail I was looking for, and it was nice to have a couple of kilometres without the hustle and bustle of traffic around me.

    Okay… now it is time for me to take a really nice shower, and then start preparing my lunch

  • Day 184

    I cannot speak for anyone but myself. I was going to open today’s article with the words ‘Anyone who has ever set out to lose a lot of weight will tell you…’ As I look in the rearview mirror of my life, I remember too many times that I have gotten in trouble for speaking out of turn, for saying ‘All people this’ or ‘All kids that’ or whatever it is. I am trying (against the very nature of every fibre of my being) to be more humble.

    I can tell you that every time that I have set out to lose a lot of weight that milestones are huge. They are the goals we set for ourselves to continue to strive for. Long term goals are great: Hey, I plan to lose 150-pounds. It is the short-term goals – those milestones that are more easily reachable in the incremented short term – that encourage us to keep going.

    I have always looked at the following milestones as the bellwethers of my success. The first is the Decades. When I drop below a multiple of 10, it is an achievement for me. ‘Hey, I dropped from 350.2 lbs to 349.9 lbs!’ That might not seem significant, as it is only a drop of less than half a pound. However, it is the cumulative result of losing the ten pounds it took to get from 360-pounds to below 350-pounds.

    Of course, I also look at how my clothes fit as a bellwether of progress, but it is being able to fit into a shirt or a pair of pants or whatever that previously had not fit that I see as the significant milestones. As an example: a couple of days ago, I wore a tank top on my fitness walk that I had not been able to fit into for two years. Yes, it was tight, and yes, it did not completely cover my belly… but I was able to wear it comfortably. That is a milestone. Over the next few weeks, that shirt will start to grow; first it will cover my belly, then it will stop being so tight. That is definitely a non-scale victory… but it is not a milestone.

    I have several tubs of clothing, along with quite a bit hanging in my closet, that do not currently fit. Most of them are sorted into various sizes, and every so often I pull something out that had not previously fit to see if it does yet. While I have myriad polo shirts and things that I am looking forward to being able to wear again, the next huge clothes goal is to be able to wear the custom-tailored suits and shirts that I had made for me in 2017, when I was at my lowest weight. I was able to wear them for a few months in 2020 again – I wore them to the High Holidays services – but it has been nearly two years since. I am looking forward to wearing them again.

    It will come as no shock that I wrote about milestones this morning because I achieved one. I dropped into a new decade – one that I have not been in since falling from it in April, 2021 – the week my father passed away. It has been fifteen months since my weight registered below 330-pounds, and this morning it did. Of course, owing to the instability of my floors, I am still unsure if that measurement is accurate or not. All I know is that I have been following the plan, and am not suspicious of losing six pounds in five days… at least, not since my dramatic change to my single-meal plan.

    Yesterday was my third straight day of following the new meal plan perfectly. I had three meal replacement shakes (at or about 9am, 6pm, and 10pm), and one very healthy meal when I got back from my walk, probably around 2pm. When I say healthy meal, I mean in both respects: It was protein (chicken) and salad… but I am also aware that I am still eating larger portions than I probably should. Just as I adjusted my regimen this week (shifting from two meals and two shakes to one meal and three shakes), I know that my next step – when I plateau and am not losing weight anymore – will be to reduce the size of that meal. That will be an important step for my long-term success, because I will need to start simply eating less, especially if I want my stomach to shrink and eventually require (and desire) less food.

    So why, you might ask, don’t I just do it now? My simple answer is that you take one step at a time. While there is a school of thought that diving in is better (as most weight loss clinics start you on four meal replacements per day, often dropping you from 2500-3500 calories per day to 900 calories per day from Tuesday to Wednesday), I have done this three times… each time I was extremely successful in the short term, and a complete failure in the long term. So yes, I am doing my progression gradually, and will make the necessary changes as I see fit.

    While I woke up today feeling the aches in my feet, I am still planning on going for a fitness walk. I have a meeting at 11:00am, and after that I am going to look at a map of my neighbourhood and see what paths there are that might be more interesting than the roads I have been walking. It might also help if I plan out a shorter walk, rather than just setting out and realizing when I am two kilometres from home that my tanks are nearly empty.

    For those who are worried, no I will not overdo it, and no, I will not ‘kill myself.’ If I only exercise on the days when nothing hurts, then I will never exercise. If, on the other hand, I accept that aches and pains are part of my struggle, then I will be able to overcome them.

    In the Army we were taught that the difference between a pain and an injury was huge – it was the difference between going on and overcoming obstacles, and getting a bet or a gimel – essentially a day (or two or three) of bed rest, either in the infirmary or at home. Of course, in unit training it also meant dropping out of the unit. In my case, if I was injured, I would stop… but I am not, I am just feeling achy. That is what you get when you are morbidly obese, and are working toward slim and sleek.

    One thing I know, before I set out on my fitness walk, I will be choosing the right shoes. I have several pair of running shoes, and some of them (like the ones I selected yesterday) have hundreds of miles on them, and are no longer suitable for long walks. I am not taking any chances today, I am going to the top-tier shoes… my newest pair of Adidas (gifted to me by the lovely and generous Leslie).

    —

    Several times over the past couple months, Leslie has pointed out that she can see and feel a noticeable difference in the size of my belly and my dreaded man-boobs. I have felt it too… and while it does not yet feel great, it certainly feels like I have made great progress.

    On my computer desktop I have two pictures of me called MDG-Before-1 and -2 which were taken Thursday, January 20th… otherwise known as Day 1. While I still look in the mirror and see a fat man, there is no denying the tremendous progress that I have made in these six months. I am not half the man I was… but I am certainly much smaller than I was. Losing sixty pounds is no joke!

    I write this because this morning I noticed something… when I lift my belly, when I lift my man-boobs, they feel huge… yet significantly smaller than they were. I remember what it was like in December and January, and I know that I have come a long way since then. I want to keep going, but there is only one person who can make that happen. It is my intention to keep making it happen, day by day. As with overcoming any addiction, I have to do it one day at a time. I cannot simply say ‘I will never…’ I have to tell myself every morning: ‘Today I will stick to the program. I will not cheat. I will exercise. I will stick to it. I will go to bed with the knowledge that I got through today without falling off the wagon.’

    Like alcoholics and Valerie Bettinelli like to say, it’s one day at a time.

    Have a great day, folks!

  • And the Walking Continues

    In case you cannot tell from my posts, I like to challenge myself with my walking, and I love the statistical side of things. For example, my fastest kilometre was my second kilometre on July 18, at 10m00s. This of course excludes the kilometre I jogged on July 20, which I finished in 8m38s.

    With the retirement of Endomondo (an app that I used for many years during those spells when I was either walking or jogging), I discovered MapMyWalk, which is owned by the same company that had bought Endomondo. It works with the GPS on my phone, and then uploads the data to the cloud so that I can keep track of things. There is a paid version that includes analytics, but until I need it, I am good sticking with the free offering.

    Because I do not have the analytics, I have to rely on my memory for ‘best of…’ for a lot of things. I decided yesterday evening, after only thirteen recorded walks, to start my own spreadsheet. I did it now because doing it later would be a lot more data entry, and every day that I waited was another day that I was unlikely to do it.

    My spreadsheet is simple. It tracks overall stats per walk (Date, Temperature, Distance, Average Pace, Duration, Calories Burned) as well as per-kilometre (Split-Time) … but for that it just lists the time of the kilometre, nothing more detailed. I also have a Notes field, so for example a kilometre jogged will be so noted. I should mention that until now, I have only recorded the temperatures for the walks on days when I mentioned the temperature in my journal. I did not keep track otherwise, but I will do so going forward.

    The spreadsheet will make it easier for me to look back and say ‘Okay, this is the time I need to beat’ when I want to challenge myself. It will also help me see progress as I lose weight. Remember, while the numbers on the scale are great, it is the non-scale victories that really matter; the pace of my last few walks is nearly a minute better than my first few walks not only because I am used to it, but also because I am carrying less weight on those walks. Also, the clothes that I am able to wear on my walks is a huge victory… the tank top I wore yesterday was tight, but three months ago it was unwearable.

    Statistics will keep me challenging myself… hopefully I will be able to get my numbers down even further as I lose more weight.

    I broke no records on my walk today, except that my cumulative weekly distance is 25km, besting my previous one-week record of 19km. I made a mistake on my footwear, but I also think that three hard walks in four days is pushing my limits, and I cannot expect to be breaking records every day. The reason I was able to best all of my previous records Monday is because I had not walked in ten days, and I was well and truly rested. I am not planning on taking breaks like that… but a day or two might be in order.

    • Distance: 8.0 km (8.0 km)
    • Duration: 1:26:40 (1:23:48 minutes)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:50 (10:28)
    • Steps: 9.8k (10.1k)
    • Calories burned: 460 (464)
    • Elevation gain: 29.8m (29.3)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 114 (120)

    I should mention that I was truly done after 7km. In truth, I was probably pushing myself at 6km, and the split-pace times for my last two clicks reflects that – 11m04s and 11m39s respectively. I knew I was done at seven, and I stopped to take a bit of a break, ruing the fact that I was still one kilometre from home. Fortunately, I know the truth to the aphorism, ‘No pain, no gain.’ I want to succeed, and a little fatigue never hurt anyone

    Yes, my original plan had been to skip walking today and head to Taekwondo this evening. I was not thinking this morning, and I headed out. Taekwondo will have to wait until Tuesday.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 183

    I do not know how far it will go, but the recent changes to my diet routine are paying huge dividends. The bathroom scale has me down another two pounds today. What I mean to say is that when I start a new diet – each time I have started on the meal replacements program – I see profound weight loss for a few days, which will then taper off. What is important is that as I keep losing weight, I should not expect tremendous drops on a daily basis. I have to be satisfied with smaller losses. As Leslie has reminded me many times, a weight loss journey is not always a smooth and steady road.

    With all that said, I cannot imagine that cutting five hundred calories from my daily intake (while at the same time increasing my daily physical activity) can possibly be a bad thing. I seem to recall writing (or at least thinking) when I started the two-meal regimen that I would stick with it as long as I was losing weight… and when I was not, I would make another adjustment. I suppose that time has come, and I am happy to get on it.

    After three days (two religious ones) of my new food plan I have not found myself wanting for more food. Yes, I have felt hunger… but much of it was my stomach telling me it is used to having more, not that it actually needs more. I will keep resisting that nagging, as I would resist a child who wants three new toys instead of just one.

    As I was walking yesterday, it occurred to me that I have not gone back to look at my previous weight loss journals in quite some time. I then realized that today is exactly half a year since I started on this journey, and I have never lasted that long. By this point the first time around, I had already gained back about half of the weight that I had lost. My second go of it lasted longer, but after a few months I took a long hiatus, and came back later. Yes, I would eventually lose a lot more weight… and I would gain it all back.

    I do not want that to happen this time around. My intentions are to keep at it, albeit slightly slower than the previous two times. Unlike those times, I have not cut out real food completely. I have also had a wonderful woman by my side through It all, and while she has not been with me physically for a lot of it, she has been an excellent supporter. I am losing the weight for me… but also for her, and for my kids.

    While I am still in a real funk of a mood, I have been in healthier spirits, owing in large part to my exercise routine. I have gone on two incredible power walks this week, and I did a Taekwondo class on Tuesday… and will do another one this evening. It is keeping me on track, and I have a lot of reasons to stay on that track. As such, this week (or at least the three days of it that are passed) has been my most successful food week in I do not know how long. I have stuck to the plan of eating only one meal each day, and three meal replacement shakes. Yes, Monday I had some of the popcorn (which I then threw out), as well as a Japanese biscuit. Tuesday and Wednesday I did not veer from my program at all, and I can feel the difference.

    While Monday and Tuesday were chicken days, yesterday when I finished my walk (and my article about the walk) I prepared a piece of Atlantic salmon, topped with black sesame seeds, and a few slices of pickled ginger. A garden salad accompanied it, and while the piece of salmon was quite large (nearly 600 calories worth of it) I was still under 1500 calories on the day. Considering the walk/jog I did, I do not feel guilty about it.

    I am enjoying my book. Last night I sat on the patio reading with a cigar, and stayed there until the thunderstorm hit. When I do not have to be on the road, I enjoy the romance of a storm with thunder and lightning, and for the hour before the rain encroached on my balcony, I loved seeing the tremendous lightning from the corner of my eye as I read. I then went inside, had my final meal replacement of the evening, and then went to do some shopping, only to discover that the supermarkets close at 10:00pm, and it was five minutes past the hour. Oh well, I’ll go this morning.

    I am preparing for my class that begins Monday, but there is not really a lot of preparation needed. I am teaching for a new client so I have had a number of meetings with them, mostly about the (mostly) proprietary tools that they expect me to use. None of these are overly complicated. One of the people I needed to talk to is a senior instructor there, and we figured out that we have at least two colleagues in common, one of whom is among my dearest friends. It is nice when meetings do not have to be all business.

    My legs were really feeling the effects of my walking in the afternoon, and my housekeeper friend joked that I looked wobbly. I told her about my exercise, and that since I saw her last, I am down ten pounds. As she has gained five pounds in that time, she stopped harassing me. I do not know why exactly, but she only weighs herself on my scale… and my scale reports her weight to my phone as an unknown weight. I am glad it is smart enough to realize that no matter how strict I am about my diet and exercise, I cannot possibly lose 185-pounds in six weeks!

    I would imagine that were it sentient, my fitness watch would be wondering what has changed. I am blowing through 15,000 steps several days per week, which has not been the norm for a while. I hope to keep it up, and continue to surprise it.

    As I prepared for yesterday’s walk, I realized that my new workout shorts were in the laundry, and I decided to see what other workout shorts I have that fit. I pulled out maybe six pair from the bottom drawer, and sure enough, at least one pair (and possibly two) fit me just fine. I also found a sleeveless t-shirt that almost fits me, and knowing how hot it was, I decided to wear it anyways. I had vowed some months ago that I would never again go out in public wearing a shirt that exposed an inch (or any) of my belly… but when I am power-walking and jogging in the 35° heat, I would rather comfort over looks. Also, if anyone commented, I would simply say that I am wearing it to inspire me to exercise to fit into it!

  • Let’s Go!

    Everyone who has ever run or jogged knows that it is hard on the knees; everyone who has jogged while overweight knows that every pound extra adds more strain on the knees. That is why I do not plan to start jogging – or at least, going for long jogs – until I am under 300-pounds. It could cause long-term damage that would require surgery to repair.

    With that said, I decided today to just test my legs… and frankly, my lungs. So, for Kilometre Number Two of today’s 8km workout, on a stretch of road I knew to be straight and flat, I turned it out. My intention was to jog one and only one kilometre… and that is what I did. I did it in 8m38s, which is not terrible for a man of my size who has not jogged in two years.

    As I predicted yesterday, it is another scorcher out there, with the temperatures hovering around 31° Celsius (87° Fahrenheit). I took a bottle of water, but I also took a break at the end of my third kilometre. I do not like to do that, but I also know that the jog put more pressure on my system than just walking, and I do not want to be stupid about it. I also paused my tracker for a few seconds at around the 6.25km mark, but that was because I was at a red light, and could not safely go forward.

    As I predicted, I did not set any records on today’s walk. I said I was hoping to walk seven kilometres in under 1h15m. If we completely remove the kilometre I jogged, I missed that mark by six seconds. Of course, if we include it, then I beat the mark by 2m11s. Either way, I am extremely happy with the results… and getting hot and sweaty does not bother me!

    • Distance: 8.0 km (9.03 km)
    • Duration: 1:23:48 (1:33:28 minutes)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:28 (10:21)
    • Steps: 10.1k (10.8k)
    • Calories burned: 464 (524)
    • Elevation gain: 29.3m (34.1)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 120 (116)

    These numbers include the kilometre jogged, so technically, the Average Cadence would be a record… but I am not counting it because I should be competing against myself comparing apples to apples.

    My housekeeper is coming this afternoon, and it will be nice to have the place tidied up a bit. Other than that, the only plans I have for the rest of the day revolve around sitting my balcony, reading my book, and more than likely smoking a cigar. I am preparing a nice piece of fish and a salad for lunch… but before I do that, it is definitely time to hit the showers.

  • Day 182

    In an hour I will be going to the doctor’s office to get weighed. I am optimistic that I will be down at least one kilogram since my last weigh-in. That day – my fiftieth birthday – feels like a lifetime ago. I know that for the few days after my birthday my weight went up gradually a few pounds – birthday celebrations will have their consequences – but as of yesterday morning, my weight was two pounds lower than it was on my birthday, and I was good yesterday, so just maybe I’ll hit that.

    —

    Okay, I am back… and I did not hit that target, but I also did not miss it by much. .8kg is about 1.75 lbs, and considering the fortnight it has been, I am going to take it and run.

    Emotionally I am still a wreck, but I am staying on course. Yesterday I had a cheese omelet in the morning (I had three eggs left, and it is a shame to waste them), chicken with salad for lunch, and a meal replacement shake when I came in from Taekwondo in the evening. I only did the one Taekwondo class last night, for several reasons… not the least of which is that the dojang (gym) is not air conditioned, and the heat was oppressive. Also, I know that if I am going to get back into it, which I want to do, I have to do it smartly. It would not do to hurt myself, forcing me to take a break from exercising today and possibly tomorrow through the weekend.

    I uninstalled Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter from my phone yesterday. I am truly in a rut and do not want to be social. Hopefully that will change, but for the next little while I will be ignoring all social media. Fortunately, I am starting a new teaching assignment that will last nearly an entire month starting Monday, so I will have what to keep my mind occupied with. I love teaching, and I hate that I have essentially been sitting on my butt for the last few months. Don’t get me wrong, I have been keeping myself busy… but I have not earned a pay cheque since May, and that is no way for a man to be. Yes, I have money in the bank and have been able to live off of that, but that is not how I want to live. I have always said that I want to be a productive member of society… and aside from that, even if I did not, my savings will eventually run dry. I do not want that to happen!

    When will I go back to Facebook and the other social media platforms? I don’t know. I am not planning to use them on my computer either, if that is what you were thinking. I am taking a break from them. Yesterday I posted that I am going dark for a little while. I did not wait to read responses to that, I just closed out. When I am feeling better, I will think about it… maybe.

    Today is Wednesday, July 20, and I have decided to set a new short-term goal. Because of my upcoming teaching schedule, my next doctor’s appointment and weigh-in is August 24, precisely five weeks from today. On that day, I will weigh (at least) seven kilos (about 15.5 pounds) less than I do today. How, you ask, do I plan to kick up my weight loss up so much? I started this week, and will continue to eat only one proper meal per day (instead of two), and I will replace that second meal with another meal replacement (or two). For the last six months it has been two meals (one of which was usually a salad with salmon or tuna) and two meal replacements. For the next five weeks I will eat one proper meal (which will remain largely unchanged from what my primary meal has been) and three meal replacement shakes. I also plan to exercise every evening after class – Tuesdays and Thursdays will be Taekwondo; the other nights will be a power walk. I am growing impatient with the sluggish pace of weight loss, which has been good but not great. Yes, I know it is a marathon and not a sprint… but some marathoners run faster than others. For me, it is time to hit that Turbo-Boost button and get going. If I can do that, then hopefully by November I can weigh in at under 300-pounds (136kg).

    Those are far from my ultimate goal. By my fifty-first birthday, I would like to weigh 100 lbs (45.5kg) less than I do today. Can I accomplish that? I do not know. I do know that if I set lofty goals for myself, then stick to the plan, then even if I miss them, I can be satisfied by the results. What is most important is that I do not do what I have now done twice… lost a lot of weight, and then fall of the program and gain it all back. Whether I lose 100 lbs or only 50 lbs, I have to stay vigilant to never regain that weight again.

    In the meantime: One of my favourite living authors releases a new book in his series every July. Traditionally, I buy the book on my Kobo (e-reader), and when I am done with it then my father’s widow will read it. Of course, last year was the first year that it was not my father grabbing it as soon as I was done with it, before handing it off to Esti. She will get it when I am done with it… and that usually takes a couple of days. I started it on the balcony last night, and it will keep me occupied possibly through the weekend.

    With my weigh-in behind me, I am going to finish my first cup of coffee and my meal replacement shake, and then I am going to go for a walk. I am not expecting to smash any records like I did Monday, but I would like to get at least seven kilometres in, and if I can do that in 1h15 minutes then I will be extremely happy. I know it is going to be an extremely hot day – There is a heat warning for the next few days, with the high temperatures in the mid-80s every day (29°-32° Celsius), so I will bring a lot of water. It is almost amusing that what we consider scorching hot here is almost balmy in Dallas, where the next week high temperatures are over 100° Fahrenheit every day. Well, I am here, and here’s weather is what I have to deal with.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 181

    I mentioned yesterday that I love it when the numbers on the bathroom scale are kind to me. This morning’s drop of 2.2 lbs is a result of several things that I did yesterday, including mostly good eating, a really strong walk, and drinking a lot of water. It might also be partially a correction for whatever seems to happen to my weight when I travel, whether by plane or by automobile. Either way, it was a good step in the right direction!

    It was brought to my attention recently that, with regard to my weight management program, I tend to be hard on myself… I accentuate the bad while minimizing the good. As I am currently on a journey of self-improvement, I am going to try to end that.

    I had two huge non-scale victories over the last few days, and I am quite thrilled with them. The first:

    I am a Microsoft Certified Trainer, and have been for sixteen years. After ten years, the program sends you a polo shirt every year… or at least, they did when I asked for them. After fifteen years, they send you a jacket. I know there are 20- and 25-year gifts as well, but I do not know what they are. While the polo shirts always fit well (and over the years I had XL through XXXL), the jacket (I have two) sizes are ridiculous… way too small, and for the past two years I have not been able to wear either of them.

    I was cleaning out my car this afternoon after my week-long travel debacle and I found it in the trunk. I had brought it to Leslie to wear in case she was cold at one point, and I forgot to take it out of the car. It made its way into my trunk, and has probably been there for five months. I tried it on… it is tight, but it fits, and I can zip it closed! Don’t get me wrong, it is far too warm this month to wear it… but come autumn, I will be happy to wear it… especially as I continue to lose weight so it will fit even better!

    The second non-scale victory: Yesterday I drove from Long Island, New York to Burlington, Ontario – a nine-hour drive, if you count the border and the stop for petrol – with three dozen Montreal bagel in the car. I knew they were there, and I did not eat even a bite of one! For those of you who have never eaten a Montreal bagel let me tell you… this is a huge accomplishment, and one that I did not expect to do. I knew they were there; they were in easy reach from the driver’s seat, and I did not touch them. I wanted to… but I did not.

    I should mention that I started my nine-hour journey without a cigar in the cabin, so when it was safe (Madison Avenue near 72nd Street in Manhattan) I pulled over in a bus-lane (try finding parking in Manhattan… I dare you), put my blinkers on, and ran to my trunk to grab a couple of cigars. Yes folks, rather than eating my feelings and anxiety, I smoked them away.

    (Spoiler alert: my feelings and anxiety are still with me… but I did not go off my weight management program in a big way because of them these last few days)

    As I wrote yesterday afternoon, I went for an epic walk. I also spent a lot of time thinking about things I need to do to be a better person and a better husband. Some of those things are obvious, some of them are harder for me to comprehend. That does not mean that I do not accept them, just that I have a lot of work ahead of me. I truly hope I am up to the task.

    Let’s cover what I ate… Around 9am I had a meal replacement shake, and another one after my walk (and after I wrote my article, so that puts it around 3:30pm). I had two pieces of chicken and a garden salad for dinner, followed by one Japanese biscuit and a very small amount of Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn. Yes, it was left over from the trip; I ate some on my way to Long Island from Montreal, and we all ate some in the hotel. After eating a bit of it (and truly I did not overindulge) I decided that as good as it is, it is not smart for me to have it in the house. I took it to the garbage room and poured it all out into the bin. Lead me not to temptation… I know exactly where to find it!

    While cleaning out the car, I brought the rest of the bagels upstairs, and I put them all into the fridge. I had given my neighbour Sue about a dozen and a half of them… she took care of Princess Sophie, and asked for nothing. I was happy to share! The rest went into my freezer, and I told my son that I have Montreal bagels waiting for him. When he comes to get them, they will be gone. In the event that he does not take all of them, I will bring what’s left to Lyle and Dorothy because I know they appreciate them too.

    Aside from that, I do not much feel like socializing. I am in a pretty bad way, so I might just drop the bagels off at my son’s and at Lyle’s when nobody is home so that I do not have to socialize. I really am not in the mood. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!