Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 890

    I did not gain any weight this morning, but I also did not lose any. I have essentially fallen off the wagon these last couple of days (I think I am doing better today), but I am trying to get myself back on track. That is not to say that I want to be back on the program just yet, because I do not. I will take it up again once Leslie’s visit is over. It is just too hard (both emotionally and physically) to get onto the program… and then to only do it for a few days would be agony.

    After several days of nothing, I have finally been able to move my bowels well today… twice. It was a relief to be able to do so before I took Her Floofness for her walk this morning, but to be able to do it again around noon was great relief… literally.

    I slept more last night than I had the previous two nights, but I am not sure how good the sleep was. According to my fitness watch, I slept a full nine hours, but not well enough to bring my stress levels down. At least I won’t be walking around like a zombie all day!

    Weight loss is never easy… I am going to get back on track. While I am not getting onto the complete program again, I would like to just get through the next few days without cheating too badly. If I do, then hopefully I can drop back to 280 lbs. by the morning Leslie arrives.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 889

    I did not eat well yesterday… but I did NOT eat enough to gain five pounds overnight. F.ck.

  • Day 888

    I was in a bit of a funk yesterday and I ate more than I should have. I did not, however, eat nearly enough to account for the nearly four pound gain this morning. It could be the constipation… after nearly a week of horrible diarrhea, my bowels seem to have gone the other way. I am still a little gun shy to start taking fibre again, but we will see how I feel in a day or two.

  • Day 887

    Today was not a good day. It was not a terrible one, but tomorrow I will eat better.

  • Day 886

    I ate another meal yesterday, but I do not think that what I ate warranted another 1.8 lbs. gain. I do, however, suspect that the protein bar that I ate after 9pm tipped that number up a little as well. I am not happy to have regained four pounds over the last three days, but I know that I needed to get beyond the withdrawal symptoms that were sapping me of all strength and energy, and which might even have been doing real damage to my insides. While I would like to get back to only meal replacements, I have my reasons for not doing so. I do not really have time today to write about them. 

    I was so excited to tell my wife yesterday that I had a small but solid bowel movement that the oddness and awkwardness of discussing these things with anyone did not hit me until later. After four days of terrible diarrhea, I was so relieved to be on the toilet straining a little to push. My body can start getting back to normal now. Woohoo! This morning, I had no great success, and decided to dip my toes (or spoon) into the fibre again. I am really hoping that was not a mistake, but I suppose I will find out soon enough. 

    It was a beautiful day in Southwestern Ontario. After I enjoyed a video date with my wife, a buddy came over for a few hours and we chatted until he had to go. Now I am ready to teach and will try to get a good night’s sleep. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 885

    It had been my plan to eat today to celebrate with my gorgeous doggie the five-year anniversary of her Adoption Day. As I drove home from Grimsby yesterday afternoon, I realized how weak I was, and decided to move our celebration up by a single day. I stopped at the supermarket and picked up veal chops and the vegetables to prepare a salad. I got home and put rice on to cook as well. While starchy, rice is known for fighting diarrhea, and after three days of it I was ready to try whatever might work. I enjoyed my veal and rice and salad, and Princess Sophie really enjoyed her bone. I was hoping that this morning I might find some solid solace… but I did not.

    In addition to what I mentioned, I also bought a mango. I suspect it was this more than anything else that led to the two-pound jump in my weight from yesterday morning. I was not at all impressed by that jump… but I deserved it.

    Despite my weight gain over these past two days, I am going to eat another meal today (minus the fruit). Four days of diarrhea is simply not good for the body, and I need to be able to healthily get through this coming week. Yes, her Royal Floofness will get another bone on the actual day of her Adoptiversary.

    After losing 12.6 lbs. in just five days, I should not be terribly upset to give back 2.4 lbs. over the weekend. I just have to make sure that I continue on the downward trend, and not give up any unnecessary losses. I will eat because I think that right now it could be unhealthy to not eat anything… but I will not overindulge or eat the wrong foods. The rice is necessary, but the mango was not. I will not make that mistake again today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 884

    I was not feeling better at all yesterday, even though the start of the day was promising. I was happy to get through the day (although I did need to take a nap before class and thank G-d that I did!), and even got 7,300 steps in. That included a trip to the supermarket and dry cleaners. While my trip to the supermarket was for a specific reason, I did not get out entirely unscathed; I stopped at the bakery and bought a single roll, and when I got home, I toasted it and enjoyed it with avocado oil (a non-margarine spread) on one side, and grated cheese on the other. I ate this in place of one meal replacement. I am not sure, but I suspect that the carbs helped to settle the evil serotonin receptors in my stomach which have been wreaking havoc on my system these last few days.

    This morning’s bowel movement was no better than any of the myriad BMs of the last couple of days. Nevertheless, I do feel that I am doing better today than I was Thursday or Friday. I am cautiously optimistic that I just might be on the other side of the worst of things. We’ll see.

    Leslie and I had a lovely cigar date over the last three hours. What started out as a beautiful day turned, within the last fifteen minutes, into an extremely rainy storm. I was not expecting it, although the forecast did call for rain today. That rain is really coming down now.

    It is now 1:20pm. I have had to sit on the potty once in the interim, but despite that I am feeling much better today than I did yesterday. My stomach is still feeling a little weak, but overall, I am feeling good. Yay! I think I can now say with confidence that while I might possibly not be completely better, I am certainly over the worst of it.

    My weight was up by .4 lb. this morning. It is possible that is because of the roll that I broke down and purchased yesterday, but it is more likely due to the large quantity of Gatorade that I have ingested these past few days. While the drink is not high in calories, the sodium content is pretty high (270mg per bottle), and I remember Leslie telling me a few months ago that she was not losing weight when she drank it. If it is the sodium, then tomorrow or Monday I should see a significant loss as that is flushed from my system. I was not terribly put off by the slight gain, but it helps psychologically to know why it happened… and that the effects should only be temporary.

    Yes, I bought an ate a roll yesterday. I am reasonably sure that the ill-effects of my withdrawal symptoms were exacerbated by the fact that there was no solid food in my stomach. Leslie told me that there are serotonin receptors in the stomach, and the food (especially the carbohydrates) would have mitigated at least some of those issues. I remember as a child my mother would always give me dry toast when I had stomach issues (especially diarrhea). Maybe there was something to that. No, I did not have the roll dry, but that’s another story. The fact that I only had a single roll with how I was feeling, and not more and worse foods, is a minor win.

    I slept much better last night than I did the previous two, both because I did not have to get up several times to visit the bathroom and because the discomfort was much less. According to my fitness watch my sleep score was 82 (both with good balance, and a full 7h54 minutes), and my body battery was 43 when I woke up… which is still lousy, but it is still much higher than the 16 that I had yesterday morning. I am still going to take it easy today, but I might get onto the treadmill when I get home… I know that had I tried to exercise yesterday it would have been a total disaster.

    I am nearly finished with my second meal replacement of the day. I am still feeling at least some need to sit on the toilet before I go out, but it is not as pressing as it was so many times yesterday. As I taught last night, I had to keep a ten-minute timer on standby so that if I needed to (as I did twice during my class) I could give the students a break without them not knowing when I would return. Were I teaching today I would be doing the same thing, but if things continue as they have, I doubt I will need to by the time Monday’s class starts.

    I am going to drive to Grimsby this afternoon to pick up a shirt that I ordered. I am excited to see it – while I have a few items with Masonic logos on them, this will be the first that I have with my Lodge’s logo. It is very exciting! Yes, for someone who spent so many years essentially branded by Microsoft, and who later vowed to not be ‘logoed’ anymore, that is weird… but Freemasonry is different. I am not advertising a corporation but am instead proudly sporting the logo of a fraternal organization of which I am proud to be a member.

    Okay, I am going to head out… after a quick (hopefully) stop on the potty. I look forward to no longer needing to plan every trip out of the house around unpredictable bowel movements. I hope that by the time I am back the rain will be in the rearview mirror and that I can once again enjoy relaxing on the balcony with a good book.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 883

    It was late in the morning yesterday that I first realized that I not only had frequent diarrhea, but I was also experiencing bouts of stomach pains that were more than just a bit uncomfortable. These would increase and decrease throughout the day, but at no point yesterday was I just feeling fine. In fact, I did something yesterday that I have never done before. I have been using the meal replacement shakes on and off since the end of March 2017. In those seven years I have never discarded half a shake because I just could not stomach it. I was in bed by 6:30, and while I did not really sleep until 2:00am, I did my best to stay put.

    I felt bad that I had not taken Princess Sophie out for a second walk yesterday, so when she asked me to at 1:00am I got dressed and took her outside. This was not going to be a long walk because I did not have the energy, but it is not fair to make her pay for my illness. As we walked out of the building, we saw about thirty feet to our left a skunk, so we paid special attention to give her a lot of space. If I hardly had the energy to walk her, I doubt I would have had the strength to de-skunk her. From a distance, skunks are actually very cute animals. I will always make a point to observe them only from a good distance.

    I wrote yesterday that these digestive tract issues were related to my taking too much fibre the previous days. I no longer believe that, and I have Leslie to thank for helping me to realize it. She suggested that it might be due to illness (such as norovirus), or withdrawal. Last week I stopped taking my antidepressants. Among the possible symptoms of withdrawal from Escitalopram are chills (had those), Digestive issues (incl. nausea, cramps, diarrhea, and appetite loss – yep), and sleep problems (definitely). Before you say, ‘but you stopped taking the pills over a week ago!’ I would also point to one article which reads: ‘…withdrawal symptoms typically begin one to three days after the last dose. Although, rarely they can start sooner (within hours) or later (more than a week).’

    Knowing that these issues are not because of something I ate, and that despite not eating any solid food in two days I am still having terrible diarrhea, there were several times during the day yesterday (and into the night) that I thought to myself that by not eating solid food, I was making things harder on my bowels. It would have been easy to say ‘I need to eat for a day or two or three to have something in my system so that my system can expel something’ but so far, I have not. I did replace my evening meal replacement shake with a protein bar (which I ate much later than I should have), so I guess there is at least something solid in my system to expel.

    I also suspected yesterday that despite all of the water I was drinking, I might be getting dehydrated (which is not uncommon with diarrhea). As such, I ran to the supermarket and picked up a couple of six-packs of Gatorade Zero. I was happy that they had my favourite flavour (grape). I had three of them before the night was over, and I had another one this morning. I may have been imagining it, but I might have seen a slight purple coloration in the toilet before I flushed… or that could have been my mind playing tricks on me (in turn, a common symptom of severe dehydration).

    I admit that we the extreme pooping I did yesterday, I was slightly disappointed to see a drop in my weight of only 1.4 lbs. from yesterday. Given what I endured, I thought it might have been more extreme, but alas it was not. I still was able to, for the third time in as many days, cross off another number on the chart on my fridge. I restarted the program on May 22, when I was 53.2 lbs. higher than my best weight ever. There have been several stops in the last month but despite all of them I have lost 20.2 lbs. in that time, and I am extremely happy with that. I am now 33 lbs. from my best weight ever, and I will get back there by the fall.

    According to my fitness watch, my sleep score was an abysmal 33. Despite being in bed from 6:30pm until 7:30am, it measured less than five hours of actual sleep (and even that I feel is optimistic). My body battery recharged to a laughable 13. Needless to say I am going to take today very easy, although I will absolutely be taking her Floofness out for another walk so that I do not have to do so in the middle of the night.

    I woke up this morning thinking that I was feeling much better than yesterday… despite another very loose experience on the toilet, my head seemed clearer, and I was not chilled. By the time Princess Sophie and I were on the last leg of our morning walk, all of those symptoms were back… albeit not (yet) as severe as they were yesterday. I am hoping that I am getting better, and that these issues will be behind me by the time I have to teach this evening.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 882

    Wow. I wrote to Leslie late last night (after we were usually both in bed and asleep) that I would not be adding fibre into my shakes today. The way things have gone since then, I am going to hold off a couple of days before resuming with a single teaspoon of the powder. I honestly lost track of how many times I had to run to the toilet between yesterday morning and this morning, but it is certainly over ten. I am relieved that I did not need to do so either while I was out walking or during my class. With that said, just between the time I climbed into bed and the time I finally fell asleep I made four or five trips… plus one at 5:15am; yes, I have also had two movements this morning. While in moderation fibre will indeed help keep your bowels regular, in excess it can cause days where you are better off just camping out in the loo.

    I joked with Leslie this morning (prior to my weighing myself) that with all of those trips to the bathroom, combined with my actually staying true to the program yesterday (with no additions or substitutions) it was likely I would have dropped between 7-10 pounds. In fact, my weight dropped another 2.2 lbs., bringing my weight drop since Saturday morning to 8.8 lbs.! I gleefully crossed off another number on the fridge chart for the second day in a row. The last time I weighed less than I did this morning was March 5. I am only 6.4 lbs. from my weight on January 1, and thirteen pounds from my best weight of 2024 (January 22).

    Excuse me while I run back to the toilet…

    Okay I am back… and this is getting a wee bit ridiculous. It is a good thing that I am drinking as much water as I am, because otherwise I would have to start worrying about dehydration. As it is, I might head to the supermarket to pick up some Gatorade Zero to ensure my electrolytes don’t drop below acceptable levels.

    When I was a kid, I had a friend named Mark Nadler who I remember had to drink a glass of Metamucil every day (in addition to taking Flintstones Vitamins… it’s amazing the things I remember from before I turned ten). I never understood why, nor why I did not need to. I assume it was because whatever else I might say about her (and I can say plenty), my mother made sure we ate well balanced meals… or else!

    As I spoke with Leslie last night, I was reminded of my last visit to my Hong Kong tailor who commented that I had gained quite a bit of weight since my last fitting. It was only a seven-pound difference, but it was noticeable… and I can certainly notice it, as some of the clothes that I ordered in September do not currently fit… or I should say that they did not fit a week ago, but they seem to all (except for one vest) fit now. Yay! I suppose there is something to be said for the fibre cleaning out my colon! Nevertheless, I am this morning 7.2 lbs. heavier than I was when I visited the tailor at the end of February, and about 15 lbs. heavier than I was on the previous trip in September. My goal is now to make sure I lose at least those 20 lbs. more before they return in September, and that not only will all of my current wardrobe fit, but I will also be able to order new clothes with a smaller cut than I ever have. That will take some work, but it is certainly a short-term goal to strive for… assuming the end of September counts as short-term?

    I kept my promise to myself yesterday and walked but did not jog. It was hot! For the first time in recent memory, not only did I finish the water bottle that I brought with me from home, but toward the end of the walk I also stopped off and bought another bottle of water and a bottle of Gatorade Zero. I walked 7.35km with an average pace of 9m44s/km. Not bad, considering the mercury was pushing 33° Celsius, and there was almost no cloud cover to speak of.

    We have another heat warning in effect for today, but the high temperature is forecast to hit 30°C and no higher. With that said, I might take another break from exercising because of my current bowel issues… I do not think it wise to stray too far from the toilet, and my Lodge brethren who are coming over will understand completely.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 881

    Yesterday was mostly a day of rest. My body needed it after the previous day’s activity. I also confess that I had both a handful of almonds (in lieu of my third meal replacement) and a handful of peanuts (in addition to everything). I confess, as I was leaving my buddy’s house in Grimsby, I was feeling very weak, and I stopped at a Bulk Barn and picked up the nuts. I was feeling weak again toward the end of the evening and thought about eating a protein bar. I was leaning heavily toward it but then decided to brush my teeth and be done for the night. I think I did the right thing.

    In the previous days I had been adding a lot more fibre to my meal replacements. While I know the fibre helps to keep your bowels unclogged, I suspect I might have overdone it. Yesterday I had four bowel movements, the last two of which were quite on the urgent side. This morning’s movement was also somewhat loose. While I am thrilled to be regular, I think this might be a little too regular, and I will dial the fibre back down to one teaspoon per day.

    I was so excited this morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale to discover that my weight had dropped another two pounds! This was amazing for several of reasons. Firstly, I have now officially lost all of the weight (and more!) that I had put back on during my two breaks from the program. Next, I was able to (for the first time since May 29th) cross off another milestone on my fridge chart. My weight is now below what it was when I Flew to Cuba on my last trip (March 23). In fact, the last time I weighed this was March 12, and I am very happy to be making the progress that I have been making. My best weight of this calendar year was on January 22, and I am still about 16 lbs. heavier than I was on that day. I also now weigh 36.6 lbs. more than I did at my best weight ever (October 18, 2023), which means I have a long way to go until I get there… but I am going to do it.

    With regard to the chart on my fridge, I my weight is now 35.2 lbs. from the day that I will shave my beard so that my wife can see what she calls my ‘baby face’ just once… although she also wants me to grow it back again immediately. It will be interesting to see what I look like without a beard and the weight. As I have written earlier, I hope to be able to achieve that by the fall.

    It is now 1:20pm and I have been nursing my midday meal replacement for the past thirty minutes. I am going to finish it and then change into my workout clothes and go for a walk. As I told Leslie, I will not be trying to jog today. Not only does my body still feel a bit drained, but it is also nearing 33° Celsius (91.5° Fahrenheit for my American readers). I may love the heat and even running in it… but I need to teach this evening, and it just would not do for me to be completely drained of life before my class. I will also make sure to pee… at least once but probably twice because I have been drinking a lot of water today (as I should be, both for weight loss and to stay hydrated in this heat!).

    Have a great day folks!