Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 861

    Yesterday’s run was the best I have done in a while. I successfully jogged five kilometres at 4.3mph (which still is registering at between 8m56s and 9m12s per kilometre) and then a last kilometre walking at 3.5mph. All told it was 6km in 59m40s according to my fitness watch. I do not know if I will be able to beat that today, but my next workout goal is to be able to register 6km jogging.

    I still find myself relying on almonds to supplement my meal replacements. I have been way too informal about how I eat them and am going to start measuring them out. One ounce of almonds contains 170 calories, 5g of carbohydrates, 6g of protein, and 15g of fat. That is a reasonable portion. What I have been eating in a day is probably closer to four portions (having finally taken the time to do the calculations), and I am done with that. The problem is that I do not think I would consider one ounce of almonds to be a satisfying portion. What I will do instead, considering the mental side of things, is I will start eating up to a single protein bar when I need it, and hopefully not every day. The nutritional value of the bars that I have (and really like) are: 190 calories, 14g of carbohydrates, 15g of protein, and 8g of fat. While they are higher in carbs than I would like, I feel that they are quite satisfying as a single portion. They are also properly portioned, so I do not have to worry about that.

    One day I will have the mental fortitude and discipline to eat only what I am supposed to eat. When that day comes, I will be able to freely buy large bags of almonds and keep them in the house without fear of overindulging. At least I am self-aware enough to know that day is not here yet… and the packaged protein bars are what I am allowed to eat.

    I had a bit of a fight with the bathroom scale this morning. I stepped onto it and saw that my weight was up by .4 lb. Hmph. I then went to the washroom and tried to pee, but only a couple of drops came. Oh well. I then stepped back onto the bathroom scale and found that my weight was down .4 lb. from yesterday, or .8 lb. from thirty seconds and six drops of pee ago. I cleared the scale and stepped back onto the scale, and that same weight registered. Okay, I’ll take it. I would not have been terribly upset if, after seven straight days of weight loss (including a single day of no loss), my weight had gone up a little; after all, how many times have I written in this journal that success is not about individual plots on a graph, but rather on the overall downward trend?

    I am thrilled and grateful that I was actually able to order more shakes from the company. For whatever reason, they can only be purchased with a code from a doctor. That is one of the reasons I have been buying my shakes ‘on the black market’ so to speak. The person I bought shakes from last week stopped the program because she is pregnant, and she offered to share her code with me. I did not know if it would work but I decided to try it anyways. Lo and behold, I now have a month’s worth of shakes coming tomorrow! I am quite thrilled by that… yes, it is the little things that bring us joy.

    Okay, it is time to get my day going. I am going to chat with my wife for a while, and then I am going to get onto the treadmill. Later in the afternoon I have a buddy coming over for a chat.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 860

    Weight:

    278.0 lbs. (Down 13.8 lbs. in the week. Still up 39.4 lbs. from Best Weight Ever)

    Re-hit this weight: 4/7/2024. Had dropped below this weight: 7/16/2023.

    I do not mean to sound ungrateful that I have dropped nearly fourteen pounds in my first week on the program because I am not. On the contrary, I am extremely pleased with myself for it. I am still disappointed with myself for having lost all of that progress that I had made in my previous efforts over seven months. I will keep reminding myself every week of how long it took me to go from losing weight to gaining weight. I essentially threw away eight months of weight loss efforts with eight months of letting myself go. I will keep watching that parabola of the up to down to up… until I am once again at and beyond my best weight ever.

    Yesterday was a mostly successful day in so many respects. Two brother freemasons came over to visit and smoke cigars (one in the morning, the other in the afternoon). One of them is a mental health advocate, and while we had planned his visit a week ago, it was fortuitous timing as another brother had a mental breakdown yesterday and he was able to intervene. We discussed it, and we discussed several other mental health issues. The other one is my mentor, and we usually get together weekly to work on masonic work. He met yesterday with the doctor that I originally did the weight loss program with at the bariatric clinic because he starts the program today! While we did do some masonic practice, most of the visit I was able to advise him and to answer questions for him… many of which he probably did not realize he had. I shared this journal with him so whether it is today or in 900 days be may one day read these words. I hope that when he does, he has succeeded in finding and achieving his weight loss goals!

    Speaking of weight loss goals (and non-scale victories, I thought of another one:

    Since March of 2022 I have been going twice per year to my Hong Kong tailor to buy custom shirts and sports jackets and whatever. They are usually in town in September and February/March. When I saw them on February 29th of this year the tailor told me that this was the first time that he had seen me in a few years that I have actually gained weight. I told him that it was an anomaly, and that I would be getting back on track. He asked if I was sure, or if he wanted them to cut the clothes a little larger. I insisted that I did not want that, and that I would be losing weight again. On that day I weighed 265.8 lbs., and I was hoping that my slide would be over. When I received the shipment from them just five weeks later, the jacket was tight… and I was only able to wear it a couple of times before I had to put it in my closet… hoping that I would be able to get back into it at some point.

    From my visit to them at the end of September (9/27/23) to that visit at the end of February (2/29/24) I had gained just under 20 lbs.; before my weight slide would end, I would gain another 26.

    With that, the next goal is to:

    1. Fit comfortably into the shirts and sports jacket that arrived in April (I am currently 13 lbs. from weighing what I weighed at the fitting in February)
    2. Fit comfortably into the shirts and sports jacket that I received in November (I am 33 lbs. from weighing what I weighed at my fitting in September)
    3. When I go back to be fitted in September, I want to once again be at my best weight ever.

    The first two of these points are doable but they do not have a time limit. The last one? Can I lose forty pounds in four months? That should be achievable, but I have to stay focused on it.

    My workout yesterday was great, and I did it a lot smarter than I had the previous day. My friend left at 12:30pm, and I prepared my second meal replacement. After I drank it, I got changed and I hit the treadmill. I jogged 4km at a pace of 4.2mph, and then walked one more kilometre at a pace of 3.5mph. I felt good when I was done and hit the shower knowing that my second friend would be arriving shortly. I went down to my car to have a small handful of almonds because I was feeling hungry at that point, and I was still two hours from my next meal replacement. I would end up finishing one of the two portions of almonds (in three installments) throughout the afternoon and evening, but I think I did it smartly.

    Okay, it is time for me to get this day going, I will sit on the patio with my wife (on the phone) for an hour, then I’ll hit the treadmill. The afternoon? Yeah, I’ll be working. Fun.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 859

    I made a huge miscalculation yesterday that could have gone badly. Fortunately, I think things worked out. At around 11:15am I wrote in my journal that I was ready to start my workout. That is not what happened. I ended up answering some emails including questions from my students (that were somehow asked of the customer service desk, so I got them third hand, and still needed (or wanted) to answer them before class), as well as a number of emails to a couple of different consulates. By the time I actually started my workout, it was a few minutes after 12pm. The problem with that is that I had taken my morning shake at around 8:30am, which means I was nearing the four-hour mark since I’d eaten and should probably have prepared my second shake before working out. Not thinking, I figured I’d be fine.

    I jogged 4km at a quicker pace than previous – I upped it from 4 to 4.3mph, which brought me down to about 8m50/km. From there I dropped to a brisk walk (3.5mph) for another fourteen minutes or so. My total distance was 4.83km in 50 minutes. Great. The problem was that I was so drained of energy that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get undressed, let alone make it to the shower,

    I managed to do all of that, but before I got dressed, I prepared my second shake. I was still completely shot after that and made the decision that I needed to go to the store to pick up some almonds. This was both a good and a bad decision. It was good because I definitely needed more energy. It was completely stupid because when you are in that state of mind, everything is a temptation. There is a saying that you should never do your grocery shopping when you are hungry, and I know that to be true. As I walked by the sushi counter, past the bakery, and then on my way out past the prepared food and soup counters I knew how easy it would be to just have a nip. Driving home with the bag of almonds open next to me I was still thinking that maybe I should just switch to my ‘adjusted’ program, where I have one full meal per day. Would that be so bad? I seem to recall doing pretty well on that…

    Not yet Mitch! It was just yesterday that I wrote about how much time it took to lose the weight, and how easily and quickly I put it all back on. I need to be mindful, and I need to be focused. I bought the usual serving of almonds, and I ran off to the car. When the thought about the roasted chicken I could be making for myself, I was relieved knowing that I had left the store, and that I do not have any of it in the house.

    I had a video date with Leslie when I got back from the store, but I was really weak and a bit lightheaded. I decided that if I was going to make it through my class in the evening then I needed to rest, so I got into bed, set my alarm, and took a nap for an hour. Phew! I made it through the class, and the day ended well. I was still asleep earlier than I normally would be, but Leslie understood. Princess Sophie even joined me on the bed for an hour before returning to her own bed.

    This morning was the first day that I did not lose any weight. It is a day later than I had anticipated, and I am fine with it. It is the second day in a row that I am not able to cross a number off on my fridge chart and knowing that I am a single down-day away from that is a bit teasing. At 280.2 lbs., the next day that I drop any weight will have me down to my second ‘decade’ – the 10-pound delineations – as well as that fridge chart mark. It would have been nice to hit them both this morning, but it will also be nice to hit it tomorrow morning.

    This morning, I am going to go to pick up my dry cleaning, as well as milk for my coffee. I realized only after I got home yesterday that I was running low, but it worked out well because in the state that my mind and body were in yesterday afternoon, it would have been a bad idea to have to walk through the supermarket. I have little doubt that I would have caved to temptation. I am now feeling much stronger. As I type this, I am finishing my morning meal replacement (and first cup of coffee) so if I go immediately after then I will be sated and strong. There are three things on my shopping list for the trip: Milk, one emergency stash of almonds (which I will keep in the car so as to not be close at hand when I get hungry), and my dry cleaning. That’s it.

    I have a couple of friends coming over today for different reasons and at different times, and both of them will be sitting on the balcony with me enjoying a cigar. One of them is starting the same program that I am on through the same clinic that I first did it with today, so I will be giving him a lot more advice than he will be giving me (as he is my mentor for Freemasonry it is usually the inverse). If I head out now, then I will be able to fit a workout in before my first buddy comes, so I’m going to hit the road.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 858

    I had a feeling yesterday that I couldn’t shake that I would not be losing weight this morning. I had four great days of weight loss, and my body was going to steady or correct its trajectory and slow things down. This despite knowing that I had jogged 5km and had not veered from the weight loss program. Leslie reminded me that whether or not I lose weight on one given day should not be taken as an omen, but also that I might lose weight, but not as much as I had the previous four days. She was right of course… on both parts. I dropped a little over a pound this morning. I am going to keep doing what I am doing… even on days when I do not like what the bathroom scale tells me.

    Something else that I admitted to Leslie yesterday is that I am angry with myself for having thrown away so much of my weight loss progress over these last seven months. I was doing so well, and then I pissed it away (or rather ate it away). When I felt that my weight was safely below 250 lbs. I vowed that I would never let it go above that number again. I dropped below 250 ‘for the final time’ on September 17, and was going to keep at it… and yet it happened: on November 24 my weight peeked above that ugly number, and then ten days later it would jump above it and stay there… and there it is today. It only took 15 days to jump above 260 (which I had dropped below on August 21, vowing never again…) and yes, I was going through a rough spot… but suck it up Mitch! Don’t eat your feelings! It would take nearly three months for my weight to peek above 270 (March 4 for the first time, and then permanently on March 10). I had dropped ‘forever’ below that number on July 13, after a long diet break. I had not weight more than 280 since February 18 (first hit March 21), and my last weigh-in over 290 lbs. was January 31, 2023 (where I spent two days May 21-22).

    It took me 68 days to drop from 250 lbs. to 238.6 (Oct. 18 – 31 days), and then back up to 250 (Nov. 24 – 37 days). It took me 119 days to drop from 260 to that best weight, and then back up to 260 (December 19). It took 223 days to drop from 270 to by best weight and then gain it all back. The numbers for 280 lbs is a staggering 382 days… and for 290 lbs. it is 417. It took me 201 days to drop from 290 lbs. to my best weight ever… it took me 216 days to gain it back.

    What a fucking waste of energy.

    Leslie reminded me that we cannot change the past, we can only focus on now and the future. While this is true, I hope that tracking the past and studying it may help me to not repeat it.

    I am essentially starting the program anew with a fresh head, so it should not take me 200+ days to drop 42 lbs. … but just knowing that I wasted so much of it – I essentially threw away a year – upsets me. Getting back on track is hugely important, and I will do it. As of this morning’s reading on the bathroom scale, I am 41.6 lbs. from my best weight ever.

    Assuming there is no way that I will continue to lose over a pound per day, I would be happy if by the time Leslie arrives (in 38 days) I could lose another 15-20 lbs. I had originally told her than my goal was to drop to 270 by then, but I am amending that because I know that for that week I will not be on the program. If I could stay below 270 (or even 265) by the time she leaves the next week then I would consider that a huge success, and I will at that point get back onto the program.

    How long will it take for me to get back to my best weight ever? In other words: from today, how long will it take for me to lose 42 lbs.? I don’t know… but I would like to set a goal for the end of the September. That gives me 126 days to lose 40 pounds, or a little under 2.5 lbs. per week. It is an ambitious goal, but hopefully an achievable one.

    For the short term, I would really like for my pants to fit better… and for my sports jackets to start fitting again. I would like to be able to comfortably wear my guayaberas this summer, which I was able to do when I was last in Cuba (I have another 5 lbs. to lose until I weigh what I weighed on my last trip, but I am still 16 lbs. bigger than I was the previous month). I need patience.

    While my weight did drop again today, it is the first day since I started that I could not cross off a goal on my fridge tracker. To quote Maxwell Smart: Missed it by that much. Hopefully I’ll be there tomorrow.

    I should mention that I did two things worth mentioning yesterday: I did indeed jog my 5km (although I did not walk the rest of the hour, so my workout ended up as 5.23km in 49m51s). I also got through the day sans almonds, which means that I was probably at 940 calories on the day. I’ll call those both huge successes, as I had not previously been able to hit the 5km mark, and it was only the second day that I was able to get through the program without the added help.

    It is a wet and rainy morning in Burlington, and I am glad for the treadmill. I think I’m going to publish this entry and then change into my kit. Owing to the weather, Princess Sophie did not want to go for her usual 1.5-2km walk this morning, and so I am still under 1000 steps. My next jogging goal is 6km, followed closely by jogging for a full hour. Will I make it? We’ll see… but as I have said before, I may be tracking my workouts, but I am not competing with myself. My goal is to get into shape, and not to hurt myself.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 857

    While this will still be Sunday morning’s article, I am starting it Saturday afternoon. Why? Mostly because of how proud I am of myself for having taken my son the younger for lunch at Lone Star Texas Grill and I did not even take one chip. I did not cheat at all! This, despite the fact that I had forgotten that I would probably be hungry and should consider consuming my second meal replacement of the day before I left. This, despite having knocked on the door to the house (needing to pee) and being greeted by the man who had an affair with my ex-wife while we were married, and while I had socialized with him prior to (and possibly during) the affair, I have not seen him in ten years. It seems that my ex-wife got the days mixed up so nobody was expecting me to show up… otherwise I assume he would have hidden himself away (as he has always done previously). No, I did not cheat… and as I was driving home, I stopped at the supermarket because I needed to buy coffee, and I still did not cheat. Saturday morning was a series of huge non-scale victories for me!

    With that said, it is now 2:20pm, I have had my second meal replacement of the day, and I am still quite hungry. I have to take my mind off of it. I’m going to change into my workout clothes and get on the treadmill for an hour. That way, if I do falter and decide to buy a handful of almonds, I will at least have earned them.

    —

    Wow, Saturday is/was definitely not the day to exceed previous expectations. I wrote earlier that I hope that “…I am hoping that today or tomorrow I will be able to push that to a full hour of jogging…” well that really did not happen! I slowed from a jog to a brisk walk after 3km, and only did another half kilometre. I showered and realized that I needed energy. I broke down and drove to the store to pick up some almonds.

    I’ll write more Sunday.

    —

    I spent the rest of the day yesterday in a state of hunger or lethargy or whatever it might have been, and I was tempted to give up. I did not. I did eat my almonds, and I joked with Leslie that I was going to pick up Chinese food, but it was only in jest. I spent a few hours in bed watching television but did not nap. When it was finally time for my final shake, I got up and prepared it, then Leslie and I had a lovely video date on the patio.

    When we were chatting, I told her that one of the things that I am really looking forward to is ketosis kicking in. I did fine the first couple of days, but yesterday I hit a wall and my energy level dropped to nil. With my almonds (I am estimating that I had 250 calories worth yesterday) and my coffee with milk and sugar I estimate that my caloric intake was around 1200 calories, and that is not enough to sustain high energy levels until the body starts fueling itself by burning fat instead of the usual carbohydrates. Once I hit that then I should be good to go. It should be today or tomorrow… and I likely won’t know for sure until I get onto the treadmill later.

    I have not mentioned the weight loss chart that I printed and put on my fridge. Since pinning it there I have crossed off five marks in four days, which means that as of this morning my weight loss is over ten pounds, a tremendous feat for four days of dieting. I have a long way to go before I start celebrating though. While I know that I lost 17.5 lbs. in the first week when I first did the program in 2017 (I checked my records), looking at my spreadsheet from this time around (which starts on Day -11 – January 9, 2022) it took me ten days to lose fourteen pounds… but then again, that was also from the time when I know that my bathroom scale was not accurate. Whatever it might be, I will be thrilled if I drop 15 lbs. in the first week of the program… but even if I do not then I will still be happy with the ten-pound drop that I have already achieved.

    I wrote yesterday that I would be able to achieve a full hour of jogging this weekend. Obviously, it did not happen yesterday, but I am going to try again today. Even if I do not achieve that, I would still be happy if I could jog 5km and then finish the hour power walking. At the pace that I have been setting my treadmill at (4mph), I am tracking about 9m20s per kilometre, which means about 47 minutes for 5km… if I achieve that, then I will slow the pace to 3.5mph and will walk at least one more kilometre. This is all speculation of course and will depend on how much energy I have. If I cannot do better than I did yesterday, then at least I will make sure to do that much and will call it a day and try again tomorrow.

    While it is cooler than it was during the week, it looks to be turning into a lovely day, and I look forward to relaxing on the balcony with a cigar shortly. A Facebook friend (who is a member of my cigar group) has come into town, and he told me that he will be coming by for a visit this afternoon. I look forward to meeting him and enjoying a cigar and conversation with him. I will offer him a drink if he wants one, but I am going to stick to water and coffee. If I did not cheat on the program yesterday at Lone Star with my son, then I am certainly not going to do so at home with a friend who is still really a stranger. Who knows? Maybe he will just want coffee as well.

    I am not sure if it is because I have been adding fibre to one of my shakes every day, but so far, I have been able to move my bowels every day… although there was one day when it did not happen in the morning, but later in the afternoon. As for water, I have been drinking way more than is required, and as such I have been urinating in excess of ten times per day. I know that water is helpful not only for hydrating the body and flushing the system, but it is also supposed to help kerb one’s hunger. Thus far I do not think it has been working, but I will keep trying. It helps that the weather is nice… I usually want to drink less water when it is cold and rainy, and the mostly warm and sunny weather we have been experiencing this past week has helped.

    My weight loss buddy was out of town again this weekend, so we decided to push the meeting to Wednesday evening. I look forward to hearing how her life has been.

    Okay, I think it is time for me to wrap up. I will post again tomorrow… even if I end up starting the article this afternoon (as I did with this post).

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 856

    While yesterday was Day 3 of my renewed program, it was the first day that I did not cheat. Okay, that is a harsh word… when dropping from over 2000 calories per day to 900 calories per day, a handful of almonds is not a cheat so much as it is an assist to get through the day. Think of it like training wheels for the first couple of days. However we might think of them, I did not have any yesterday, and so including the milk and sugar that I add to my coffee my total caloric intake yesterday was about 940. I was tired, but I made it through the day.

    Yesterday’s exercise was even better than the two previous days, even though I cannot completely account for it. At a certain point during the workout I must have smacked my fitness watch against the handrail of the treadmill and it stopped tracking. I lost about seven minutes of tracking before I noticed it. No harm, right? I know that I jogged the complete four kilometres (at 4mph, about 9m15s per kilometre) before pulling up and walking briskly for another twenty-three minutes. The total workout was one hour long, and it felt amazing. I am hoping that today or tomorrow I will be able to push that to a full hour of jogging, but I am not going to push myself too hard… I don’t want to strain anything! As it is, my back has been feeling the effects of the drastic increase in activity, and I am happy that my shower has a massage setting on it.

    Leslie may have been joking that I just have to look at a meal replacement to lose weight, but the first three days of my program have been no joke! My weight has dropped over 8 lbs. since Wednesday morning, and that is encouraging me to keep going and to keep doing better. That is one of the reasons I did not step out to buy a handful of almonds yesterday. I know that the first week’s rate of loss will not continue past that, but it is still amazing to be able to drop so much at the beginning of the program. I know that despite the current trend suggesting otherwise, I will not be dropping fifty pounds in a month… but if I could drop twenty-five pounds in the first month then I will be a very happy man! Fifty… it took me three months to lose that at the beginning of the program, and I had much more fat on me at the time. If I could get down to my best weight ever by September or October then I will be thrilled.

    It is a rainy day today, but I decided to sit outside to write anyways. I am not sure if Leslie and I will have a cigar date this morning, but if we don’t then most likely this afternoon or evening we will. I am taking my son the younger for lunch, and that will be my first real challenge of the program. I will tell him that my stomach has been bothering me and that’s why I am not eating. I do not like lying to him, but it is easier than explaining this crazy program.

    Okay, it looks like Leslie and I will be chatting so I’ll close here.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 855

    There is something extremely satisfying about a successful bowel movement. In the middle of the day yesterday I felt the urge, and was very pleased with the result. My bowels felt like I had emptied them completely. It is likely the last time I will feel that again for some time. Peeing, on the other hand, is another story. You know that you are drinking more than enough water in a day when you cannot count how many times you have to urinate on both hands. Leslie and I were joking that our productivity might fall, but we would get our steps in throughout the day just between our desks and the washroom.

    I had a vivid dream last night that I had completely forgotten that I had restarted my diet program, and for some reason the delectable cheat that I was lured to cheat by was a sandwich made from matzah. I do not remember the fillings, but I remember the feeling or dread the moment I realized that I had cheated… and dreaded admitting so to Leslie. When I awoke to realize it had been a dream and that I had not cheated, it was oddly more of a relief than when I wake up from a bad dream from the Army. I suppose that could be explained by the 27.5 years that I have been out of the Army, and today is only the third day of my renewed diet program.

    Speaking with Leslie last night I thought of several things that I could add to my list of short-term goals, all of which are non-scale victories (a term that I had not thought of recently, but which my wife helped me to remember). Most (if not all) of them revolved around my clothes fitting better. I do have a lot of very nice clothes that I have had custom tailored that are either tight or do not fit at all anymore. That truly angers me, and I want to get back into them.

    I wrote about my thinner face yesterday. It is certainly something that I noticed at the time, but not until it was pointed out to me. My friend and occasional cleaning lady Kerry noticed and commented on it, and that made me feel good. She is someone I only see every couple of months so while I missed the gradual loss that I was seeing daily, the all-at-once transition hit her like that. Now if only I could get back to that…

    Yesterday looked almost exactly like the previous day in a lot of respects. I ate exactly the same (including the almonds cheat in the early evening), and my pot of coffee. I also drank more water than I have drunk in any two (or three) day period in a very long time. I did 5km on the treadmill, half of which was done at a jog (4mph), the rest at a brisk walk (3.5-3.7mph). I will try to do the same today, but that will partly depend on my timing, as I have to take Her Floofness to an appointment, and then I have some things I need to do in the afternoon. We’ll see.

    It is a lovely day, and I am not looking forward to starting my productive day… but it is time.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 854

    My wife has been joking, in our week leading up to restarting our diet together, that I lose weight if I even look at a meal replacement shake. While I wish that were true, I would be lying if I did not say that when I am on the program (and faithful to it) I tend to lose weight faster than others might. That is especially true on the first few days of my returning to the program, when I have been known to lose over ten (and once over fifteen) pounds in a week.

    I have been told often that it is easier for men to lose weight than it is for women, but never having been a woman I cannot attest to that. I am neither a scientist nor a medical professional of any kind, so I can only speak to my own experience. When I am able to stick to this program – a grueling one that many people would never want to try – I am able to lose weight. With that said, I think I tend to unintentionally stack the deck in my favour at the beginning. I know that if I were to have a lot of bread today then tomorrow my weight would be way up… but if I then ate sensibly and stayed away from all starches and carbohydrates tomorrow then I would shed much of that gained weight the following day. Tuesday I did not go nuts, but I did buy two rolls that I enjoyed with lunch and dinner… in addition to an apple. On Monday I had my cheat meal of the shawarma platter, as well as a bag of chips. Owing to that, my weight was up 3.4 lbs. over those two days. Yesterday I was mostly good… but I was really hungry, and so I bought a small bag of roasted and unsalted almonds, and I probably ate the equivalent of two servings of them (between 40-50 almonds). Other than that, I drank my four shakes and a pot of coffee. Not bad for a first day on the program.

    I was worried that the almonds would have impeded my success, but Leslie reassured me last night that I still consumed far fewer calories than I would on a normal non-program day. Of course she was right, and I was probably worried for nothing. When I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning I was extremely pleased to see that I had indeed dropped four pounds in one day. How amazing would it be if I could do that on a regular basis? I would only need to diet for three weeks and I would be at my ultimate goal weight! Of course that is not going to happen, and I am under no delusions that I should expect anything like that going forward. With that said, it is a good way to start, and will encourage me to keep at it… especially on those days when I do not see any drop.

    I have written before about the importance of setting short-term goals. Leslie reminded me of that last night as we were talking, and I set one on the spot. I would love to get back down to under 270 lbs. in time for her visit. From yesterday that would mean a drop of 20 lbs. in about six weeks. While that is certainly achievable, I would not have a lot of room for error in that. I will try for it though.

    Of course, that is more of a challenge and a deadline than it is a goal… so I’ve given a little thought to some other short-term goals:

    • I want to fit into all of my clothes again… especially the custom-tailored shirts and sports jackets that I vowed would never be tight on me again.
    • I want to look at my face and see the slimmer face that seemed to appear out of nowhere. As I was losing weight the last time, there seemed to be a tipping point at which my face looked slimmer and less round. I do not remember when it happened, nor when it reverted to the rounder face that I see in the mirror (and in pictures) today… but I want to get back there.
    • I want to be able to adjust my tuxedo pants to the smaller waist… and then eventually change down to the smaller pair that I bought that turned out to be too tight.

    I do not think that any of these are unreasonable… although the second goal is more subjective and difficult to quantify. I do not see why I couldn’t do all of this by my birthday… so when my wife takes me out I can look good once again.

    I marked off my progress on the fridge chart this morning and it felt good. It is a full page chart that counts down in the left-hand column from yesterday’s weight by twos. The last row at the bottom reads 240 lbs. and in the right it reads ‘Shave to Baby Face!’ in red. Giving that a little thought, knowing that I will be doing this primarily for Leslie, I will either not shave it until we are together, or else I will shave it and not start growing it back until we are. I will discuss this with her but I am sure we will figure that out.

    I exercised yesterday! As I wrote in my entry, I cleared off the treadmill and walked for nearly an hour at a pretty good pace. Once again there is a disparity between the measurements on the panel and that on my fitness watch, but I am not concerned about that. Right now I am not exercising to compete with myself, only to get back into it. At some point in the next few weeks I will calibrate them, but for the time being I am just happy that I did what I said… and will do so again today. Yes, it is a beautiful day out again… but I am still not sure how far I can go before I hit that wall… and it is safer on the treadmill. Additionally, I can watch TV on the treadmill, and I have a few shows I am catching up on.

    As I wrote yesterday and then followed up on earlier in this piece, I am trying to figure out how to comfortably space out my shakes so that I do not get too hungry throughout the day. I do not know how much more weight I might have lost had I not eaten those almonds, but I am not concerned with that. What I am aiming for is to be on the program where I can be on the program… without needing to supplement it with anything but water. Yes, I drank a lot of water yesterday, and will do so today as well.

    Dieting is never easy, and a program like the one I am on is probably more grueling than most. There may be no thought required with regard to what I eat, but I do have to figure out how to get through the day without suffering too badly. It is something I will continue to watch for. I know how my body reacted to the program starting from zero; I do not know how it will react this time around, and each time can be very different. I know that of course because this is not my first time rebooting… and each time has been different.

    I mentioned to Leslie last night that there are some things that I had forgotten from my previous attempts. She mentioned one that I had forgotten, and so thanks to her I will be adding fibre to my shakes a couple of times per day.

    When her meeting is over Leslie and I will be having a video date, but until then I guess I should try to be at least somewhat productive. I’ll write more tomorrow.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 853… Day 1

    Weight: 291.8 lbs. (up 53.2 lbs from Best Weight Ever)

    Last time I weighed this much: January 22, 2023

    I woke up this morning with dread and hope and excitement and fear and trepidation. That’s a lot of emotion to experience before your first cup of coffee, don’t you think? Today is the day that Leslie and I decided we were starting our extreme program together. Last night I took out the first of my boxes that I placed on the stove to remind me in the morning that I would be starting again… not that I would have gotten very far had I forgotten, as I planned it well and have no real food in the house. While that is not technically true, I do not have any eggs, which would have made preparing my regular breakfast of a large omelette quite challenging. I took Her Royal Floofness for her walk, and then prepared a pot of coffee and my first shake in many months. It is time.

    Leslie and I had a cigar date this morning and we discussed how w are feeling about it, as well as what each of our goals are. I made her a promise… the day I reach my best weight ever I will shave my goatee. While she has seen pictures of it from before we met, Leslie has never actually seen me without facial hair. She has often joked that should would love to see me with what she calls my ‘baby face’ and I am not setting that as a milestone for myself. I know that she will encourage me to get there… and that she will insist I keep my promise!

    (To be clear, once I have done that she will almost certainly encourage me to grow it back again, which I will gladly do. I like the goatee, and I know that she does as well. This is a one-time thing!)

    It is now 12:40pm, and I am sitting out on the balcony with my laptop. I have a lot of work to do, but it is a beautiful day and I am sitting out topless enjoying the weather. The work I have to do today can as easily be done on my laptop as at my desk, so why shouldn’t I enjoy the weather?

    My plans for the first week at least are to have my first shake when I get back from walking the Floof. The second shake will be at 1:00pm, the third at 5:00pm, and the final one at 9:00pm. My rationale is that I am teaching three days a week from 5:30-9:00pm, which means that I will have one right before class, and then immediately after it. There is a good chance though that I will have to delay the final shake some nights until I have walked the Floof again, but we will see. I am greatly encouraged that I am neither tired nor hungry right now, and that I am ready for that next shake. What does worry me a little is that I woke up late this morning, and by the time I finished my first meal replacement it was already 10:00am. I might push today’s second shake to 2:00pm to see how I feel with four hours between my first and my second shake. I am sure I will be able to make it, but I am curious to see how hungry I get. I am starting to feel the pangs now, but they are faint and I am not concerned. If they get worse then I will go down to 1:30pm, but I am sure I’ll be okay.

    I have not felt week yet, but the day is still relatively young. I also have all of the excess caloric energy from yesterday still floating around my system. Hopefully I will get through the first few days without too much difficulty. I really want to make it with the program again, although as of right now I am not sure what ‘making it’ really means.

    In my discussion with Leslie this morning she mentioned that she wants to shrink her stomach because she has been overeating. I agreed, and told her that one of my goals for my post-program changes is to reduce my meal size. Over the last few months I have been eating a four-egg omelette in the morning, followed by a whole chicken (plus salads and various other side dishes) throughout the day. The omelette should be reduced to three eggs, and the whole chicken should last me two days. I will make smaller portions of rice (or whatever side dish I choose), and I will only buy side dishes like egg rolls as a special treat. I will not completely cut out bread, but I will reduce the frequency back to once or twice per week… and reasonable portions when I do.

    It is time for me to start exercising again, and to that end I am not sure if I am going to go out for a walk this afternoon, or if I will get onto my treadmill. I am leaning toward the treadmill even though it is such a beautiful day outside because that will not only force me to stop using it as a clothes hanger (as so many people do), but it will also give me the opportunity to catch up on last night’s TV shows. While walking outside forces me to a certain distance (once I have walked three kilometres, I must then necessarily turn around and walk back another three kilometres), it has been a while since I have gone for a good walk, and I do not want to find myself completely out of steam and still a couple of kilometres from home. Today is my first day back on the severely reduced caloric program, and I do not know at what point I will run out of steam. It is too bad I cannot bring the treadmill out onto the balcony… but that would just be silly (not to mention extremely heavy and potentially dangerous).

    I have written so often about the need to be mindful in my eating. The good part of this program is that I do not have to worry or even think about what I am going to eat, as each meal replacement is pre-planned and measured. What I do have to be mindful of is my energy. I need to make sure that I can get through the day (including my evening class) without falling off. I also need to be mindful of my emotions and attitude, as those can be greatly affected by caloric deficiency. I think that Leslie and I will have to keep an eye on each other for that these next few days.

    Okay then… it is settled. As soon as I have finished my second meal replacement I will change into exercise shorts and a t-shirt and I will get the treadmill cleared off. I am excited to be getting back on track! I am not saying that I am back on track yet… I am five hours into Day 1, so until I have a week of successes under my belt I am not going to consider the necessary habits formed.

    One more thing… I have on several occasions in the past decided to go down to three meal replacements and a single full meal during my program. While I have definitely seen success with that, I am not going to do it for at least the first month. When my weight is back below 250 lbs. then I will think about it, but I want to see huge weight loss before I do that.

    There are a couple of things I need to do in order to make this work: The first: I am going to make an appointment to see my doctor. I have not seen her in a few months, and aside from my weight loss, I also need to discuss a few other things with her – my meds, as well as a mole on my face that I might want to have removed. I will make that call immediately, although I know I will need to leave a message and her staff will call me back.

    Wow! That was the first time ever that I called and got someone to speak to since I have been seeing this doctor. I have an appointment for June 10, and have made notes in my calendar appointment to hopefully remember some of what I need to speak with her about. Great! That is one thing off my plate.

    The second: I am going to make a new chart to put on my fridge. The last one was for the competition that Leslie and I had for a prize of a meal at our favourite steakhouse and cigar lounge in Addison. That is not coming down… I am leaving it up to remind me of how far I have fallen. The new one will be to track my progress on paper. Yes, I have the chart on my computer, and I have a spreadsheet that I keep… that is not in my face like the fridge chart was and will be. I will print that out now.

    Okay… I have made the chart, although it is not yet printed (this computer is not on the same subnet as my printer… long story). I put the increments at 2 lbs., and I will hopefully be able to start ticking those off tomorrow or Friday. We’ll see.

    It is now 1:50pm and it is time for me to head inside and prepare my meal replacement. I will then clean off the treadmill for a good workout. I am hungry now.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 852

    I woke up this morning thinking that if today was to be my last day of eating before I reembark on my extreme diet program with Leslie tomorrow, then I might consider going a bit extravagant… rather than the same old chicken that I would prepare in the air fryer. Those thoughts came to an abrupt end when I stepped onto the bathroom scale and saw the horrible number. 291 lbs..

    I had my usual breakfast, and then I took a coffee and a cigar onto the balcony to enjoy while chatting with my wife. We are both starting that program, and we are both a little nervous about how difficult it will be to get started. A little later on a friend came over and we chatted about a number of topics, including mental health. Despite us all having different problems, it is nice to be able to talk to someone who will understand.

    I went shopping, and it was much easier than normal… seeing as I am not going to be eating store-bought foods for a few weeks. I bought a chicken and a roll that I will eat today, and that’s it. Tomorrow morning I will wake up and prepare my first meal-replacement shake in over half a year. It is scary. It is exciting. Knowing that Leslie and I are doing it together will make it easier.

    Have a great day folks!