Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 851

    I have missed a couple of days blogging, and have not been too happy with myself. My weight yesterday morning was 289.2 lbs., a very short step to that dreaded 290 lbs. mark which I have been trying to stay away from. This morning I actually hit that mark for a minute… which is to say that after returning from my walk with Her Floofness I was preparing breakfast and felt the need to move my bowels, which is something I have not been very successful at these last few days. I finally had a good poop, and because I had not eaten yet I decided to reweigh myself. My weigh-in at 8:45am this morning had me significantly down from that, and from yesterday’s weight. Phew!

    Leslie and I decided a few days ago that when her son goes back to his father’s house for a few weeks that we will do the extreme program together for that time, and it begins on Wednesday. I have enough eggs for tomorrow morning’s breakfast, and I will shop today for tomorrow only. I miscalculated on my shopping only because I realized only this morning that today is a holiday and that the grocery stores are closed. The only food I have in the house is a couple of meatless burgers, so that will be my lunch with a salad. I will go out for dinner, but I will eat carefully. While it could be considered a ‘last splurge’ meal, I am not going to go nuts with it. Maybe I will pick up a shawarma plate or something. I will figure that out later today… but not too late, as I am teaching this evening and do not want to have my meal after 9:00pm.

    The past few days have been interesting. I wrote on Friday that my son the elder came over for a dram and a cigar, which was exciting as I had not seen or heard from him since October 11. We had a nice chat, and I invited him to come with me to the suits and tuxedo sale that my lodge was holding Saturday morning. He met me here at 7:30am and we drove down to Grimsby, where we both picked out a tuxedo. He was disappointed that they did not have a better selection of regular suits, but was nevertheless pleased with his new formal wear… as was I. We pulled into my parking lot shortly after 9:00am, and he was able to get to work on time for his shift… which had been my major concern.

    In the early afternoon on Saturday I tried on all of my new duds, and was extremely upset that the pants that I had selected did not fit. I ended up going back in the afternoon, at which point I not only got a pair that did fit, but also got a tails, and at the urging of a couple of the brothers I also picked out a couple more vests, cummerbunds, and bow ties.Now if I can only lose the weight to fit back into the smaller pants then I will be happy with myself.

    Following that, I went to a cigar and barbecue event at a friend’s house down that way. This particular friend hosts events on a regular basis and has been inviting me down for seven years, but this was my first time attending. It was a lot of fun, but I could not eat any of the barbecue because it was all pork products. I did snack, which I should not have. After one cigar I went home and prepared a proper meal for myself.

    Sunday was a strange day. I had very little energy, and although I had planned on going shopping for groceries, I kept putting it off. Around 5:00pm, after eating an early dinner, I lay down for a nap. I had a weird series of dreams that mostly involved my tossing and turning in bed trying unsuccessfully to nap, trying to get to a class that I was teaching and did not want to be late for, and dropping off my dry cleaning while alternately being hindered from doing so by the casts of Seinfeld and Friends… not the actors mind you, the actual characters who were doing their best to make sitcom bits of the dry cleaning experience. I found none of it funny, and when I woke up I was not at all rested, and it was too late to go to the supermarket. I was concerned by three things: one, I was as unrested after a long nap as I had been before the nap (you try dreaming about not sleeping well); two, would the supermarkets be open on Monday  which would be Victoria Day (Spoiler alert: They are not); and three, after having had a full meal at 4:30pm, would I need to eat again. I did take a couple of yoghurts, but nothing more.

    Something else that I was concerned about, although not necessarily just then, was that I had not posted either Saturday or Sunday. If I am going to get back to my best weight ever (I am fifty pounds up!) then I have to be on track. My journal is one of the ways that I keep myself accountable to that, even though it has not helped me these last seven months. Getting back on track is extremely important to me, and I am going to do it. Having Leslie doing it with me will make it a bit easier… it is an extremely difficult program, but doing it alone makes it even harder. She and I discussed it this morning and agreed that having each other to keep us company should make it a little easier. I am nervous… but I am going to succeed. I have to. I want to look good in my tuxedo, after all!

    I have a little more energy today than I did yesterday… but not much more. I have work to do so it cannot be the same sort of lazy Sunday as I had yesterday; even though today is a holiday in Canada, I still do most of my work for American companies, and so they have expectations that do not revolve around Queen Victoria’s birthday. Next Monday is Memorial Day in the US, although I still do not know if I am teaching that night or not. I sent an email just now asking for confirmation, although I have to assume that I am. I will also work during the day, as I am now on a writing project that will require no interaction with anyone else.

    I have changed my mind. After I finish writing this entry I am going to run out to pick up food. I am going to check in on the other supermarket to see if they are open, although I dout that they will be. I will pick up my restaurant meal for lunch, and will have the veggie burgers and a salad for dinner. It makes more sense to eat the heavier meal earlier in the day. After lunch I will probably rearrange my office because I am working on a project that will require me to be recorded for the end result, and we (the recording team and I) agreed that having my very busy apartment as a backdrop might work for live classes, but would not work for a proper and professional recording. I will take Princess Sophie to the neighbour’s so that she is not here while I am moving furniture around.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 850

    Oops…

  • Day 849

    Oops!

  • Day 848

    I was not happy when I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning to find that I was up .2 lb. from yesterday. I ate mostly well, and had expected to see at least a small drop.

    I was shocked (pleasantly) when I got a text message from my son the elder this morning. He came over for a drink and a cigar and we had a nice conversation.

    I went grocery shopping in the afternoon, and then came home and made lunch. By the time I did it was actually 3:30pm, which means it will be my only meal of the day,. I will have a protein bar during my break, but that’s it. Hopefully tomorrow morning I will see at least a slight drop.

    Have a great day… whatever’s left of it!

  • Day 847

    I did something yesterday evening that I do not remember doing in a very long time: I ate half of an apple. It was a very large apple, and while I could easily have finished it I thought that would be ill-advised. I accomplished this by cutting it in half before biting into it, and I immediately put the other half into the fridge. I was not sure that I would have the willpower to not go back to it later in the evening, but I made it.Woohoo! I also did not eat all of the French fries, opting to prepare a reasonably sized portion, and then putting the rest of them back in the freezer.

    I reached out to my diet buddy, as I promised I would. She is going to be unavailable this weekend, but we are planning to connect the following weekend. I hope she has been doing well, and look forward to catching up with her.

    Yesterday was my last 12-hour teaching day of the week. Today I am teaching from 10am to 5:30pm, and Friday I am teaching from 5:30pm to 9:00pm. It is a relief to get back to a more reasonable schedule, and I hope that I can use that to get some exercise in. These last couple of days I have looked out the window during the day and wished I could change into my running kit and go out for a walk or a jog or some combination of the two. Tomorrow I know I have to take Her Royal Floofness for an appointment, but that is the only daytime commitment that I have. If it is a nice day then I am going to try to push myself to get out for a walk.

    Despite eating pretty well yesterday I was shocked with a two pound gain on the bathroom scale, and I was not pleased about it. If a couple of yogurts and half an apple are going to kill me like that then I should probably just give up. No, I am not giving up… but I will try to eat better today than I might.

    I got very busy after writing the previous paragraphs, and did not get around to finishing… or publishing the article until the following day. Oops.

  • Day 846

    After nearly a week of it, my weight is finally back down under 285 lbs. this morning. I was not worried by what I ate yesterday, but I confess I was a little concerned because of the huge (and marbled (read: fatty) steak that Lyle brought over and prepared for our dinner. It was delicious, and seeing my weight drop a full 2.4 lbs. on the bathroom scale made me glad that I enjoyed it as much as I did… not to mention the fabulous dram of whisky that we enjoyed with our post-steak cigars.

    I suspect that one of the contributing factors both to yesterday’s weight gain and this morning’s severe weight drop is the extremely successful voiding of my bowels yesterday after lunch. I had not exactly been backed up the last few days, but maybe I had not been going as well as I might have. That ended yesterday. My stomach was still unsettled for a few hours, but I felt five pounds lighter.

    Today is another day of teaching from 10am to 10pm, and I am going to get through it without a problem. My student during the daytime class (yes, I have one single student) is a great guy and we are having a good time going through the material that he really wants to learn at his pace, which makes my life a bit easier. I still will not have the time to go shopping today, which means that the only ‘cheat’ that I have in the house is an apple… so if I do feel a bit peckish in the afternoon then I will eat one. I have a half of a chicken that I’ve already cooked which I will eat for lunch, and for dinner I will probably enjoy a couple of meatless burgers. Both will be accompanied by a salad, although I might cheat and air fry some frozen French fries with the burger. We’ll see.

    It seems to be a lovely if windy day out, and I am going to try to run out to the grocery store at a certain point to get milk and chicken for tomorrow. Tomorrow is my last daytime class of the week, and tomorrow evening I am not teaching, so I can go to the store and take my time. For now, I need the provisions to get through tomorrow end of workday, and I need to be back as quickly as possible. If the stores around here were open until 10:00pm I’d be able to go after class, but they are not… and I am teaching until 9:00pm.

    One more thing that I need to do: I need to reach out to my diet buddy and to get back on track with our check-in calls. We have both dropped that ball… it is time to pick it up.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 845

    I ate mostly well yesterday, but still gained half a pound this morning. Grrr. I hope that will shed off again tomorrow morning.

    Israel has a transition that is a real weird. From Yom HaZikaron, a day of sadness and remembrance for our fallen soldiers and victims of terrorism, we go right into Yom Ha’Atzmaut, our joyous day of independence. We are literally supposed to shed our sadness at sundown and become joyous and festive. It is quite difficult for me, but I somehow manage. Last night I finished my class at 9:15pm and had a video date with my wife and a cigar on the balcony. I was extremely tired after a long day, and was going to go right to sleep except that Her Royal Floofness asked to go out for another walk. I was still asleep by midnight and slept well most of the night… except for waking up to pee.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 844

    After two terrible days in which I was up a disgusting 5.4 lbs., it was small relief to see another drop on the bathroom scale this morning; even so, I am only down three pounds in the last two days, so I am still net up from Thursday morning, and still over that dreaded 285 mark. It is some comfort to know that while I flirted with it, I did not actually hit the 290 mark. I know that this has all been my fault, and all because of some terrible decisions that I and I alone made. My emotional state be damned, I cannot falter like this. Saturday morning I had gained fifty pounds from my best weight in October, and my clothes do not fit me properly. I have to get back on track.

    I went shopping yesterday and followed the plan. I purchased chicken, eggs, vegetables, and cleaning products. The only cheat item was yoghurt, which I am fairly certain has aided my morning bowel movements. If I can limit them to two per day then I should be fine. If I cannot then I deserve to be a fat slob.

    Last night I lit three candles for Yom HaZikaron – Israel’s Remembrance Day for our fallen soldiers and victims of terror attacks. I wrote the following and posted it on Facebook and LinkedIn:

    Some gave all; all gave some.

    In memory of my brothers from my Army days, both those who made it… and those who did not. Every year on Yom HaZikaron I light the best cigar in my humidor and I lift a dram to their memory and to their honour. I always say that Remembrance Day is not for soldiers to remember… we remember every day of our lives; Remembrance Day is a day for those who did not serve to reflect on what we gave for our countries, and to remember those who did not make it back… or who came back injured, dismembered, disfigured, or with mental trauma from which they might never recover.

    Every year I light a yahrtzeit candle for our fallen brothers. This year I lit one more for those who were massacred on October 7, and for the ones who have fallen in our efforts to retrieve our hostages and to destroy Hamas. I lit a third candle, but not a yartzeit candle, to show the world that all of our remaining hostages are in our minds and in our hearts every day; if every Jew and friend of a Jew or of the Jewish people were to do the same, maybe together we could make a light so bright that the hostages will see that light.

    The full name of the day in Hebrew is יוֹם הזִּכָּרוֹן לְחַלְלֵי מַעַרְכוֹת יִשְׂרָאֵל וּלְנִפְגְעֵי פְּעֻלּוֹת הָאֵיבָה‎, or Yom HaZikaron le’chalilei ma’arechot yisrael ve’l’nifge’ei peulot ha’Eiva… or in English: ‘Memorial Day for the Fallen Soldiers of the Wars of Israel and Victims of Actions of Terrorism.’ This year, more than ever, we have all felt the effects of terrorism and war… and the hatred and lies that our enemies spread about us around the world. This year, more than ever, it is important to remember what we as Israelis – and by extension every Jew in the world – live with. It is also equally important to remember that we will continue to survive… and to remember our fallen.

    I stand with Israel. The nation of Israel is alive. We always have been… and we always will be.

    I sat on my balcony smoking my cigar and remembering my friends… and the others. I did not eat and I only drank a cup of tea, which I consider a small victory.

    Have a great day.

  • Day 843

    I forgot to post yesterday. I just had one of those days when I vegged all day and did not do much of anything. If I had posted, then I would have written that I was extremely upset with myself because I bought four rolls on Friday and ended up eating all of them. It was no surprise that my weight was up yesterday morning to my highest weight since January of 2023. I weighed 289.2, and it was small wonder that my weight stayed below 290 lbs. I kicked myself, and then I ate properly yesterday. I dropped two pounds this morning, and will continue to eat properly.

    I have to go to the store today because I have an extremely busy week ahead, which was not supposed to be the case. Friday afternoon I was given a daytime class to teach this week, which means that with my evening classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I will be teaching tomorrow and Wednesday from 10am to 9pm. Long days indeed. I have enough food for today, but as I will likely not have the time to go to the supermarket tomorrow I will be doing my grocery shopping today. I will bypassing the bakery for sure, and will only be buying chicken, vegetables, and eggs… along with some cleaning supplies that I need. I have been saying all along that I need to get back on track, and that means getting my mindset back into it. Mindfulness and focus and resolve have to be my focus. That means that I will not be buying eggrolls or bread or any of the other little cheats that I like to pretend are things that I can only have a reasonable portion of. I will not buy peanuts. There will be no snacking this week. A buddy might be coming over Tuesday evening to barbecue, and he would be bringing steaks and potatoes. If he does, then that will be the only starch that I allow myself this week. I have no Lodge meetings this week so that wouldn’t be an issue (I ate poorly at the dinner Thursday evening as well), so I will not be tempted.

    I hate that my pants are so tight that I have to suck my belly in to close the few pair that actually fit… and that my beautiful jackets mostly do not close. I hate that I have lost my way. The only solution is to get back on track. Fortunately I have the support of my friends and my beautiful wife to fall back on if I feel weak.

    This evening into tomorrow is Yom Hazikaron… Israel’s Remembrance Day. For the first time I will light two candles… one for my friends and brothers, and one for the hostages in Gaza. May they all return home soon.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 842

    Oops…