Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 653

    I knew my weight would be slightly up this morning and I am not the least bit sorry. As a cheat-treat, and to put a big smile on her son’s face, Leslie and I decided to order pizza for dinner last night. Yes, I wrote in these very pages yesterday morning that we would be cheating, and I do not regret it. In truth, I am surprised that the numbers on the bathroom scale were only up by .4 lb. I will take it and call it a win.

    This afternoon we are going to an entertainment complex where we will probably be feeding the boy. I will do my best to not eat there for a number of reasons: I am trying to not gain any more weight during this trip than I already have, but also I know from experience that it is extremely difficult to keep kosher at those places. I will probably put a handful of peanuts into my pocket before we leave home and will nibble on those if I need it. I do not know what we will be doing for dinner, but I can assume that it won’t be very diet friendly. That’s okay… as of this morning I weigh a little less than 1.5 lbs. more than I did the day I flew to Texas; I had expected to gain up to 5 lbs., and that is clearly not going to happen. I will still not go nuts, but if I have one more cheat meal (and then my travel day, which usually adds a pound as well) then I will still be well within my goals for this trip.

    I have not gotten any walking done during this trip. I will not have the opportunity this coming week either, owing to my ridiculous schedule. I do not know what the weather will be in Canada next weekend, but I suspect I might have to start making regular trips to the gym if I do not want to fall off the working out wagon. I will still try to walk if the weather is nice, but November in Canada is not always conducive to outdoor activities. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 652

    I am happy that my weight is down another .8 lb. from yesterday, which puts me four pounds up from my best weight ever, one pound up from the day I left Canada, and 3.6 pounds down from my highest weight since flying to Texas. Considering I expected my weight to go up significantly more during this trip, I am still happy with that.

    I know that the bathroom scale would have been slightly nicer to me this morning had I been able to successfully move my bowels, but that just means that when I eventually do that later today, it will come off of tomorrow’s weigh-in. I will need that because I know that we are having a sinful treat for dinner this evening, and I am expecting to be reminded of that tomorrow.

    I did not end up going for a walk yesterday. It was a mostly sedentary day of work – I have three different classes that I will be teaching next week (it is a weird schedule with a morning group learning one topic, an afternoon group learning a second, and an evening group learning a third), so I am making sure I have all of the material that I need to deliver them prepared. Yes, I know the material – none of them are going to be overly challenging deliveries for me – but I do need to get into the proper headspace. I also am resigned to the fact that I will only be able to work out on the weekends, and my eating schedule might be a bit of a challenge. That will start with having to go shopping on my lunch break Monday, as I will only be arriving home late Sunday night. I have eggs in the fridge so I will be prepared to start the day right.

    I will likely not be doing a power walk today, but I have some parcels I need to drop off at the UPS Store, and I might walk them over rather than driving. It should be a moderately nice day. Knowing what’s for dinner I suspect I can use the steps!

    My class this evening is the last class that I will be with the group of students that I began with in July. It will be weird parting from them, but I hope that some of them will stay in touch with me and let me know how their careers progress because of our time together. It is an exciting step for all of them, and I love seeing my students succeed. Just yesterday morning I received an email from a student I taught last week telling me that he has already passed the exam for the class. I feel great every time I get one of these emails! I expect to continue getting them from this group… some slower than others. I was told that I will be getting another group from the same company sometime in April, which is exciting. I am glad that I will be able to continue helping this company’s employees.

    Okay, I have some work to do and then it’s time to relax with my wife. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 651

    Another day, another tiny but welcome drop on the bathroom scales. I was better yesterday than I was the day before, although I did snack a little bit (some peanuts and a couple of slices of dried mango) I ate well. I ate my usual breakfast, and when I came home from the lounge I made myself an egg sandwich with cheese. Despite stresses and anxieties I did not dive into anything delectable.

    I am going to see if I can muster the strength to go for a long walk today. I have not exercised since I am in Texas, and I know it would do me a world of good. I will wait for the temperatures to get up to something reasonable (I will still be wearing long pants) and then I will go for it. Later in the day I will also have to go to the Verizon store to drop off my old cell phone… as soon as the new one is unlocked so I can transfer my eSIM onto it. It’s a long story, but it makes sense.

    I will most likely pick up salads for our lunches today. I do not know what Leslie has planned for dinner, but I will go with the flow.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 650

    My friend and rabbi sent out an email this morning suggesting, as we as a people are enduring these terrible times, that we write two things that we are grateful for in a journal every day this month. As this is my journal, I should start with that. I am grateful that. I am grateful that I have the friends and loved ones that I do. My life is not perfect but I am sitting ten feet from my wife whom I love dearly. When we consider the odds of us meeting were truly amazing, I am grateful that we found each other. I am grateful that despite the hardships that we are living with (separated by geography most of the time until we can finally get approval to live together) we can afford to visit each other often and spend time together. I am grateful that despite the growing pains of our relationship that we are able to work out our differences and continue to grow as a couple.

    I am back on track with my weight loss. While I am still 5 lbs. heavier than my best weight ever, I am 2 lbs. lighter than I was yesterday, and 1 lb. lighter than I have been any day since I arrived in Texas. I am happy with that. I am especially happy knowing what I ate yesterday. Breakfast was mostly the same omelette, although since I did not have the right amount of eggs, I added a couple of slices of toast. I spent several hours helping a buddy’s mother with her computer issues, and while I was there her daughter brought us lunch – hamburgers and French fries from Wendy’s. This meal alone might have put an end to any hopes I might have had of happy news from the bathroom scale. It was our last night together alone before Leslie’s son comes home, so I offered to prepare dinner – I bought us salmon (which I prepared with Corn Flakes breadcrumbs) and two potatoes (which I sliced up and tossed with a very little bit of sesame oil and served as air-fried potatoes). After dinner we also indulged in a small sweetie (a pastry straw filled with hazelnut. Yum!) We shared a bottle of wine. All in all, I might have expected my weight to be up from yesterday but it was not. Perhaps that is another thing that I am grateful for.

    I had my regular omelette for breakfast this morning, and I will spend a few hours at the cigar lounge doing some work. I have a bunch of emails I need to answer. I also need to try to make sure that everything I had on my old phone is transferred to the new one (which arrived yesterday) so that I can bring the old phone to Verizon (we traded in). I might have a salad for lunch. We’ll see. I am teaching this evening and will trust Leslie to pick up whatever she and our boy are going to eat for me as well.

    It would be nice if I can stay on track, and tomorrow I can see another decent drop from the bathroom scale. I suspected from the beginning that I would gain a few pounds during this trip. My hopes and goal is that I do not gain too much. I currently weigh two pounds more than my weigh-in from the day before I left Canada. I am painfully aware that I have weighed as much as five pounds more than that since arriving. If I could stay around where I am this morning then it will be a success.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 649

    Been a long day. I’ll write tomorrow.

  • Day 648

    I was relieved (and quite surprised) to step onto the bathroom scale this morning and be up one pound. Of course, I always want my weight to be down, but after our long weekend in Houston – during which I essentially took four days off of my diet – I expected the jump would be closer to five pounds. No, I was only 1 lb. up from Wednesday. I call that a win.

    I am going to try to be back on track today. It is my only long day of work – that is to say I am teaching from 8:00am to 8:00pm – of the week, and of this trip. I would be relieved that from tomorrow on I will be able to just relax, but a friend of mine asked me to go look at his mother-in-law’s computer while I am in Dallas… while neglecting to mention (until I happily agreed) that she actually lives in Fort Worth. Okay, I have one more long day of work! I’ll survive. Wednesday through Sunday I will be able to spend time during the day relaxing, catching up, and doing whatever it is that I want to do – including smoking a cigar or two – while only teaching for a few hours in the evening Wednesday and Friday. My wife and I will be able to spend time between her meetings. Ahh, the simple pleasures of life!

    If I am to get back on track, I am going to try to eat well. I will likely prepare a chicken breast for lunch, and I might just skip dinner, opting for a light snack instead. We will see how the day goes. What is certain is that I will not be letting myself go as far off the program as I did these last four days. While I am relieved that I did not gain more weight than I did, I also know that if I continue this way then I will continue to lose ground… slowly, but that’s how it always starts. I am getting back on track! I may only have gained a pound in Houston, but I have to remember that I am up nearly six pounds these last ten days and am a full 6.8 lbs. up from my best weight ever… less than two weeks ago. It is time to stop the slide and to get back on track. Hopefully that starts today. I hope that by the time I fly back to Canada on Sunday I am less than five pounds from my best weight ever.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 647

    We arrived back in Dallas shortly after 6:00pm, and are mostly unpacked and settled in. We have ordered dinner in because it has been a long day and neither of us wanted to go shopping, let alone cook. Tomorrow morning I am back on my program. Tomorrow is also my last day of teaching from 8:00am to 8:00pm, which is a relief. I will still be teaching Wednesday and Friday evenings, but after tomorrow my daytime classes are done until the following Monday… at which point I will be back in Canada so it will not distract from my time with Leslie.

    While I did not eat particularly well in Houston, I know that I could have eaten much worse. I am going to give myself that small victory.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 646

    I have not been eating well these last couple of days, but I also have not been gorging myself. As an example: Leslie and I were at breakfast this morning. She ordered off the menu while I opted for the buffet. I went up once, took what I wanted (an omelette, an English muffin with lox and cream cheese, some berries, and a yoghurt), and went back to the table. When that was done, I knew I could have gone to take more. The old me would have done just that. I did not. I was not trying to ‘get my money’s worth’ out of it. I was sated, and although I could have eaten more, I did not need to… and I did not.

    I had two interactions yesterday that gave me pause to think about my life, and I want to share them here.

    The waitress at breakfast yesterday morning (Gladys) was talking to me. When I told her that my bride and I live so far apart she said, ‘That must be so hard.’ I thought for a minute and responded to this effect: “Gladys, I have seen a lot of very difficult and sad things in my life. From your accent I suspect you were born in Cuba which means that you have too. Would I rather live with my wife? Absolutely. With that said, my friends in Cuba who are grateful for the used clothes and half-empty bottles of shampoo and toothpaste I leave for them have a much harder life than I do. My friends and family in Israel who are at war, and the innocent people on both sides of that war have a much harder life than I do. While I do look forward to living with Leslie, I live a life that allows me to pay my rent and my bills and support my children, and I can still afford to fly to Dallas to see her every month. I can afford to eat breakfast in this lovely restaurant and still smoke the cigars that I want. That’s not a hard life… it is simply one that has some challenges and sadness.” She was surprised by my answer because she said that most people – especially her customers who have money and privilege – are seldom grateful for what they have. She is right. I try to be grateful… even though I do not always succeed.

    The second interaction was with a student of mine. He asked me if he could ask a personal question. ‘How do you deal with stress? In your career you have to deal with so much. Does your faith help you to deal? I think it is so difficult to have faith these days… it is almost seen as a weakness to admit you believe in G-d.’ I responded that it helps to put things in perspective, but that my faith was personal, and I have never felt the need to explain it to anyone. I do not shy away from it, and I do not hide it. With that said, I have never cared what others think about my relationship with G-d. As for dealing with stress, it helps to breathe… whether you do so out of religion in prayer, or just as meditation.” It was a deeper answer than that, but that was the gist of it.

    With all that said, I know I am gaining weight this weekend and I know that when we get back to Dallas I will start to get back on track. I am going to live my life, and I am not going to deprive myself of the occasional splurge.

    Oh, and despite that all I ordered two more pair of pants in the 36×32 size… they will arrive Monday!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 645

    Once again, my plans for eating well did not go exactly as planned yesterday, nor did I skip the buffet this morning. I am trying to enjoy my life. I did not go off the deep end, but I did not stay on track. As I mentioned yesterday, I am hoping that this four-day weekend in Houston does not derail me too badly.

    I have another long day of teaching today, and then… that’s it! Leslie and I will have a bite to eat and then go to a local bar to enjoy a cigar. We had an amazing time at the event last night, but this evening will not be so structured. We might go back to the same place (it is truly a great lounge) but without the event. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 644

    We arrived at our hotel safe and sound, and despite some minor issues (mostly to do with the Internet) there were no real hassles, and we were asleep before 1:00am. That may sound reasonable, but the 6:05am alarm I had set tells another story. Fortunately I am used to that life (even though I don’t really live it anymore) and am able to function quite well on five hours of sleep.

    My diet program is going to be on hold for a few days. That is not to say that I am going to go overboard splurging, but I am not going to pay attention to everything I put into my mouth. This morning I did not have as much time as I would have liked, and the options for breakfast were not great. I splurged on the buffet, which included an omelette, a bagel, and some fruit. I will try not to do the buffet again while we are here. It is just to tempting to ‘try to get my money’s worth.’ I cannot think like that anymore!

    We did not bring the bathroom scale with us so my next morning weigh-in will be Monday morning. If I can stay under 248 lbs. (which would mean a 3-pound gain over the next four) then I will call it a victory.

    (For my Facebook support group)

    I grew! I am two inches taller because of my weight loss! Okay, that is not exactly true… but it could be! The story:

    A couple of years after I got out of the Army, when I was gaining huge amounts of weight unchecked, I acted in a play. The wardrobe guy (I have been trying to remember the proper term) was fitting me for pants and he said ‘Oh right… fat people wear their pants under the belly. Normal people wear them up around their waists.’ Screw you, buddy. I never forgot that…

    After losing 150 pounds (and twenty-five years after that hurtful comment) I decided to try it… I have been buying pants with a 30” length for all these years. When I pulled them up to fasten my belt around my waist, they fit… but my ankles were cold. At least people could see my fun socks!

    I ordered a new pair of pants last week – with a 36” waist – and decided to try an experiment. I ordered 36×32. I put them on yesterday morning and… they fit perfectly! I was equally worried that the 36” waist would not fit comfortably as the 32” length, but both were perfect. I am so excited and am going to order a couple more pair… and when I get back to Canada, I am going to do another purge to deliver more clothes that no longer fit me to the charity drop-off!

    Have a great day folks!