Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 643

    After speaking with my wife last night I made a decision. I have adjusted my weight goal on the app that ties to my scale. I am feeling so much better about myself than I have in so many years, and while I think I still have a little way to go, I also recognize that I want to be slim, but not sickly thin. With that, my new weight loss goal is 210 lbs., both for my well-being and for a number of other reasons.

    I had a stressful day yesterday and I did eat (and snack) a little more than I should have. I was a bit concerned about the numbers, but sure enough (after a half decent bowel movement) I had lost .6 lb. from yesterday morning. I am not back to where I was before my stumble began, but I have always said that down is better than up. I will call it a win!

    I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that now that I am wearing my pants around my waist and not around my belly there is a significant difference in the length. For decades I have bought pants in a 30” length. Since changing to the waist I have been showing off a lot more sock than I used to. Late last week I ordered my first pair of pants that were a 36×32… the smaller waist and the longer leg. They arrived at Leslie’s mailbox on Friday and were here when I arrived. I was afraid to try them on – not because of the length, but because of the 36” waist. I know I have a couple of pair in that waist that do fit, but I have several others that do not. This morning I tried them on. Lo and behold… they fit perfectly! I was (and am) so excited about that!

    One more thing that I realized a while ago was that my underwear has been much looser than it could be. I ordered several new pair, some of which arrived Monday. For the first time in I don’t know how long I am wearing Size Large! It has been so many years since I have worn anything that was not XL (or XXL or XXXL…) and it really feels great to be able to order some things in regular sizes. I am not going to say that I am over the moon about underwear, but it is a nice feeling to know that I can wear normal sizes.

    Today will be a very long day. I am teaching from 8:00am to 8:00pm, and then we are driving to Houston (probably a 4-hour drive). When we get to the hotel, I am sure we will both be ready to collapse into bed immediately! My workday tomorrow begins at 8:00am again, although it is mercifully much shorter. In the evening we are going to the Davidoff event at the Blend Bar – the entire purpose for our trip to Houston, and the reason behind the timing of this trip. Yes, there will be fatigue, and the anxiety of working from a hotel room, but it will be worth it. We will look like a million bucks together as we enjoy our event… and our weekend away together.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 642

    I thought I ate better yesterday than I have the last couple of days, so I was a bit disappointed to discover my weight actually went up (only by .2 lb.) this morning. I think it is the combination of Leslie’s amazing protein balls and the can of Japanese coffee that I drank that did it. That, and the fact that I did not leave the house at any point, and only took 1300 steps. That is what happens when you work from 8:00am to 8:00pm with hardly a break.

    I am working during the day today, but when my class ends at 3:30pm I will be free for the afternoon and evening. I might go for a little walk, but I also have an errand that I have to run. Yes, I have to visit my cigar lounge in order to pick something up which we need before we go to Houston tomorrow evening. It will be nice to see the boys and to chat for a few minutes, but I do not expect that I will be sticking around for a cigar. Leslie’s son goes back to his father’s tomorrow, so this will be the last evening we can spend as a family for the week. I would rather be with them, and I will be able to smoke a cigar after he goes to sleep.

    Okay, it is time for me to get to work. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 641

    I did not expect to gain quite so much weight this morning. Yes, I was bad. Yes, it was a travel day. Yes, I had a bagel at the airport, then breakfast on the airplane, and then sushi for lunch… and it kept going on and on… I was not expecting to see a 3.2 lbs. gain on the bathroom scale this morning. I deserved nothing less though, considering how many lapses I had throughout the day.

    I arrived safe in Dallas of course, and aside from seeing Leslie and her son, I also finally got to meet Her Floofness in Training, Duchess! Our puppy is gorgeous and adorable and she loves me very much. Yay!

    I am teaching all day today and I will do better than I did yesterday. Leslie is bringing us salads from our favourite place for both lunch and supper. I ate an omelette for breakfast, and one protein ball that she made (which was delicious and cannot actually be low carb!). I will stick to that. Tomorrow morning the numbers on the scale will be down again. I promise.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 640

    I have no idea how it happened. I checked to make sure my alarm was set for 3:00am. I even set a secondary alarm for 3:05am. I had trouble falling asleep and do not think I nodded off until nearly midnight, so it was unlikely that I would wake up refreshed… but I would wake up because of the two very loud alarms that I set.

    Neither alarm went off.

    I looked at my watch to make sure I still had some time before I had to get up… it was 4:28am. I scrambled like I have not scrambled since I was in the Army. Before I even put my feet on the floor I ordered a new Uber (I missed the one that was supposed to get me to the airport in plenty of time… an hour before I woke up). By some miracle there was a car four minutes away. I brushed my teeth as I peed, weighed myself, got dressed in a very big hurry, and was out the door precisely 5 minutes after I woke up.

    Not to keep you in suspense, I made my flight. Despite getting to the airport over an hour after I had planned to, I was able to check my bags, get through Airport Security, get through US Border Control (with the usual secondary inspection) with plenty of time to spare. I even had time to make myself a coffee in the American Airlines lounge. As I type this I am comfortably seated on the airplane, and we are getting ready to push back from the gate.

    Yesterday went about as planned. I did cheat a little bit, but not too bad. I forgot to take a meal replacement with me when I left the apartment to pick Lyle up for the drive to Cambridge. Knowing I did not want to be tempted by the usual goodies at Ryan’s place, I decided to stop and pick up some peanuts. I also had a few (six) cheese puffs at Ryan’s, which has precisely zero redeeming features. I did not even enjoy them. Hopefully I will remember that the next time I am tempted.

    Dinner was a very lovely steak. Lyle (a master chef) prepared a potato salad which he brought with us, and Ryan prepared a tomato and onion mix. I would have eschewed the potato salad if it had been prepared by anyone else, but I could not resist. I did not overindulge, but I did have a helping of it.

    My weight this morning was exactly what it was yesterday. That comes as no surprise to me – the combination of the cheats and the fact that I do not usually weigh myself at 4:31am made me suspect I would lose ground. While I was originally hoping to fly to Dallas under the 240 lbs. mark, I will have to settle for (and try to be happy with) staying under 242.

    As we fly somewhere over the Great Lakes I see the flight attendant preparing to being my kosher breakfast so I’ll close here and wish you all have a great day!

  • Day 639

    I was shocked to see a nearly two-pound gain from yesterday morning! How could that happen? Answer: I was not mindful. I let myself go on a lot of different small fronts that added up to a 1.8 lbs. gain.

    Okay, I had peanuts… no big deal, right? Okay, I know I bought and ate more peanuts than I usually would, but it was not a huge deal, right? Oh… and I did not want to leave one piece of chicken over which would have to go in the garbage because I was spending the afternoon away from the house on Saturday and flying out Sunday morning; it only made sense for me to prepare it as a third meal… which of course needed a salad to go with it. Then the woman I met in the jewelry store was so excited to meet another Jew in Burlington that she insisted on giving me a fresh-baked cookie from her store for the Sabbath… and of course I had to eat it.

    Small little bottles equal one big bottle.

    Alright, I am back above the 240 lbs. mark which I have been flirting with. I will do my best to get back below it before Leslie and I drive to Houston on Wednesday. I will have to be very careful.

    I will be spending the rest of the day with buddies in Cambridge which will include dinner. I hope the dinner is early enough that I can be done eating by 6:30pm or so. In anticipation of the steak that I will be enjoying there, my lunch will be a meal replacement – my first in probably a week. I will be good today. Tomorrow morning I wake up at 3:00am to catch a very early flight, and travel days are never good for the weight loss program.

    More important than all the petty stuff: I am checked in for my flight; my suitcase is packed (although my carry-on will be later); my Uber is booked. I am ready to fly. In twenty-three hours I will be with my wife again. WOOHOO!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 638

    My weight this morning dropped but only slightly. I am comforted to be back under 240 lbs., but I know that I have to be more mindful of what I eat. I cheated yesterday with a very stupid cheat – I was in the mall to pick something up and I bought a bag of chips which I ate in the car. There is no excuse for this. I keep talking about mindfulness and choices. I have to continue to put my money where my mouth is… especially knowing that I am close to completely ending my ongoing relationship with meal replacements that have been so instrumental in my weight loss. I will do better today. That is not to say that I might not pick up some peanuts… there is a world of difference between peanuts and chips.

    I just got a call from my tailor letting me know that my alterations are ready. I am excited, and I am going to run to pick them up in a few minutes. I am hopeful that they fit better than they did. I am also worried that they might not fit as well as I would like; this fear is based on how poorly my first sports jacket fit after I had it tailored the second time. Yes, I have lost a lot of weight since and yes, there is that chance… but after the first alteration of that jacket it fit fine… it was only after I had it altered the second time that it just did not fit right.

    I had a very nice cigar date with my wife this morning. It is so exciting that in just two days I will be with her again. It has been too long. I know I say that every time… I married her because I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and not just a week or two every month.

    My first week in Dallas is going to be way busier than I would like… I am teaching all day for the week, plus my evening classes Monday Wednesday and Friday. Couple that with the trip we are taking to Houston and it will be slammed… but worth it! I love being with my wife and I love working… but in a business like mine I have to remember that when it rains, it pours. No matter, it will be a good couple of weeks nonetheless.

    I am going to run to the tailor and continue writing when I am back. Wait for me!

    —

    I am back… Saturday morning. I got distracted and did not finish. Oops!

  • Day 637

    I suspect my weight gain this morning was a correction of the two-pound drop from yesterday. I do not think I cheated so badly (I had some peanuts but that was the worst of it) that I should have gained 1.4 lbs., but there it was. I weigh 240.0 this morning, and I do not want to go above that again.

    I walked away from the keyboard after writing that one short opening; it was only later in the day when I realized that I made another change yesterday which might have contributed to my weight bump. I did not simply spice the chicken when I prepared my lunch, but I breaded it. I won’t be doing that again… not for a little while at least.

    My day is getting away from me, but at least I am being somewhat productive. I am hoping to have a relaxing evening tonight with friends. We’ll see. Before that, I am having a virtual meeting with my diet buddy. It will be good to catch up with her.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 636

    I mentioned a couple of days back (and not for the first time) that it is uncomfortable to discuss certain bodily functions such as bowel movements. I have thought it important to discuss these last few weeks because of the difficulties I have had, often for days on end, and then the pain resulting from my hard (and mostly minor) successes in that domain. This is why I am so excited to write that yesterday I had not one or two but three extremely successful (and not painful bowel movements. I literally felt like my bowels had been hoarding for weeks and finally decided to let go of everything. It was such a relief that I cannot begin to put it into words.

    I ran out to run a few errands yesterday and ended up picking up some farm-fresh eggs. I was so excited that I made an omelette for dinner, in addition to making one for breakfast this morning. I really can tell the difference between these, and the store bought eggs that I am used to. The result was absolutely delicious!

    I did not exercise yesterday. I did not even walk to the supermarket (as I mentioned I might). My legs were still feeling a bit wobbly from the previous day’s walk so I decided to take the day off. I might go this afternoon, but there are a number of factors that might interfere with that. We will see.

    With regard to the bathroom scale: I am back on track! Yes, this morning’s reading on the bathroom scale confirmed a new best weight ever. While I am only .2 lb. lighter than I was Sunday morning before my cheat day, I am a full three pounds lighter than I was the following morning. I’ll take that and run… and work hard to continue on track today.

    I am now the lowest weight I’ve ever been… and I am not sure if I have had a meal replacement in the past 4-5 days. I am thrilled that I continue to lose weight without any product. I am going to ride this without making any changes for a little while to see if I can continue to lose the weight doing what I have been doing, and if I can then I am going to put an end to the meal replacements. I have eleven boxes left which I know I would have no trouble selling should I want to do so. I am not ready just yet… let me see if I can continue eating two meals per day (plus cutting out all food after 7:00pm) and still lose weight. If so, then sometime next month I will sell off most of my remaining shakes. Leslie would be disappointed if I did not follow that up with ‘Do you know how many cigars that money could buy?’

    I have an appointment with a tailor today to see if she can alter my sports jackets and vests before I go to Dallas on the weekend. It feels amazing knowing that I need to do that in order for them to continue to fit well! I am not going to try to get my shirts altered, but the jackets and the vests would be nice… and she promised that I would have them back in time for me to take to Texas which is important because Leslie and I are going to a couple of events that will require a jacket and tie. Worst case scenario, I still have other jackets… but I would love to wear these.

    Okay, it is time for me to get a move on. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 635

    In the late summer of 2020 I optimistically bought several pair of pants in a Size 36. They did not fit me yet, but within a month of two they would. I was making great progress and I had no doubt that they would fit me soon. I do not remember how much I spent on them but the thought that they would fit me soon made me feel amazing. I had no idea that I was about to fall off a cliff from which I would never recover… at least, not until I had hit rock bottom again.

    In the early days of my weight loss journey I separated all of my clothes that did not fit into bins that were labeled by size. As I have lost weight, I have gradually gone from six bins down to one. This morning I decided to pull that last bin out of the closet to see where I was at.

    There were several pair of pants in the bin, and of course they would not all fit the same. Trying on the first pair there was no hope for them – my gut cannot be sucked in nearly enough to close the gap needed. Those would have to wait a while longer. I knew that the Levi’s jeans – there are three pair of them – will not fit yet. I did not even pull them out. I then tried on the last two pair – one Dockers and one Timberland – and… they fit! For the first time in memory I am wearing Size 36 pants… and yes, I am wearing them comfortably.

    If you remember back a month or so ago I wrote that I would no longer be wearing my pants under my belly, but around my waist as they are intended. I am certain that every pair of pants and jeans in that bin would fit just fine under my belly, but that is not how I will be wearing my pants going forward. I put those pair that did not fit back into the bin and will revisit them in a few weeks. For now, I am thrilled with this non-scale victory!

    After a 12.75km walk yesterday (which included a kilometre jogging at 5.56 min/km) I was hoping that my weight would drop more than a pound this morning. Hoping… but not expecting. I know, when I have bad cheat days it can take a few extra days to get back to where I was. I gained nearly three pounds overnight; it will take a few days to lose them again. The best I can do is to make sure that I stay on track the next few days so that I will lose them before I fly to Dallas in five days.

    I had trouble falling asleep last night, but there was no good reason for it. I got into bed and I closed my eyes… an hour later I realized that I was still lying there contemplating the universe. I suspect I had a cup of coffee later in the afternoon (or early evening) than I usually would, and I paid for it with my wakefulness. Lesson learned: no late-night coffee! This is not a new lesson of course, but no matter how much I dislike wasting things… when I realize at 5:30pm that there is coffee left in the decanter I would do well to throw it out rather than throwing it into a cup to heat up in the microwave.

    I do not have much to report today. I will stay on track! I will see how my legs are feeling before I embark upon another mammoth walk, but if I do not then at least I can walk to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions. I have a lot of prep work to do for my class next week, so that should keep me busy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 634

    The bathroom scale giveth, and the bathroom scale taketh away. After a bit of a cheat day yesterday (mostly from necessity, but I will not go into that) I found my weight up nearly 3 lbs. from yesterday’s incredible best weight ever. I am not going to chalk the number up to the sodium content of what I ate (which was off the chart I am sure) because I could have declined it… or eaten somewhat less. I paid for it this morning, but I will not make a habit of it. I will do better today, and tomorrow morning I will be back under the 240 lbs. mark… even if it takes a few more days to get back to my best weight ever.

    I had a lovely lunch with my son the younger yesterday. He is growing up so nicely, and the fact that he is finally back in school (he had been homeschooled since the beginning of the pandemic) will do great things to help his development. In the meantime, I found it amazing that he is taller than the waitress at the restaurant where we ate… she has known him since we carried him in the bucket.

    My afternoon and evening was a waste of my time, except for that it allowed me to reinforce my position that I do not agree with violence, and that while I am more than happy to fight and die for my country, I will have nothing to do with vigilantism. That is not what we were taught. Someone pointed out this might be at odds with my comportment last Friday. ‘On the day that they call for worldwide violence against Jews you put in an IDF t-shirt and draped yourself in the Israeli flag. How is that different?’ The answer is simple: I would never physically attack someone for supporting Palestinians or for being an Arab. If they give me the same courtesy, then there will be no problem. If they decide that my being Israeli or even just Jewish is a call to violence, then I am not being a vigilante… I am responding to violence with the necessary force to subdue the hateful individual who attacked me. That is not hypocrisy; that is in fact showing the difference between us and them. In any event, I walked away and will continue to pursue my attempts to get back over there.

    I still find it uncomfortable to discuss certain bodily functions, especially in writing and especially in a serious piece that I will publish on my serious blog, but it is part of the process. I suspect if I had been able to weigh myself after my mid-morning bowel movement then this morning’s extreme weight gain might have been less extreme. If only I were able to comfortably do this every day, then I suspect my weight loss would be a bit quicker. I should mention that since I have started eating a second meal every day, these movements have been a bit more frequent (maybe every 2-3 days instead of at best twice weekly), and definitely less painful.

    My plans for the day include a good walk (after the morning’s weight gain, I would likely be going out to exercise in a blizzard!). It is nearly noon, so I am going to prepare my lunch before I go. I am teaching at 5:30pm so I will time my walk to be home in plenty of time to get ready. I do not know if I will be taking a cigar this afternoon but might find time to enjoy one after class. We will see how I am feeling, as well as how the weather holds up. The current forecast is for cloudy skies the rest of the day, so if the wind does not pick up, I should be okay.

    Have a great day folks!