Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 525

    I suppose I did marginally better yesterday than I did the previous day. I was about to write that it is all I can hope for, but I have written too often that hope is not a strategy to believe that. It is my actions and my resolve that will get me back to my best weight, and I am far too far from there to think it will happen quickly. Yesterday was slightly better. Today will be slightly better than yesterday. I will keep trying to improve so that I can reverse this recent trend and get back on track. I will not be Algernon.

  • Day 524

    This day did not start the way it was supposed to, but at least I got my car washed. It has really needed it! I showed up at my new doctor’s office only to be told that she had taken the day off, and that they had called everyone to reschedule. Everyone except me, that is… my name got deleted so they put me in as ‘Mystery Patient.’ I was not informed that my appointment had been moved to Friday. Of course, if I cannot make it Friday morning at 9:00am, I have to wait until late July… for a date when I will be out of town. I will move my Friday schedule around and will be sure to make it to that appointment. I was not impressed.

    I will try to do better today than I have these last few days. That is all I can do.

  • Day 523

    I know I have to get back on track. I just have to redouble my efforts. Today was another rain day – the rain was supposed to be drizzling in the morning and then clearing in the afternoon. It poured most of the afternoon so I did not jog. I ate. I have to stop doing that.

  • Day 522

    The last few days were hard for me. Today will be a little better, and tomorrow better yet. That is the only thing I can aspire to. I want to get back onto the wagon. I am happy that I did not gain weight during Leslie’s two-week visit, but I do feel that I was doing much better and then lost ground these last few days. After I dropped her off at the airport I returned home to a slew of leftovers and a feeling of sadness that had the fridge calling me.

    The weather today will be the deciding factor on if I jog or not. It has been raining on and off all morning and is forecast to do so until just after 5:00pm, but if it is more of a drizzle then I might just suit up and brave it anyways. As we drove yesterday we were on a road that I have jogged a few times and I said to Leslie that I should jog there this week. I then realized we were far enough from home that it would require a nearly-10km loop to get there, and that I would be smart to lower my expectations of myself for my first week back at it. Last week I jogged a few times, doing two or three kilometres before slowing to a walk. If in the next few days I can get that up to a 5km run then I will be happy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 521

    We spent a lovely day together knowing that it was going to end with my waving to her as she walked into the terminal at Pearson International Airport. That her flight was a couple hours late gave us a little more time together, but it is difficult saying goodbye to her… even if we will be together again in less than three weeks.

    Tomorrow I start exercising again.

  • Day 520

    Yesterday went about as planned, and I regret nothing. The rich creamy mushroom pasta I enjoyed for dinner was delicious; so was the chocolate tartuffo I had for desert. Today we are having toasted challah for breakfast before I go to the café to pick up our morning drinks. We will meet my sons for lunch at a Greek restaurant. I will be mindful these next two days, but I will resume a stricter diet and exercise regimen on Monday.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 519

    We are out and about early and I wanted to leave a placeholder in case I forgot. I cheated way too much yesterday and I paid for it. Will do better.

    —

    It is now late afternoon and two of our three social engagements are behind us, with one more to go. All of them involve food. We had to leave the apartment early this morning because the lines in the parking lot were being painted, so after I came in from walking the Princess we headed out for breakfast. I ordered avocado toast which I consider a good decision. We had lunch with Lyle and Dorothy who prepared a delicious chicken salad with a miso dressing which was also delicious, also a good decision. We met Dimitrios for afternoon tea where I ordered a café latté and a flatbread, which was not a great decision, but I did so with my eyes open. This evening we will meet Eduardo and Gladys for dinner at a favourite Italian restaurant of ours. While it will not be a diet meal by any stretch, I am nonetheless confident that I can order smartly and eat well without going completely off the rails. I do not expect the numbers on the bathroom scale to be down tomorrow morning, but I also do not expect them to be a total shock.

    I knew in advance that there would be no opportunity to exercise today, which was not terrible because according to my fitness watch my Body Battery (which has been low all week) has not risen above 45 today. My last three days of exercising have not seen it rise much above that, with lows at night between 3-5. My body needed a day to recover. I will try to get out for a jog tomorrow morning, but we will see how I feel… and how the morning shapes up.

    Speaking of tomorrow, I suspect that around mid-morning we will partake in our traditional latté and cigars on the balcony. We are meeting my sons for lunch at Colossus where I can be smart with what I order. Knowing where we are dining tomorrow to celebrate our wedding anniversary I will try to eat very healthy during the day. I also plan to avoid meat, as we are going to a steakhouse for dinner.

    For those readers who came late to my journey, your confusion is understandable. After all, it was less than two months ago that I wrote about our fabulous wedding in California. That was our religious wedding, and beginning next year it will be the one that we celebrate. Last June we got married in a civil ceremony with a judge. We discussed it and decided that this year we would celebrate the first, and beginning next year we will celebrate only the religious anniversary. I’m glad I was able to clear that up for you.

    Today was another anniversary of sorts. Four years ago today I drove out to Beverly Hills to adopt Her Royal Floofness, Princess Sophie. She spent the day playing with Charlie, but when we return home she will get a special treat to celebrate.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 518

    This morning I did not wake up with the crack of dawn, and I did not get out for a run before breakfast. I did, however, put my workout gear which I hoped would motivate me to go out to exercise in the morning. I took Princess Sophie for a nice walk before breakfast (as I always do). Following breakfast I checked a few things on the computer before heading out for my jog. I did improve upon my performance from the last couple of days, jogging the first 3km and then walked another 6km before heading in for a shower… and a lot of water. I was disappointed that the numbers on the bathroom scale were slightly higher this morning. It was not a drastic jump, but I had been hoping that my early morning workout would keep my downward trend going. Oh well… but as I have said so often it is not about the individual plots on the graph, but about the downward trend.

    I picked up a wild mushroom pizza from Son of a Peach which I knew Leslie would love… as did I. For dinner we will enjoy the leftover chicken breasts from what I made a couple of nights ago before sitting out with a cigar and a bottle of wine. We are enjoying our time together and neither of us wants it to end. Fortunately I booked my next trip to visit her in three weeks so our time apart will not be too long. It is easier to manage our separations when we know that they will not be for too long.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 517

    Yesterday afternoon I went out for a 2km jog followed by a 3km walk, and I felt great. I felt sore, but I was thrilled to be back out there. I ate very well (I made salmon sandwiches with a side of sweet potato fries for lunch, and for dinner I made a breaded chicken breast with a side salad), and I shared a bottle of wine with my lovely wife with our cigars. The results were pleasing – I dropped 1.6 lbs. according to the bathroom scale this morning. It gets better in the next paragraph.

    My eyes popped open at 5:12am. I have written before that I almost never have issues going back to sleep after getting up to pee… as long as it is still dark outside. Once the sun is up that will be hit or miss… and more often miss than hit. While I did give it a good attempt, it did not take long for me to realize that I was well and truly awake, and I might as well do something about it. Doing my best to not disturb my slumbering wife, I went about my morning routine. The only change from the norm is that I put on shorts, a t-shirt, and running shoes before I took Her Floofness for her royal walk. She was home and on the couch by 7:00am, and I grabbed a peach from the fridge before heading out for my exercise. Yes, I actually jogged 2km and then walked another 4km, and was showered and dressed by 8:15am! It felt good to make the most of my inability so sleep, rather than doing whatever else that I might have done but can do later today. Not that I am counting it, but I did step onto the bathroom scale once more after my shower and had dropped another two pounds. While it is nice to see that I got another drop, I am sticking by my first weight from 6:20am. While it would have been nice to have a 3.5 lbs. drop in one day, it will be just as nice (and much more honest) to see that spread over two days.

    For lunch today I am going to pick up some meatless burgers, and while I am at the supermarket, I will look for some sort of appropriate side dish. Dinner will be salmon with either rice or salad on the side. I know that unless I completely fall off the wagon sometime between here and there my weight tomorrow morning will be down once again… from my first weigh-in of the morning if not from the second. I am happy with the progress I have made these past weeks, down nearly nine pounds in the time that Leslie has been here. I never expect to lose weight while we are together, and with one exception (my first April trip when I tore up my foot the first night so did not exercise) I have lost weight every reunion since January. She is a good influence on me… and not only because I am afraid to disappoint her.

    It is a lovely day out and I have a few things to do, but I might also spend a couple of hours on the balcony studying. I also have to test my Wi-Fi; I installed my new wireless device this morning, and while the performance on my download speeds is amazing, I am disappointed that my upload speeds are no better. I am going to see if there is something within my bedroom wall that is causing it, and if so then I am going to think about either moving the router, or else returning it and buying a set that has two wireless access points so I can place one at the source and the other outside the bedroom but with line-of-sight to both the access point and to my computer. Yes, I am having fun with this!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 516

    Another day, another expected weight gain, another noticeable drop. Yesterday I had toast with nut butter and farm-fresh Niagara jam for breakfast, then the leftover baked potato dish that Leslie had prepared the previous evening. I had some mini crisps as a snack to tide me over, but I did not have too many. For dinner I prepared a meal of portobello mushrooms in a lovely marinade that Leslie found on the Internet, with a side of rice. The recipe calls for grilling the mushrooms, but I fried them because I cannot easily grill with the facilities available to me. For dessert we were opulent, and that is from where I expected the weight gain. We opened the pint of ice cream that we had purchased and shared some. Neither of us went overboard, but that did not prevent my thinking that I likely would be gaining weight. In fact the bathroom scale showed a one pound drop from the day before, which was a nice surprise.

    Yesterday did not go as planned. I spent a lot more time dealing with some of the issues I wanted to resolve, and when it was all said and done, I decided to spend more time relaxing rather than jogging. I am going to try to get out there today. I know I will not be breaking any records, but if I can at least make an effort to lace up my shoes and take the first steps then I can start getting back into it… rather than just saying I need to get back into it.

    I made a number of realizations recently. There are several embarrassing effects of morbid obesity that I kept hidden away as much as I could. At my largest I would have issues with streaks staining my underwear… and if I was not careful then occasionally a bed or chair. It has been over a year since I have had these issues, and I am relieved. If there were no other reason to not gain the weight back, then it would be the shame of a grown man soiling his pants. I do not know if I have ever written about that problem – it was just too embarrassing. Now that it is behind me, I can admit that it was something that happened to me… but it is a thing of the past.

    The second realization that I came to is that minor weight variations have a stark effect on the way clothes fit… or do not. When I was much larger most of my clothes were XXXL. Now that I am smaller, I am mostly wearing clothes that are measured. When I gain a couple of pounds, I can feel that they are tighter, and when I lose a couple of pounds, I feel that they hang looser. I put a shirt on yesterday afternoon that was tighter than I remember it being a couple of months ago when I purchased it, and I decided to change out of it. When I lose another five pounds or so it should fit much better.

    Lastly, I realized that I was able to snack in moderation. I ate ten of the mini crisps and then closed the bag. I did not count them out or put them on a plate, I just ate them from the bag… and then closed the bag. For dessert I had a reasonable amount of ice cream, and then I put it away. It was not that long ago when I would never have a half-eaten bag of mini crisps, or a pint of ice cream that was less than half-eaten in the house. I ate some, was satisfied, and was able to put them away. That is mindfulness, and that is progress!

    I am going to do some studying today and try to get a bit closer to my next certification. For lunch I am preparing salmon sandwiches, but we have not discussed what to do for dinner. I will look through the freezer and pantry to see if there is anything tantalizing, but I suspect I will need to pay a visit to the supermarket. I know I have chicken in the freezer, but as often as I can eat chicken, I know Leslie prefers mixing it up. Maybe I’ll buy a nice piece of fish. We’ll see. I am teaching this evening so it will have to be an early dinner… or a late one. We will decide when the time is right.

    Have a great day folks!