Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 515

    We departed Niagara on the Lake yesterday afternoon after another delicious meal in the old town. I had fish and chips (again), and Leslie had a roast beef sandwich. We diverted from the direct path back to our parking spot to find the candy shop where we had discovered some rare Japanese sweeties that Leslie loved when she was living in Japan, and to the wine shop to pick up a couple of bottles to take back as tokens of appreciation for the ladies who care for Her Floofness when I am out of town. I say the wine shop but should really say a wine shop. Niagara is wine country, and there is no shortage of them along the main street.

    We arrived home around 4:00pm. After getting settled we went out to the supermarket. When I asked if she might like a baked potato with dinner, she replied that she could make baked potatoes for dinner, which I had never done before. Trusting her, we collected the necessary staples and did just that. Her concoction of baked potato, baked beans, non-beef burgers with onions, and everything topped with cheese was delicious! We agreed that it would be a great winter comfort-food meal, but it was still amazing in the middle of June.

    I was not sure what to expect from the bathroom scale this morning but was hoping that I did not gain more than a pound (as I speculated yesterday morning). I was pleasantly surprised to see that my weight actually dropped 1.4 lbs. over the weekend! I guess it goes to show that when I eat smart and am mindful that I can lose weight and still have a good time… including drinks. That is not to say that I will not continue to diet; I would still like to drop another thirty to forty pounds before I am truly satisfied. I am just under 30 lbs. from dropping out of the obesity classification, which will be nice. Yes, I will still be overweight; I think after twenty-five years of obesity I could be happy with that. Everyone talks about ‘the Dad Bod.’ Well, I have been a father for many years, and I have been obese for all of them. Just having a dad bod would not be so bad.

    I am somewhat disappointed by one thing. I looked back in this document (over 700 pages and 485,000 words) to see where that point is – dropping out of obesity – and I saw that with my weight drop this morning I now weigh one pound more than I did when I wrote about that nearly three months ago. These last months have been an emotional rollercoaster and a whirlwind of activity. There have been trips and more trips, a wedding, too many classes to count (including two weeks of 13-hour days that precluded me from jogging), and a lot of excuses. With that said, I am less than ten pounds up from my lowest weight. In 2020 when I got to my best weight, I started to slip… and three months later I was forty pounds heavier. I am okay with being on a plateau; I can recover from plateaus, as I have several times during the last year and a half. Falling off the program completely is a sign of giving up, or maybe denial. I do not know if those would be equally bad, but I refuse to give up and I will not be in denial. I have written in this journal so many times about my need to remain aware and mindful of my weight and what I eat. I will continue to be that, and I will continue to focus, and I will continue to lose weight… although I suppose the last forty pounds will likely drop off more gradually than the last ones, even if I did decide to resume the full-fast, meal-replacements only diet.

    Leslie was a great support for me this weekend, and I will continue to push ahead knowing that I do not want to disappoint her. I know that is a fallacy, but it is one that works for me. Leslie loved me at my heaviest weight, and if I were to remain at my current weight, she would continue to love me. She knows that I want to be mindful, so her encouragement has been for my own sake much more than for her own. When, for example, she was finished with her fish and chips at the pub the other night she offered me the rest of her fish… but doused the French fries with malt vinegar (which she knows I cannot stomach). When she saw that I was picking at the dregs of my meal (a long-time habit of mine) she would stop me. Some might think that she was nitpicking, but I asked her to do it and it is quite helpful. I do not know if I would have made it this far without her love, support, and encouragement.

    It is a beautiful day out and I have plans for the day. I am going to go for a jog (my first in weeks), and I am going to do some studying for my next certification. I also have some calls to make regarding services (I already spoke with my credit card company; next up is my Internet provider). I am going to call a few friends with whom I have not spoken in a few days or longer. I am going to prepare a delicious dinner for us of portobello mushrooms. Lunch will be a hodgepodge of leftovers of last week’s spaghetti and last night’s potato. From 6:00pm I will be on the patio for my cigar sommelier class. All in all it will be a busy day… but very different from how my days were last week when I was teaching from morning until night.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 514

    As Leslie and I sit in the garden oasis of our bed and breakfast enjoying our cigars and lattés I am in bliss and do not want this weekend to come to an end. Alas, dark becomes day and the day turns to night. It has been exactly as planned with no stress, anxiety, or deadlines.

    We enjoyed a Greek meal for lunch yesterday and we lamented how difficult it can be to keep within the dietary constraints of our faith, which severely limits our choices at restaurants. On the flip side of that, I think that by not being able to mix the meat with dairy keeps my eating somewhat healthier than it I was not following to rules. At the very least it makes me think about everything I am going to eat before I order it. As such we have not eaten any meat since Thursday. It has allowed us to enjoy dishes with cheese, and if we chose to we could also have ice cream (as we did following our Italian dinner).

    While I am not sure where my weight will be tomorrow morning, I am not terribly concerned. It would not have been difficult to eat so that I would gain five pounds this weekend. I do not think that I will have gained more than a pound… if that. It definitely could have been worse.

    While we did not order drinks with dinner, we did buy a bottle of Niagara sparkling wine which we shared with cigars after dinner. That makes two bottles of wine in two nights, plus the beer that I drank with dinner Friday. That is more than I have had to drink in a long time. I did not feel drunk either night, and I also do not think the wine will be a major contributing factor to weight gain… and we enjoyed ourselves. We will likely not drink tonight, but tomorrow I will open a bottle of 10-year-old port to pair with my cigar for the sommelier class. I am not a big drinker, but should be able to integrate reasonable consumption of alcohol into my life when the mood hits me.

    It is another lovely day in Niagara, and I am going back to enjoying it with my wife.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 513

    Leslie and I checked into our Bed and Breakfast last night and then drove down the street to a local pub for dinner. I did something that I have not done in years… I ordered a pint. It went very well with my fish and chips! After dinner we picked up a bottle of wine to enjoy with our cigars in the garden of the inn (and for the Shabbat blessings). So far the weekend is going great!

    I am not on a diet this weekend but I am also not going to go overboard. There will be opportunities to indulge, but I will make a point to not overindulge. Leslie is being very helpful with that! As an example, when she was full, she offered me the last bites of her fish… but spoiled her remaining French fries, which I appreciated. At breakfast I could have asked for more toast, but decided not to… both to be good, and to not let Leslie think I was falling.

    We are currently enjoying our latté and cigar in the garden, which is truly a peaceful oasis. Our plans for the rest of the day are to do whatever tickles us at the time. That might include picking strawberries, a vineyard tour, or who knows what. We are together and we are not working, and that is our only goal… to enjoy being together.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 512

    Okay, I am back on track this morning. My weight is not only significantly down from yesterday morning, but it is also the lowest it has been in ten days. Don’t get me wrong, I have been fluctuating in that time in a six-pound range, but it is nice to be closer to the bottom of that range than in the middle or the top.

    The last few days have been hard and stressful on both of us, and I am glad that my 13-hour days are over. Yes, I have to teach today… but my class is on schedule to end about an hour early, which means that Leslie and I can hit the road and drive down to Niagara Falls to check in and then to have dinner at a reasonable time. After this past week I think I owe it to her to take her somewhere nice, and the weekend in Niagara Falls is just what the doctor ordered. I am sure that I will step onto the scale Monday morning and see that my weight is up again… and I have no problem with that as long as my wife and I have a wonderful and carefree romantic getaway together.

    So what did I do differently yesterday? For one thing, I prepared dinner so that we could eat during my evening break instead of after class. I had a reasonable lunch (a piece of chicken with the last of the leftover rice), and as I had planned, I prepared a cauliflower-crust pizza for dinner, adding mushrooms (for the entire pizza) and onions (for my side only). I had not planned the cheese properly, so when I realized that I did not have enough mozzarella for the entire pie, I improvised by adding cheddar. It was good, and the two slices (half the pie) that I ate was enough to satisfy my hunger. Sticking to that plan did exactly what I had hoped it would. Knowing that Leslie and I will eat out this evening, we will have a light lunch (most likely an almond butter and jam sandwich). When we pick the restaurant where we will eat this evening, I will make sure I do not go overboard. By keeping mindful, there is a good chance that I will not come home too much heavier than I was this morning.

    It was still wet outside this morning when I took Her Floofness for her walk, but the sun is starting to peek through, and the temperatures are going up to 22° today, and is forecast to be sunny and in the twenties all weekend. I predict that we will enjoy ourselves tremendously on our getaway. Next week I am still teaching in the evenings, but my days are free. When Leslie has time, I will spend that with her, but when she is working, I am going to try to get out to exercise. It has been too long since I did that, and I need to get back into it. In the meantime, I am packing my overnight bag during my lunch break and have told my training manager that we will likely be finishing early today. At the very earliest moment we will hit the road and be outta here!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 511

    The long days are definitely taking a toll on my weight, inasmuch as I am forced to dine after 9:00pm. Last night’s spaghetti was quite tasty, but it was also heavy. Fortunately today is the last day that I am working 9-9. Tomorrow I will finish my class and Leslie and I will get in the car for our romantic getaway to Niagara.

    I accomplished what I planned to this morning. I picked up my dry cleaning and my prescriptions, as well as a couple of odds and ends at the supermarket. I was quite tempted to pick up a small little nibble to supplement my breakfast, but in the end, I decided that it would be a bad idea. My choices were to either buy something very small (which I did not come across), or to buy something large (which would have been left over and thus Leslie would have seen my cheat), or to buy something very unhealthy. At the druggist I saw individual-sized bags of potato chips, and wisely decided not to indulge. I came home and am now working on my second cup of coffee.

    I discussed with Leslie a possible solution for the late-night eating. I will make a pizza for us for dinner (we still have the second cauliflower crust that we picked up at Costco), which I can eat quickly while my students are doing their labs. That way we can eat at a reasonable hour.

    I could hardly believe how exhausted I was last night. It is not often that I fall asleep that quickly, but I did… Leslie could see it as soon as we sat down to dinner. I tried to fight it. I thought about suggesting we sit out on the balcony with a cigar, but I would not have gotten through half of a small stick. We were in bed at a very reasonable hour (which is rare for me) and I was probably asleep before 10:30pm. I woke up mostly refreshed, and hope that I will be able to navigate this last long day better than I did yesterday.

    It is time to get moving. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 510

    This morning my weight was up nearly half a pound, which is not at all surprising considering what I ate yesterday. I am neither surprised nor ashamed. With my schedule this week I am going to be eating dinner very late. Last night Leslie and I enjoyed a meal of chicken gyoza which were fabulous, but at the same time the portion size was big. Eating a large meal after 7:00pm is never a good idea, but when I am teaching straight through to 9:00pm it is hard to avoid. As I said, I do not regret it… but I do acknowledge it as a cheat meal.

    Today is Day 2 of the crazy long days. I am at my desk from 8:30am until 9:15pm, teaching for eleven hours straight. I usually enjoy these long days but wish they did not coincide with my visits with Leslie. The long-distance marriage is hard, and we like to enjoy our time together. This weekend we will spend a couple of days in Niagara-on-the-Lake, and we will have nothing but time to just be together. I know we are both really looking forward to that.

    For lunch today I am preparing salmon salad sandwiches which I know Leslie really enjoys (as do I). We picked up a couple of lovely rolls at the bakery and I will prepare them in time for us to enjoy during my lunch break. Leslie is taking care of dinner, which we will be able to enjoy together as soon as my class is over, and then weather permitting we will sit on the patio for an hour. It is truly wonderful when we can just sit and relax together.

    Tomorrow morning after breakfast I will run a few errands. I have to pick up my dry cleaning and my prescription renewal. As the dry cleaners is attached to the supermarket, I will also pick up any odds and ends that we might need, but for now I can only think of vegetables that we need – we ran out of lettuce yesterday. The timing of the pick-ups is perfect because both the dry-cleaning and my meds will be ready to pick up the day I will have run out of clean shirts and pills. I could have gone today, but I suspect some of the dry-cleaning will only be ready after 5:00pm today. Tomorrow morning will be easier.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 509

    I was expecting another decent drop in weight this morning and was pleasantly surprised to see that I am down nearly one pound from yesterday. I cannot expect to drop all of the weight that I gained in a week, but I am making good progress. I ate pretty smartly yesterday, enjoying some of the leftover shawarma (with a salad) for lunch, and then a nice piece of fish for dinner (also with a salad). I determined that it was too windy to sit outside for my cigar class, so I participated without smoking from my desk. By the time the class and then our dinner was over the wind had died down somewhat, so Leslie and I sat on the balcony enjoying a nice cigar. We had some things we needed to talk about, and then we both griped a bit about our work. Leslie and I were brought together by our work, and I really like that even though I am no longer on her team we still can help each other because we understand so much of the same technology… as well as processes. I have memories of relationships past in which my partner could hardly explain what I did, other than ‘he works with computers.’ The fact that we can dig deep in the weeds on technical issues is just one more thing that make Leslie and I perfect together.

    After coming in from walking Her Floofness I said my morning prayers and then made coffee and an omelette. While there are very delicious and tempting rolls to go with it, I stayed true. I also put three pieces of chicken into a marinade, which I will prepare for our lunch. For dinner we bought a package of chicken gyoza from Costco which we are really looking forward to! I know the gyoza are naughty, but if that is my only naughtiness for the day then I might still achieve another drop in weight tomorrow morning.

    These next three days are far too long! I am teaching from 9:30am until 9:00pm Tuesday through Thursday, which makes for a very tight schedule. I feel terrible to schedule it that way while Leslie is in town, but she understands that we both need to work, and as a contract trainer it can be detrimental to my career to turn down certain contracts. Fortunately we know that Friday at the end of the day we are hopping into the car to drive down to Niagara for a romantic weekend together. While Leslie has some meetings next week, it will still be easier for us to spend time together. One day in the not-to-distant future we will be living together full-time, and these long and stressful weeks will not be as hard because our time together will not be so limited.

    I guess I should mention that last week I realized that I could back-date posts to my blog. I know I have missed two days in the last year and a half, but both of those were because I had started and was then distracted or pulled away. In any event, this morning when I click Publish on this article, I will receive a notification that I am on a 510-day streak. It is not nearly as important as my weight loss progress, but it is still nice to have.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 508

    Collecting Leslie from the airport yesterday was sheer bliss. Seeing her again after all this time was absolutely wonderful. Our long periods of separation are always forgotten once we are together, whether that be here in Canada or there in Texas. Billy Joel once wrote a song for a girlfriend (or wife) when he could not afford to buy her a present. It was called ‘You’re My Home,’ and that is exactly how I feel with her.

    It was my expectation that with what we ate yesterday I would not be making positive progress on my weight loss, and the best that I could hope for would be to stay the same. I took her for lunch at a Lebanese restaurant and had the same mixed shawarma plate that I would normally have… although I forgot to ask for no rice or potatoes, and so I did eat some of those. In the afternoon we went to Costco and on a whim, I saw a cauliflower pizza crust kit and asked if I should make that for dinner. We picked it up to give it a try. We also went to Fortino’s to buy a reasonable sized package of shredded cheese (and some other items we did not get from the bulk warehouse store). I prepared the pizza with the sauce that was included, shredded mozzarella as well as shredded cheddar, and (coincidentally) orange cauliflower which we found at the supermarket. It was delicious, and while neither of us are concerned about this factor, it was also gluten free.

    Between my walking Her Floofness (both in the morning and when we got home from shopping) and the walking around the stores my fitness watch registered a surprising 9,250 steps yesterday. I wonder if that might have contributed to my surprising three-pound drop in weight this morning. If so, then woohoo! I suspect though that it might have more to do with the fact that my portions, especially at dinner, were much more reasonable. I have little doubt that had I prepared that pizza for myself I would have eaten all of it. That is the main reason that I will not be doing that. As I discussed with my diet buddy yesterday morning I am still not fully in control of my urges, and I cannot trust myself to just eat. These next couple of weeks will be easier insofar as I feel that I would be embarrassed to gorge myself in front of my wife – or anyone, really. Just like alcoholics drink alone, I trust myself more when I am with her because of that… and because she will remind me when I am about to go too far. This is not her being a pest – I asked her to do this, and she does. I have hope that I might continue to lose weight this week… although not as much as I did in this one day.

    Today is the beginning of a very packed week for me. I am teaching from 9:30am until 6:00pm every day. Were that it, I would consider it a reasonable if full day. This evening I have my cigar sommelier class from 6-8:30, which is not work but it is an obligation. Fortunately it is one that my wife will be glad to sit through with me. Tuesday through Thursday I am teaching from 6:00pm-9:00pm, which means that those are eleven-and-a-half hour days. Those are the jammed ones! I will schedule 2-minute breaks in the morning, afternoon, and evening… as well as a one-hour lunch break. Even if I was alone, I do not think I would have the opportunity to cheat this week! Of course, as a food addict I am sure I would find a way if I lost my mindfulness and willpower. My goal is to not lose those… and if I falter one day, then to pick myself up and get back on track the next day… or even the next meal. I will stumble along the way; the quicker I am able to recover from that the better my chances of long-term success.

    It is raining out this morning and so Her Royal Floofness did not want to go outside. We stepped out quickly and she peed, but then she came right back inside. She then decided that she wanted to try the back of the building, because maybe it was not raining there. Unfortunately her optimism was not well placed, and she ran right to the covered patio of one of our neighbours (Walter’s mom). She sat there watching the rain and was not going to move from that spot. I was almost ready to pick her up and carry her around the building when the neighbour offered to let us sneak through her apartment. Fortunately the rain is forecast to stop around 4:00pm, and I’ll be able to take her out for a really good walk after the cigar class.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 507

    Leslie is flying in today and I could hardly be more excited. My eyes popped open at 7:09am – three minutes after the first text from my wife who had just settled in at the airport. In four hours she will be in my arms where she belongs.

    I was worried about the bathroom scale this morning. It turns out I was about where I had been the previous morning, so I will take that as a win. This I took Her Floofness out for her walk and came home in time to prepare coffee and a breakfast meal replacement shake. Ordinarily I would only make a half pot of coffee, but my diet buddy is coming over, so I prepared the full pot. I know she will not take offense that I poured my first cup prior to her arrival. I look forward to seeing how she has been doing, and to hearing about her mud run.

    After our meeting I will probably leave straight away for the airport. That is likely a bit premature, but I am excited. I might spend an hour working on my demo environment that I have been growing of late. Normally I might sit outside with a cigar, but I am probably going to have my first cigar with Leslie on the balcony with a café latté… we have been looking forward to that all week, and while it would not spoil it for me to have a cigar before that, it will be nice to have that first one with her.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 506

    I know I am anxious for Leslie to arrive tomorrow, but I still do not think that what I ate yesterday rose to the level of punishment on the bathroom scale this morning. Getting back on track is hard… but I will do better today. Tomorrow morning, I will be meeting with my diet buddy, and I hope that she and I can discuss some of the places I have gone wrong this past month. I suspect that although I know that I have to kerb my portions, the real issue this past week has been my integration of breakfast cereals into my diet. It seems this was a catastrophic mistake, and one that I am pulling back from effective immediately. I have no problem buying cereal for Leslie to enjoy while she is here, but I will not be joining her in that indulgence. My breakfasts for the next few days will consist of either eggs or meal replacement shakes.

    Have a great day folks!