Losing a part of me

Category: Blog

  • Day 1276

    Yesterday was not a fun day. The day actually started quite normally as far as things go, but then it went bad. I started writing as I usually do at the usual time, but partway through the second paragraph of my article I realized that it would be an article much more appropriate to my professional blog rather than my weight loss blog, and before 1pm I had banged out 1800 words on certification exams that published on my blog as Not Passing and Failing.

    Following the publication of that article, I got up and made my second meal replacement of the day, and then sat down to write in this journal… which I try to do before I do much else, but that did not work out. I obviously had a lot to say because the entry is pretty long (over a thousand words, which is long for a weight loss journal entry), but at a certain point in the writing I realized i was quite uncomfortable, which I wrote about in the last paragraph. It was discomfort until it was pain. As I wrote yesterday, it felt like a solid piece of waste was stuck in my colon and pressing on (and blocking) my bladder, as well as pushing on nerves that affected my back and possibly even my kidney. I went outside to read in the ‘comfy chair’ but that was only good for maybe thirty minutes. I needed to do something and the urgency was growing. (Yes, I tried that, but the waste was far too solid to want to go anywhere, and every time I tried it just got a little worse.

    If I was right about the cause (and I really hoped that I was) then I could think of two things that might help, and the two could bee easily joined. The pharmacy is just over a 1km walk from here, and I hoped the walking might jostle something to move. Whether it did or did not, I would be able to ask the pharmacist about a topic on which I have heretofore remained ignorant: I asked the chap if there was a difference between a laxative (which I had already taken, but so far was not helping) and a stool softener (which I do not think I had ever taken). I explained my predicament, and he agreed that the symptoms I was describing might very well be caused by that. While we did go over the differences (in brief: laxatives affect how we digest, stool softeners should affect what we have already digested), when I told him that the laxative was left over from when I had my colonoscopy, he asked if it was the pill or the powder (both were necessary to prepare for it), and that thee powder would likely be much more effective than the simple pill. As those are kept behind the counter (despite not requiring a prescription) I asked him for a box of those. I then walked home.

    When I arrived home I prepared and ingested the concoction exactly as directed. Assuming that the results would not be immediate, I decided to do something I have never done before. In the middle of the afternoon I took a THC gummy from the jar my buddy gave me a few months ago. I then looked at my dear puppy and realized I might not be fit to take her out in the evening, so I texted my neighbour asking her to do so. With that taken care of, I got into bed at 4:45pm, still in discomfort… until the gummy did its thing. Possibly 20-30 minutes after I lay down I realized I was not in any discomfort. I could rest.

    I woke up at 8:15pm (I did not sleep through, but I did get some rest). I was lying there looking at my phone when I felt… something. It felt like something that had been stuck suddenly dislodged. I knew the THC had not yet worn off, but I suspected that if it had then I would suddenly not be in so much pain. This did not result in immediate results in the water closet, but I suspected it would be just a matter of time.

    I sat on the balcony relaxing with my third meal replacement of the day and just enjoying not being in severe discomfort. It was a relief to be able to sit in one position for more than a minute or two without needing to adjust. It was shortly after 10pm when the urge struck. Over the next few hours there were a number of trips back to the little boys’ room, and in those trips a lot more than one or two meals worth of waste was finally flushed from my colon. That, however, was not the only result. I mentioned in the second paragraph that thee blockage was also blocking my bladder? Between 10pm and when I finally went to sleep I peed 3-4 times which is not unusual… but the duration and strength of the flow was; the first voiding was solid and strong… and possibly as much as two minutes in duration. Wow.

    By the time I went to bed (much later than usual) I felt like I had dropped ten pounds… this morning I would find that it was just over 2.5 lbs. from the previous day, making my current weight loss 19.4 lbs. in nine days. Yes, I will gladly take that my dear reader!

    My sleep score last night was an abysmal 59, but that is because it only measured the second time I slept. I suspect that had it accounted for my first lay-down it would have been slightly better. I am not worried though… Today is my day of rest and while I might do some studying, I will mostly be reading my book on the balcony.

    I should mention that yesterday’s caloric intake was short; I only had three meal replacements which means that excepting the pinch of cheese and my coffee my actual intake was 675 calories which is not smart. Of course, severe and discomfort in the digestive tract will always put a damper on one’s appetite. Knowing that my issues are resolved (for now) I doubt I will have any issues with that today.

    Considering I felt like I was near death yesterday, today is looking and feeling much better. Of course, I did not feel anything yesterday until after 1:30pm, and it is currently just 11:05am. I am optimistic though that today will be a good day.

    I should mention that while i will increase my daily dosage of fibre, I am glad that the meds I bought yesterday came in a box of two packages, so if I do get blocked up again I know I have another one without having to trek to the pharmacy… although the steps likely did me some good.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1271

    I do not remember at what point I stopped updating my offline journal – that is, the one large document that included all of the posts from my online blog – but it occurs to me that I should seriously think about going back and updating it. I do not really want to see a lot of the worst of my entries from the deepest times of despair, but I suppose I can just copy-and-paste without reading them. We will see. That will not happen before Thursday – today is my last complete day to study for my exam which is at 1:00pm tomorrow afternoon, so my main focus until after the exam will be that. Wednesday I will be at a provincial Grand Lodge event, which takes us to Thursday.

    I should mention that I did resume updating my weight tracking spreadsheet from my bathroom scale. That is much easier to do, and does not involve going to each individual day to cop-paste. All I needed to do was to expert all data from the scale since the beginning of April and then copy-paste that into my spreadsheet.

    The new shirts and jacket that I ordered are out for delivery according to FedEx, and I will have them in time for my event on Wednesday. That is a relief. While I do have a suit that I can wear, it is tight and I will feel more comfortable wearing something that is tailored to my size. The disturbing truth is that from the day the tailor measured me for these new clothes I gained over ten pounds… that is just over a month ago. Fortunately I have these last five days lost all of that. Phew! As terrible as I feel that I needed to have bigger clothes made, that would have been amplified had they now been tight.

    Yes, today is Day 5, and according to the bathroom scale I have dropped a little over ten pounds. I am pleased but far from satisfied. I have a long way to go, as I said yesterday, until I am anywhere near satisfied. Maybe ‘satisfied with my progress so far’ is a better way to write that.

    I need to start exercising in order to make sure I continue to not only lose weight, but also to ensure I get back into shape. My doctor will tell you that I am in great shape for a man a fucking overweight as I am (she would not use those exact words), but that is not good enough for me. I would like to run a marathon next year. Before I do that, I need to start walking again before I can start jogging again. I am going to wait a couple of weeks before jogging for a number of reasons, but as for walking I might start as early as Thursday, depending on the weather. Yes, I have a treadmill… but if the weather is nice I would much rather begin my journey again in the fresh air.

    My sleep score last night was equal to the previous night. I suspect that if I was not drinking what amounts to a small swimming pool every day it might be a bit higher… but alas, I am going to continue to drink as much water as I can. Water is great for the body, but it is also a big contributor to weight loss… even if it did not help to fill my occasionally hungry stomach. I only woke up three times to pee in the night last night which is a 25% improvement over the two previous nights.

    I did finally move my bowels yesterday which was a relief (no pun intended). I neglected to add fibre to my morning meal replacement, but will make a point of doing so this afternoon.

    Owing to something I needed to get done for a buddy yesterday, I was not as productive as I would have liked to be. I did get some studying done… but not as much as I hoped to. Today there will be no disturbances, and that is what I am going to do.

    There are so many things I probably should do with regard to tracking my renewed weight loss efforts, but I am not ready to do that yet. I know that my Body Mass Index (BMI) is a disgusting 42.6, up twelve points from my best ever in October 2023. I have to assume that means that I would again be classified as morbidly obese, but looking to see at what point I would drop out of that… I am not ready for that. I know that I need to set short, medium, and long-term goals for myself, but for the time being I just want to follow the program like an automaton. I will drink my meal replacements and do nothing more other than journal about my emotions.

    The friend who came over yesterday is one of two who has gone through the same medically supervised program that I did. He understands a lot of what I am going through. He and his wife went through it and they lost a lot of weight. It is good to have people that I can speak with who have been there.

    My only plans to go out today are to go to the store to pick up milk for my coffee. Other than that, I expect I will migrate between my desk and my balcony, studying either inside or outside. I will continue to try stabilizing the timing of my meal replacements, which might be easier today at home than tomorrow (when I have my exam) and Wednesday (when I will likely be in Toronto for the day). Speaking of which, I had better remember to bring my meal replacements with me if I go to Toronto… I do not want to be caught having to break the program as I am still trying to make it a habit… and while I am doing so well.

    While I have felt hunger at times, I suspect that yesterday was the first day that I did not consider the program (which is by any measure extreme) a hardship. I was able to get through it without a great deal of difficulty. There have been times these last few days when cigars have helped to distract me from my hunger, and I will continue to use them as a tool. I was going to use the word crutch but no, it is not a crutch. I am not leaning on them, rather I am using them to bridge the hunger meal replacements, much as a snack might bridge the hunger between meals.

    I have said before that forcing a happy face when one is down can be a way to actually induce the happiness eventually. I am trying to put on that positive and happy air these days, and I hope that after tomorrow’s exam I might start to feel it. Until then? The exam and its implications are all consuming.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1253

    A close friend came over for a cigar yesterday afternoon after I told him how horrible I was feeling. We are going to see each other today, but that will be in a group of people. He knew that I needed to talk privately. He asked me, after I gave him an update of what is going on, if I journal. I told him that I did, but that for numerous reasons (many of which he understood) I am not writing about the specifics of what I am going through. Maybe one day I will. Maybe by then I will not be so torn apart by things.

    Life still sucks. What else can I say? Thank G-d for friends though.

  • Day 1185

    My day today will be consumed with helping my buddy. I can’t do anything else.

    I have been thinking these last few days about stopping my daily blogging… at least for now. I am not sure what I am going to do. I need to get right with myself. It is not an easy task.

  • Day 1085

    I was in front of my computer all day yesterday, but I was busy most of the day and forgot to post. My weight has crept up two pounds these last couple of days. This, despite my eating pretty smartly. I am not happy about it.

    I had to be up early this morning to drive to a doctor’s appointment in Vaughan, which for those of you not hip to the geography of the GTA is about 75km from here… and for a 9:15am appointment that meant getting up very early and bracing myself for a long drive. I am glad that I was home at a reasonable hour. I had lunch and answered some emails. Now I have to get ready to head to Grimsby for the evening. Another long day. Tonight is my Lodge’s chili night. I am not particularly looking forward to it, but a couple of the brethren told me they are preparing the chili special for my religious dietary requirements. I’ll have a reasonable helping.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1012

    I will start with the here and now… my usual daily update. As I said that I would, I did go out for a long walk yesterday. I power-walked 8.4km in the 28° sun, even though my initial plan had been to do 6-7km. I do not follow a route I had taken before, and when I crossed over the highway to start heading back I realized that there was no service road – let alone a sidewalk of any kind – on the other side of the highway. I had to go through residential streets that were unfamiliar to me, and somewhat winding. I would also have to contend with finding a level crossing of the railroad tracks, not to mention an underpass that would get be back onto the friendly side of the aforementioned highway. I was proud of my accomplishment though, even though I did need to stop to rest for a minute once along the way.

    It was that accomplishment that I felt gave me leave to enjoy the movie theatre popcorn that I shared with my wife. In the future though I think we should share the medium size and not the large. Had I thought of this at the time I suspect my weight would have been down more than it was – a mere .2 lb. from yesterday morning. At least I did register one food-related accomplishment… we went for peri-peri chicken for dinner, and for the first time in I don’t know how long I ordered the quarter breast meal instead of the half chicken. I need to start eating less… even when the foods are healthy, I need to control my portions.

    As we sat on the patio smoking and talking last night Leslie did something extremely meaningful and helpful. She asked me what my plans for succeeding on this weight loss journey were. I told her, and it led to a good conversation.

    1. Yes, I need to eat less. I have to control my portions. There is no question that this is going to be important.
    2. I need to stop buying any foods that are bad for me. She pointed out that when she reads in these pages that I ate a mango, for example, the mango is full of sugar and however otherwise healthy it may be, the high sugar content is bad for weight loss.
    3. She asked what my plans for activity are, citing that in the winter months I can get lazy. I told her that when I get back to Canada, I am clearing everything off my treadmill and will be using it regularly throughout the winter months. I acknowledged that while I do walk HRF Princess Sophie twice daily for nearly 4km total, that is all at her pace, and is not really exercise. I will me making sure to use the treadmill and it is easy because I can just put something to watch on the TV and go for an hour. On days that I am teaching I need to do it in the evening, and when I am not teaching I can do it during the day… but I need to do it.
    4. I need to be accountable to myself. When I have a bad food day, I need to enumerate in these pages not just ‘I had a bad day’ but rather how… and why. If I am to ask her to hold me accountable then the only way she knows when I am going off is from my journal, and if I write out ‘I was bad today… this is the list of what I ate’ then not only does it help her to help me, but it will help me to help myself.

    In addition to all of this, I need to write when I have a massive failure. Over the past few weeks, I have been wearing my dress pants when I need to wear long pants because they are the only ones that fit me. I ordered two pair of slacks from Amazon that arrived Monday… and they were a size 40. FORTY! It was such a huge accomplishment when I was able to fit comfortably into a size 36 in some fits, and now I am back into a size 40. I am disgusted with myself over this, and need to reverse that. I need to get back into the smaller sizes again. I recognize that it will take time, but I need to do it.

    (I also needed to order a new belt Monday morning when I was securing the one that I had brought with me, and it broke. This was more because when I wear looser pants (such as my dress pants) I need to pull it tighter to hold them up, and I have more belly pushing back against it. I had known for a few weeks that it was on its last legs, and it was folly of me to not bring another one with me. Oops!)

    The Size 40 is bad… but the fact that my suits are tight, and that I can only wear one of my sports jackets is worse. How I have not discussed in these pages that so many of my nice clothes (which I was so happy to call a non-scale victory at the time) no longer fit because they are too tight… I was just so embarrassed by my failure. I am ashamed to be where I am.

    I have never been one of those people who needs to put a positive spin on everything. I do not need anyone blowing smoke up my rear. When I screw up, I need to acknowledge that I screwed up. That is what will encourage me to un-screw whatever was screwed. That is why I am writing all of this. I need to get out of the Size 40 and into the custom-tailored clothes that I was so proud of. I need to be wearing my pants around my belly button and not around my hips with my belly hanging over them. I need to know that if I put on a shirt that does not fit, it is because it is too big, and not too tight.

    If this new attempt works, then I have Leslie’s pointing it out to thank for it. I will do the work, but I am so happy that she is not coddling me about it. That is what people who love you need to do some times.

    For the record, if you are a friend who is also a reader and you think this gives you leave to start talking to me about my needing to lose weight, let me stop you there. I am happy to take it from my wife. That’s where it ends.

    As for this being where it begins, I am going to try to record another 24km of walking between now and the time I return to Canada. That is four walks of 6km each… or three walks of 8km each.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 807

    Thursday I spent most of the day relaxing. I do not think I even touched my computer, but I did post a quick blurb to my blog. Yesterday I did do some work on the computer (not a lot) but I forgot to post, so this morning I posted a one-liner to retain my streak.

    Saturday morning!

    Yesterday I was disappointed by the weight gain, if not surprised. Yes, Thursday evening I overindulged. Frankly, I did last night too… I ate half of my challah after class. If that is going to be the only cheat I have in a day then at least I should do it before 9:30pm. Nevertheless, this morning I was pleased to see a reversal of the gains from yesterday morning. If I can get through the rest of today with no more cheating then I have a chance to be back on track.

    Yes, I bought a challah yesterday. They did not have any of the small rolls, so I bought the regular sized one. It is not really big, but it is too much for me to eat in two sittings… which I did. Yes, between yesterday evening and this morning’s breakfast the challah is gone. I will try to not buy any more rolls for a few days.

    My new shirts and sports jacket arrived on Thursday, and I was happy to wear them (one shirt with the jacket) last night for class. The jacket might have been a bit tight, and I look forward to losing ten pounds so it will fit better.

    My plans for the day include a haircut at noon, and then after lunch Eduardo is coming over for a cigar. It will be great to sit with him. I think Lyle and I are getting together tomorrow, and it will be good to see him as well. The weather is really picking up, with highs through next Sunday ranging from 9° through 15°… and while the overnight lows are still cooler, they are not scheduled to drop to 0°, so things are really looking up for the end of winter.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 528

    I looked at yesterday’s post online and had to laugh. As I sat on my balcony with my morning coffee and cigar, I tried to use voice to text to write it, and the Jetpack app (which replaced the WordPress app) kept deleting what I wrote. I finally gave up and started typing the article out… which was not going any better. In the end, I opened a Word Document and typed it out, and then copied and pasted the text into the app. Nevertheless, parts of the remnants of my app frustration remained. I decided to leave it in to remind me of the humour… and how frustrating technology can be sometimes. (I copied the article into my journal but did not include the repeated text and the aborted paragraphs. Sorry reader, you might have to go searching online for my blunders!)

    Yesterday was Canada Day. As a proud Canadian I was happy to celebrate. My first act of celebration was to sit on the balcony with a cigar, chat with my diet buddy, and then enjoy my coffee and cigar with a book. At one point a parade of vehicles turned into the street flying the Maple Leaf, with one of them blasting O Canada on repeat. I stood and waved (especially to the police and firemen, but to everyone really) and then went back to my book. In the afternoon I would drive to Strathroy to see my god kids and their parents, and it was a truly lovely afternoon and evening.

    I was worried that the scale would not be kind to me this morning. After all, I had a couple of fruit on my way there, I ate a hamburger and a hotdog for dinner (in addition to the salad and potatoes), and for dessert I had a decadent chocolate plus two much less decadent Oreo cookies. Add to that a bag of chips and then a protein bar (late at night), and I was not hopeful. I was not expecting, after nine straight days of weight gains, to see it drop by 1.4 lbs., but it did. I was relieved because I was flirting with the dreaded 270 lbs. If I can drop just a few more pounds this week then I can get to 265 lbs., and I can see my birthday weekend celebration as one last opportunity to be guardedly free with eating… before I revert the next week to a much stricter meal program.

    I am hoping that a couple of friends will come over for cigars this afternoon. We have discussed it briefly but until Sam says ‘Yes I am coming’ I never hold my breath. This is not due to unreliability, rather a busy schedule with family responsibilities and such. I left a message for him and would love to see him. If not, then I will spend a lot of the day on the balcony smoking and reading. The muscles in my legs are still sore from Friday’s outing; combine that with the light rain that is predicted all day and I think I am going to give them another day to recover. The forecast for tomorrow is also rainy, but as far as I can tell it will not be heavy and I might still be able to get out. Tuesday through the weekend promises to be much more agreeable, and I will walk if I do not jog.

    I started writing this article hours ago and have been distracted by all sorts of things since. I have come back to it six or seven times, which is quite embarrassing owing to the brief length of it. I have two dogs playing who have insisted on attention or treats, or who have just been a loud and cute mess the last half hour. They will join me on the balcony for my cigars.

    My food plan for today is to make chicken for lunch, and then for dinner I will enjoy the leftover salmon from Friday evening. With lunch I will likely make a salad, while dinner will be accompanied by rice. If I can stick it out and not cheat, then tomorrow morning I might just see another successful number on the bathroom scale.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 452

    Today is the day that I break my previous streak. As soon as I pressed the publish button to send my journal entry to my blog yesterday, I received notification that I was on a 225-day streak. That means that when I do the same today, I will now be on the longest streak since starting on this journey, 452 days ago. It is appropriate then that when I get home from my jog later today that I will hit a seven-day streak on meeting my steps goal (according to my Garmin fitness watch). My longest streak on that is ten days, so if I jog (or walk) every day between now and then, I could break that streak on Thursday. I believe that my best streak this year is eight days, which culminated by recording 10,000 steps on April 2, many of which would have been while moving and shaking at the Taylor Swift concert. I would like to set a new best streak record this week… especially knowing that when I set that ten-day streak, my steps total goal was less than 5,000. For the past few months, Garmin has set it at 8,560… but this streak I have made sure to exceed 10,000 steps every day (with a high of 22,950 yesterday and 21,800 steps on Tuesday, and two other days exceeding 17,000 steps).

    I was reticent about my jog yesterday before I headed out only because the previous day (Friday) had been such a disaster. I was not out to prove anything, I just wanted to do my best. As long as I was able to get back up to what I had previously thought of as my minimum distance (5km) then I would be satisfied. Let me tell you, I blew that out of the water. I was about .5km from home when my tracker told me I was at 11.5km, and I was out of water. If I turned the corner onto Walker’s Line, then I would be home and hydrated in less than five minutes. I decided to pull up and walk, knowing that I would get to the pharmacy in under 1km. I have been telling myself (and writing herein) that the Garmin Connect app has a badge for a 15km jog, and this was my chance to earn it. I slowed to a walk until I got to the pharmacy, and paused my trackers while I went in. Disappointed they did not have a sugar-free energy drink, I bought a bottle of water which I poured into my empty container. I continued my journey (restarting my trackers as I left the store), and when my distance read 13km I started jogging again. Following the path that I chose it would be precisely two more kilometres to home. I took several short breaks over the 15km jog (really 13.5/1.5), but I did it. I got home and felt amazing!

    Jogging

    • pb Distance: 15.01km (6.23km)
    • pb Duration: 1:59:05 (47:51)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m56s (7m40s)
    • pb Steps: 17,850 (7,500)
    • pb Calories burned: 1,850 (633)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 150 (156)

    It is nice to note that for the running portion of my outing (that is, excluding the 1.5 km walked) I did not exceed 7m53s for any kilometre, and my average time was 7m34s. It is also nice to realize that when I arrived home, I did not feel the need to collapse into my bed (or onto the floor). I took a much-needed shower, and then I got dressed, made my meal replacement, collected some cigars, and headed out to Cambridge to see Ryan and the boys.

    I did cheat yesterday, which is probably why the numbers on the bathroom scale were down .8 lb. and not more. I’m okay with that, I did not expect to lose all of the weight I gained in my previous day all at once. I had some peanuts in the car while driving to Cambridge, and when I was there, I broke down and ate a couple of kebabs. While they were primarily protein, one of them had a very sweet sauce which means a lot of sugar. Oh well. Hopefully today I will be able to stay on track. When I am done writing I will head out for my jog, but it will not be like yesterday, I can promise you that! My Body Battery was 80 when I took Her Floofness out this morning, and it is still 73 now. That does not mean that I need to push myself to the brink every day. I will probably do 8-10km.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 421

    Yesterday was a day off from exercising. I had a relaxing morning at home, and after Leslie and I had lunch I headed to the cigar lounge where shortly after lighting my cigar, I got a wonderful surprise. My son the elder, with whom I have not spoken in several months, reached out and we had a thirty-minute video call. It was wonderful to see his face and catch up with him about so many things. The odd thing is that while we discussed so many things about our lives (including my recent diagnosis of ADHD, and the progress I have made on the medications), one of the most important, relevant, and front-and-centre topics of my life did not come up. I did not say to him that since he last saw me (probably in October) I have lost fifty pounds, or that my total weight loss is 128 lbs.… and I don’t know why. I was going to send him the before and after picture which I posted just yesterday, but I think I’ll just let him see for himself. He told me that at some point in the near future he will try to make time for us to sit together to share a dram and a cigar. It is amazing to realize that the little boy that I met when he was nine years old and adopted shortly thereafter is turning twenty-five on Sunday. How time flies! The grains of sand in the hourglass flow one way only, and they flow at their steady pace no matter our attempts to retard them.

    The response I received to that before and after picture is amazing. Hundreds of people liked and commented on it on the two Facebook support groups that I am in, and it drove over eighty hits on my weight loss blog. To put that in perspective, the previous week had sixty hits… not per day, rather a total of sixty hits! When my professional blog was in its prime, and I was posting on a regular basis, there was a day when I was sitting in a conference room in Phoenix, Arizona when I got a notification that my blog stats were blowing up. It had been given an award that had been published in a magazine, but the magazine had forgotten to notify me about it. This was the same level of ‘blow-up.’ My professional blog went from 200-250 hits on an average day to over a thousand hits on that day in Phoenix. The difference is that with my weight loss blog, today the stats will go back to normal… which is okay, I don’t mind! I reach certain people daily, some people occasionally, and others once or once in a while. I write for me, to keep myself accountable to myself.

    From the cigar lounge I went to Whole Foods because they were having a special on sockeye salmon marinated in a mango glaze which both Leslie and I thought sounded very tasty. I also picked up a head of cauliflower, which I prepared before my class started. I cut a quarter of it up, drizzled some olive oil on it, then Tony Chachere’s Creole Seasoning (a favourite of Leslie’s and mine), and a little bit of shredded cheese. I put the mixing bowl into the fridge until my class break, at which point I put the fish into one tray of the air fryer, and the cauliflower into the other. With ten minutes left in class (and while my students were all completing their in-class assignments) I turned both sides of the machine on so that as soon as class was over we could eat. This fish was much tastier than my recent attempt at ahi tuna, and the cauliflower was tasty as well… although I suspect most of the cheese melted to the bottom of the pan and ended up not getting to our plates. Still and all, it was very tasty!

    Unlike the previous evening, I opted to stick with my non-alcoholic iced tea to accompany my cigars, and it paired better with the second cigar than the first. I did not make this decision because I had not exercised, I just did not feel I needed the alcohol. Once again, Leslie and I spent a very lovely evening on the balcony enjoying each other’s company. We both know that until I get my visa, these nights together are precious and too few to waste. We both hope that it will not be too much longer to wait.

    I mentioned to Leslie yesterday that I expected, after yesterday’s tremendous drop, the bathroom scale would likely take a couple of ounces back this morning. It did not. In fact, it gave me another drop, and I am again in best-weight-yet territory. I am now under 7 lbs. from beating my best weight from 2020, and if I continue to lose at an average of .4 lb. per day, I will achieve that by April 2… a full ten days ahead of the time it took me nearly three years ago. This morning the comparative pace to that time was 6 lbs. better now. I do not plan to slow down.

    Speaking of weight loss (this is, after all, a journal primarily about losing weight, right?), I am thrilled that after the initial ‘shock’ from travel and from the first-night cheat meal I have recovered all of the weight that I had gained, and I weigh 2.5 lbs. less than I did on the morning I flew to Dallas. While my stated goal was to gain no more than two pounds during my trip, I also knew that on my last trip I had lost over three pounds. I was hoping to repeat that trend, even though I knew I would be eating (comparatively) indulgently during the trip. At this rate, even if my weight stays the same from now until Sunday, I will have bested my stated goal, and actually lost weight again. Leslie told me that she is relieved that being with her does not cause me to gain weight. I am too, especially knowing that I have had partners in the past who were less than encouraging with my weight loss efforts. When I told her yesterday that I was expecting a weight gain this morning she told me that she just hoped that it was not significant, and that I stayed below the 270 lbs. mark, which she knows for me is a psychological trigger. The difference between gaining one pound and going from 268 to 269 does not have nearly the same psychological impact that would gaining .2 lb. and going from 269.8 to 270. At the rate I am going, it is not impossible that I might actually drop to 265 by the time I leave… but that would be a lot to hope for.

    It is a rainy and blustery day in Dallas, not at all conducive to jogging outside. As such I am going to make my first trip to the gym in the apartment complex. I do not know all of the equipment that they have, but Leslie tells me that it is all nice and modern. I will decide when I am there what I will do, but my first attempt at a ten-kilometre jog will likely have to wait another day or two. I can run on a treadmill, but I do not know if I would jog that long on it. We’ll see. In the afternoon we are going to do some work on a system that we both want to learn a bit more about, and which I will probably write a blog article about for my professional blog before we are done. I know we both love that we are in the same profession and can talk shop, but the fact that we can occasionally work together to figure something out that will benefit both of us… that’s really cool to me!

    We will be going out for dinner. I do not know where yet, but we will pick something that will suit both our tastebuds as well as my dietary needs. Tuesday evening we were planning to go for Indian food, until we realized that the restaurant she had in mind likely did not have anything suitable for my dietary needs. Everything that she would have recommended to me would have had meats prepared with dairy, which is a no-no for my religious beliefs. She told me this restaurant did not have a great vegetarian selection, and that the dishes that would have been suitable would likely have been too spicy for me. If that sounds strange for a man who enjoys spicy foods (and who used to win hot-pepper-eating contests in the Army against Moroccan and Yemeni soldiers), I answer that Indian food has always been my nemesis. I was essentially force-fed spicy chicken curry by my mother as a very young boy and hated it from the beginning. As an adult I went to India but came home with dysentery. All this to say that if Leslie is going to re-introduce me to Indian food so that I will enjoy it, we should do it carefully. I love her for understanding me!

    Mindfulness is the order of the day… and exercise. I am heading out now and will do my best to get in a good workout, and then after my shower I will pick up salads for lunch. Have a great day folks!