😦
Category: Despair
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Day 980
I was doing well yesterday… and then I had to wait for my prescription at the Shoppers Drug Mart. I do not know what possessed me to buy a bag of chips and a bag of dried mango. I have to get a hold of myself!
My knee has been hurting the last couple of days and I decided that I would proactively start taking the meds that healed it up a couple of months ago. That required a trip to the pharmacy. It is feeling much better this morning – not perfect, but definitely improvement.
I did not get a great night sleep last night, but it was better than it has been in several nights. Around midnight I heard Princess Sophie asking to come into the bed and my first instinct was to get up and finally take the sleeping pill that I have been trying to not take. It took me a minute to realize that I had actually been sleeping! It was the first time since last week that I was able to sleep before midnight. Woohoo!
Have a great day folks!
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Day 979
Today my food intake was better than it has been… but I still need to get a hold of myself. I hope that this weight gain deluge is either over or at least nearly so.
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Day 978
I did better yesterday than the day before… but I am still slipping. I know that if I could finally get a decent night’s sleep then I might have the energy to get through the day without falling off the program. That decent night was not last night.
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Day 977
I ate better yesterday than I had been the previous few days, and I expected to see good results on the bathroom scale this morning. No dice. KMN. Happy Monday.
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Day 976
I have to get back on track. This is ridiculous. Hopefully the next two weeks of teaching will help.
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Day 961
A couple of years ago I would have begun this entry with a dozen curse words. I would have been throwing things and spewing vile and anger. I am trying to be a better man, so I will simply say that I am extremely disappointed that after going all of Friday without solid food, only eating broth and drinking tea, my weight was up four pounds from yesterday. I know the broth is high in salt, but FOUR? That makes a nine pound increase over three days. I want to throw it all away, tell the doctors to shove it, and go out on a food binge that would at least allow me to enjoy my weight gain. I hate myself, and it is all that I can do to not go out and indulge.
No. Leslie is coming tomorrow. I will fast the rest of the time until my procedure, and then I will come home and I will prepare the chicken and salad which I had planned for.
Life sucks… today. Tomorrow when Leslie arrives it will be better, but in the meantime I might as well get myself fitted for a tent for all the good my weight loss efforts have done. I am a complete and total f&cking failure and I hate myself.
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Day 950
Despite the heat yesterday, I logged a 9km walk. I ate breakfast and lunch, and then I had two meal replacements in the late afternoon and then evening. I do not think it right that my weight was, once again, up this morning. Phooey.
Don’t get me wrong… it was only up a few ounces – .6 lb. to be precise. However, I do not feel that I deserved that up. I really felt that this morning my weight should have been down… and not just a little. Not fair. I know, the constipation might be a factor; that does not make me feel a whole lot better.
I am not going to jump off the wagon because of this… I am going to once again remember that weight loss is not about individual points on the graph; with that said, the last two points present an upward trend which pisses me off.
My plan for today is to forego the lunch. I ate my breakfast but will only have meal replacements the rest of the day. Depending on how I am feeling, I might go for another walk. We’ll see. I know that tomorrow I will not have that luxury as I have to teach all day. I know that I really should go out for that walk… and I probably will. I am just hoping that before I do my bowels decide that they are finished punishing me.
Have a great day folks.
