Losing a part of me

Category: Exercise

  • Day 835

    I woke up this morning with a bit of sadness in my heart, but not because the bathroom scale showed my weight up by .2 lb.. I was sad because after breakfast I would be packing my carry-on bag and then Leslie and her son would be driving me to the airport, which is where I am currently sitting waiting for my flight.

    It has been a wonderful three weeks with my wife, despite the stress caused by the invasive species criminal tw@t who invaded her home and planted her flag, knowing the laws in Texas would protect her until we got a court order to have her removed. I teach my students that social engineers prey on three emotions to succeed: sympathy/our desire to be good, pressure/urgency, and fear/threats. This loser used all three of these tactics on Leslie, and when I finally got involved, she was already onto the threats/fear stage… and figured that the tactics that worked against my wife (and which would work against most people) would work against me. Boy, did she misread her audience on that one. Some people do not scare easily… others just don’t scare. I fit into that last category.

    With all that, it was a stressful couple of weeks… but happy times too. My wife and I had not been having the best time for the last few months, and we’re happily reconciled. Now if we could only live in the same country, that would be great.

    With the exception of one really bad night, I have had an excellent sleep score for the last ten days. Well, that is my word… Garmin considers anything above 80 to be good, and only scores over 90 are rated as excellent. As someone who has traditionally had trouble sleeping the night, I am going to consider every score above 75 to be excellent… so the last ten days have been great. Yes, there were a couple of really hard nights, but I made up for them when I could.

    I am thrilled that I got out for two good walk/jog outings while I was in Dallas, and hope that I will be able to continue that when I get back to Canada. Yes, there will be rainy days when I might opt to use the treadmill, but knowing that spring is here and the cold and snow and ice are behind us is a great motivator to get out and to get moving again! With that said, I need to cancel my gym membership. Crap.

    My weight is up from my best weight of the trip, but it is still down from the day before I left Canada. Now that I will be home and not worried about eating out, I should be able to get back in control of my weight loss. I have had a lot of emotional stresses in my life these last six months, and the numbers on the bathroom scale reflect that. Now it is time for me to pick myself up by my bootstraps and to get back to my best weight ever. That will take a few months I am sure, but it will happen.

    I have an hour and a half before my flight leaves, and I am sitting in the same French café that I ate at the first time I flew out of Dallas. Despite having an omelette for breakfast this morning, I ordered a muffin with my coffee. I do not know if they are serving food on the airplane or not (yes, I know I would have to pay for it) so I will pick up a snack to eat en route, just in case. When I get home I will check my food stocks, and then I will go to the supermarket to pick up whatever I might be missing. Also, I have to make sure everything is just right for Her Royal Floofness to return to her palace – she has spent three weeks away, and she will expect a royal welcome! I will see to it that there are plenty of treats and scritchies and lovies for her when she gets home!

    Okay, I suppose I will sign off and get ready to fly. I will check out the duty free shop and see if there is a bottle that I really need. I will then find my gate and sit there to wait for boarding, at which point I will try to sleep a little bit.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 834

    I know I did not eat very well yesterday, what with the snacking and having leftover pizza for dinner, but I had hoped that with my exercise I would have at least lost a couple of ounces. I stepped onto the bathroom scale to see a slight increase. I was not pleased, but I deserve it after the way I have been eating these last few weeks. The fact that I will be returning to Canada under 290 lbs. is a success… I would love to have been under 280, but unless there is a miracle tomorrow that is not going to happen.

    I went for another walk/jog yesterday. The first kilometer I jogged with Duchess, and because of that my pace was nowhere near what it would normally be… but it was still a good jog. I brought her home after a circle of 1km, and then proceeded to walk another 6.25km. I was quite satisfied with that, knowing that I have been out of it for so long. My pace for the last kilometer was much slower than the previous ones, and I am glad that I did not try to extend the path.

    I had my omelette for breakfast today, and for lunch Leslie and I shared the leftovers of chicken and a tiny piece of steak, and the sautéed mushrooms from the other night. I do not know what we will do for dinner, as it will depend on what her son is in the mood for. Whatever it is, I will try to eat carefully.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 832

    I did it! Yesterday after I published my article (and did a few other housekeeping items that I needed to get done) I went out for my walk/jog. I walked the first kilometre, jogged the second, and then walked the rest of the way, totaling just over 6.5km in total. I will call that a win indeed!

    After I showered and cleaned up Leslie and I sat down for our last Passover meal. We had the same salad I’ve been making all along, but instead of the balsamic vinegar and olive oil we decided to substitute an Asian dressing. While we both applaud the concept, I think the dressing we chose was too subtle for what we were looking for. Live and learn, right?

    After lunch we completed some paperwork which was hanging over our heads, and then to celebrate we had a cigar on the balcony. Leslie then went back to work, and I had a number of calls and meetings I had to join as well. I then made a reservation for dinner, and then answered a slew of outstanding emails.

    As I might have mentioned, this trip was a last-minute and sudden one, so I packed a bit haphazardly. Had it occurred to me when I was packing that we would be celebrating our anniversary together then I would have packed a jacket and tie. I am glad that I had a button-down shirt and a bow-tie that I had ordered from Amazon. When Leslie emerged from the room in her gown I was breathless, and felt between my weight gain and my lack of a jacket that I had severely married up. I couldn’t help but thinking that I love being married to the most beautiful and radiant woman in the room… wherever we go.

    We headed to Chamberlain’s for dinner and I had already decided that I was not holding back. While I would not violate the dietary laws of my faith, I was not going to be on a diet this night. We had two cigars for each of us (one for before the meal, and one for after). I ordered a very lovely scotch whisky and Leslie ordered a cocktail, and we enjoyed our cigar with those until the appetizer came. We shared a plate of bison meatballs that were delicious. For our main course Leslie ordered a filet mignon and I ordered the bone-in rib steak, only because I knew that Duchess was being elevated today and that she would really enjoy the bone. For our sides Leslie ordered the mushrooms (probably her favourite vegetable) and I ordered the green beans. Everything was delicious, and for possibly the first time in my life I did not finish my steak, opting to take some of it home. Could I have polished it off? Yes. Would that have been the right thing to do, knowing that I was no longer hungry? I think I did right. Also, I will have the leftovers for lunch, making it a win-win!

    I had told Leslie that, as Passover was officially over, we could order an indulgent dessert. Non need… Kelly (our fabulous waitress) brought over an amazing cake for us to share. If the cake had not been among the most deliciously decadent chocolate cakes I have ever had (and it was) then the presentation would have still been award-worthy. It was gorgeous and it was fabulous… and despite knowing I could easily have taken those last few bites, we left some of it over. As it was I knew that I had sinned against my diet, and I felt that having the willpower to not polish it off showed that I am not just paying lip-service to it.

    Following our post-dinner cigar (a fabulous Davidoff Royal Robusto) we were both ready to head home. I took Duchess out for her walk because Leslie’s ball gown was probably not what you want to be wearing when you are traipsing through the grass and bending down to pick up poop. I came home knowing that we had enjoyed a wonderful second first anniversary.

    My weight was, of course, up this morning. In fact, it was slightly above 280 lbs. again. After last night’s dinner, coupled with two days of not being able to move my bowels, I was neither surprised nor upset. Tomorrow it will be better.  have had the last matzah that I need to eat for another year, and my bowels should go back to normal pretty quick. To that end, after my breakfast this morning I was able to finally have a good movement, and am already feeling a couple of pounds lighter.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 773

    There is a clear rule that I have learned and relearned, and yet I keep faltering on it. When I buy breakfast cereal, I gain weight. I have to remember that it is always bad for me, and that I should never buy it!

    My weight this morning is back to what I weighed the morning I left for Cuba. I have to stop faltering, and I have to learn or relearn that the discipline I once had and seem to have lost these last four months is important to not only my overall health, but also to how I feel about myself, how my clothes fit me, and how I feel when I look at myself in the mirror.

    There will be no more breakfast cereal… and until I am back down another ten pounds, there will be no more bread… and as soon as what I have in the fridge is done, there will be no more yogurts. This week I will start back on the treadmill, although on the nicer days I might even venture outside for my exercise. I find it is easier to push myself to go farther and harder when I walk X kilometres out, and then I have to walk home. When I am on the treadmill I can just stop at any point, and I am immediately home. Yes, I will try to walk outside this week. I have the gear, so why not?

    I have to start reminding myself of something. Every morning, I have to remember to remind myself that What she did to me ended us… but I can and I must and I will go on without her.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 760

    After a wet and rainy day yesterday, this morning is sunny (for now) but windy. I am told that it is going to rain later, but so far there is no sign of that, nor is it expressed in my phone’s weather app. We will see.

    Yesterday was the first day since I arrived that I did not hit my steps goal according to my fitness watch’s bar. To be fair, it raises the bar higher when I keep hitting it, and yesterday’s goal was 17,250, and I was short by about 1,300 steps. A combination of the rain and a friend insisting we take a bicycle taxi somewhere – and my deciding to not push for it at 11:30pm (I could have, but decided to relax) meant that yesterday was my first day since I got to Cuba that I did not take 16,000 steps… only 15,880. I am not upset.

    My feet are not in pain but looking at them after the wet day yesterday you can see that they are blistered and calloused. I am also wearing my last pair of clean socks, and it is a good thing that I took my dirty clothes to be laundered this morning. I will have them back in time for me to ‘dress up’ for dinner with my friend. It is the first time that I can think of that I am planning to wear long pants and a long-sleeve shirt in Cuba. Even though my clothes supply will be replenished, I am still planning to wear the shirt that I saved for the occasion. I want to look good tonight! No, I am not going into detail… but the shirt is my black guayabera.

    Today is the day I am actually going to start my cigar shopping. Yes, I have bought plenty of cigars to smoke here… I mean for what I plan to take home. I have to be economical about it because I only have so much cash on me… but also there are limits to how many I am allowed to bring back to Canada. Oh well! I will visit a couple of shops to see what is available, and I will make my decisions based on that.

    I am not meeting my friend until dinner time, and my only obligation between now and then is collecting my laundry. I will also try to remember to go back to my casa after lunch to turn on the gas so that I can have hot water to shower before dinner. Other than that, I will be on my own, free to saunter from shop to shop to see what cigars are available. It would be nice if I could hit today’s posted goal of 17,110, but I will not push myself too hard. My breakfast was just served to me, and I’ll have a reasonable lunch. 17,000? If yes then yes and if not then whatever.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 755

    There are some things that would be difficult for anyone who has not spent time in Cuba to understand. One of these is that Internet is only available in some places, and then only when it feels like working. As an example, it rained yesterday, hence despite having written my article, I could not publish it because the Internet does not work in Cuba when it rains. Additionally, the previous day’s article was written and I thought it had published… but I was wrong. Don’t worry, I am able to backdate them so that when today’s article goes live my 756-day streak should be intact.

    I do not go out of my way to be online when I am here. Several hours after my article was finished, I was sitting at a café and the Internet was working… but my article was on my computer back in my apartment. I did not feel it necessary to run back, grab my computer, and come back to the café… not only because it is possible that in the fifteen minutes I was gone, the Internet might have dropped again. It’s all good.

    Despite writing about it in the past tense, I am actually starting today’s article yesterday… which is to say, last night. Yes, as I type this out I am lying in bed and ready to sleep. My feet are in agony – between Monday and Tuesday I walked over 44,000 steps! I got back to the room and peeled my shoes and socks off, then hobbled to the shower where I stood painfully but necessarily under the hot water. I did not shower this morning and I felt grungy. I briefly considered not shaving because that would entail standing for another five minutes or so. Once my stubble was gone I then considered (again briefly) not walking to the kitchen where I had to shut the gas for the water heater… I did the responsible thing and endured those extra thirty or so steps. Now I am lying comfortably so that the soles of my feet (which are currently about 40% blister) do not have to touch anything for the next eight hours or so.

    I am not eating as well as I should, but in the balance between caloric intake and calories burned I suspect I am doing well. I had a reasonable breakfast, a rich lunch of pasta with cream sauce (and a couple of glasses of rum, thanks to my buddy who owns the restaurant), and a mostly healthy dinner (although the French fries were not a good choice). I smoked several cigars throughout the day and drank more coffee than I probably should; the restaurants here serve a piece of chocolate with each cup of coffee, and I do not feel too guilty for eating them. Unlike yesterday (when I indulged in a piece of chocolate cake for desert after lunch) those were the only sweets that I had. I also had two glasses of juice… but I am sure my body will forgive me. All in all, I am hoping that were I to step on my bathroom scale this morning I would not be too disappointed.

    I am planning on taking it easy Wednesday (today). I will do some walking around Old Havana in the morning, and sometime in the afternoon I am meeting friends at the Hotel Nacional (4km from here). Unless my feet experience some sort of miraculous recovery, it is my intention to take a taxi to get there and back. Those will be the first I have taken since the one that brought me from the airport. The plan is to relax, smoke cigars, and to chat. No harm in that, right?

    —

    Okay, it now really is tomorrow (today) and I am sitting at the café in Calle Aguilar. I had the same breakfast I’ve had every day and am enjoying a cup of coffee. I just had a nice conversation with an American who lives just south of Montreal (in New York State) who is on his first trip here, and we spoke about cigars and economics and how to help the people here… while not getting taken in by the ploys that abound. Now I am going to finish my second cup of coffee and when I put my computer away I will pull out my backgammon set in the (probably vain) hopes that someone will sit down to play. It does not seem to be a very Cuban game. Oh well.

    My feet are still hurting, but not nearly as bad as they were last night. I am still going to take it easy – I doubt my step count will exceed 10,000 today – and will take taxis if I am going to leave Old Havana. Unless my friend from Portugal invites me to the Hotel Nacional for coffee I will not be leaving the neighbourhood. I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night because of them, and finally I broke down and took a couple of Aspirin. I took two more this morning and will proactively take a couple more throughout the day. I have no problems pushing myself, but there is a fine line between pain and injury… and I want to make sure my feet do recover so that I am not in pain the entire trip. I know that I overdid things my first few days here, and I know I have to pace myself. I can go back to Canada and limp around, but if I want to go to the store in Canada I can get into my car if I am in too much pain to walk. That is not an option here.

    It is still cool and a little cloudy, but the sun is coming out and I will be wearing sunglasses today. What else will I be doing? Who knows… whatever it is, I’ll have fun. There will be cafes and restaurants and music… and hopefully some backgammon involved.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 754

    I surpassed all expectations yesterday and am quite proud of myself for it. I ate a healthy breakfast, I went for a jog (which after 1 km in the heat and humidity turned into a power-walk), and I had a healthy dinner. I did a lot of walking, surpassing 25,000 steps! I had a single alcoholic beverage (a rum that was offered to me by a cigar roller friend as we smoked his creation, so I could hardly refuse). All in all, it was a good day. Had I brought my bathroom scale (which I ended up not doing) I suspect I would have been happy with my number this morning.

    I did get taken by a teenager who offered to convert my money at a decent rate. My usual guy was not available, so I tried to convert fifty dollars. The guy disappeared, and I am now $50 poorer than I was. The way I see it, it was my charitable donation to the Cuban economy. While I am usually careful with money, in the grand scheme of things that money was about 30-minutes of work for me… and three months’ salary for him. I was thinking that if I come across him again, I can hold my head high… he may think he got one over on the stupid turista, but in truth he just proved that I am much more of a man than he is. It means I will be able to buy three fewer cigars than I would have. Put in that perspective, I came out okay.

    When I did connect with my brother, we sat with a couple of friends of his for a little while and talked. The guy is from South Florida and works in technology, so we had a lot to talk about. The four of us would end up having dinner later.

    I told Johnny that I would go for a run while he did what he had to do; we went back to my apartment so that I could give him some real money to convert for me, and then he left to do his thing and I changed into my kit. We agreed to meet at 2:30pm at another friend’s café. I hoped to jog five kilometres but decided to pull up at 1km because of the conditions. I ended up walking along the Malecon to the Hotel Nacional, making about a 4km distance. I took a break there, reviewed my stats (6m45s for the jog, and under 9m30s per kilometre walking). I used the restroom, looked in at the cigar shop, and then headed out to walk back – another 4km. I took a cold shower (I miscalculated how far in advance I have to turn the water heater on), and then went to meet Johnny.

    The Conde de Villenueva hotel is absolutely magnificent… and it is currently closed… as is the cigar shop which is one of my favourites. Johnny was able to hook me up very well though – he has friends who were able to arrange for us to meet the senior torcedor (cigar roller) there. Raoul replaced my friend Reynaldo when he moved to Mexico, so I was not sure about what I would find. I was pleasantly surprised not only by the stock but also by the quality of the custom-rolled cigars. We sat for an hour chatting, smoking cigars, and drinking coffee and then rum. After enjoying one of his cigars, I asked him to make twenty-five of them for me for next week to take home. Yay!

    While neither Johnny nor I had eaten lunch, we had one more stop to make before heading to the restaurant in Calle San Rafael to meet Dennis and his wife for dinner. We popped in at my buddy Osiris’ restaurant and spent an hour talking with him and his wife. It was wonderful to see him (as it always is), and we promised we would meet him for lunch today (which we will do shortly).

    Dinner was at a Turkish restaurant, and I had a Doner Kebab. I had asked for the plate, but there was a miscommunication, so I got the sandwich instead. No great loss. It was quite good, and while all four of us were exhausted, we stayed there until 11:00pm chatting. I introduced Dennis to cigars, showing him how to properly enjoy it. In fact he enjoyed it so much that he enjoyed a second one! Johnny told him that he was getting a Master Class from me; I told him that he might be getting a class from a master, but it was really a primer. Master Classes are not for beginners!

    When we finally got up and left the restaurant, we said our farewells and exchanged contact information. Johnny and I will meet Osiris today, but Dennis has already flown back to the USA. I walked around for another ninety minutes or so before finding my way back to my apartment… after tracking down (with some difficulty owing to the late hour) some bottled water to take back to the room.

    As I prepared for bed, I realized that I was hungrier than expected. Not only had I skipped lunch, but by now the sandwich I had for dinner was nearly six-hours in my rearview mirror. I decided to have a protein bar so that I was not uncomfortable trying to sleep. My buddy Lyle had recommended the protein bars I brought, and he was right about how good they are. I lay my head down to sleep satisfied after a very complete first full day in Havana.

    The decision to come to Cuba was made because I needed to clear my head and get away from the usual grind. I wanted to relax, do a lot of walking, see my friends, smoke my cigars, and be beholden to nobody. In those respects, yesterday was a perfect day. What will today bring? We’ll see… it started to rain shortly after I finished my breakfast, so I brought my laptop into the smoking salon of the bistro, and here I sit. The Internet is down (welcome to Cuba), so I will likely have to wait until later in the day to publish. In the meantime, the rain seems to have stopped, and I am going to walk back to my apartment, drop off the computer, and then head out to see my buddies for lunch. After that? Whatever I want.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 748

    I was disappointed this morning to see that I not only gained weight again but gained a substantial amount of it. I did not eat badly yesterday, and I jogged nearly thirty minutes. The things I can point to from yesterday that were not on my program were a roll for breakfast, an apple in the evening, a dark chocolate wafer that my master (Taekwondo before you ask) brought and insisted I try, and the eggrolls that I had with my dinner. I am going to cut the eggrolls down today and skip the apple and chocolate. I already ate my roll with breakfast.

    I am counting down the days until I get onto the airplane. If there are no delays, then I will be landing in Havana in three days and twenty-two hours. I do not want to think about what issues I might have but I am hoping for clear sailing from beginning to end. Here’s hoping!

    My sleep score last night was an amazing 85. According to my fitness watch I slept 7h 25m, and got plenty of deep sleep. I suspect that something was a little off on that, as I woke up around 7:30am, and I thought I was in bed much earlier than midnight. Oh well… even if I did go to sleep that late, I am not used to getting that much good sleep. It was the third night in a week in which my score was above 80, and with the exception of Friday night (which was a terrible night, although I cannot remember why) it has been 77 or higher every night. I am glad to be sleeping better… now if I can just stop eating and gaining weight!

    I have no plans to overeat today… although I suppose I seldom do. My goal is to stick to my program and drop a couple of these pesky pounds before I get onto the airplane. I could hardly believe when I saw the numbers on the bathroom scale this morning… I weigh nearly 270 lbs. again! I have to get off this rollercoaster and start dropping some of that. I do not want to do anything too extreme, but I also do not want my weight to creep above that terrible mark again.

    I ran less than I had planned to yesterday, but at a slightly faster pace. When I first started the treadmill – within the first fifteen seconds – I realized there was a sharp pain in my ankle. It was not an injury, but if I pushed myself, it could easily become one. I stopped the treadmill, spent a few minutes stretching it, and then started up again. I have been setting the pace to 4 mph (at a 3% incline). Within the first minute of my run, I pushed that up to 4.2 mph. I pulled up at 2 miles (I have been doing 3 miles) because I was worried about my ankle. I re-calibrated my fitness watch (which was nowhere near accurate) and called it a day. I will try to get a couple of miles in again today but will now be paying attention to both my knees and my ankle. Sigh. Getting old is not fun, but as my parents used to say… it beats the alternative.

    I am slowly trying to get back to my happy self, but that is going to take some time. I have a new normal to get used to which is harder than I thought… and I never thought I would be here. I am seeing my doctor this afternoon, and I am going to ask about increasing my dosage of the antidepressants (which she said was likely going to happen after a month or so, which is about right on track). I hate being chemically dependent… but that is not the worst of my life right now, so I will live with it.

    I’ll see you tomorrow.

  • Day 745

    I booked my airfare yesterday and it is confirmed. One week from today I am waking up at way before the sun does and I am heading to the airport. I have never flown to Cuba through the US before and I do not know what to expect (what with them pulling me aside for in-depth inspection every time I fly into the country) but I do know that barring unforeseen changes or delays, I will be landing in Havana shortly after noon, and will be spending the next ten days in that wonderful city. I have been there dozens of times, but I do not know what to expect. I have heard so many terrible things about Cuba’s current situation, and I am worried about what I am going to find when I get there. I am hoping it is not as bad as some people are saying.

    While I was not great with my food intake yesterday, I was very good with my activity. I jogged 5km on the treadmill – my first full 5km jog without stopping or slowing to a walk in quite some time. I am going to try to do the same (or better) again today. I am not sure about the exact distance because of a discrepancy between my fitness watch and the treadmill, so I am going to figure out how to calibrate the two as well. However far I jogged, I spent 39 minutes running on the treadmill. The settings I use are a 3% incline and a pace of 4mph, so simple math tells me that I would be about 2.62 miles, which is only 4.22km. I guess I am not running as far as I thought. Today’s calibration should take care of that.

    After the massive gain from a couple of days ago, I am now down nearly a pound from Friday. If I can be disciplined today, then I should be able to lose another few ounces tomorrow morning. This may sound strange but knowing that I am planning to calibrate my watch will incentivize me to make sure I get in a good run this morning! Who knows? Maybe I will go longer than I have been going. I stopped running yesterday because my watch read 5km, but I probably could have gone another few minutes easily.

    Eduardo is coming over for a cigar in the afternoon. I am looking forward to seeing him. After that? I am thinking of doing some work on my computer… It has been acting weird, and I am thinking that wiping it and starting from scratch might be a fun project to get rid of gremlins and take my mind off things at the same time.

    Okay, I am going to change my outfit, then pull the treadmill down and hit the virtual trails. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 732

    I was pleased to record another significant drop in my weight from yesterday morning, extending my streak to five days in a row. I do not know if I should be celebrating that I am back below the 260 lbs. mark just yet, knowing that I achieved that in August, and then fell off the wagon in October. I am still 21 lbs. heavier than I was on my best day, and that is a lot of lost ground that I need to recover. I will get there… but I know it will take time. Looking at my charts, it took me a little more than two months to drop from 262 lbs. to 238 lbs. the last time. If I can stick with my program, I should be able to get back there by mid-March or so. I can live with that. It is just a shame that I let myself fall off the way I did. While I know that psychological trauma and depression are the reasons, I do not like making excuses for myself. I failed, and now it is time to get back on track.

    Yesterday was a better day than it should have been, owing to the fact that I was not in a convenient place to eat dinner. I did my 5km jaunt on the treadmill before lunch, and then cleaned up, ate, and did some work before heading out to Cambridge to see my friends. The dinner they were serving was not kosher, and having eaten a very late lunch I was not hungry anyways. On my way home I stopped for gas, and I bought a small package of almonds. I could have done worse!

    I am teaching today but will have the evening off. I am preparing fish and rice for dinner, and will then have a relaxing evening on the balcony.

    I’ll see you all tomorrow.