Losing a part of me

Category: Exercise

  • Day 731

    I suppose working out yesterday was a big factor for my fourth weight-loss day in a row this morning. I have to keep at it despite all of the emotional garbage that I am going through. I will eat carefully and mindfully, and I will work out as many days as I can. I know there will be times when that will be impossible, but I am going to keep trying to get back to where I was when I was under 240 lbs. (around the middle of October).

    My plans for today include working out, then working for a few hours (Okay, for a few more hours, as I have already spent an hour writing emails and fighting with labs). After that, I am going to head to my buddy’s place in Cambridge. His football team is in the playoffs, and while I don’t care who wins or loses, I still enjoy watching the games. I also enjoy being able to smoke a cigar in the warmth from time to time!

    I’ll see you tomorrow.

  • Day 715

    Once again, the day is almost over and I am only now sitting down to write in my journal. It was a mostly productive day though, so I am not upset about it. I took Her Floofness for her morning walk and then went about my day, eating mostly normally. I had a cigar date on the balcony, and then ate a late lunch. After lunch I got onto the treadmill for a very quick-paced 5km walk, which I felt really good for doing. I think it is time for me to cancel my gym membership once and for all. Okay, I might hit the sauna once more before I do that.

  • Day 713

    I did not lose any weight this morning. I also did not gain any, which is a good thing. I know that I went overboard on food yesterday. Today I did not, and I am hopeful that my weight will be down at least slightly tomorrow morning.

    This is another ‘near the end of the day’ post – in fact, it is already 10:15 as I sat down to write, and my students are working on their labs for an hour. I’ll be lecturing again soon. With that said, I think the eating portion of my day is behind me. I would probably snack if there was something in the house, but there is not. At least, there is nothing that I can think of. It is better that way… snacking is bad for my program, right?

    Today was a reasonably good day. Not only did I mostly stick to my eating regimen, but I also took my new (to me) treadmill out for its inaugural spin. I Walked at a very quick pace and did a strong five miles. I was very pleased with myself. I would have gone longer, but my wife called me with some very exciting news. No, I am not going to share. Live with it

    The treadmill came into the house Sunday afternoon and was assembled thanks to my buddy (we worked on it together and it was NOT as easy as we hoped). It was heavier than I expected… but then, I wanted a heavy-duty treadmill that would not feel like a toy… and that would support my weight. Even at my current weight that is an issue with a lot of models – I saw a few with limits of 250 lbs., and while I will be under that again soon… I expect that if my weight is at or near their recommended limit then I will not enjoy the experience.

    Princess Sophie went to the neighbour’s for a playdate this morning. That gave me the opportunity to rearrange the furniture in my bedroom. I went through seven arrangements before settling on the one I liked best… or at least the one I dislike the least. If the bedroom was one foot bigger each way I would have had a lot more options… but alas, we play the cards we are dealt, right? I did want to make sure that however I laid things out that I would be able to watch my television from the treadmill, and that worked very well. I watched the first half of a movie that I quite enjoyed.

    My buddy Eduardo came over for a cigar in the afternoon. It was good to see him, and chat about this and that. He is a great guy to chat with… although I know that he is going to discuss both Israeli and South American politics with me every time. It doesn’t bother me… Just predictable.

    Okay, it’s time for me to go back to work. See you all tomorrow.

  • Day 633

    There is an episode of The West Wing in which Toby Ziegler (brilliantly portrayed by Richard Schiff) discusses with Tabitha Fortis (the U.S. Poet Laureate, portrayed by guest star Laura Dern) the satisfaction of crossing things off lists. In actuality it is she who discusses it with him; either way it is an episode worth watching not only for this interaction (which we are called back to at the end of the episode) but simply for the pure genius of the writing and the acting.

    TOBY: What are you doing?

    TABITHA: Crossing off the FDR Memorial, the Atrium, and the Folger Library. I like crossing off lists. It’s very satisfying. You like lists?

    TOBY: Yes.

    TABITHA: You like crossing things off?

    TOBY: I’ll let you know if it happens.

    To know the character of Toby is to understand that he is almost always fighting for the losing cause. His dry wit, along with his beard, smoking cigars, and his love of writing and the English language are just some of his qualities that I see in myself. (The Season 6-7 storyline in which his betrays his country by leaking state secrets to the press is where I get off)

    As does Tabitha, I too enjoy crossing things off. This morning, after a lot of failures that resulted in an extreme and disgusting seven-pound weight gain over Thanksgiving weekend, I was able to cross off another number on the list on my fridge. This morning’s weight not only takes me solidly into Best-Weight-Everland (as well as crossing off the next two-pound marker on my list), but it also allowed me to cross off another decade milestone… I am under 240 lbs. for the first time. I will keep going!

    The weather yesterday cleared up a little bit earlier than expected. When the forecast predicts a 40-50% chance of rain, especially in mid-October, we plan for rain. The rains that were predicted to stop around 5:00pm actually stopped much earlier, and it made for a lovely afternoon. I was hungry earlier than usual, so I prepared my lunch for noon instead of my usual 1:00-2:30pm. Following my lunch (the usual chicken with salad) I had a cigar date with my wife. After that my friend Eduardo came over and we enjoyed another cigar together. When he left, I took Her Floofness out for a walk. When I brought her home, I suited up for my walk. I knew it was going to be chilly, so a long shirt (and layers) and long training pants were the uniform of the day. I was sure that the extra weight and bulkiness of them would slow my stride somewhat.

    Boy was I wrong.

    I do not know if it was because of the chill in the air, or because I had pre-set expectations that the outfit might slow me down, or if I was just in better form than usual… but my pace (walking the whole way) was 8m37s per kilometre over the entire 12.65km of my outing! It is by far the best pace that I have ever recorded for a walk. There have been a few others under 9min/km, but those all involved at least some jogging along the way. I am chalking this up as a huge win, as well as a contributing factor to my remarkable two-pound drop from yesterday.

    This afternoon I am taking my son for lunch, and I have been on the fence about whether I will eat or not. I have asked my ex-wife to try to convince him that we should go for Greek food instead of his usual favourite, but I have not heard back yet. If he does agree to that then I can order a salad and be comfortable with it. If not, then I will not eat anything, and will come home to have a meal replacement afterwards.

    In the late afternoon and evening I am meeting with some people in Toronto, and I suspect there will be food involved. I will do my best to eat well and in moderation, but what will be available is an unknown to me. I will bring a meal replacement with me in the event that there is nothing that I can eat, but if there is something then I will stick to the moderation plan. At least I know that any food offered will be kosher.

    When Eduardo was here yesterday, I put on my Army uniform so that he could take a picture for me. It amazes me that not only does it fit, but it probably fits slightly better than it did the day I last took it off… nearly twenty-seven years ago. My last few months in the Army I let myself go a little, and was probably already starting to get pudgy. Aside from that, the only think that I noticed was that the buttons needed reinforcing… and that the IDF uniform (at least those from my era) were nowhere near the high quality cloth that the US uniforms are.

    As I have dropped below 240 lbs., my goal for this week is to drop a few more pounds to get below 235 lbs., so that when I fly to Dallas a week from today my wife will be able to see me at my absolute best. Of course, if I do not drop another ounce from right now then she will still see me at that – I have no recollection of weighing anything close to this low in the last twenty-five years. Nonetheless I still want to drop another few pounds for her.

    Okay, I am going to call my wife. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 618

    I exceeded my expectations on the jog/walk yesterday. I jogged the first 2km (which is what I was hoping for) and walked another 14km. Had I not had that bag of chips last night my weight would have definitely been down this morning. As it stands, it was .2 lb. up, which is much better than it might have been.

    I have to stop making excuses that ‘Oh, I exercised like crazy today, so I deserve (or can get away with) this.’ The math has always been simple: When I follow the program, I lose weight. When I veer from the program I do not. QED.

    I am likely taking the day off from exercising today. I have a lot of work and studying to do which I should have done yesterday but did not. I am now on the balcony with a coffee and a cigar and nothing else to do but that.

    I did achieve one nice non-scale victory yesterday. In March and April I talked about the MapMyFitness.com challenge to walk/run 1,023 kilometres in the year 2023. When I first wrote about it there were a little over 130,000 participants registered, and I was happy that when I first wrote about it (Day 427) I was in the top 25%. Within a few weeks (Day 448) the number of registrants had risen to 141,000 but I had jumped into the top 18.6%. Less than a week later I was in the top 16%. This morning, with more than 205,000 participants in the contest, I am now ranked in the Top 9.85%. That puts me ahead of nearly 185,000 others. I am under no delusion that I will either crack the top 5% or win the prize (which I understand will be drawn at random of everyone who completes the 1,023kms) but none of that matters; what does matter is that I am sticking with it and that I am improving myself.

    Yes, I had a pretty bad lapse which saw me gain 25 lbs. while not doing any exercising to speak of for a few months, but I am back on track. Despite that stumble I weigh 6.1kg less than I did that first day of the challenge; I could look at that as ‘I only lost 13.5 lbs. in six months which is terrible.’ I choose instead to look at it as ‘I had a bad couple of months but have recovered and am back on track and have now lost 29 lbs. in the last 2.5 months and have lost about 150 lbs. on this journey.’

    It is equally important to recognise our successes as our failures. It is the only way that we can maintain a positive attitude. Thomas Edison once said that he did not fail 2,000 times… he simply discovered 2,000 ways how to not make a lightbulb. I am not inventing anything that will change the world… but I am following a program and a plan that will change my world (and possibly my wife’s) for the better.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 617

    I was mostly good yesterday… until I was not. It is amazing though how our perspectives can change with our circumstances… and with who we are in general. As an example, allow me to list everything I ate yesterday. I will then write what I felt yesterday, and then will try to get into my head from two years ago and see how I might have felt:

    • · Morning meal: omelette with a teaspoon of olive oil in the pan, onion, broccoli, mushroom, and cheese.
    • Late morning snack: Tamari almonds (1/3 cup)
    • Mid-afternoon meal: omelette (identical to morning meal but with one extra egg)
    • Late afternoon snack: a bag of salt and vinegar mini crisps.

    How I felt last night: I felt like such a failure with all of this. I did not stick to my regimen. I was 100% certain that my weight would be up the next morning, and the best that I could hope for was that, owing to my exercise, it might stay the same… but I doubted it.

    How I might have felt two years ago: I am happy that I ate so little. Normally I would be eating three large meals per day, with a couple of snacks mixed in for the fun of it. I have little doubt that eating like this I should likely see a slight drop in my weight the next morning, but if my body wanted to mess with me then it might stay the same.

    Do you see the difference? I certainly do! There is both good and bad to this difference. The good is that I am certainly eating less, more easily sated, and more aware of what I am eating. The bad is that I was down on myself for overeating… even though I did not. I have to take care that I am not exchanging one eating disorder (overeating) for another (would it be considered anorexia? Probably not… but it is something). While I am not prepared to resume therapy for this just yet, it is certainly something that I should at least be aware of.

    In fact I was wrong about the bathroom scale this morning. I did not gain weight or even stay the same, but actually dropped .4 lb.; I am now back to the same weight that I was the day before I flew to California. If I stay on track for another couple of days then it is entirely possible – nay, likely – that I will be in best-weight-ever land by the beginning of next week.

    I do not write a lot about sexual function or activity in these pages for many reasons; it is not something I ever really had a problem with (even at my heaviest). The only real issue I had was that I did not have the stamina that I would have liked. As a happily married man who has referred often to my wife, I will not change that for reasons of decency and discretion. Suffice it to say that we have always enjoyed our healthy intimate moments, but that over the course of having lost thus far approximately 150 pounds, that portion of our life has steadily improved, owing mostly to the increased stamina that has come with the combination of weight loss and (mostly) consistent exercise.

    With that said: It is important in discussing significant weight loss and body transformation to take note of the changes and improvements of all aspects of my life that are direct results of same. I started this journey as a 49-year-old man, and over the course of these 617 days I have celebrated two birthdays. As a 51-year-old man I could lose all the weight in the world and yet will never be what I was when I was last a normal weight. With that said, there are some changes I have noticed of late that are significant.

    As one example, I cannot remember these last few decades waking up in the morning with a solid erection. Over these last few weeks that has changed. It is not every day, but it has happened a few times. I did not think much of it the last few times, but this morning I noticed it and remembered it happening a few times this past month.

    Another example was noticed by both of us a few weeks ago when Leslie was here. At the end of a night of passion, my erection did not subside immediately (as has almost always been the case) after ejaculation. In fact, several minutes after same I went into the washroom, and it was still quite solid (to the point where I was unable to urinate). Despite that inconvenience it felt good to know that my with regard to sexual performance, ability, and stamina my body is showing real improvements with the weight loss and body transformation. These bode well for my future. These improvements give me yet another reason to continue to lose the weight… and to never let myself go again!

    I had a lovely cigar date with my wife this morning and I did take care of some business, but it is time for me to get moving. I have a lot of studying to do before my class this evening, but before I dive into that I am going to go for my walk. I would love to try to get fifteen kilometres in today! On yesterday’s outing I jogged the first kilometre in 6m21s before pulling up and walking the remainder of the 12.5km course. My plan for today is to try to increase that to 2-3km jogging. We’ll see. I was going to wait until I was home before preparing my first meal replacement, but realizing it is now 12:55pm I am actually going to do that before I go out. It is never a good idea for me to let myself get hungry… as we see far too often, that nevber seems to work out well for me.

    Once I am done, I will come home to shower and then will sit on the balcony with my studying and a cigar. I will be ready for my evening class on time and look forward to finishing my current class with this group so that I can begin the next one (with the same group) on Monday. After class I am probably going to a friend’s house because he invited a group of us to enjoy a cigar by the fire pit. It should be a lovely time and knowing that I am arriving late I will miss the food that he usually puts out (and which is never diet-friendly).

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 615

    Mission accomplished. In the lead-up to my weeklong trip to California I stated at different times that I was hoping to return to Canada having gained less than five pounds, and that I was hoping that my first weigh-in after returning to Canada I would still weigh under 250 pounds. This morning, after a long day of travel followed by a very bad night of tossing and turning in bed, I stepped onto the bathroom scale and weighed 246.4 lbs., a scant two pounds heavier than my last weigh-in the morning I left! (It is also worth noting that I had always said weigh-in did not really count, as it was done at 3:20am; in fact I am only one pound heavier than I was the previous day)

    I did not sleep well at all last night. If I did not have such a busy morning, I would likely have gone right back to bed following my morning rituals and then Her Royal Floofness’ walk. That is not possible as I have a 9:00am appointment with my doctor, followed by an 11:00am appointment with my tailor. Between those two I will return home to prepare my breakfast (the only meal I will have today as I return to my weight loss program). After the second appointment I will likely come home and try to sleep for a couple of hours. I will be teaching from 6-9pm this evening and I do not want to fall asleep in class.

    I will be back in a little under two hours (although for you the reader it will seem much quicker!) to report my official doctor’s weigh-in. I am 6.2 lbs. down on my bathroom scale from the morning of my last weigh-in; hopefully the scale at the doctor’s office will reflect a similar drop!

    —

    I am not in the least disappointed to have only dropped 3.1 kg since my last weigh-in at the doctor’s office. Had I not taken the break from my regimen during the last week it likely would have been closer to 5kg, but I have no regrets. I said in advance that I would not, and I am not going back on my word. Two of the nurses told me how fabulous I look!

    I came home for a quick breakfast before heading into Hamilton to meet my clothier. I picked out four shirts and one sports jacket, and when he asked me if I my measurements would be the same as they were in March, I was very happy to say that they were not. I am a full four inches smaller around the chest and around my waist… from March! That feels amazing. I would love to be able to see another similar drop over the next six months… if not even more.

    I decided to spend a couple of hours chatting with my buddy on his patio before coming home. My intention was to come home and take a two-hour nap. What I ended up doing was going out for a (nearly) two-hour walk… and seven of the 11.25kms were under 9 min/km! My average pace was an amazing 8m47s per kilometre, making this the second outing that I can claim that in the last few. It felt great… even though I probably should have been resting. Yes, I started my class a few minutes ago (we started with a lab activity) and I am tired… but I am not sleepy. I know I will get a good night sleep tonight, but today was essentially a ‘recover from travel, a week of vacation… and all the bad habits I tried to not fall fully back into’ day.

    Will my weight on the bathroom scale tomorrow morning be back in the best weight ever territory? I do not know. What I am pretty sure of is that the next time I go to see the doctor I want to weigh under 110kg. I have to remember to call to make an appointment though, which I forgot to do when I was leaving. I will call tomorrow before I head to my dentist appointment.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 599

    I got out of the restaurant unscathed yesterday, which I considered quite an accomplishment. The fact that the service was abysmal only aided that a very little bit. I had a nice lunch with my son the younger (or rather I watched him eat). I then went to get my car washed (it was long overdue), and then came home, had my meal replacement, and then went for a long walk/jog. I completed thirteen kilometres, which made it the fifth walk/jog of over 9km of the week, and the fourth of 12.5km or longer. All in all I am proud both of my day (insofar as I did not cheat, and I exercised) and my week (likewise).

    I am teaching a new class to a new audience for a new training provider beginning today. I am doing it on the recommendation of an old friend. In other words I cannot screw this up lest I let down my buddy and darken my name with a new potential source of income. No pressure, right? Add to that I will be working fourteen hour days Monday and Wednesday and I can tell you that this last week of the waning Jewish calendar year will not be an easy one. Then again, I suppose anything worth having is worth working hard for. I believe I am up to the task.

    Because of my work schedule this week I know that I will not be getting much exercise. All I can do is stay true to the diet end of the program and make sure I do not cheat, and hopefully I will continue to lose a couple of ounces every day. I do not expect any dramatic drops anymore, but I do loathe the possibility of possible gains… even though I know them to be simple blips on the overall downward trend of my weight loss graph… that is, as long as I stay true to the program. There is just no way that I can ingest what I have been ingesting on a daily basis and actually gain weight… that would be absurd.

    Okay, it is time to get to work. In truth, I started an hour ago, but the students are doing a quick evaluation right now, so I have a moment to close up.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 597

    I had a feeling last night that I was not going to break the 250 lbs. milestone today. In fact I told Leslie that I was pretty sure I was going to lose ground… that somehow, I was going to gain weight this morning. Whether that was because of the timing of my meal replacements or whatever else it might have been, I had a bad feeling. I was right. I stepped onto the bathroom scale and was up nearly half a pound. Sigh. Weight loss can be a frustrating endeavour sometimes.

    Look, I know that I have not been nearly so regimented throughout as I might have been. I know that had I not faltered, cheated, fallen off, taken breaks, and so on… well, it would not have taken me so long to lose what I have. I just see the day – Day Five Hundred and Ninety-Seven. I want to achieve that next major milestone – under Two Hundred and Fifty Pounds – before Day Six Hundred. That gives me three more days to do it, and I am going to do everything that I can to do it. What does that consist of? Frankly, there is nothing I can do that I have not already been doing. I will make sure I get good exercise outings in today and tomorrow because I know that this coming week that will not be possible. I will continue to not cheat on the program. I am going to try to sleep well and live healthy, and hopefully in the next two or three days I will reach it.

    For those of you who think that once I hit this milestone I might slack off, you should know one more thing. At 250 lbs. I have lost One Hundred and Forty-Five Pounds. That is absolutely a lot of weight. That leaves me exactly five pounds from my next major milestone… a 150 lbs loss. It will take a bit longer of course. My hope is to be able to reach that one before I get on the plane next Tuesday, which gives me ten days to lose 5.4 lbs…. which is not unreasonable, although it is also not a certain lock. It would be nice!

    I killed it on the trails yesterday. Okay, most of my jog/walk was not done on trails but on streets. Wherever it was I think I did very well. I jogged the first two kilometres (which I had not been able to do the last few times) which is already a good start… but then for the next five kilometres walking I would jog the first 100-150 metres of each kilometre. All in all I think I did really well. Additionally I stopped into Fortino’s again, and once again I did not veer from my path. I bought a large bottle of water and mixed it with Gatorade Zero powder. I also needed some provisions – I ventured into the store and bought shampoo, conditioner and dish soap – which forced me to walk through those ever so tempting sections and past those oh so delicious snacks. I bought nothing other than my hair products and the dish soap, and not one peanut more. This despite knowing that in the evening we would welcome in the Sabbath, and that it would be so easy to buy a challah to bless. I walked into the store, I bought what I needed, and then I went to the tables adjacent the prepared food section where I prepared and enjoyed my Gatorade. I consider that a huge win.

    If you read my article yesterday and are wondering why I substituted my planned visit with a friend with a 13.2km jog/walk, then let me tell you that it was a fortuitous call from my buddy that allowed the change. He told me right after I posted the article that he had to cancel our meeting because his minor medical procedure, which would have had him home by 11:00am, was postponed to the mid-afternoon because… it doesn’t matter why, it just was. That freed up several hours of my day to be able to not only have two relaxing video dates with my wife (one mid-morning, one in the evening) but also to go out for some exercise. Of course, I was hoping that the extra push would be just what I needed to get me through that 250 lbs. milestone, but apparently not. No, I will need to wait another day or two or three for that. Grrrr.

    I have a few hours of prep work to do today and tomorrow for the class that I am delivering this week, so my plan is to stay close to home today. Tomorrow I am taking my son (the younger) for lunch which will be yet another challenge to face and to overcome. I have not veered from my program in ten days, and I would like to keep that streak going until the day I leave for California. At the very least I want to keep it going until I not only pass that heretofore never passed milestone, but I want to pass it with enough leeway that I would not be in danger of losing ground and popping above 250 lbs. because of one errant day.

    Of course I will not work too hard today; I will make sure to take time to remember the Sabbath, and I will relax with a cigar or two. If the weather holds up I might even head out for a walk/jog this afternoon.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 595

    And then there were three.

    As I went to bed last night, I did so knowing that any day now, as long as I stay on track and true to the program, I am going to wake up and step onto the bathroom scale at or beyond the next milestone. I am now within ounces of reaching my best weight ever; it could have been today, but it was not. My weight did drop a little, and I am now 250.2 lbs., the same as I weighed May 26. The next time my weight drops it will tie or break that milestone.

    It was hot out there on my walk yesterday afternoon. I jogged the first 1.25km and then walked the rest of the way. It was a shorter outing than the previous few only because I took a different route, and by the time I had to decide whether to extend my route I was hot and tired and decided to take the most direct route home. The total route was 9.6km, which may be shorter than the usual but is still pretty respectable considering it was 32° and sunny the whole time. I did stop at Fortino’s to rehydrate. I am quite proud that I did not cheat, despite sitting in close proximity to the peanuts (bulk foods) aisle!

    I am in class for a training organization that I have never taught for today. It should be an easy introduction to them as the technology I am covering is very high-level. I am dressed appropriately, my slides are loaded, and I am logged on (and was over an hour early). I am really hoping to leave a good impression.

    It seems the heatwave has broken. The forecast high temperature for today is 27°; tomorrow that drops to 24°. The weatherman is predicting rain for today, but only in the middle of the day during my class. I have no doubt that by the end of class the balcony will be dry, and the smoking lamp will be lit. It is somewhat funny that when thinking about the rain this is what comes to mind first, and walking Princess Sophie is almost an afterthought. She hates walking in the rain but will grudgingly do so if she needs to do her business. If all goes well, Her Floofness will not be getting wet today. I do have to remember to change my shoes though… I am wearing my nice loafers, and they got wet enough this morning when we were out. If it does rain, then I’d rather get a pair of sneakers wet.

    Okay, it’s time to work. Have a great day folks!