Category: Failure

  • Day 292

    I am back from the doctor’s office, where I was pleased to be down 1kg. Oddly, the same scale that converts from kilos to pounds had me down much more in the imperial system… oh well.

    My doctor is extremely pleased with my weight loss progress over the last 10 months and told me as much. He is also impressed by my blood pressure (97/67). I am at no risk of hypertension. He said that the last time we did a blood screen I was okay, so there is no need to do that again ahead of schedule… sometime early next year I would think.

    Something else the doctor discussed with me is a new medication that is a once per week injection that suppresses the appetite and helps with weight loss. He asked if I have medical benefits and I told him I do not. Aside from it being quite pricey, he agrees that I do not currently need it, and that when my progress abated then we can discuss it again. Maybe when I move to the US I could get it… but I am hoping that by then, I will no longer be obese.

    I cheated yesterday. I am embarrassed to say that I gorged on crackers, but I did. I have to do better today!

    Eduardo is feeling better, and will come over later in the afternoon for a cigar and a chat. I was worried about him, and am glad that he is better.

    I really miss my wife. I am counting the days until she comes to see me, which is now eleven days away. Will I meet my goal of weighing under 300 lbs. by then? The potential is there… as long as I do not continue to cheat on a regular basis! I want to put on a suit and take her out on the town all dolled up. That is my current goal!

    After the doctor, I had my winter tyres put onto my car, as well as an oil change. While oil changes will never go away, this should be my last season of winter tyres… unless the US State Department drags their feet. I am crossing my fingers that does not happen, and that a year from now I am living with Leslie. I miss her too much for this to drag on!

    The weather has not quite turned, but under the sunny skies, it is a much cooler day today than it was Saturday. Even yesterday was warmer, but the wind negated that. I can definitely feel the winter coming. In Canada, that means warm weather clothes, turning the heat on (at home and in the car), and switching out trainers for winter boots. Ahh, the joys of Canadian winters are plentiful…

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 264

    Yesterday did not go well for me. I fell off the wagon. I do not know what happened to me, but it was bad. It was not a cheat day; it was a failure. Today I have to get back on the wagon. I am starting it right, with a meal replacement and a cup of coffee.

    What is the difference between a cheat and a failure? Intent and enjoyment. A cheat meal would be if I were to say: ‘You know what? I deserve a bowl of pasta. I have been good this week, and while it is not on my program, I can afford one bad meal.’ A cheat is something I will enjoy, that is planned. When coming home from the lounge at nearly 9:00pm, I realized I was hungry. Trying to be good, I drove up to Salad To Go at 9:00pm exactly, and had just missed them by one minute. A success would have been to go home and have a meal replacement. What I did was I drove across the street to Panda Express. I do not even like Panda Express. That was a failure, pure and simple.

    My foot is still in pain. It is not as bad as it was… not nearly. I suspect it was a bout of gout, probably because of the carne asada from Friday night. Whatever it was, I was stupid for not just picking up some painkillers Saturday morning. When I walked into the apartment yesterday, among the first things that I did was to take a couple of Ibuprofen. All that to say, I am hoping to resume my fitness walking tomorrow. I think I need one more day though.

    My plan for the day is to spend a good deal of it at the cigar lounge doing some reading. Around 4:00pm I will come home to shower and change my clothes, and at 5:30pm I will be at the airport to pick up Leslie and her son. I saw them Saturday but have missed them! I am really looking forward to hugging my wife. I will stop by Salad to Go to pick up a salad for lunch, and will not leave the lounge until it is time. Today should be an easy day to control my food intake.

    By the way: I wrote yesterday that I hoped to be below 315lbs this morning. I was not – I am 316.2lbs, which means I gained five pounds on the trip… but I honestly expect that much of that is from yesterday, with all the crap… much of it was salty. NOT GONNA DO IT TODAY!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 259

    Today is Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. We fast from sundown yesterday to sundown today, which means there will be neither meals nor meal replacements until dinner. It is a day when we ask G-d for forgiveness. I have a lot to ask, and will be in synagogue all day. Actually, I will be at the Canyon Club, which is a hall my synagogue rents for the High Holidays every year… but it’s the same thing.

    I did eat out yesterday… breakfast (a piece of avocado toast with tomato and a poached egg), and lunch (a half turkey sandwich from Von’s). Neither was over the top, although it would have been smarter to eat less bread.

    For dinner, my friend Kareene offered to cook for me, which was very nice of her. It gave me the chance to see her children (and her dogs). She prepared seasoned chicken brochettes with rice and grilled vegetables. On the surface, that sounds like a healthy meal that is completely friendly to my program. It should, by all accounts, have been a good meal to start my fast with.

    It may sound good, but in fact it was disastrous for both my fast and for my diet… although only temporarily. Here’s how:

    1. The brochettes were store-bought, and while they were very tasty, they were so salty that within 30 minutes my mouth and throat were crying out for water.

    2. The salt content caused me to retain water, and the numbers on the bathroom scale were extremely unfriendly this morning.

    I assume they over the next couple of days, the numbers on the scale will stabilize back to where they were yesterday. However, by the time I got home to my buddy’s house, I needed water. There was no way I could have made it through the night without.

    There are Jews who do not fast on Yom Kippur. There are some who will drink water only, or coffee, or whatever. I try to eat and drink nothing at all. This year I failed in that. I own it. With that said, I woke up this morning and did not have coffee, and I did not take a drink of water. I did brush my teeth and took my pills, but until we break the fast this evening, there will be nothing else. I hope that it is not too hard.

    It is great to see all of my friends down here. I don’t miss everything about California… but I do miss them.

    Have a great day, and an easy fast, and the best for a happy, healthy, and sweet New Year.

  • The Weight Loss Success / Failure Star

    A couple of years ago, while I was doing very well on my program (and before my total collapse and backward slide into total failure) I came up with this logo – the Weight Loss Success/Failure Star. Please believe me that I did not design it to look like the Star of David with the Palestinian colours, but yes, that is what it looks like. Ooops.

    I still think the message behind the star is correct. There are many ways to fail, but three main keys to success are solid: Caloric/Nutritional Intake, Water Intake, and Physical Activity. Without these three, success is unlikely.

    The three ways to fail that I enumerated are absolutely true, with Attitude, Stress/Lifestyle, and Work being three big factors to failure. Of course, there are plenty others… but these three are key.

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    As I looked at the star today, with its two interlocking triangles, I had a bit of an epiphany. By inverting the red triangle, we would be left with only a triangle. If that sounds simplistic and obvious, let me explain why I felt this important:

    Attitude: The wrong attitude is a surefire way to fail, in weight loss as in so many aspects of life. By flipping our attitude, we can turn it to green, and make it a success factor. Attitude.

    Stress/Lifestyle: There are so many different ways to deal with stress. Most people who have obesity issues often deal with stress by turning to food, and bad foods at that. When we look at the habits of myriad people who stay in shape, we learn that a lot of them deal with stress by integrating physical activity into their life. I have met many people who look at exercise as a way to destress. In fact, any medical professional will tell you that exercise is an antidepressant. By changing our habit of turning to food into turning to exercise, we can turn our stresses and lifestyles into another success factor. Stress/Lifestyle.

    Work: It is easier for people with jobs requiring physical labour to be healthy, but those of us who work in office environments – sitting at desks staring at computer screens – are prone to the ill-effects of eight to ten hours of sitting on our bums. Every company is different, every office. If you go into an office or you work from home, or if you are on the road visiting different sites, every work environment and schedule will have different requirements. With that said, if you are able to find a time – either during your lunch or during your breaks, or whenever it will be, it is possible to integrate physical activity into your routine. I have worked at companies with great gym facilities, which allowed employees to work out during their breaks, and even shower before returning to their desks. Others have simply had staircases that employees could use to exercise – up three floors, down three floors, repeat. Some have nothing but leaving the building during the day to go for a walk is always an option.

    A lot of companies provide snacks to their employees, and these can be a real stopper. Yes, many of the unhealthy snacks are a good way to test your willpower, but you only have to falter occasionally to fail at your diet. A friend on a similar journey as mine cried to me this week that one of her coworkers has been bringing in cookies from Tim Hortons every day. I told her how proud I was that she did not succumb to the temptation, but on one of these days she might. The good side of this is that a lot of companies recognize the value of healthy snacks, ranging from fresh fruit and granola bars to yogurts and salads. Even if you only make the decision to stick to water in lieu of diet soda (which is deceivingly un-weight-loss-friendly, you have chosen positive over negative. There are choices that we can all make to turn the negative work experience green and make it a success factor. Work.

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    All of a sudden, we see that all of our points are green, and failure, while still present, is a lot lighter than our success factors. If we are able to flip our downward (red) triangle, our star (upward and downward) now looks more like two forward-facing arrows. If we are able to take control over all of these points, then we can move in that direction (forward) to losing weight, and to better health.

    These are simple concepts that are not easy to implement. If they were, all of us would be slim and in great shape. The psychology behind all of this is far beyond my basic understanding, but I know that every time I have failed at losing weight and keeping it off, it has always come down to psychological factors. With that said, we can all benefit from getting help. I don’t mean speaking to a psychologist on a regular basis, but a weight loss buddy – either someone who has gone through the sort of weight loss you are working toward, or someone who is currently on the same journey.

    The advantages of someone who has been there before are that they know the pitfalls, they know what you are going through, and they have been there… and succeeded. The advantage of someone who is on the same journey is that there is no judgement, only encouragement. Of course, the downside is that if they fall off, you are left alone.

    Asking for help is hard, but the benefits of the help are tremendous. If you think you don’t know anyone, then let me assure you that social media is replete with support groups for anyone who looks. You may have to look, but you likely won’t have to look too far.

    Do not rush it, but do not dawdle. If you follow the arrows, pretty soon you will be the star of your new, slimmer life.