Losing a part of me

Yesterday did not go well for me. I fell off the wagon. I do not know what happened to me, but it was bad. It was not a cheat day; it was a failure. Today I have to get back on the wagon. I am starting it right, with a meal replacement and a cup of coffee.

What is the difference between a cheat and a failure? Intent and enjoyment. A cheat meal would be if I were to say: ‘You know what? I deserve a bowl of pasta. I have been good this week, and while it is not on my program, I can afford one bad meal.’ A cheat is something I will enjoy, that is planned. When coming home from the lounge at nearly 9:00pm, I realized I was hungry. Trying to be good, I drove up to Salad To Go at 9:00pm exactly, and had just missed them by one minute. A success would have been to go home and have a meal replacement. What I did was I drove across the street to Panda Express. I do not even like Panda Express. That was a failure, pure and simple.

My foot is still in pain. It is not as bad as it was… not nearly. I suspect it was a bout of gout, probably because of the carne asada from Friday night. Whatever it was, I was stupid for not just picking up some painkillers Saturday morning. When I walked into the apartment yesterday, among the first things that I did was to take a couple of Ibuprofen. All that to say, I am hoping to resume my fitness walking tomorrow. I think I need one more day though.

My plan for the day is to spend a good deal of it at the cigar lounge doing some reading. Around 4:00pm I will come home to shower and change my clothes, and at 5:30pm I will be at the airport to pick up Leslie and her son. I saw them Saturday but have missed them! I am really looking forward to hugging my wife. I will stop by Salad to Go to pick up a salad for lunch, and will not leave the lounge until it is time. Today should be an easy day to control my food intake.

By the way: I wrote yesterday that I hoped to be below 315lbs this morning. I was not – I am 316.2lbs, which means I gained five pounds on the trip… but I honestly expect that much of that is from yesterday, with all the crap… much of it was salty. NOT GONNA DO IT TODAY!

Have a great day folks!