Losing a part of me

Category: Food

  • Day 16

    I certainly ate more almonds yesterday than I should have. I am to the point where I am thinking the smart move would be to throw them out, so they are not in the house.

    There are some things that are not temptations. When Leslie was here in December, I bought a bag of white chocolate chips to make hot chocolate. I have not once said to myself ‘You know what? I can just take a measured amount of chocolate chips, and all will be fine.’ I know that chocolate is bad for the diet, and that is the end of it. Almonds, on the other hand, are specifically called out as acceptable cheats. “If you find yourself between meal replacements and you are hungry and you do not think you are going to make it, take a small handful of almonds.” This was advice from the staff when I went through the bariatric medical program a few years ago. Knowing that they are in the pantry, I am tempted by them… and while the occasional handful (one in any day) might be fine, yesterday I had two… larger than usual hands full.

    My girlfriend loves to spoil me. I certainly appreciate everything that she does, but sometimes she goes a step above, and I have to find some way to spoil her back. It is much easier to do when she is here, and trust me that when she comes to visit, I do my best to treat her right. Yesterday she sent me a picture of my Valentines Day gift, and my jaw dropped. I know there is not much that I can do to really compete (she knows of my passion for cigars and feeds that passion… let’s leave it at that), but what I can do is to show her thoughtful gestures. I went to the supermarket. I needed three things for myself at the supermarket (milk, coffee, and distilled water). Before I collected those items, I went to the sweets section and picked out a number of items that I know she will love. I will have to ship them today or tomorrow (we had another impressive snowfall last night, and I might not leave the house today), hoping they will arrive on her doorstep in time for that day.

    I did not mention this because I want to toot my horn. I bring it up because I now have chips, cookies, and other treats (all things she cannot get in the USA, before you ask) in a box on my counter. As with the chocolate chips, none of these are tempting me. Why? Because they will be bad for my diet… and I am happy with the progress I have made, and hope that I can continue to make progress without those back-slips that so often result in the complete implosion of one’s weight loss program.

    I did make a decision though, and it is going to be a serious change to my diet. I defrosted a chicken quarter and will have it for dinner. I am still on the fence about whether to make a salad or not, but I think that I might. It will not be an Israeli salad – there is too much sugar in that – but maybe I’ll buy some romaine lettuce, an onion, and a couple of other vegetables. I would still have tomato in it, but I know that both the onion and the tomato will have sugar in them, so I will keep those to a minimum (unlike the Israeli salad, which consists primarily of these).

    If today goes well, I am going to transition from meal replacements only to a hybrid program that consists of one meal and the rest products. I have to be careful, as it can be a slippery slope if I let myself falter. I do not want that. I do know, however, that I have had to reach for the almonds nearly every day this week, and most days more than once. If I am going to be on a hybrid program anyways, I would rather do it with a proper meal than with a handful of nuts (which I am not enjoying as much as I did).

    It is actually a pretty day outside, and I might go run those errands. If I do, then salad can be an option. Have a great day!

  • Memories Of A Friend

    A couple of weeks ago I got a reminder from Princess Sophie’s vet in California that she was due for some of her vaccines. After confirming the name with my son (the elder), I made an appointment for her with the vet that my family has used since before I met them. At 11:15 my girl was sitting happily in the passenger seat of my car, and we headed out there. We were only a few blocks away when I realized the reality of the last time I had been there.

    It was May of 2016 when Jacob-Pup went in. He was in pain, having suffered from a degenerative illness that essentially fused his spine. I had a difficult decision to make – either pay for a $12,000 surgery which had a less-than-50% success rate, or say goodbye. I held my best friend in my arms as the pain (and his life) drained out of his eyes. He was so brave, and even then he was trying to comfort me, reassuring me that I had made the right decision.

    It is nearly six years later, and as we approached the clinic I started to weep, just thinking about it.

    There are not many positives to the restrictions that the Covid pandemic have forced upon us, but had I been able to walk through the front doors of the clinic I might have lost it. As it was, handing Princess Sophie off the the technician at the door, then sitting in my car in front was not easy.

    The doctor called and we had our quasi-tele-vet appointment. As she kvelled about how wonderful my little girl is (beauty, temperament, and health), I was proud… but holding back tears, remembering the last conversation I had with her.

    While I never needed an excuse, I have always been an emotional eater. As we drove down Trafalgar toward the highway, I tried to avert my eyes. There is a pub along the road that makes among my favourite buffalo wings in the city, and how easy would it have been to stop in to pick up a pound or two? Who would have blamed me if reliving the death of my best buddy was the impetus for a cheat meal? I doubt it would have been one meal. It would have been the first step at jumping off a very dangerous slope, and I could not do that to myself. As Leslie said this morning, hate the diet, love the results. It would have been so easy, and so easily explained, had I just fallen off right there… but there are 365 days in a year, and if you live long enough, every day is another memory of something that would be another great excuse to fall off the plan.

    I drove right past the pub, speaking with Leslie for much of the drive. She is a great support when I need it. I had an errand to run (which involved walking through a supermarket full of tempting food), and then we were home… and I had not veered from the program. I did not even, as I said I might, go straight for my meal replacement, a little earlier than normal. I put my things away and sat down to write.

    After I press Send I will have that meal replacement, and then I will sit on the balcony with a cigar. Princess Sophie might join me, and if she does, we will honour the memory of my Jacob Doggie, taken from me way too soon.

  • Day 14

    I almost made it through yesterday, but between two meal replacements I needed energy to continue my class, and I took fifteen almonds. That was my only cheat on the day. I was also happy with my water intake throughout the day. I will try to continue that.

    In my previous journal I mentioned how I am having an easier time walking than I had two weeks before, and I am definitely experiencing that now. Princess Sophie and I did not go for a long walk this morning, but I am definitely having an easier time of it. That is a huge improvement. I am probably ten kilos lighter than I was two weeks ago, and that is a lot of weight to be rid of. It is not enough… but it is certainly a good amount for two weeks. I wish I thought I could maintain this pace, but that is not possible. The initial weight loss can be massive, but then it slows. By the end of the first month, I should be happy to lose five pounds per week.

    Speaking of which, tomorrow is my weigh-in day. Knowing that I cannot trust the numbers on the scale (I will register them, but I will not put too much trust in them), I am going to focus on measurements. On Day 1 I measured my chest, my belly, and under my belly. Tomorrow morning, I will measure those three again, and I will register my satisfaction with my progress based on that.

    I ate the last of the chocolate bars yesterday, and I opened the last box of the apple cinnamon bars. I have been going back and forth in my mind about whether to order more or not. I have discussed it with Leslie, who is more than happy to receive them and then cross-ship them, saving at least some of the import charges that a business shipping across the border would have to pay.

    My biggest concern was should I, upon completion of my stock of American product, simply make the clean transition to the Canadian program (and its 900 calories in four products, over the American 800 calories in five products), or do I want to cross-pollenate the two programs, possibly having three (Canadian) shakes, and either one or two (American) bars. That would bring my daily intake to either 835 calories, or 995 calories. Neither one of these totals would necessarily slow my weight loss. My current thinking is that whenever I crave solid foods (of which the Canadian program is devoid) I can reach for a meal replacement bar. The two that I have been having every day have made my transition to the program a lot less of a shock than it might otherwise have been.

    In the end, I decided to order a six-week supply of both the chocolate and the apple cinnamon. While it feels like a shock to the pocketbook to pay it all up front, having the product will make it easier for me to lose weight, and that is the goal. Additionally, before we factor in the cost of shipping them to Canada, the American product (per serving) is about $0.70 cheaper than the Canadian. As you also do not have to go through the hassle of getting a doctor’s prescription from an affiliated clinic, it is also much more convenient.

    Although I have ordered the products, I will not have them before I eat my last apple cinnamon bar. There will be at least a week when I am on shakes and soups only, a completely liquid diet. I suspect that there will be some almonds in there as needed.

    When I was on the program in California, I did well for a while on a hybrid program for a while. I don’t remember when I started it, but instead of having the five meal replacements per day, I would have either three or four meal replacements, a piece of chicken (quarter dark), and a salad (with a little oil and balsamic vinegar). I would have to comb through the 200 pages of writing more thoroughly than I did to figure out when I started, and how well I did on that plan. I tried for about fifteen minutes and did not find it. I do know that as tempting as the idea sounds to me, I am going to wait… a while still. Maybe when I am completely out of the soups I can consider it, but I still have a few weeks’ worth of soup before that happens. With that said, I did a few calculations… two Canadian shakes (450 calories), plus one American bar (160 calories), one chicken leg quarter (330 calories), plus one salad of lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomatoes with a dash of oil and balsamic vinegar (160 calories). That would be an 1,100-calorie day, which is not the worst thing in the world. In fact, I am reasonably sure that when I discuss this with my doctor, he will say that it is healthier, as well as a better plan for long-term sustainability than the meal-replacements-only plan. I don’t think that is a terrible goal to shoot for… say, by the end of the month (today is February 2).

    The last two days have been beautiful cigar weather, and today should be little different… as long as the balcony is covered. The current temperature is 3°C, with light rain. The rain is set to turn to snow by 7pm, but I will be teaching by then, so it is of no concern. Princess Sophie has an appointment with the vet at noon (her vaccines are due, and she should meet her new Canadian doctor), but we should be home by 1:30pm. A buddy might come to join me for a cigar, but whether he does or does not, I plan to spend a couple of hours fumigating my balcony, watching the world go by. And then teaching, and then bed.

    One thing that is missing from my planned schedule for the day is napping. I find myself with more energy than I had just two weeks ago, when I would regularly take naps in the middle of the day to get through it. That is not to say that I do not take them – I am up every day before 7:30am and I am teaching most nights until 11:30pm, so it is not unreasonable to do so. With that said, I do not feel the same need to sleep in the middle of the day (almost every day) that I did when I was at my heaviest. I am pleased to have more energy than I did, and look forward to that getting even better.