Losing a part of me

Category: Milestones

  • Day 600!

    Holy wow! If you told me on January 20, 2022, that I would still be working at this nearly twenty months later I do not know if I would have believed you. If you had told me that twenty months later I would be at my best weight ever – nearly 150 lbs. down – then I would have been thrilled. Had you told me that it would take me 20 months to drop that weight, and that I would still be on the program… well, I do not know what I would have said. This has been a very challenging journey replete with struggles, hardships, and myriad ups and downs… not only with my weight but also my emotions.

    With that said, I was disappointed to see a huge jump on the bathroom scale this morning. I was disappointed to be back to (but not above) 250.0 lbs. after two days below it. Maybe I do need to exercise every single day in order to stay below that. It is also possible that the one cheat that I have been allowing myself during my two weeks of no cheating (a couple of ounces of the shredded cheese that is always on hand to put into my omelette can find their way into my mouth if I am truly struggling later in the day) is something that I can only allow myself when I have exercised.

    One thing that I should mention is that I have once again not moved my bowels for a couple of days, and that is probably a factor as well. I am not saying that if I had been successful this morning that my weight would not have been slightly up from yesterday, but it is possible that instead of a .8 lb. jump it might have been half of that. I have been adding fibre to my meal replacements sparingly because I remember what happened a few months ago; I am going to bite the bullet on that and will add a couple of teaspoons of it every day to try to induce some semblance of regularity. Last night I was feeling that I might have been able to poop successfully, but I was in bed, and I felt that if I might be able to then, I would definitely be able to the next morning. Wrong. Lesson learned: Going forward, go when the urge strikes.

    I mentioned to Leslie a couple of nights ago that I might consider taking my bathroom scale with me to California. Initially the idea was to help her, but as I struggle around these two major milestones (one of which I am still hoping to achieve by the time I get onto the plane a week from today) I am thinking that it would be a good idea for me as well. I have been saying that while we are in SoCal I will be more lax on my program than I have been these last few weeks; if I see the numbers up from the previous day I could adjust my eating accordingly. I have never in my life taken a bathroom scale with me on vacation (although I did take one with me when I moved to Japan, for all the good it did me). I have always been of the mindset that ‘I’m on vacation’ means that you can let yourself go and get back on track when you get home. I know now that I have used my mulligans; sure, I could do that… and then take two weeks to recover from whatever weight I might gain during the week. It would be a smarter plan to try to stay on track. I am not saying that I will stick to the program religiously, but I will also not be using the trip as an excuse to dive into large plates of deep-fried anything. I also know that Leslie does not want to stop her program, and it would be unfair to go nuts in front of her… or for that matter, even behind her back. It is settled then… as long as it can fit into my luggage, I will pack the bathroom scale and take it with me to California.

    The weather this morning was wet but not entirely miserable. It was raining a little but not terribly… not enough that Her Floofness would not go out for a bit of a walk at least. She spent the afternoon yesterday with her friend Charlie at the neighbour’s house, so she likely went out for a couple of extra walks. I am afraid that the neighbour is not working from home today so that will not be an option. In addition to this morning’s abridged walk, I am reasonably sure that we will be stepping out during my lunch hour. That is not a bad thing… it will be good to get some steps in on this, my second of five straight days when exercising will be impossible to fit in.

    My plan for the day is to not cheat at all. There will be no cheese. There was my omelette this morning, and there will be three meal replacements… as well as a pot of coffee and a lot of water. I do not mind running to the bathroom twelve times throughout the day; what I do mind is the thought that I might not drop back to my best weight ever over the next couple of days. At least I will have a relaxed evening on the balcony where I can video chat with my wife.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 598

    I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning with trepidation. I knew that I had not cheated at all yesterday, and that I had gone for a very good walk. I knew all that yesterday morning as well so when the numbers on the scale were up, I was disheartened. After that measure I knew that if I did drop slightly then I would still be at or even above 250 lbs., and that I would need to lose at least .6 lb. to drop below that milestone. It did not help at all that I was not able to move my bowels this morning. I did yesterday after I wrote my article, but that doesn’t mean anything. I looked at the scale and stepped up as if I was taking that last step out of the helicopter. Just like that zipline drop, I waited there unable to move or do anything for several seconds. I then looked down to see where I was.

    249.4 lbs.

    I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought it would be a celebration, an exultation of some sort. There was nothing like that. In fact, I realized a minute later that I needed to repeat the process – not to check that I had not dreamed it, rather to take a picture of the numbers on the scale so that I could send them to my diet buddy who, at that moment, was I am sure lying comfortably in her bed three time zones away. I did not want to send it to my wife – I want to tell her personally so we can celebrate together. Julie has been a wonderful friend and she will be thrilled for me, but Leslie is the woman I want to share my triumph with. Maybe her absence is why I did not jump up and down or pump my fist in the air. I don’t know. Please do not misunderstand me; I am thrilled, elated, overjoyed… I am just toned down about it.

    Next milestone: down 150 lbs… and if I stay on track then that will be in the next ten days or less. I am less than five pounds from that one.

    I am picking up my son the younger at 11:30am and taking him for lunch. I have no doubt that we will be going back to Lone Star Texas Grill, where he will order the queso with chips, and a pound of breaded Buffalo wings with barbecue sauce. I will gird myself to resist the temptation of the free chips with salsa that the waiter will bring before he even takes our orders. I will order nothing but water or possibly coffee. I will sit and watch my thirteen-year-old boy devour his food that will look and smell so delicious and tempting. Now that I think of it, I might order a plate of celery and carrots. My boy always gives me his carrots, and a plate of carrot sticks would not hurt me. I don’t know… it will depend on how I feel when we sit down. If I feel that I am strong enough to make it through his meal, then I will simply eat the ones off his plate. If I am feeling weak, then I will ask for my own. I will not cheat.

    After I drop him off, I will come home and have my first shake of the day. It will be slightly later than usual, but not terribly so. I will see if I have the energy to go for a long walk, but I know that my body should get some recovery in from time to time. On the other hand, I am teaching this week (Monday and Wednesday from 9am to 9pm) so today is my last opportunity to exercise this year.

    Yes, Friday evening the Jewish People will welcome the New Year. Rosh Hashana is a time of reflection just as New Year’s Eve is on the Gregorian Calendar. This has been a wonderful year of change for me; I married my lovely wife (yes, we were married in a courthouse the previous year, but this year it was under the eyes of G-d). I lost a tremendous amount of weight this year; I actually lost more weight from January 20-December 31 2022 than I have this calendar year, or even from January 20-September 10 2022 than I have this year… but I still started and finished that year morbidly obese (Obese Class 3), whereas today I am 16 lbs. from dropping from Obese Class 1 to Overweight. I have written before about my thoughts about the BMI Scale, but absent more accurate yard sticks, I will take this one. What other changes have I made? I have been exercising (although not as regularly as I should, still pretty well). I have been more conscious of my appearance, and Leslie and I are that much closer to being able to live together. I have helped Leslie to learn more about our beautiful religion, and I have maintained my faith to a level that I am satisfied with… although I know that I can still do better, and I will endeavour to do so going forward.

    I was sitting and talking with a neighbour yesterday. He doggie is old but he’s a good boy and Princess Sophie wanted to spend some time on his patio with him, so his mom and I were talking. I told her how much weight I had lost, and she was absolutely shocked. I pulled out a picture of what I looked like on the day I started this journey, and she was flabbergasted. She started by saying that it had mainly been in my stomach. She then said ‘actually, I guess it was everywhere. You can see a real difference even in your face.’ This is a woman who only sees me fully clothed so she cannot see that my legs, my hips, my chest, my shoulders… every part of me is smaller, more toned, and less flabby. I still have a long way to go, but I am thrilled by the progress I have made so far.

    Here we are again. These last few days I have been writing about how many days I had weighed in lighter… well today that number is zero. I am at my best weight ever. My diet buddy said that there is nowhere to go but down, but when we talk next, I will remind her that thinking like that can lead to disaster. Down is where I want to keep going… but it would not take much for the trend to turn and for my weight to start going up. I cannot do that. Best Weight Ever is a great place to be… and I hope to keep moving that number downward over the next few weeks and months. I might take a pause for my week in California, but I am still not going to go overboard. I am going to do my best to come home on Tuesday, and on Wednesday morning step onto my doctor’s scale and weigh less than 110kg. This morning I weigh 113kg. Later that day I will be measured by the Hong Kong tailor, and I will be smaller than I have been since the Army. I will keep going because I know how easy it would be to lose focus and end up gaining the weight back again. I can never let that happen.

    Okay, it is time to get moving. I am going to sit outside with a very short cigar and my coffee, and in 25 minutes I will go to pick up my son.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 597

    I had a feeling last night that I was not going to break the 250 lbs. milestone today. In fact I told Leslie that I was pretty sure I was going to lose ground… that somehow, I was going to gain weight this morning. Whether that was because of the timing of my meal replacements or whatever else it might have been, I had a bad feeling. I was right. I stepped onto the bathroom scale and was up nearly half a pound. Sigh. Weight loss can be a frustrating endeavour sometimes.

    Look, I know that I have not been nearly so regimented throughout as I might have been. I know that had I not faltered, cheated, fallen off, taken breaks, and so on… well, it would not have taken me so long to lose what I have. I just see the day – Day Five Hundred and Ninety-Seven. I want to achieve that next major milestone – under Two Hundred and Fifty Pounds – before Day Six Hundred. That gives me three more days to do it, and I am going to do everything that I can to do it. What does that consist of? Frankly, there is nothing I can do that I have not already been doing. I will make sure I get good exercise outings in today and tomorrow because I know that this coming week that will not be possible. I will continue to not cheat on the program. I am going to try to sleep well and live healthy, and hopefully in the next two or three days I will reach it.

    For those of you who think that once I hit this milestone I might slack off, you should know one more thing. At 250 lbs. I have lost One Hundred and Forty-Five Pounds. That is absolutely a lot of weight. That leaves me exactly five pounds from my next major milestone… a 150 lbs loss. It will take a bit longer of course. My hope is to be able to reach that one before I get on the plane next Tuesday, which gives me ten days to lose 5.4 lbs…. which is not unreasonable, although it is also not a certain lock. It would be nice!

    I killed it on the trails yesterday. Okay, most of my jog/walk was not done on trails but on streets. Wherever it was I think I did very well. I jogged the first two kilometres (which I had not been able to do the last few times) which is already a good start… but then for the next five kilometres walking I would jog the first 100-150 metres of each kilometre. All in all I think I did really well. Additionally I stopped into Fortino’s again, and once again I did not veer from my path. I bought a large bottle of water and mixed it with Gatorade Zero powder. I also needed some provisions – I ventured into the store and bought shampoo, conditioner and dish soap – which forced me to walk through those ever so tempting sections and past those oh so delicious snacks. I bought nothing other than my hair products and the dish soap, and not one peanut more. This despite knowing that in the evening we would welcome in the Sabbath, and that it would be so easy to buy a challah to bless. I walked into the store, I bought what I needed, and then I went to the tables adjacent the prepared food section where I prepared and enjoyed my Gatorade. I consider that a huge win.

    If you read my article yesterday and are wondering why I substituted my planned visit with a friend with a 13.2km jog/walk, then let me tell you that it was a fortuitous call from my buddy that allowed the change. He told me right after I posted the article that he had to cancel our meeting because his minor medical procedure, which would have had him home by 11:00am, was postponed to the mid-afternoon because… it doesn’t matter why, it just was. That freed up several hours of my day to be able to not only have two relaxing video dates with my wife (one mid-morning, one in the evening) but also to go out for some exercise. Of course, I was hoping that the extra push would be just what I needed to get me through that 250 lbs. milestone, but apparently not. No, I will need to wait another day or two or three for that. Grrrr.

    I have a few hours of prep work to do today and tomorrow for the class that I am delivering this week, so my plan is to stay close to home today. Tomorrow I am taking my son (the younger) for lunch which will be yet another challenge to face and to overcome. I have not veered from my program in ten days, and I would like to keep that streak going until the day I leave for California. At the very least I want to keep it going until I not only pass that heretofore never passed milestone, but I want to pass it with enough leeway that I would not be in danger of losing ground and popping above 250 lbs. because of one errant day.

    Of course I will not work too hard today; I will make sure to take time to remember the Sabbath, and I will relax with a cigar or two. If the weather holds up I might even head out for a walk/jog this afternoon.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 596

    As of this morning I am once again at my best weight ever. It is a tie – I did not break it yet, but I have officially recovered from the terrible slide that began right at the end of May. This morning the bathroom scale reported that I weigh exactly what I weighed the morning of May 27th… after which is all went downhill. On July 11 I weighed just under 25 lbs. heavier than I did… and than I do. What do I do now? I make sure to keep going. Like any good addict I will not say that I will never cheat; I will say that I am not going to cheat today.

    I did not exercise yesterday because of my class, after which I was so exhausted, I could hardly believe it. I also really felt like cheating. I spent an hour sitting at the kitchen table chewing gum and watching TV for an hour before I got hold of myself and called Leslie. We had a wonderful video date during which she could not help but notice how tired I was. I suppose we all have days like that, don’t we?

    My diet buddy and I had our check-in call last night. It is always good to talk with her and to remember that we have come so far. We help each other with a lot of the psychological issues that we face; last night we discussed how it is likely that we will spend the rest of our lives being offended by things people say… and traumatized by things people have said to us as far back as high school. I am really looking forward to not being overweight, but I will always have a fat man inside me who is ashamed of it… even now, knowing I am not usually the most overweight person in the room.

    I wore my dress pants around my hips yesterday and they fit fine. I am so happy about that, not only because it means that I do not need to spend the extra money on pants when I go to the clothiers next month, but also because it means that I am actually able to use my hips! I did not mention that the previous day I had worn my jogging belt above my hips, and it fit just fine… although the bottle that I brought was not very comfortable in it. I ordered two new ones which arrived yesterday, and I will take them out for a spin later today. Yet another non-scale victory that I can be proud of!

    I have given a lot of thought recently to eating disorders. I do not know when mine developed, although I suppose there are a lot of signs that could point me in the right direction. I am a food addict. Is it healthy? No. Is it something I can overcome? I have been working so hard these last 596 days to do so… and several years before that. What of people with other eating disorders? What about someone who gains weight because of a combination of psychological trauma and medication, who finally finds a program that might work for them, and is then afraid that if they veer from the program even a little that they will be a failure? I have spoken with so many people who have done this program over the past few years and I know people who have real psychological traumas that might make such an extreme program a bad idea. I did not fully understand when I first went through the program in 2017, why the team at the clinic consisted of not only doctors and nurses, but also psychologists and other mental health workers. Having spoken with so many people whose experiences have been so different from mine I understand now why… and why some people were not successful. Looking back, I wonder if it doesn’t make sense that the company that makes the meal replacements only sells them through medical facilities. I consider myself to be pretty psychologically sound, and I have had real difficulties with the program. How much more challenging might it be for someone whose demons are fresh and strong? I think it makes sense, looking at it after having spoken with some other people, to not let people do the program without close supervision from a team of professionals who know and understand the program. I am happy that my doctor agrees to see me every month, but does she really understand my program? My older doctor did, but I do not think I have ever explained to the new one what the program is. I see her when I get back from California. I should probably talk to her more about it.

    It is time to get moving. I am torn about what to do first but will chat with Leslie and ask her thoughts. I am supposed to see a friend this afternoon. The last time I saw him I cheated on the program. That will not happen today.

    The topic of conversation with every fur-parent we met on our morning walk this morning was how much more comfortable the weather is today, and how they are all glad that the heatwave is behind us. I reminded them all that we live in Canada and that winter is coming. With that said, I am going to try to fit an exercise outing in today. Hopefully my buddy won’t mind my not coming as early as he wanted.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 595

    And then there were three.

    As I went to bed last night, I did so knowing that any day now, as long as I stay on track and true to the program, I am going to wake up and step onto the bathroom scale at or beyond the next milestone. I am now within ounces of reaching my best weight ever; it could have been today, but it was not. My weight did drop a little, and I am now 250.2 lbs., the same as I weighed May 26. The next time my weight drops it will tie or break that milestone.

    It was hot out there on my walk yesterday afternoon. I jogged the first 1.25km and then walked the rest of the way. It was a shorter outing than the previous few only because I took a different route, and by the time I had to decide whether to extend my route I was hot and tired and decided to take the most direct route home. The total route was 9.6km, which may be shorter than the usual but is still pretty respectable considering it was 32° and sunny the whole time. I did stop at Fortino’s to rehydrate. I am quite proud that I did not cheat, despite sitting in close proximity to the peanuts (bulk foods) aisle!

    I am in class for a training organization that I have never taught for today. It should be an easy introduction to them as the technology I am covering is very high-level. I am dressed appropriately, my slides are loaded, and I am logged on (and was over an hour early). I am really hoping to leave a good impression.

    It seems the heatwave has broken. The forecast high temperature for today is 27°; tomorrow that drops to 24°. The weatherman is predicting rain for today, but only in the middle of the day during my class. I have no doubt that by the end of class the balcony will be dry, and the smoking lamp will be lit. It is somewhat funny that when thinking about the rain this is what comes to mind first, and walking Princess Sophie is almost an afterthought. She hates walking in the rain but will grudgingly do so if she needs to do her business. If all goes well, Her Floofness will not be getting wet today. I do have to remember to change my shoes though… I am wearing my nice loafers, and they got wet enough this morning when we were out. If it does rain, then I’d rather get a pair of sneakers wet.

    Okay, it’s time to work. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 583

    For the second day in a row I stuck to my modified program perfectly yesterday, and I was rewarded for it. Ed McMahon rang my door with a cheque from Publisher’s Clearinghouse for Ten Million Dollars! Okay, no… but I did get to cross another number off on my fridge-side tracker! I dropped 1.4 lbs. from yesterday morning which is absolutely astonishing. It may not be $10 Million, but it is still a very nice minor victory.

    I was speaking with Leslie last night about a lot of weight-related issues. One of them is that I am going to the doctor next Thursday, and wouldn’t it be nice if I could show a significant drop in weight from my last weigh-in. At the end of May I weighed 116kg; after that I started my slide which I hope was just a plateau. At the end of June I met with my new doctor for the first time, and I had gained 4.7kg – nearly 11 lbs. I was certain that I had done the worst and would be back on track immediately, but July proved to be a harder month than I thought. I did not actually step onto the scale when I was at the doctor’s at the end of July, but I was up about half a kilo in the month. If I were to step onto her scale today, I should weigh a little more than 5kg less than I did then, and it would be my best weigh-in at the doctor’s office ever. With five days left to go I would love to lose another 2-3 lbs., which would take me under 115kg! That would be my best weigh-in at a doctor’s office since before I went into the Army. Yes, I saw plenty of doctors during my service… but never for a regular check-up. I seem to recall weighing over 260 lbs. when I saw my Canadian doctor the first time after returning, which would have been some time in 1997. I am thrilled to be on this path!

    Not only am I thrilled by that, but I am also excited to be able to say something honestly today that I have been dishonest about since May. I have lost 140 lbs. overall. I have not in the last three months amended that when asked, even though at the worst of my sliding I was back to having lost 115 lbs. I am also less than six pounds away from dropping below that monumental milestone: I have not since leaving the Army weighed less than 250 lbs. I achieved that number on May 27 (Day 492)… and then the slipping began. The day that I step onto the bathroom scale and see the number 249.x – it could be 249.999 for all it matters – I will jump for joy. If I am able to stay on track, then I am almost certain to reach that before I fly to California in 3.5 weeks. My wife will see me at the lowest weight that she has ever seen me… and the lowest that anyone has seen me in my post-Army life.

    While writing that paragraph I realized something, and I decided to go back to confirm it. While I was a full 5.6 lbs. lower than I am now (according to my spreadsheet, there are nineteen days when I have weighed less), none of those days coincided with us being together. When she woke up this morning, I weighed less than my wife has ever seen me. When she gets out of the shower, I am going to tell her that… and we will sit on the patio with our coffee and cigars.

    Our plan for the day is to see a movie. We discussed picking up some almonds to munch on but unless she mentions it again, I am not going to. I think I might have been pushing her to do that, and I do not want to impede her progress. She is doing so well, and I will not be the reason she falters… certainly not with all of the love and support she has shown me during this long, strange, and often tumultuous trip. I am thinking of preparing our evening meal replacements as a fine candlelit dinner on the balcony. We’ll see if I can manage it. Otherwise, we will just enjoy our last full day together. She flies home tomorrow, and that is hard for both of us.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 492

    There were three reasons I doubted today my mostly consistent weight loss would continue this morning. 1) I cheated yesterday. 2) I have been having trouble moving my bowels these last couple of days. 3) I decided last night very late (11:30pm) to have my last meal replacement, even though the plan had been to skip it because of my cheating. I made this decision because the meal replacement shakes are my best conduit for added fibre, which I decided (after a painful and failed attempt in the bathroom) was necessary. I am going to address each of these issues individually, but first:

    I did it. This morning, despite my expectations that I would not drop, the bathroom scale reported my weight at 250.0 lbs. It is a huge milestone, a threshold on which I have never, in all of my attempts to lose weight these last twenty years, stood. If I am able to stick to the program today, then tomorrow morning’s weigh-in might actually be in the 240s. I do not remember ever being there before. I am almost breathless with anticipation!

    Okay, so now that I have that out of the way, let me address the three points from my first paragraph:

    1. I love teaching. Technical training has been a passion of mine for years, and I truly enjoy it. When training went online and I had to accept that my students were not in front of me, I adjusted and found ways to make the best of it. My daytime class this week (I taught an evening class as well) was a group of military members who try as I might I could not engage. It felt like I spent the entire week speaking to an empty room. Add to that I did not plan my timing as well as I usually do, so the last day (yesterday) was a mad rush to finish. I got through it, but it was extremely stressful. As I drove to Hamilton for my evening plans (cigars with friends) I was hungry, even though I had my third meal replacement of the day less than an hour before. I know now as I knew then that my hunger was emotional, but it did not matter. I broke down and stopped at Bulk Barn to buy peanuts to eat in the car. I feel guilty and ashamed of it, but I doubt I would have made it through the evening had I not done so.
    2. As I have written about previously, one of the effects of a full-fast program with liquid meal replacements is that there will be days when I do not move my bowels. I do not think I had a good poop since Wednesday, and that can affect weight loss in the short term for sure. Unfortunately, read the next point.
    3. Last night I felt the urge to poop, and I tried… hard. It was painful, and I was unable to succeed. I realized that my solid waste was too solid and would need some help. It was past my bedtime, and I never like to eat (or whatever the term for ingesting a meal replacement is) that late, but the shakes are my usual conduit for fibre. I had originally skipped my fourth meal replacement of the day in lieu of the cheat-peanuts, but I needed the fibre… badly.

    I still managed to get to where I wanted to be this morning on the bathroom scale, even though I suppose when I had said I want to hit 250 I probably meant I wanted to be below 250… but I am at the mark, and I am happy with it. I will do well these next couple of days and I will drop below it soon enough.

    The reason I waited so long to take the fibre is because when I was taking it before I started having bowel issues that scared me… two weeks of diarrhea led me to get off the program until I was able to see my doctor and make sure I was safe to resume. My solution then was to do a partial program, where I would have shakes but I would also have enough regular solid food to regulate my system. I am probably 5-10 pounds away from making that decision anyways, so it is something I am going to start thinking about more.

    I am driving out to Strathroy today to see my buddy who has been sick. I also get to see my godchildren while I am there, and I am really excited. I wish I had thought to pick up presents for them, but honestly this week has been a shitshow. I will do my best to stay on track with my program and will make sure I have my meal replacements and my shaker bottle with me. On my way home I will drop in to have a cigar with Ryan in Cambridge. All in all, I will be doing a lot of driving today… but I will also get to see some friends I don’t see as often as I wish I could.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 490

    Down again! I got through my day yesterday exactly as planned. In fact, it is possible that I did somewhat better than I planned, insofar as I only had the one cup of milk tea. When I stepped onto the scale this morning I was rewarded with another significant drop of 1.4 lbs., which means that since last Sunday (the worst day of my slide, and the day I decided to get back on track) I have dropped an astonishing 16.8 lbs. in in a scant eleven days. I am extremely happy with that, and while that rate of weight loss will not continue, I will be quite happy to settle into losing 2-4 lbs. per week.

    I am within 5.5 lbs. of two major milestones. 1) I am less than one pound away from dropping below 250 lbs., which is a number I have no post-Army recollection of ever being at; 2) I am less than six pounds away from being able to say that I have lost 150 lbs., a number so staggering as to defy belief. To put that in perspective, I know adults who weigh less than that. I can honestly say that I have lost a person! Looking back at my entry from Day 2 (My Weight Loss Goals) I did not list anything for either of these feats, but that does not mean that they are not to be celebrated. On that list there are a number of things that did not happen – I am not teaching Taekwondo, and while I am jogging I am not really preparing for a marathon – there is only one weight loss goal from that day that I have not yet achieved. I wrote that when I have lost 170 lbs. I would take a picture in my Army uniform. With the changes to my body over the years I might need to lose a little more than that, but we will see. I know at least one person who is looking forward to seeing that!

    For the third day in a row I woke up at 5:45am. Unlike the previous days, I got up to pee, and was then able to get back to sleep for another hour. All in all I think I slept better last night than the previous two, and my fitness watch seems to agree, with a higher sleep score than I’ve seen in several days. While my Body Battery was also higher this morning than it has been in weeks, I see that it has since dropped (from 86 to 68/100) … and it is not yet 10:00am. No matter, I am feeling fine and I am staying the course. What I have been doing seems to be working, and I see no reason to change it for the next couple of weeks. Of course, when Leslie comes I will discuss with her what modifications I will make to my program, but that has been on the calendar for quite some time.

    There is another huge milestone that is now within sight. I am about 17 lbs. from dropping out of the Obesity Class I into the Overweight classification. That will be a huge one for me, and I am extremely excited that I might one day in the next couple of months be overweight. That might sound silly… but I have been classified as obese to morbidly obese for the last twenty-five years, and when that label no longer applies then I will be absolutely over the moon.

    My day is going about as expected. My students are currently working on labs, and I realize that I am hungry. I am not going to eat. My usual routine this week has been to wait until the lunch break (1-2pm) for my second meal replacement of the day, and I do not want to change what has been working for me. I will, however, grab my water bottle and see if I can drink my hunger away.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 450

    I did something stupid yesterday. I stopped for peanuts not once, but twice. The first time I stopped, I picked up $1 worth of them after collecting my pendant from the jewelers, who had called earlier in the day to let me know it was repaired. The second time was on my way to Taekwondo. I don’t know why I was still hungry after my third meal replacement of the day (and a handful of peanuts to boot) but I was, and I did not want to find myself lagging at Taekwondo. I picked up another $1.25 worth of peanuts, eating half of them on my way to the school, the remainder on the drive home from the school.

    I did something smart yesterday. Rather than returning home, peanuts forgotten, and preparing my fourth meal replacement of the day, I decided that the peanuts had been my fourth meal replacement of the day. I lit up a cigar on the balcony and called my wife. It was another lovely date inside the dreaded Rectangle Zone. In thirteen days, we will be together again. For now, we do what we have to do.

    When I set out for my jog yesterday, I was hoping for more than I accomplished. In the end, I pulled up after just under 6.25km and walked the rest of the way home. There are just days like that, and I am not disappointed in myself. Since returning from Dallas, I have jogged or walked just under 40km, which discounts my walks with Princess Sophie because I do not start my exercise tracking for those walks. How could I be disappointed by that? I have a webinar that I have to deliver this morning, after which I will hit the road again. I will try for more, but if I can only do 5km then that is 5km more than I was able to do just a few short months ago.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 6.23km (502km)
    • Duration: 47:51 (39:00)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m40s (7m45s)
    • Steps: 7,500 (6,100)
    • Calories burned: 633 (653)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 156 (156)

    My friend came over for a cigar yesterday, and the two of us marveled at our progress. The day that he took my Before Picture I would swear that the two of us together would have tipped the scales at over 850 lbs. We figured out that together we have lost about 300 lbs., and we look and feel so much better for it. He is a good friend, and when he had a mini stroke in November I was truly scared. Yesterday afternoon we sat on the balcony and enjoyed a cigar, talked about life and everything, and realized that with our progress, we would be around to do that for a lot more years.

    Occasionally I will step onto the bathroom scale at night. I do not save the record, but I know that whatever I weigh before bed will be on average two pounds heavier than what I will weigh in the morning. It is not often that the numbers at night are lower than they were that morning, but that was the case last night. At 11:30pm my weight matched my best weight ever from March 31. Imagine, I thought, how I would feel if indeed I dropped a couple of pounds overnight? Well, it was not a full two pounds, but I was 1.6 lbs. lighter this morning than I was yesterday, putting me solidly back into my best weight ever category. It feels amazing knowing that I weigh less than I have in over twenty years! I want to keep it up and continue losing weight until I am where I want to be. It would be easy to say to myself that I have done enough; to be a fifty-year-old man who weighs 250 lbs. at my height… do I really need to fit into my Army uniform? I have lost over 140 lbs.; my wife finds me attractive (and always has) … what am I trying to prove by losing another 50 lbs.? I am not going to say that there have not been times when I have thought that. No, that is not the plan. I am not moving the goalposts and declaring victory. I do not know how much more weight I will lose, but I know that I am not ready to quit. We are a little over 2.5 months from my birthday (which will be Day 533). I have told both Leslie and my friend that unless something goes seriously askew, I will be off the program by then. Will I stop losing weight at that point? I do not know. I only know that I am feeling amazing these days… despite minor aches from jogging.

    I am going to lie down for an hour. I did not sleep well last night, and I want to be at least somewhat awake when it is time to record my webinar. My plan for the rest of the day is to jog, then after my shower I will spend some time on the phone with my beautiful wife. It is another gorgeous day out, and a cigar in the afternoon is not out of the question. This evening I will teach but will take the time during the break to light the Shabbat candles. I will stay mindful and focused, and with that I should be able to stay on track.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 436–Best Weight Ever!

    I honestly did not think that it would happen today. I expected to step onto the bathroom scale to see that I had lost .2 or .4, or even stayed the same as yesterday. Of course, I have been on the watch for it for the last few days. When I looked down at the numbers transmitted from the device to my smartphone and saw that I was not at, but actually just under my best weight from 2005… I do not know how to describe the emotions that went through my head, my heart, my whole body. I do not know when it was that my weight first crept above that number, but as it is only about 40-45 lbs. more than I likely weighed when I finished my Army service, and knowing how terribly I ate for those first three years (not to mention the last six months of my service) and it is easy to assume that it was well before Y2K. I know that in 2004-5 it dropped from 295 to 255, only to start climbing again when my first wife left me. I am, as of this morning, the lowest weight I have ever weighed in this millennium. I am trying to remain calm and composed as I am jumping out of my skin.

    Until just five days ago I was talking about the comparative chart from my weight loss journey in 2020. While I first beat that number on Wednesday of last week, I decided to keep charting it… especially after this weekend, when I faltered, and my weight jumped, popping above that number for one day. On the race from 285.2 lbs. (I weighed the same the day after I returned from my previous trip to Dallas on February 3 as I did on July 21, 2020) to the best weight of 2020 (September 27, 2020), it took me 48 days to reach and 53 days to stay below that milestone. On each of those days I was 9 and 6.4 lbs. below the corresponding day’s weight from 2020. In 2020 I know I only stayed at that weight for one single day, and then started a gradual (and eventually not-so-gradual) climb back up. New Years Day 2021 I weighed 305.4. Over the next few months, I was still putting in some effort… I see that there was a week in January of that year when my weight was fluctuating between 2-3-285 lbs. In mid-February of 2021 my weight jumped above the 300 lbs. mark for the last time, staying there for twenty-three months. Since January 12 (when it dropped to 299 lbs.) I have lost 44.2 lbs., and I plan to keep going.

    My efforts on the treadmill yesterday were not spectacular, but I was still out there doing it. I jogged the first bit, then walked another 2km before calling it a day.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 4.09km (8.4km)
    • Duration: 34:22 (1:02:42)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 8m24s (7m27s)
    • Steps: 5,200 (9,475)
    • Calories burned: 450 (1,117)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 151 (151)

    I mentioned over the last couple of days that I was having issues with my bowels. It was at the gym yesterday that I started to feel some discomfort, which would eventually get worse and even interfere with my sleep. No, it was not intestinal, rather an issue that I have experienced a couple of times before, usually after a few days of intestinal issues. Hemorrhoids are itchy and painful, and I am glad that I had cream at home that would start to treat it. Such are the joys of weight loss and aging, folks.

    My afternoon went pretty much as planned yesterday, except that I needed to take care of a number of logistical items for the wedding. Upon returning from the gym, I had my second meal replacement before taking Her Floofness to see Eduardo and his wife. We had a cigar on the balcony and chatted, which was nice. After that, Princess Sophie and I dropped in to see another friend at his work before coming home. While enjoying my third meal replacement of the day, I took care of yet more wedding planning things before heading out to Taekwondo. While the first half of the class was great, the second was interrupted by a call I had scheduled… also wedding-related, and with someone whose time I need to respect. She told me that this was when she was available, so at 7:59pm I stepped out of class and called her. I returned to class in time for the end. Taekwondo is important… our wedding is more important. I came home and enjoyed my final meal replacement of the day while speaking with Leslie, and taking care of yet more wedding logistics issues.

    I know that I will not get a lot of sleep tonight. I teach until 9:30pm, and my alarm is set to wake me up at 2:15am. Hopefully I will get some sleep on the airplane, but even if I do not, I will be fine. Tomorrow morning, I will restart my modified program, so after I am checked in at the airport, I will have breakfast and coffee. I bought my snacks for the plane – almonds and mini crisp chips – and I will not be tempted to cheat with anything else. Tomorrow should be a good day overall.

    Knowing that I won’t be sleeping much does not change my plans for the day. I have been dealing with things all morning, so it is almost noon. I have one more call to make for the wedding, after which I will head to the gym for my last run in Canada for the next week or so, after which I will return home and prepare for my class. While the forecast is for the temperatures to rise to 7° by the late afternoon, the rain is predicted to continue non-stop until I get onto the airplane tomorrow morning, so running outside is not an option. When I get home from the gym, I will also be packing my suitcase, which is extremely exciting for me! I will teach until the end of class, and then I will have my final meal replacement and speak with Leslie before going to bed as early as I can. Hopefully throughout the day my bum will feel a bit better, and the swelling will be much less (or even gone completely) by tomorrow.

    I will stay mindful and on-track today and will not veer from my path. Just because I hit such a monumental milestone this morning does not give me leave to splurge… especially knowing that tomorrow is a travel day. I did not say that I want to hit my best weight ever before Saturday, I said that I want to get onto the airplane on Saturday at my best weight ever. Staying on track is the way to do that. I will, of course, light the Shabbat candles with my wife during my evening break, but I am not going to buy challah. I might pour a k’zayt of wine, but that’s it. Because it will be so early I do not know what I will weigh tomorrow morning, but if I am back above 255 it will not be because I veered from the path today. I am going to run, and I am going to get it all done. This is a major milestone, but it is not the end of the journey.

    Have a great day folks!