Losing a part of me

Category: Obesity

  • Day 409

    What a difference a day makes. Yesterday afternoon during my lunch break I sat outside on the balcony smoking a cigar and chatting with my wife. This morning I looked outside and there was nearly a foot of new snow on the ground. What a difference a day makes on the bathroom scale? I would have liked to get down back into best-weight-yet territory, but that was not on the cards for this morning. Yes, I dropped .8 lb. which takes me back to where I was Monday, but that is nearly half a pound from best weight, and nearly two full pounds from dropping below 270 lbs., which I have had as my goal for Thursday. What just a few days ago looked to be an easy lock is now back in the possible, but not certain column. I also want to maintain my pace of losing at least three kilos between doctors’ visits, my next appointment being Wednesday. Today I am down barely 1.5kg from my last appointment. I would say that I just have to redouble my efforts, but really there is nothing left that I can cut out of my diet. I would love to go for a jog, but we got 20cm of fresh snow yesterday evening. I am not sure if I will go out for anything today. We’ll see. Hopefully by tomorrow the roads will be clear and if I cannot jog then at least I will dig my car out and go to the gym.

    I was relieved to be able to move my bowels yesterday afternoon without any pain or discomfort. I am truly glad I started taking the fibre. It was not as productive as my previous attempts this week, but that is partly because it was not several days between tries. This morning I felt like I might but was unsuccessful. Okay, with zero solid foods, that is to be expected.

    My daytime class ended yesterday, and the student evaluations were perfect for the instructor category, which is always nice to see. If nothing else, it ensures that the training company will be eager to continue hiring me. Strong evaluations are the currency that keep trainers like me in business. When they are happy with me then I can continue to afford the necessities in life… child support, rent, trips to see my beautiful wife, and cigars. Oh… and dog food. I think I might do well to pick up a new bag of that before my flight Thursday. I do not want to leave that responsibility up to Sue, who is so wonderful as it is.

    After initially writing that I was unsuccessful, I took a break from writing to visit the latrine and was extremely successful. Equally important is that it was not painful. I am glad that I am taking the fibre, and that it is helping. I am not sure that it is not a contributing factor to my stalled progress on the weight loss journey, but the painful strain of the bathroom is not something that I want to endure unnecessarily. Also, hopefully I am now back on track. I hope to continue to downward weight trend this week. It would be disappointing only to myself if I were to fly to Dallas without dropping below 270 lbs., but that is a goal that I set, and I would like to achieve it. As of this morning, I weigh 16 lbs. less than I did the day I left Dallas on February 1. If I can edge that up by a couple more pounds, I will be extremely happy. I would have liked for that number to be an even twenty-pound loss in my absence, but though it might seem longer, that is only a five-week period… and that would be a lot.

    With the drop this morning, my BMI once again drops below 35, hopefully for the last time. I am sick and tired of this yoyo between obesity classes. I want to be on the road to overweight, and not straddling this line. Argh!

    My diet buddy is coming over for coffee this morning so I will be able to talk with her about my frustrations. She will definitely understand. This will be our first meeting since early January at which I will not be excited about a tremendous weight drop. I am almost exactly where I was when we met last weekend, and that is frustrating. That is why we have diet buddies… to share the good, but also to support each other through the bad. I do not know if my frustration with a plateau is really a bad, but it is not a good. Oh well.

    My plans for today are to try to stay on track. There is a slight chance that I will drive up to Milton for a cigar, but I do not think that will happen. I will stay close to home and just relax. It was a very long and stressful week, and I could really use the time to decompress. If it is not too windy then this afternoon, I will likely have a cigar on the balcony if I do not drive up to Milton. The important thing is that I stay on track with my program.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Know Where To Stick Your Comments

    **This is another article that I wrote during a previous weight loss attempt. It is funny how little editing I needed to do in order to make it apply perfectly to this week, nearly three years later. –MDG

    Has anyone else had it up to here (gesturing just above my head) with people telling you what to do with regard to your weight loss? Is there someone in your life who thinks they know better than you? I suspect we all try to be polite to them, but sometimes it can be too much.

    There was one person that I met recently who fed into my stress. As I said, I have very little patience for people who try to tell me what I should be doing to lose weight… no matter what their intentions are. Yes, they mean well… but do me a favour and keep your opinions to yourself.

    “Mitch, you know that the extra weight you are carrying around is not healthy, right? If you were to do X, you would continue to lose even more weight. You will be so much happier when you do!”

    I usually do not respond when someone opens their mouth like this, but I suppose was having a bad day, and this was just too far. ‘Hey, Fred (not his real name) … thanks for your concern. One of us has lost about 115lbs in the last year, and the other one of us should shut up and save his advice for when I ask for it. Would you care to guess which one of us is which?’

    Yeah, ‘Fred’ was more than a little surprised that I would say that… but really, at this point I think I’ve done pretty well, and that the method I am using is pretty good, wouldn’t you say? If I did not want your advice when I was at my heaviest, what makes you think I would want it now? If you want to offer support, offer words of encouragement. Things that friends have said over the past few weeks:

    • Oh my G-d, Mitch… I cannot believe how well you are doing! Keep it up!
    • Mitch, you look amazing! Keep up the good work!
    • Wow… you are a shadow of your former self!
    • You are a true inspiration to me!
    • Mitch, you look hot!

    All of these are perfectly acceptable (and welcome!) comments. Keep them coming folks!

    The following, on the other hand, are neither helpful nor welcome, and if it is what you were thinking of saying, then just say nothing:

    • You are doing well, but you still have a lot of weight to lose.
    • Mitch, how much more weight do you think you need to lose?
    • If you’d like, I know a doctor with an amazing weight-loss plan that would help you lose the weight even faster!
    • You’ve lost so much weight and still wear a Size 38 pants?
    • You should do X to lose more weight.
    • The program you are following is not healthy, so be careful.
    • If you do not change your habits, you are just going to gain the weight back again.

    Do you see that most of these comments sound like they are meant to encourage me? Some of them are from people who want to help, who think they are helping. Do you know what they all have in common? They are all unsolicited. I can almost guarantee at this point that I know more about weight-loss, but certainly about my own body and weight loss, than you do. I have also spent more time morbidly obese than you have. Please, keep it to yourself.

    I welcome, I love hearing, I love getting words of encouragement. Positive reinforcement is wonderful, and when people tell me how great I look it makes me well with joy. I have figured out what works for me, and that is why I look the way I look now, rather than what I looked like a year (or even three months) ago. Let me keep at it… I assure you I have no desire to ever gain another ounce again. But I have figured out a way to do it without your help, and I am my own harshest critic.

    When I was married to my second wife, I went on a weight-loss program. I asked Theresa (my now ex-wife) to be my Diet Sergeant. For a couple of months, she was… and with her help I did pretty well… until I did not. When I tried to get back on track, I asked her to resume her duties. She told me that it was unfair of me to put that responsibility on her… when no matter how strict she was, I could always circumvent her ‘authority.’ She was right… My diet is just that… mine. The responsibility is mine, and the success or failure of it is mine.

    I am my own harshest critic… in all things, not just the diet program. I beat myself up over it all the time, and nothing that you say will be harsher than what I say to myself. The difference is that I have the right… you do not. My mother used to say that if you have nothing good to say, say nothing. She was the worst offender of this advice that I have encountered in my fifty years on the planet. That does not make it bad advice, it just makes her a hypocrite. If you want to encourage me, say something nice… and completely nice. Be prepared with a follow-up should I be self-deprecating. I’ll give you an example:

    (You) Wow, Mitch… you look like you have lost a ton of weight!

    (Me) Thanks, but it’s just a drop, and I have so much more to go.

    (You) Well you are doing great… whatever it is you are doing, keep it up!

    Do you see how easy that was? On the other hand, the following would be a terrible way to follow up:

    (You) Wow, Mitch… I can’t believe how much slimmer you are than the last time I saw you!

    (Me) Thanks, but I hope the next time you see me I will be even slimmer still.

    (You) Make sure you have the occasional cheat meal, so you do not give up completely. Want to join us for pizza?

    I cheat enough, and I do not need your encouragement or permission. If I tell you I want to lose more weight, just follow up with ‘Well, you are doing great!’ or ‘Whatever you have been doing, keep doing it!’ That’s all I want. That’s all I need. If you cannot say something 100% positive, then don’t say anything.

  • On Obesity, the Body Mass Index, and Really Bad Advice

    I have a friend that I have known over a decade who told me recently that her doctor told her that she was clinically obese, and that he wanted to put her on weight loss medications. She was furious, claiming that he did not understand that her muscle weighs more than fat, and that she is actually in really good shape. She asked how she could be in such good shape, and still be obese.

    I am obese. I am what is classified by Health Canada as Obese class II, which means that my Body Mass Index (BMI) is between 35.0 and 39.9. A few weeks ago, I wrote a piece called STOP THE PRESSES! I AM OBESE! I wrote this the day that I realized that I dropped out of the classification of Severely Obese (which had previously been called Morbidly Obese). I am looking forward to achieving my next huge milestone, which will be to fall into the Obesity Class I category, which will mean that my BMI is below 34.9. For perspective, today my BMI is 36.1, and on February 1 it was 37. I have lost 6.6 lbs. in that time frame. As I lose the weight, my BMI drops, and I can see my progress, as well as the health benefits from into the lower classification.

    In other words, it is a great tool for those who are overweight and need to lose weight.

    My friend is not overweight. She is extremely muscular, and from her Facebook pictures (of which there are many) she does not look overweight to me. She does not feel overweight. Yet her doctor, who is not a weight loss specialist, looks at her and says that she needs to lose weight.

    The BMI is flawed in that it takes into account two factors only: height and weight. If you are this height, and you weigh this much, then this is your BMI, and you are either obese or not. We have known for decades that muscle weighs more than fat. How then can we say that a man who is 6’2” tall and 225 lbs. of solid muscle is obese? If his twin brother was the same height and weight, but was out of shape with a paunch, then that classification would make sense. To call someone obese based on a chart that accounts height versus weight just does not work.

    When I was going to weight management clinics in the past, the specialists taught us that the BMI is a flawed system. It works for those who are truly fat, but it cannot be applied equally to those who are in good shape. Why then would a doctor look at a patient, having obviously examined them thoroughly, and tell them, ‘According to this chart you need to lose weight.’? It is going to accomplish nothing other than to give the patient a complex. When people are told by their friends that they are overweight it hurts their feelings. When a doctor says it, that means that it must be true, and it can adversely affect their psyche. I do not know what psychological effects this misdiagnosis will have on my friend, but I know that it was weighing on her mind enough that she was complaining about it to me on a Saturday night.

    Doctors know that their words are, for many patients, gospel. If they say the patient is fat then it does not matter what size jeans they wear, that’s it. As such, they should know that there are other factors to a healthy weight than just the numbers on a chart, and if they do not then they should not offer uneducated opinions or advice that will hurt their patients’ feelings for no reason.

    I am glad that my friend refused the weight loss medications that the doctor wanted to prescribe because nobody wants to lose muscle. If she wants to keep her muscular body then she should not be encouraged that ‘this or that very flawed chart says that you need to lose weight, so lose weight.’

    The Body Mass Index is very helpful to me on my weight loss journey, and my family physician who has been monitoring me for the past year has been extremely helpful and encouraging on my journey. He also recognizes that as a general practitioner, he is not a weight loss expert, so when he is not sure about something he would rather give me no advice than bad advice. Perhaps my friend’s doctor should take a lesson from him.

    In our culture, our body image is a huge factor in our self-worth, and while that is probably unhealthy, it is absolutely true. Body shaming is disgusting from our friends and loved ones, and from strangers on the street who feel it is their place to comment on someone’s size. From a medical practitioner it is absolutely unconscionable, and when the doctor is ignorant on the subject it should be left to the professionals… or at least to doctors who are smart enough to know that two factors alone cannot determine a healthy body size.

  • STOP THE PRESSES! I’M OBESE!

    That must sound like a ridiculous statement. This is a weight loss journal, and people who are not fat do not write weight loss journals. They certainly do not maintain them daily for a year, right? It is blatantly obvious then to my readers that I am fat… not to mention, anyone who sees me. Read it again… I did not say that I was fat. I said that I was obese. The first is not only judgmental and harsh, but it is also subjective. If I am standing in a room full of supermodels, I look fat. If I am standing in a group of people larger than I am, I might not be perceived the same way. Obese, on the other hand, is a medical term. It has a clear definition based on one’s height and weight. It is not a perfect system, but it is a pretty decent guideline.

    So then why am I so happy to be obese? Because the last time I checked, I was classified as morbidly (or severely) obese, or what the American CDC refers to as Obesity Class 3. It has been a while since I checked, but this morning I saw someone mention their BMI, and I decided to check mine. Depending on the source, my classification was upgraded either when I dropped below 315 lbs. or 300 lbs.… but either way, I am safely in the new category, and working toward being upgraded to Obesity Class I (or simply overweight), but I am about sixty pounds away from that. Hopefully I can achieve that by August.

    I am not going to focus on that. My goal is to be healthy, and to lose weight at a healthy pace. I want to focus on the size of my body and the fit of my clothes, and not a label made up by doctors whom I will never meet. John Lennon once said, ‘I don’t believe in Beetles, I just believe in me.’ I need to focus on my unique needs and body rather than numbers on a chart.

    Okay, my day continues. In a few hours I will light the Sabbath candles. This will be my second Sabbath without challah or wine, and I am fine with that… no matter how weird it might feel.

    Shabbat Shalom!

  • Awareness and Honesty

    There are myriad reasons why people are overweight, and I do my best to not judge people because I do not know their stories, what medical conditions they might suffer from, or the psychological trauma that they live with. The things that I say in this article are about me and are not meant to pass judgement on anyone else.

    Fifteen years ago, I moved from Quebec to Ontario. Aside from the obvious inconvenience factors, because our socialized medicine in Canada is administered by province, I was forced to find a new primary care physician. While it was not at the top of my agenda, I would eventually need to do it. In September of that year, I met Theresa, and it was just easy to go to the same doctor as she did. I met Doctor John Guy Yates sometime in 2008, and after the hiatus of living out of the country, I continue to see him to this day.

    As doctors do, during my first visit he planned to run a battery of tests – bloodwork and the like. He told me that because of my weight, he told me that he would also run tests on my thyroid. I asked him why, and he answered that very often obesity is caused by thyroid problems. I replied, ‘Doc, I am not fat because of my thyroid. I am fat because I like to eat a lot, and I do not exercise nearly enough.’ He looked at me and said that it is refreshing to hear a patient who is not trying to blame anyone else for their obesity… and that I was one of the few.

    Over the years, Doctor Yates has seen me balloon to my heaviest weight (twice – the second time I was living in the USA, so he did not see it), and has seen me drop to my lowest weight (or within 5-10 lbs of it). He has recommended me to a weight management clinic and has told me that I was pre-diabetic… and then, when I lost most of the weight, had the pleasure of telling me that I was no longer pre-diabetic. He has encouraged me in my weight loss efforts, as well as in my exercise regimens. These have included walking, running, Taekwondo (he knew me before I started, and look at where I am now!), as well as weight-training with a personal trainer. Now, once again, he is encouraging me by standing in for a weight-management clinic, most of which are still only doing telemedicine (ironically, since when I went to Japan, I tried to get them to do that, and they refused). I need the doctor’s office visits so that I can get weighed and really be accountable, and not just for the encouragement and admonishment I would get from the clinic.

    Fifteen years ago, I told Doctor Yates that I was obese because I like to eat. Fast-forward, I know there is more to it than that. I am fat because of myriad psychological issues that I have been dealing with since I left the Army… and before. The horrors of my military service, added to the trauma of an abusive childhood raised by a mother who always loved my sister more than she loved me (and who really enjoyed hitting me) have been no picnic. Add to that, it is impossible for me to discuss my military traumas with a doctor without security clearance… in Israel.

    In short, I am fat for two reasons:

    • I really like to eat foods that are fattening for me, and in large quantities; and
    • I spent so many years ignoring the psychological damage that I have endured.

    It cannot be as simple as that. I could sit here and write tomes on the reasons I have fought with obesity for my entire post-military life. Those tomes would be summarized in those two sentences.

    It is important when one has a health issue to deal with it. Of course, one cannot treat a broken leg with antihistamines. It is important to have the right treatments for the right malady. If that malady is an unbalanced thyroid (or whatever the term would be), then there are medical treatments for that. If the problems are psychological, there are doctors and therapists who can help you to deal with them. If you just like to eat a lot, then changing your eating habits is the key.

    Of course, once you have cured one or both of the medical issues, it is still important to change your eating habits. We might need to relearn how to eat healthy, and in some cases, we might need to learn that for the first time. If I gained the weight because of psychological trauma, that does not mean that as soon as I have dealt with that trauma (and let’s be honest, I will be dealing with them for the rest of my life), I will suddenly or even gradually lose all of the weight. Healthy eating is an important part of life, and please do not try to learn how to do it on Facebook… or even from actual books. If, like I had, you have forgotten how to eat healthy then there are professionals for that as well. Registered dieticians and nutritionists will educate and guide you in ways that books of fad diets and pop psychology cannot.

    That is not to say that all of those books or fad diets are bad – I remember thirty years ago hearing about The Atkins Diet, which from what I can tell was a program that cut carbohydrates out. In other words, it focused on ketosis. Yes, that can be a good program. No, it is not for everyone. In truth, despite what so many holier-than-thou proselytizers will tell you there is no single solution to losing weight and keeping it off that will work for everyone, and you need to find what will work for you. If it was as easy as everyone reading the same book and following the same program, then there would only be one book, and we would all be thin.

    Losing weight is neither easy nor simple. Before setting out on your weight loss journey it is important for you to understand why you are overweight… and to be honest with yourself about it. Nobody looks quite so dishonest with themselves as someone who tells you they are fat because of the slow metabolism, while ordering two pounds of Buffalo Wings with a large pizza. Of course, they so often order the Diet Coke to show you that they are trying.

    Be honest with yourself. If you believe it is your metabolism, or your thyroid, or any other medical condition, then speak to your doctor and discuss your options. Dealing with psychological issues might be harder than that… added to the stigma of being fat you have the stigma of being psychologically damaged. So many people are ashamed to seek help. You know what? Get over it. Psychological trauma is no less real – and is often much more damaging – than are physical maladies. If you just like to eat, then yes… dieting might be a temporary solution, but the better one might be changing your eating habits.

    Honesty and self-awareness are crucial to weight loss. Whether the food is the problem, or there is an underlying reason, you need to know. You cannot be cured by dealing with the symptoms. You have to address the source of the problem.

    I did not say that it was easy.