Losing a part of me

Category: Pain

  • Day 949

    Yesterday went from good to bad in a hurry when a very close friend called me to tell me about something that is going on in his life. I will not go into details but he is close enough that his pain hurts me. I ended up eating more than I should have… but only by a couple of peaches – the last of the bag that I bought on the farm on Friday. It also stopped me getting out to exercise… but only partly. My back and leg and foot pains were also contributory factors. The leg pains are not related to the knee pains I was experiencing; they are clearly muscular and caused by extreme exertion, and my foot pain was caused by a blistered heel. I should be good to go again today… as long as I put something on my heel before I head out.

    My weight was up marginally this morning, almost certainly thanks to the peaches I ate last night. As much as I love them, I am glad that I have no more left. I was hoping that by this morning my weight would be down enough to check off another line on my chart. That will now have to wait at least one day more… probably two.

    It is a beautiful day in Burlington. I have a few things to do this morning (not the least of which is talking with my wife), but hopefully this afternoon I’ll be able to get out for a walk.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 948

    I was saying to Leslie last night that considering my intake and exercise of the day I would not be surprised if I would have lost over a pound from yesterday to today. Not quite… but I did drop nearly one pound. It was not enough to allow me to cross off another number on my fridge chart, but down is better than up. The fact that my weight was down despite not moving my bowels is a good sign.

    I suspect it is a combination of several factors that led to my back aching and spasming this morning, including not stretching before exercising (with excessive weight), a lot of time in a chair that might be comfortable but is not sitting right, and a bad sleeping position. I ended up taking a couple of Aspirin when I realized how much pain the occasional spasms caused. My first instinct was to say to myself that I would not be exercising today. I then realized that I can go out, I should just stretch before I start… and maybe curb the distance somewhat. We’ll see.

    It is another beautiful day out, and I will spend much of my time outside. I will likely at long last try the konjac noodles that I bought over six months ago on advice of my diet buddy. They have zero carbs and are fat free. My diet buddy told me that they are a great pasta replacement and seeing as I have all sorts of pasta sauces in the house I might as well try them.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 942

    After yesterday’s slight rise in my weight, it was nice to see a solid drop in it this morning. While I did not get out to exercise yesterday (owing not only to the networking issues, but also to a bit of an ache in my knee) I was a bit worried, but I ate better than I had in many days and was rewarded with a two-pound drop on the bathroom scale this morning. Yay! 

    I am teaching again this week, and hope that I will be able to stay on track. I did go into the supermarket over the weekend, and while I was tempted to buy things that I should not be eating, I was good. Yay. 

    Before I weighed myself this morning I had a bit of a bowel movement, but after my breakfast I had a much more productive one. The fibre that I add into my meal replacements is doing its job, even though I wish it would have happened prior to my weighing myself. Oh well. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 930

    Thank G-d my weight dropped below that horrible number this morning. I will eat as I did yesterday, which is to say that I will have lunch, and then in the evening I will have a meal replacement.

    My knee is feeling somewhat better than it was a couple of days ago. I am still in pain, but not the debilitating pain that I was in a couple of days ago. I have cut the meds to one pill three times per day instead of two pills. I am also using the Voltaren cream pretty liberally, but not as often as it was. I will ice it this evening as well.

    I am stressed about the class I am delivering tomorrow. I think I am as prepared as I am ever going to be… but I really wish I had not agreed to teach it. My goal for today is to not eat my stress and anxiety.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 929

    My knee is feeling somewhat better this morning, which is to say that I was able to get a decent night’s sleep, and I did not need ten minutes to get out of bed. The downside is that my weight has ballooned, and that sucks. I hit a number this morning that I never wanted to see again. It better be only for a single day.

  • Day 928

    I was not pleased this morning to see that I gained a few ounces from yesterday, despite having only eaten two meals and a meal replacement shake. Truth be told, my afternoon meal was large, and I should cut that down today. That is the plan.

    I also know that while I am getting a decent number of steps in every day, owing to the pains in my knee it is not really exercise. For the same reason, I am also not sleeping well. I truly hope that within a day or two the meds finally do their job, and the pain will subside. We will see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 927

    I did slightly better yesterday than I had the previous couple of days, and while I did not lose weight this morning, I also did not gain weight. I will try to do even better today. It might be a bit difficult, as I am taking my son for his favourite lunch today… or at least I assume that is where he will ask to go. I have proven before that I can get through that meal without doing too badly, but I suspect that today I will refrain from eating anything and will prepare a meal when I get home. I make no promises about that, but I will try.

    MY knee felt better during the day yesterday, and I hoped that I would sleep well for it. What I did not account for was that I had eaten early, which meant that I took my last anti-inflammatory meds around 6:15pm. I slept like a log until I woke up at 3:00am to pee… and my knee was in agony again. I decided to take one pill at 3:45am because I had not been able to get back to sleep. I also rubbed some Voltaren into it. Those helped a little… but not much. I am really hoping that after a few days on the meds I will be better, but I will still be speaking with my doctor about it on Friday; if it is a question of upping my gout meds then let’s do that; if it is not, then we need to explore further what the issue is and find a solution.

    Okay, I am off to pick up my son. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 925

    I was able to follow my plan yesterday, so when I hopped onto the bathroom scale this morning, I was relieved that my weight dropped to almost Wednesday’s number. I am still above the horrible 295 lbs. mark, but closer to it today than to 300 lbs. (which I was closer to yesterday).

    My knee has been in absolute agony since Wednesday. As there was no obvious reason for it, I suspected it was a gout attack. I have suffered from gout (as did my father before me) for years, and it is truly painful. I did not write about it these last couple of days because my mind was elsewhere, but there was nothing I could do to relieve the pain. I decided yesterday, after speaking with a buddy who suffers from the same affliction (and is on the same meds as I am) that I would see a doctor about it today. I took the opportunity to get my bloodwork done so that it would be done before my yearly checkup next week. The doctor told me that it might be gout, but if I am on the preventive meds as I am then it could either be that (which means I would need to adjust my dosage), or it could be another inflammation (such as arthritis). Either way, the same anti-inflammatory would alleviate the pain, and my bloodwork would determine if it was gout or something else. I am hopeful that by the end of the day (and after a couple of doses of the new meds) that the pain will subside. It has not only prevented me from being able to walk too far, but it also keeps me awake at night.

    Because I was going to the clinic, I did not eat breakfast until I was home. I ate late, which means I will eat my lunch late as well. In the evening I will, once again, only have a meal replacement. I am hopeful that I can drop to below 290 lbs. in the next week so that I can be below that number for my Lodge meeting next Saturday. I am hopeful!

    I want to shout out quickly to the friends and readers who have reached out to me these last few days to see if I am okay. I have been going through a lot of challenges, but I will persevere. Yes, they have caused me to put my weight loss onto the back burner. Yes, they have at times, been overwhelming. No, I do not plan to go back onto the antidepressants that I stopped taking in June. I believe strongly in psychology and those meds are hugely important for helping mental illness. I do not think that my situation is chemical, rather situational. I have to be stronger, and the meds will not change the way the world is. If I am not willing to turn to whisky to make things better, I do not feel that I should be turning to meds either. I want to be clear that this is a personal decision that is best for me and is not advice I would give to anyone else. If you are feeling overwhelmed, then you should speak to your doctor for the proper advice. Do not be ashamed if you need meds.

    I have some work to do, so I am going to close here and go make lunch so that I will then be able to continue my day.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 796

    Yesterday was a wonderful day from beginning to end. IY”H every day should be as good.

    After the ridiculously long, stressful, and expensive two-day span that was Saturday into Sunday, I landed in Cuba only one hour later than I had originally planned for, and was at my apartment by 4:30pm. I did not unpack, but I did go into my suitcase to find a pair of shorts and my sandals (I had changed into a short-sleeve shirt on the plane from Toronto to Houston) and I went out to meet my buddy only a few minutes later than expected. He and I spent the evening together, enjoying a coffee and then dinner… followed by another snack a little later. I was back in my apartment by 11:00pm, and while I was quickly running out of juice, I had to unpack and organize my kit before turning in. I turned on the water heater so that I would be able to shower before getting into bed, which I was finally able to do by 12:30am. I slept like the dead.

    I seldom eat well on travel days, and what with all of the stress and anxiety of the entire ordeal Sunday was no exception. After everything, I should have turned it off… but as we sat in the cafe-bar toward the end of the evening, as Johnny devoured his desert I compounded it by indulging in a plate of French fries. I knew it was wrong… and I did not and do not and will not feel bad or apologize for it. My step count for the day was 14,000, and my stress count was through the roof. I deserved every morsel and every calorie that I ate Sunday.

    Yesterday would have to be better… and it was. I did not eat breakfast, partially because the restaurant I had planned to eat at was not open yet, but also because I met a few guys from Kentucky at my buddy’s cafe and nibbled on a piece of their toast. For lunch I had a plate of pasta (which in Cuba is a reasonable size, and not what one might get in a restaurant in North America). Dinner was a plate of fried plantains and a chicken dish that likely had the nutritional value (or lack thereof) of an order of General Tao’s chicken… but again it was a reasonable size. I walked 17,000 steps throughout the day, enjoyed many cigars and cups of coffee, and the company of a few friends I always see when I’m here. In the balance, yesterday was a weight-plan success.

    After dinner I went back to Johnny’s bistro for another cigar and a video call, and I ran into the guys from Kentucky who joined me for a cigar… and pulled out a bottle of very fine bourbon. I relaxed until closing and then walked with Johnny as far as my apartment, where I picked up another cigar and then went to see my friend Gloria at her work. She and I chatted until nearly 3:00am, at which point I headed back to my place and had a very good (if short) sleep.

    This morning I ordered a plate of fried eggs and toast, and a couple of cups of coffee. Depending on whether or not people I met show up or not, I will either be leading a tour today, or I will just do my own thing in Habana Viella. While it would be great if they do show up, my day will likely be no better or worse if they do or not… it will just be different.

    My goal is to register 15,000 steps or more every day in Havana. That should not be a difficult goal to achieve, and will likely do much more than that some days. The only thing I need to be aware of is the state of my feet, remembering the problems I had with them on my last trip. Those problems started with a lot of steps in a pair of sandals that were probably well past their expected lifespan (measured in steps, not in age). I gave that pair away, and am wearing another pair that I had… which are older, but not nearly as well worn. After a day and a half in them (and over 30,000 steps) my feet seem fine, so I am optimistic. I brought running shoes just in case, but so far so good. If I need to then I will switch out for runners, but if I can manage it then my other goal is to return to Canada without having worn a single pair of socks the whole trip. We’ll see…

    If the group does not show up then I am planning to have a pizza for either lunch or dinner. The other meal will likely be fish or pasta. We’ll see. I did not feel the need to snack yesterday and while I was peckish by about 12:30am, I did nothing about it and went to bed a little hungry. I would have had to be much hungrier to decide to eat after 11pm. If I can make it through today without snacking then it will absolutely be another good food day.

    It has been some time since I wrote about my bowel movements, but this morning was so good that I feel I should mention that my system is working well, and I suspect that it was ridding my body of all the garbage I ate Sunday. As I walked toward my buddy’s bistro for breakfast I felt five pounds lighter.

    On the negative side, I was extremely disappointed with myself yesterday morning when I put on one of my new shirts and it was tight. I could have gotten away with it, but decided against it and changed into something looser. Hopefully within a few days I will try it on again with better results. While I am well aware that hope is not a strategy, I am truly hoping I can make that happen.

    It is now approaching 10:00am and my group is not here. As I said, either they will show up… or they will not. Either way…

    …have a great day!

  • Day 755

    There are some things that would be difficult for anyone who has not spent time in Cuba to understand. One of these is that Internet is only available in some places, and then only when it feels like working. As an example, it rained yesterday, hence despite having written my article, I could not publish it because the Internet does not work in Cuba when it rains. Additionally, the previous day’s article was written and I thought it had published… but I was wrong. Don’t worry, I am able to backdate them so that when today’s article goes live my 756-day streak should be intact.

    I do not go out of my way to be online when I am here. Several hours after my article was finished, I was sitting at a café and the Internet was working… but my article was on my computer back in my apartment. I did not feel it necessary to run back, grab my computer, and come back to the café… not only because it is possible that in the fifteen minutes I was gone, the Internet might have dropped again. It’s all good.

    Despite writing about it in the past tense, I am actually starting today’s article yesterday… which is to say, last night. Yes, as I type this out I am lying in bed and ready to sleep. My feet are in agony – between Monday and Tuesday I walked over 44,000 steps! I got back to the room and peeled my shoes and socks off, then hobbled to the shower where I stood painfully but necessarily under the hot water. I did not shower this morning and I felt grungy. I briefly considered not shaving because that would entail standing for another five minutes or so. Once my stubble was gone I then considered (again briefly) not walking to the kitchen where I had to shut the gas for the water heater… I did the responsible thing and endured those extra thirty or so steps. Now I am lying comfortably so that the soles of my feet (which are currently about 40% blister) do not have to touch anything for the next eight hours or so.

    I am not eating as well as I should, but in the balance between caloric intake and calories burned I suspect I am doing well. I had a reasonable breakfast, a rich lunch of pasta with cream sauce (and a couple of glasses of rum, thanks to my buddy who owns the restaurant), and a mostly healthy dinner (although the French fries were not a good choice). I smoked several cigars throughout the day and drank more coffee than I probably should; the restaurants here serve a piece of chocolate with each cup of coffee, and I do not feel too guilty for eating them. Unlike yesterday (when I indulged in a piece of chocolate cake for desert after lunch) those were the only sweets that I had. I also had two glasses of juice… but I am sure my body will forgive me. All in all, I am hoping that were I to step on my bathroom scale this morning I would not be too disappointed.

    I am planning on taking it easy Wednesday (today). I will do some walking around Old Havana in the morning, and sometime in the afternoon I am meeting friends at the Hotel Nacional (4km from here). Unless my feet experience some sort of miraculous recovery, it is my intention to take a taxi to get there and back. Those will be the first I have taken since the one that brought me from the airport. The plan is to relax, smoke cigars, and to chat. No harm in that, right?

    —

    Okay, it now really is tomorrow (today) and I am sitting at the café in Calle Aguilar. I had the same breakfast I’ve had every day and am enjoying a cup of coffee. I just had a nice conversation with an American who lives just south of Montreal (in New York State) who is on his first trip here, and we spoke about cigars and economics and how to help the people here… while not getting taken in by the ploys that abound. Now I am going to finish my second cup of coffee and when I put my computer away I will pull out my backgammon set in the (probably vain) hopes that someone will sit down to play. It does not seem to be a very Cuban game. Oh well.

    My feet are still hurting, but not nearly as bad as they were last night. I am still going to take it easy – I doubt my step count will exceed 10,000 today – and will take taxis if I am going to leave Old Havana. Unless my friend from Portugal invites me to the Hotel Nacional for coffee I will not be leaving the neighbourhood. I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night because of them, and finally I broke down and took a couple of Aspirin. I took two more this morning and will proactively take a couple more throughout the day. I have no problems pushing myself, but there is a fine line between pain and injury… and I want to make sure my feet do recover so that I am not in pain the entire trip. I know that I overdid things my first few days here, and I know I have to pace myself. I can go back to Canada and limp around, but if I want to go to the store in Canada I can get into my car if I am in too much pain to walk. That is not an option here.

    It is still cool and a little cloudy, but the sun is coming out and I will be wearing sunglasses today. What else will I be doing? Who knows… whatever it is, I’ll have fun. There will be cafes and restaurants and music… and hopefully some backgammon involved.

    Have a great day!