Losing a part of me

Category: Plans

  • Day 531

    It’s a beautiful morning and Southern Ontario is in the middle of the most dangerous heatwave in memory. At least, that’s the undertones of the message from a couple of people Her Floofness and I met while out for our walk this morning. We happen to love the heat and the sun and have no complaints whatsoever about either. We also know that at some point (hopefully soon) we will be moving to Texas where it will be much hotter and much sunnier much more often. In truth it is going up to 30° Celsius by noon, which is hot, but it is not, to quote the movie Biloxi Blues, Africa Hot.

    Yesterday went mostly as planned. I spent a few hours helping my rabbi with his computer (which took a bit longer than I had expected but worked out alright in the end). Following that I went shopping (and spent more than I usually do, owing to purchasing some sauces and flavourings that I only need to buy occasionally) and came home to prepare a lovely dinner of teriyaki glazed salmon with a side of sweet potato fries (yes, I bought more). I had been thinking about trying a teriyaki glaze for weeks but every time I thought of it I realized I do not have the sauce. I finally bought it yesterday and the result was quite enjoyable.

    As I so often do, I stepped onto the scale last night to try to get a sense of what my weight this morning would be. I was shocked to be up a full five pounds during the day, and felt it was unlikely that I would drop all of that weight overnight. I should trust the process; when I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning I had dropped ever-so-slightly from yesterday morning. It may not be a lot, but one pound lost is three pounds of progress, right?

    I slept marginally better last night than the previous nights; it was the first night in a few that I had to get out of bed multiple times to pee, which is really the only thing that stopped me sleeping through the night. Well, that and Princess Sophie deciding at 5am that she needed to get into bed with me. She knows that she has to go to sleep in her own doggie bed and she is quite good about that, but there are nights (occasional ones fortunately) where she wakes up and cannot calm down unless I bring her into my bed. Once I picked her up (on my second trip to the loo) she and I both slept like a baby the rest of the night. It was a great relief! I was exhausted yesterday afternoon and evening, even though I could not fall asleep.

    My plan for today is to relax, smoke a couple of cigars while reading on the balcony, and minding my limits of what I eat. I am teaching from 6-9pm so I will have lunch early and then dinner early and will then spend the evening in front of the computer. I do not mind working – frankly, I really do enjoy teaching. What bothers me though is that I have three weeks of review classes, and my students are not asking too many questions. That means that I can either assign labs only, or we can do practice exams together. I finally got them to give me a list of topics that they want me to cover, and I will start on those this evening. I was going to start Monday, but with half the class absent (this class does not normally meet on Mondays, and it was moved because of the holiday yesterday) I decided to give them lab work, as well as a demonstration of something on my personal router. Tonight I will actually do a bit of lecturing, a bit of practice exams, and then I will give them a lab to do.

    Because the class I had to teach was switched to Monday I was not able to attend my sommelier class; I am hoping that I will be able to catch up if someone shares the link to where it was saved with me. If not, then I will be smoking and reading something else on the balcony today. There will be a few more classes that I might need to miss, owing to the new class I start teaching next week. Oh, that reminds me that I have an orientation meeting for that at 1:00pm today, so I suppose I should get moving to prepare my lunch. I want to be done with everything cleaned up in time to join.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 530

    With this morning’s drop I am down nearly (but not quite) five pounds since Saturday. That means that I can continue to eat the way I have been eating and I will expect to continue to lose weight. I have been having an omelette for breakfast (and a yoghurt along with it), a protein for lunch (with a side salad and sometimes with a side of frozen fries), and a protein with dinner (with either a salad or rice). I have included a couple of fruit in there for snacks (which reminds me that I need to go to the supermarket to get more fruit). I will ride this one until it stops working!

    Someone in one of my support groups on Facebook asked why I recommended she not tell people that she is on the program. I told her there are a couple of reasons. First and foremost is that everybody thinks they are an authority. They tell us firstly how unhealthy the program is, and how it is not the right way to lose weight. This they say about a program that is prescribed by a doctor and is done under medical supervision by weight loss experts. They will then go off and give you (seldom asking if you would like their advice) every advice about how they think you should lose weight. Next, they will keep their eye on you forever, and if three years from Tuesday you take an extra bagel at the company breakfast, they will be there to call you on it. It is easier to not tell anybody but your closest confidants. That will often require us to lie about why we are not ordering food or why we are not joining a social outing at a restaurant or so on; it is a small price to pay. Remember that it is none of anybody’s business.

    I did not sleep great last night, but I also did not sleep terribly. I changed my bed sheets over the weekend, but I think I have to remember to pull the bottom sheet tight every morning rather than just straightening the top sheet and duvet and claiming I made the bed. I know that is one of the factors that prevents me from sleeping well… although definitely not the only one. I know that the day that I changed the linens I still did not sleep all that well. I truly think the number one factor in my sleep issues is when I am not sleeping next to my wife. That will be resolved in eleven days.

    My plans for today: I have to stay on track, so I am going to prepare my chicken for lunch. I do not have any frozen potatoes so I will stick to the salad. In the afternoon I will run to the supermarket to pick up fruit and a few more items that I am running low on. I realized I have no more fish in the house so I will likely pick up a nice piece of salmon for dinner. I also suspect I am completely out of rice, so I will buy a bag while I am there.

    As today is The Fourth of July I will not be teaching this evening, so I might go out to see friends later on. It will not be a stressful day, although I do have an appointment to help my rabbi with some technical issues around 1pm. I guess I should start making lunch now so as to be done in time for that.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 529

    I got a call from a guy yesterday who had asked me for support and advice on his weight loss journey using the same program I have been loosely using. He has completed his first week and discussed with me some of the challenges he faced through the first seven days, including the Canada Day weekend temptations. I told him about some of my experiences with temptations like that and he was shocked to see how closely aligned our issues are. I am looking forward to helping him however much I can – the overwhelming majority of people on this program – both in the online Facebook groups and in the in-person groups that I have participated in or heard of – are women. While it is certainly possible to support and to be supported by women there are certain things that you do not necessarily want to hear about as a man… as there are things that we would not want to share with women. It has to be nice to have someone you can speak with about private and personal gender-specific issues.

    While I was not perfect on my plan yesterday, I was certainly better than I have been many days. I was concerned when I stepped onto the bathroom scale last night and I saw the number because a late-night number is usually between 1.5-3.5 lbs. higher than my weight will be the next morning. Based on that I should have weighed over 270 lbs. this morning. Fortunately not only was that not the case, but I was actually down another 1.6 lbs, which has me three pounds down in the last two days. I can live with that. My plan for today is to eat reasonably – lunch will be chicken with salad, dinner will be salmon with rice. If the forecast can be trusted, then the rain might stop shortly after noon. Unfortunately the accuracy of the hourly forecast has not been very good these last couple of weeks, so I am not sure I trust it. If that does happen, then I might try to get out for a bit of exercise. I would really like to fly to Dallas in twelve days with some sort of exercise routine. I know it will be much hotter there than it is here, and the likelihood of my being able to jog more than a few minutes is low. If I can get into the groove though then I know I can at least get out for a walk every day, which will be a good start.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 519

    We are out and about early and I wanted to leave a placeholder in case I forgot. I cheated way too much yesterday and I paid for it. Will do better.

    —

    It is now late afternoon and two of our three social engagements are behind us, with one more to go. All of them involve food. We had to leave the apartment early this morning because the lines in the parking lot were being painted, so after I came in from walking the Princess we headed out for breakfast. I ordered avocado toast which I consider a good decision. We had lunch with Lyle and Dorothy who prepared a delicious chicken salad with a miso dressing which was also delicious, also a good decision. We met Dimitrios for afternoon tea where I ordered a café latté and a flatbread, which was not a great decision, but I did so with my eyes open. This evening we will meet Eduardo and Gladys for dinner at a favourite Italian restaurant of ours. While it will not be a diet meal by any stretch, I am nonetheless confident that I can order smartly and eat well without going completely off the rails. I do not expect the numbers on the bathroom scale to be down tomorrow morning, but I also do not expect them to be a total shock.

    I knew in advance that there would be no opportunity to exercise today, which was not terrible because according to my fitness watch my Body Battery (which has been low all week) has not risen above 45 today. My last three days of exercising have not seen it rise much above that, with lows at night between 3-5. My body needed a day to recover. I will try to get out for a jog tomorrow morning, but we will see how I feel… and how the morning shapes up.

    Speaking of tomorrow, I suspect that around mid-morning we will partake in our traditional latté and cigars on the balcony. We are meeting my sons for lunch at Colossus where I can be smart with what I order. Knowing where we are dining tomorrow to celebrate our wedding anniversary I will try to eat very healthy during the day. I also plan to avoid meat, as we are going to a steakhouse for dinner.

    For those readers who came late to my journey, your confusion is understandable. After all, it was less than two months ago that I wrote about our fabulous wedding in California. That was our religious wedding, and beginning next year it will be the one that we celebrate. Last June we got married in a civil ceremony with a judge. We discussed it and decided that this year we would celebrate the first, and beginning next year we will celebrate only the religious anniversary. I’m glad I was able to clear that up for you.

    Today was another anniversary of sorts. Four years ago today I drove out to Beverly Hills to adopt Her Royal Floofness, Princess Sophie. She spent the day playing with Charlie, but when we return home she will get a special treat to celebrate.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 517

    Yesterday afternoon I went out for a 2km jog followed by a 3km walk, and I felt great. I felt sore, but I was thrilled to be back out there. I ate very well (I made salmon sandwiches with a side of sweet potato fries for lunch, and for dinner I made a breaded chicken breast with a side salad), and I shared a bottle of wine with my lovely wife with our cigars. The results were pleasing – I dropped 1.6 lbs. according to the bathroom scale this morning. It gets better in the next paragraph.

    My eyes popped open at 5:12am. I have written before that I almost never have issues going back to sleep after getting up to pee… as long as it is still dark outside. Once the sun is up that will be hit or miss… and more often miss than hit. While I did give it a good attempt, it did not take long for me to realize that I was well and truly awake, and I might as well do something about it. Doing my best to not disturb my slumbering wife, I went about my morning routine. The only change from the norm is that I put on shorts, a t-shirt, and running shoes before I took Her Floofness for her royal walk. She was home and on the couch by 7:00am, and I grabbed a peach from the fridge before heading out for my exercise. Yes, I actually jogged 2km and then walked another 4km, and was showered and dressed by 8:15am! It felt good to make the most of my inability so sleep, rather than doing whatever else that I might have done but can do later today. Not that I am counting it, but I did step onto the bathroom scale once more after my shower and had dropped another two pounds. While it is nice to see that I got another drop, I am sticking by my first weight from 6:20am. While it would have been nice to have a 3.5 lbs. drop in one day, it will be just as nice (and much more honest) to see that spread over two days.

    For lunch today I am going to pick up some meatless burgers, and while I am at the supermarket, I will look for some sort of appropriate side dish. Dinner will be salmon with either rice or salad on the side. I know that unless I completely fall off the wagon sometime between here and there my weight tomorrow morning will be down once again… from my first weigh-in of the morning if not from the second. I am happy with the progress I have made these past weeks, down nearly nine pounds in the time that Leslie has been here. I never expect to lose weight while we are together, and with one exception (my first April trip when I tore up my foot the first night so did not exercise) I have lost weight every reunion since January. She is a good influence on me… and not only because I am afraid to disappoint her.

    It is a lovely day out and I have a few things to do, but I might also spend a couple of hours on the balcony studying. I also have to test my Wi-Fi; I installed my new wireless device this morning, and while the performance on my download speeds is amazing, I am disappointed that my upload speeds are no better. I am going to see if there is something within my bedroom wall that is causing it, and if so then I am going to think about either moving the router, or else returning it and buying a set that has two wireless access points so I can place one at the source and the other outside the bedroom but with line-of-sight to both the access point and to my computer. Yes, I am having fun with this!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 511

    The long days are definitely taking a toll on my weight, inasmuch as I am forced to dine after 9:00pm. Last night’s spaghetti was quite tasty, but it was also heavy. Fortunately today is the last day that I am working 9-9. Tomorrow I will finish my class and Leslie and I will get in the car for our romantic getaway to Niagara.

    I accomplished what I planned to this morning. I picked up my dry cleaning and my prescriptions, as well as a couple of odds and ends at the supermarket. I was quite tempted to pick up a small little nibble to supplement my breakfast, but in the end, I decided that it would be a bad idea. My choices were to either buy something very small (which I did not come across), or to buy something large (which would have been left over and thus Leslie would have seen my cheat), or to buy something very unhealthy. At the druggist I saw individual-sized bags of potato chips, and wisely decided not to indulge. I came home and am now working on my second cup of coffee.

    I discussed with Leslie a possible solution for the late-night eating. I will make a pizza for us for dinner (we still have the second cauliflower crust that we picked up at Costco), which I can eat quickly while my students are doing their labs. That way we can eat at a reasonable hour.

    I could hardly believe how exhausted I was last night. It is not often that I fall asleep that quickly, but I did… Leslie could see it as soon as we sat down to dinner. I tried to fight it. I thought about suggesting we sit out on the balcony with a cigar, but I would not have gotten through half of a small stick. We were in bed at a very reasonable hour (which is rare for me) and I was probably asleep before 10:30pm. I woke up mostly refreshed, and hope that I will be able to navigate this last long day better than I did yesterday.

    It is time to get moving. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 510

    This morning my weight was up nearly half a pound, which is not at all surprising considering what I ate yesterday. I am neither surprised nor ashamed. With my schedule this week I am going to be eating dinner very late. Last night Leslie and I enjoyed a meal of chicken gyoza which were fabulous, but at the same time the portion size was big. Eating a large meal after 7:00pm is never a good idea, but when I am teaching straight through to 9:00pm it is hard to avoid. As I said, I do not regret it… but I do acknowledge it as a cheat meal.

    Today is Day 2 of the crazy long days. I am at my desk from 8:30am until 9:15pm, teaching for eleven hours straight. I usually enjoy these long days but wish they did not coincide with my visits with Leslie. The long-distance marriage is hard, and we like to enjoy our time together. This weekend we will spend a couple of days in Niagara-on-the-Lake, and we will have nothing but time to just be together. I know we are both really looking forward to that.

    For lunch today I am preparing salmon salad sandwiches which I know Leslie really enjoys (as do I). We picked up a couple of lovely rolls at the bakery and I will prepare them in time for us to enjoy during my lunch break. Leslie is taking care of dinner, which we will be able to enjoy together as soon as my class is over, and then weather permitting we will sit on the patio for an hour. It is truly wonderful when we can just sit and relax together.

    Tomorrow morning after breakfast I will run a few errands. I have to pick up my dry cleaning and my prescription renewal. As the dry cleaners is attached to the supermarket, I will also pick up any odds and ends that we might need, but for now I can only think of vegetables that we need – we ran out of lettuce yesterday. The timing of the pick-ups is perfect because both the dry-cleaning and my meds will be ready to pick up the day I will have run out of clean shirts and pills. I could have gone today, but I suspect some of the dry-cleaning will only be ready after 5:00pm today. Tomorrow morning will be easier.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 509

    I was expecting another decent drop in weight this morning and was pleasantly surprised to see that I am down nearly one pound from yesterday. I cannot expect to drop all of the weight that I gained in a week, but I am making good progress. I ate pretty smartly yesterday, enjoying some of the leftover shawarma (with a salad) for lunch, and then a nice piece of fish for dinner (also with a salad). I determined that it was too windy to sit outside for my cigar class, so I participated without smoking from my desk. By the time the class and then our dinner was over the wind had died down somewhat, so Leslie and I sat on the balcony enjoying a nice cigar. We had some things we needed to talk about, and then we both griped a bit about our work. Leslie and I were brought together by our work, and I really like that even though I am no longer on her team we still can help each other because we understand so much of the same technology… as well as processes. I have memories of relationships past in which my partner could hardly explain what I did, other than ‘he works with computers.’ The fact that we can dig deep in the weeds on technical issues is just one more thing that make Leslie and I perfect together.

    After coming in from walking Her Floofness I said my morning prayers and then made coffee and an omelette. While there are very delicious and tempting rolls to go with it, I stayed true. I also put three pieces of chicken into a marinade, which I will prepare for our lunch. For dinner we bought a package of chicken gyoza from Costco which we are really looking forward to! I know the gyoza are naughty, but if that is my only naughtiness for the day then I might still achieve another drop in weight tomorrow morning.

    These next three days are far too long! I am teaching from 9:30am until 9:00pm Tuesday through Thursday, which makes for a very tight schedule. I feel terrible to schedule it that way while Leslie is in town, but she understands that we both need to work, and as a contract trainer it can be detrimental to my career to turn down certain contracts. Fortunately we know that Friday at the end of the day we are hopping into the car to drive down to Niagara for a romantic weekend together. While Leslie has some meetings next week, it will still be easier for us to spend time together. One day in the not-to-distant future we will be living together full-time, and these long and stressful weeks will not be as hard because our time together will not be so limited.

    I guess I should mention that last week I realized that I could back-date posts to my blog. I know I have missed two days in the last year and a half, but both of those were because I had started and was then distracted or pulled away. In any event, this morning when I click Publish on this article, I will receive a notification that I am on a 510-day streak. It is not nearly as important as my weight loss progress, but it is still nice to have.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 505

    I am really not impressed with the numbers on the bathroom scale this morning. My weight has crept up all week, but this morning it shot up by another 2 lbs. which is really starting to upset me. I have been eating breakfast cereal these last few days (which has really helped me with my bowel movements), and that is the only significant change. I am going to cut it out as of this weekend and do my best to get back on track. I know that when I am on the plateaus I will go up a bit, especially when I am not exercising… but I have to find a way for it to not go up this badly. I am still healthy, feeling good, and looking just as good in my clothes as I was a month ago (I think), but the numbers are bothering me.

    As I expected, this morning is a relatively easy one. My students are taking their exam. After they are all done, we will spend some time reviewing it, after which time the students who did not pass will be allowed to retake it. I am giving the rest of them the opportunity to work on labs, as well as practice exams… there is a huge difference between the assessments written by the training centre and the certification exams they will have to take for industry accreditation. We will review some of those questions as well, after which the class will be finished at 1:00pm. I will have lunch, and then at 2:00pm Eduardo is coming over for computer help and a cigar. I expect the first part will only take a few minutes, and the second will take most of our afternoon. I am going to the supermarket to pick up a challah roll for this evening. Leslie and I will be together for the next two Sabbaths, but tonight we are on video chat for one more candle lighting. It is amazing to think that she will be here in two days. I can hardly wait!

    I slept well last night for the first time in almost a week. I suspect it had to do with the clean sheets and tightly made bed. I will pay closer attention to that going forward. I know how important it is to my weight loss, as well as to my overall physical and mental well-being, to get a good night’s sleep. If clean sheets is the answer, then I will not hesitate to change them weekly if needed.

    The spring weather reminded me this morning that summer is not quite upon us yet… and that we are in Canada. Princess Sophie did not seem to mind the light drizzle as we walked this morning, but it was there. The forecast calls for rain all morning, followed by a cloudy afternoon and evening. It should be comfortable cigar smoking weather indeed.

    One more thing that I intend to do today, while I am already going to the supermarket, is to take some of my shirts to the dry cleaners. I am certainly saving a lot of money by wearing undershirts and hanging them neatly immediately after I take them off, but that does not mean that they never need to be cleaned. I suspect I will not have them back until Wednesday, so I will not take them all in. Even with that, knowing my schedule for next week I will have to pick them up before class starts. I do not like to schedule errands for the morning, but there it is.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 504

    Just as happened the previous evening, I stepped onto the bathroom scale and saw a shocking number. Unlike the previous, it did not all disappear the next morning. I am, once again, within a couple of ounces of the 260 lbs. mark. I am not happy with myself; I know I have to do a better job today than I have these last few days, or else I am going to slide back into old habits. That would result in the eventual catastrophe of losing all of the progress that I have made.

    All is not lost. I know that over the last year and a half I have had several plateaus. They have been breaks from the rigidity of an extreme program which cannot be sustained long term. There have been a few of them, and I have always managed to get back on track. I will stay aware and stay mindful, and I will not give up. It is only when I start to let go that I really start to lose.

    This morning’s class is very relaxed… at least, it is for me. I got through almost all of the lectures by end of day yesterday, so this morning I only had one topic to cover. With that said, the students have a lot of labs that they have to get through, which is what they are doing this morning. The two students who have completed the labs are working on practice exams. All said, the class is ready for tomorrow’s end-of-class assessment test. I can do a little bit of work on my own stuff this morning when I am not answering student questions. After lunch I will pick Kerry up from the train station, and she will be here for a few hours. My evening class will not be quite so relaxed… but it is one of the classes I do not fret about. Unlike yesterday, I am not counting the minutes until my class is over tonight… although I do intend to have another cigar date with my wife when it does!

    While it was not reflected on the bathroom scale this morning, I made it through yesterday mostly unscathed. Truly I cannot understand how my weight jumped a full two pounds this morning, but I am sure that if I stay on track then it will get back down tomorrow. I just have to stay focused. I did run all of my errands yesterday, and somewhere along the way I realized I had lost my glasses. I was able to retrace my steps, and finally found them at the service desk of the supermarket. Phew! While I love my other pair of glasses, they are scratched up and waiting for the new lenses to come in (which is another ordeal which I will not spend time on). I would have worn those had these gone missing, but I am glad I got them back.

    I have not been sleeping well these last few nights. I strongly suspect that is because my linens were dirty, as well as not tight (which happens when I have had not changed them in three weeks). I stripped the bed this morning and put them into the laundry. This evening I should have an answer to whether or not that was my issue. If not… then it is likely because I hate sleeping alone, and Leslie will be here in three days to solve that issue… at least for a couple of weeks.

    Have a great day folks!