Losing a part of me

Category: Plans

  • Day 503

    Was yesterday a complete success? It was not. Was it a failure? No. In the balance, while I cheated (I had a couple of bowls of cereal in the afternoon) I still stayed mostly on track, eating nothing after 5:15pm. The result: I was down one pound on the bathroom scale this morning. I will take that as a victory. It has to be a one-day-at-a-time strategy, and I have to be willing to accept that there is a lot of ground between the absolutes of success and failure.

    As I expected, my friend’s computer problem was not really a problem. He came over around 2:15pm, and we were smoking cigars on the balcony by 2:30pm. I am glad I was able to help him… even though I did not actually do anything this time. I did, however, upgrade his computer so that it will be easier for me to keep an eye on the health of his computer going forward. With that said, I did all of that while sitting on the balcony and smoking cigars.

    This afternoon I have a lot going on between my classes. I have a meeting with an old business colleague at Tim Hortons, and then I have an introductory call with a head-hunter who thinks he might have a job for me. I am always happy to take those calls… even though they seldom lead to anything, and I am quite comfortable teaching until my visa status changes. After class this evening I have a very important date. Today is my wife’s birthday. It is her first birthday since we are married (the anniversary of our civil ceremony is June 24th). I am hoping that it will be her last birthday that she has to celebrate alone. By next year I am praying that my visa will be approved, and that we will be living together so that we can celebrate together. While she is coming to Canada this weekend, her visit does not touch either of our birthdays, missing hers by four days and mine by eleven. Last year she was in Canada to celebrate my fiftieth with me. It just could not work out for either of us to travel for either of our birthdays this year. Next year… well, we are maintaining our posture of cautiously optimistic.

    I know what you might be thinking. I have an appointment at Tim Hortons… am I going to be tempted to cheat? The simple answer is that while I do like a nice doughnut or Timbit, I do not consider them temptations. It will be easy for me to order a cup of coffee and avoid the baked goods. It would be easy even if I was not planning to eat lunch before going, but I am… so it will not be a problem. The bigger temptation is usually walking through the supermarket. I went yesterday to buy vegetables, but I only realized when I got home that I am nearly out of milk. Drat, I have to go back today.

    When I wrote yesterday that I might be able to jog tomorrow afternoon I forgot that I have my cleaning lady coming, which means that will not be an option. Friday and Saturday are still on the table, and I will make sure to get at least one workout in before the big day when I drive to the airport on Sunday!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 502

    I have to get back on track, but I am glad that my slip has not been as bad this time as it was a few weeks ago. I am still under 260 lbs. which is not ideal, but it is still better than when I ballooned to 267 when I came back from Dallas.

    Last night I was hungry, so I had a shake, but I was still not satisfied. I decided to make an omelette which did satisfy my hunger without cheating too badly. With that said, I ate too late last night, and I paid the price. It might have been worse… when I stepped onto the bathroom scale before bed the number was truly frightening, and I was sure that this morning I would see a huge jump. Fortunately, despite not being successful with my bowels this morning, my weight was higher… but not nearly as high as last night’s number hinted at.

    This weekend I have to get back on track with my running. I have not been jogging these last few weeks, owing partly to my schedule but also something else. After a couple of weeks without doing it I am now afraid that starting again I will fail. I have to get past that, and I will. If I am not able to get out sooner, then I plan to lace up Saturday morning for a good outing. There is a possibility I will be able to go between classes Thursday, or even after class on Friday. I know how important it is, so I am going to try for at least one if not both of those. I do not have to break any records, I just need to get active again. Even if I only jog a couple of kilometres and then walk to finish a five kilometre circuit then I will consider it a success. Anything more will just be gravy.

    After class today a friend is bringing his computer over for help, and then we will likely smoke a cigar. I am teaching in the evening, so he will have to be out by 5:15pm or so, but it will be nice to spend a couple of hours with him. It will be nicer if the issues with his computer are not serious and only take a few minutes to resolve. More often than not that is what will happen. We will see.

    My goal for today is to not cheat! I have been going overboard these last few days and I have to stop doing that. I did not make an omelette this morning – that was not because I did not want one or because I had one last night, but I was a bit lazy this morning and then Princess Sophie wanted to spend more time socializing on her walk than usual. I will make my usual midday meal which I will eat before my friend comes over. I am going to set a reminder to prepare a meal replacement shake during the break in my evening class. If I can stick to that then I should be able to stop the slide that I have been on these last few days.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 500

    Five Hundred Days. I cannot believe that this journey has taken me thus far. I am disappointed that I have not done better; I am overjoyed that I have done as well as I have. Yes, I would like to have gotten to where I want to be – completely slim – but I am not unhappy with what I look like and feel like now. I will continue to try to improve, albeit less drastically.

    I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning and had not gained, nor had I lost any ground. After the last few days of weight gain (and nearly six days without a bowel movement) I am hoping that the combination of a good movement last night and kerbing my eating a little will reverse that trend. I should also mention that this morning I have had two extremely productive movements – one before and one after I weighed myself. They were not exactly easy, but they were not as difficult or as painful as the last few attempts were. I am relieved that my insides seem to have turned a corner. Literally relived.

    My main goal for today is to organize and clean my office area. I am going to try to bring a large measure of ergonomics and Zen to my workspace so that I can make my life more efficient. That will involve a lot of work that I have been putting off for a few weeks (I have had the words Clean My Desks on a Post-It note almost since I returned from Dallas) but I think today is the day. I also know that my cleaning lady is coming on Thursday, so getting it done prior to that means that she will not need to work around my clutter.

    In precisely one week I will be getting ready to drive to the airport to pick Leslie up, and I could not be more excited. I hate that we are not together always, but I also know that the wheels of government bureaucracy turn slowly, and that eventually we will be able to live together forever. Until then, these periods apart are just the commercial breaks between our wonderful times together.

    Of course, after my work in the office (really a ten-foot square corner of my living room) I will likely relax on the balcony with a book (or two) and a cigar (or three). It is a lovely day, and while a lot of friends would love to see me, I think my original plans to rest and recuperate this weekend are the right way to go. Starting tomorrow I have five long days ahead of me, and I will not have the opportunity to have a completely restful day until Saturday… and Sunday Leslie is coming!

    I have a lot of work to get done if I plan to organize and modernize my workspace, so I am going to start on that. I have looked at this corner many times these last couple of weeks and been daunted every time. I simply have to go at it and not let myself get overwhelmed. The more progress I make, the less daunting it will be. I hope to not do a half-job, because if I say to myself, ‘Look how much I’ve done! That’s enough for today, I’ll finish up later…’ then I know that it will be the end of it. I do not want that to happen.

    Something I have to start doing as I get through this is throwing things out. There are a lot of things around that might one day be useful… or not. If there is a slight possibility that I might need a ten dollar item in the future, but there is a reality now that it is contributing to my sometimes overwhelming clutter, then it will go into the garbage. If it has significant value, then I will list it for sale. However none of it is staying mixed with my production workspace or storage – it will go near the door so that when someone wants to buy it, I’ll sell it… or if nobody wants to buy it then I can donate or throw it out. It is time to eliminate clutter.

    Oh right… and I plan to eat well today. No overdoing it! I cannot believe how long it took me to put together that the rice I have been eating with my protein has contributed to my constipation! Today I will eat chicken with salad… and that’s it. I will also be done eating by 4:00pm.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 498

    It is now five days since I have moved my bowels and I am starting to get concerned. I know that I have been eating so the waste is accumulating inside me. I am just glad that it is not causing me any serious discomfort yet. I will keep hoping that at some point today I will finally feel the urge to go and succeed. I also hope that when that happens it will not be too painful.

    As my body is currently storing a lot of waste it cannot come as any surprise that my weight is up again this morning. It is not a terrible rise, but it is up. I know if I stay on track this will pass, but I just hope it comes soon.

    My plans for the day are simple. It is a busy day, but different from the last few. I will have the evening off, but my afternoon is busy. After my morning class (which ends at 2:00pm) I will be taking Her Royal Floofness to the doggie spa for her hair and nails appointment. I will come home to record a webinar with one of the training centres that I work for. I was worried about that until I finished creating the content last night. Now I am just looking forward to having it behind me so that I can enjoy my weekend.

    We have been under a heat warning most of the week, but that is not why I have not been jogging. It is a coincidence that tomorrow the heat is forecast to break, and I might finally have the opportunity to get out for the first time in a couple of weeks. I have to start getting active again.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 497

    It was going to happen eventually if I kept playing fast and loose with what I eat. Yesterday I realized I only had half of my usual portion of chicken, which I ate for lunch. I then went shopping and picked up chicken, as well as a few other items. I decided to supplement my smaller-than-normal meal with… another meal. I also had decided to splurge when I saw a fruit and yogurt treat at the supermarket, which was yet another stupid decision. The result is I lost four days worth of progress in a gluttonous afternoon. That will not happen today. My plans for today are simple: I had an omelette for breakfast, and I will have my regular meal for a late lunch… and that is it. If I do get hungry then I will supplement that with meal replacement shake in the evening, but I hope I do not have to do even that.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 496

    I stuck to the plan yesterday, except that I accidentally made too much rice with my chicken. I have to remember to measure it out, and for some reason I was not paying attention and I just free poured. It could have been worse… I was probably a quarter of a cup too heavy on my pour.

    I was once again worried as I got into bed last night. Before I lay down, I stepped onto the bathroom scale. Of course the evening reading is discarded, but it usually gives me a good indication of what my weight will be in the morning. I can usually expect a drop of two pounds from 11pm to 7am. When I saw that my weight last night was a full 3.6 lbs. heavier than it had been in the morning, I got concerned that I would be gaining weight today. I might have to rethink my plans if that was the case… even if I did eat too much rice. It turns out that I worried needlessly. This morning I actually dropped .2 lb. from yesterday morning. I suspect the reintroduction of starch into my diet is having an effect on things, and the fluctuations over the course of the day are going to be less predictable. As long as I continue to lose weight from morning to morning then I am less concerned with that than I might have been.

    I am trying to remember if today is the second or third straight day that I have not had a successful bowel movement. While not yet worrying, this is certainly surprising as I have reintroduced a proper meal (and some days two) into my diet. I will have to pay attention to this over the next few days to see when I finally do, and if that becomes regular. I suspect that my next attempt might be painful, and in anticipation of that I decided to take a teaspoon of fibre powder this morning. I do not want to get so backed up that it gets uncomfortable and scary.

    My plans for the day are to do exactly what I have been doing these last few days. I will have lunch after my class, and that will be my only meal of the day. I will probably go shopping in the afternoon because I will be out of chicken, and also need some vegetables. I will not be tempted to cheat, and the best way to make sure I stay on track is to ensure that I have the proper stocks to prepare my meals in a timely fashion. I will not be straying from my path. I also need to return a couple of packages to Amazon, which I will try to do this afternoon as well.

    Today is Her Royal Floofness, Princess Sophie’s birthday! I took her for a very nice walk this morning, and she got to see some of her friends. We have treats that are usually reserved for the Sabbath, but she got one of those (and an extra cookie) this morning. She deserves to celebrate. Over the next few weeks there will be a few occasions that she and I will mark, including the day we met, the day I picked her up from her foster family, and the day I finalized her adoption. She has been my faithful friend these last four years, and I do not begrudge her the extra treats to celebrate. She will be getting a few of those this month.

    I am still reeling over a negative evaluation I got from a student from a course a couple of weeks ago. I finally read the full review this morning. It is clear to me that this student felt I was the worst instructor she has ever experienced… and was saying that the rest of the students felt the same way. On the one hand, I know that I am pretty good at what I do. On the other hand, a single really negative evaluation can cause a company to not hire me again. I am hoping that is not the case here, but I am going to make sure as I go forward that I do what I can to improve on some of the criticism she gave. On the other hand, she said that I said something that I know that I would never say to a class. I have no idea what she heard that makes her think that I said it, or if she heard it from another instructor and projected it onto me. Either way, it might be damaging, and I am hoping that it is a one-off and that the organization does not hold it against me. I am still certain they will keep an eye on me though… sort of like probation. It is a stress that I wish I did not have to worry about.

    In any event, it is time for me to get back to my day. I will stay focused and will not let any of this drag me off course. I need to succeed, and I will succeed.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 495

    After returning home from the doctor’s office yesterday I had a relaxing day. I made an omelette (with onion and shredded cheese) for breakfast, chicken for lunch (with a side salad and sweet potato fries), and that was all I ate. I was certain that the potatoes would do me in – especially when I stepped onto the scale before bed and saw how much I weighed then – but in fact this morning my weight was down. I told Leslie that I had a late lunch, so I was going to try the strategy that others have told me about – I do not consider what I did to be intermittent fasting, but it is along the same lines. I will try to continue that this week… although I will not be having the sweet potato fries every day!

    It was nice to have a day to relax and not really do anything yesterday. It was originally my intention to be productive most of the day, and in fact I did achieve a few of the items on my to-do list (I spent a few hours in the afternoon trying to fight with the Cisco switch that my buddy gave me, but I will have to return to that at some point when I have more time). I also made a point of printing out the course syllabus and recommended timings for the class that I am teaching this morning, which I found to be quite helpful with the class I taught for the same organization a few weeks ago.

    This four-day week will not be quite as busy as last week was, but it will still be long days. I am teaching from 8:30am until 2:00pm, and then again from 5:30pm until 9:00pm. The three-hour break will give me plenty of time to take Her Floofness for a walk (and today we will be joined by Charlie), make and eat a nice lunch, and relax for a little bit. I will also likely have to spend a lot of that time answering emails and doing paperwork, but that does not bother me. I know that after the long day I can look forward to a lovely evening video date with my wife, which I will be able to take on the balcony with a cigar. While we will continue to chat in the evenings, tonight’s will be our last cigar date for a week, as her son will be with her, and she does not smoke when he is around.

    My goal for the day is to accomplish exactly what I did yesterday: Eat in moderation and stop eating by about 3:00pm. It was originally my intention to prepare an omelette for breakfast, but then thought better of it because the timing might have been tight. I opted for a meal replacement shake instead, and there is no danger of cheating with that. If all goes well it would be nice to see another slight drop on the bathroom scale tomorrow morning. I am three pounds heavier than my best weight ever (from Saturday), but I am not at all upset about it. I am making the transition from meal replacements to eating mostly solid foods, and I had a few slip-ups on the first couple of days of that attempted transition. I think I have found my footing and will be able to proceed without stumbling for the next few weeks. That does not mean that I will lose weight at the same pace that I was able to when on the full-fast, but as I am not drastically overweight, I no longer need the drastic weight loss progress. This is a turtle race… slow and steady, and never stop. I will maintain my focus and my mindfulness, and I will not give in to temptation.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 493

    I was bad yesterday, and I paid the price for it this morning. My weight jumped by .6 lb., which made me think about something that I don’t think I had considered for a long time. I have always said that one of the main goals of my extreme weight loss program is to change my unhealthy relationship with food. This morning I had the opportunity to think about some real changes that have happened. I had some snacks yesterday, and I should not have… but I stopped at a single portion of each of those snacks, even though the entire bag or container was available to me. I did not stop because I was ashamed that others would see my gluttonous appetite, I stopped because I knew that I was eating something that is fattening and I wanted to enjoy the taste, but I did not need to overdo it. The second change is that I gained .6 lb. from my cheat, where in the past (when my body was much larger and so were my cheats) I would often gain 3-4 lbs. overnight. I think going forward I will be able to live a life of moderation. That will mean the occasional moderate gain, to be followed on by a moderate loss.

    I should mention, as an asterisk to my weight gain, that I did not move my bowels this morning, and that had I done so my weight likely would have not gone up… although it is unlikely that it would have dropped either.

    I have come to a decision about my meal program. Yesterday morning I weighed in at 250. I have been plugging away at the program for almost a year and a half. I have realized tremendous weight loss and a body transformation that is nothing short of spectacular. I have thought about ‘what’s next’ often and have written about those thoughts in these pages. These next few paragraphs are my current thinking.

    If I were to walk into a bariatric clinic today without any underlying medical conditions, they would not accept me as a patient. They would tell me to eat less (and healthier), they would tell me to exercise more. They might run a battery of tests to make sure that I was not pre-diabetic or that I did not have a thyroid condition, but they would send me home and tell me to lose twenty pounds and then see my family doctor on a regular basis. Even six months ago when I was hovering around the 300 lbs. mark I could not have said that, but that is my new reality. I am absolutely overweight… but I am not in any extreme medical danger from it.

    In addition to that, I know that when I tried to jog last week (while I was on the full-fast program) I was not able to jog as much as I had, and I found myself completely drained the rest of the day – to the point of being unable to function and stay awake. Both of the clinics where I have gone through the program before told me that the full-fast program was not compatible with heavy exercise, and that I would get to a point where I would have to pace myself. I suspect that ketosis is good when your fat stores are plentiful, and your body can burn that for energy. When your body fat is not so high your body can find itself starving for energy, thus the exhaustion. If I had a job where I could take a nap for an hour to recuperate it might be different, but as a teacher I need to be on (and on camera) for the duration of my class. Knowing I have days when I start teaching at 8:30am and end at 9:30pm, I cannot take the chance of falling asleep (or even displaying listlessness).

    With all of that said, knowing that the full-fast program is not a lifetime solution, only an extreme weight loss program, and knowing that such a transition would have to happen at some point anyways, I have decided that now is the time for me to start the transition back onto eating food. This will be a gradual process that I will ease into over the next couple of months. I will start with a single healthy midday meal, while still having the meal replacement shakes for breakfast and for my evening nutrition. I will, over time, ween myself off the meal replacements, until I am eating three healthy meals per day.

    I was going to begin this paragraph with ‘the most important…’ but in reality, there is no single most important factor, rather there are many that I will have to remember. I will have to stay mindful; I will have to watch my weight, and if I see the numbers go up over a day or two then I will have to take the next few days to reverse that trend. I will indeed start ‘counting calories’ which will include weighing my foods and using an app to keep track of what I eat. I will have to make sure I am exercising on a regular basis, whether that is jogging or walking or Taekwondo or whatever else it might be. There are so many things that I am going to have to make sure I never stop doing so that I can continue to lose weight and stay healthy.

    —

    It is a beautiful day out today. My diet buddy came over for coffee this morning. After she left, I had a lovely date with my wife over video chat. Both of these were on the balcony because it is too lovely to stay inside today. My son asked if I would take him for dinner this evening, and I am thrilled to… even though he wants to go for pizza. I checked with his mother, and the place we are going does serve salads, so I do not have to be too bad. Nonetheless, I made sure to eat my midday meal so that I will not be hungry, and therefore tempted to veer from my newly-modified program. I am just thrilled that he reached out to me – that has not happened in a very long time.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 489

    I am not sure what is going on these last couple of days, but my eyes popped open again this morning before 6:00am. If I was going to jog that would have been helpful. As I am holding off on that until the weekend (or at least until Friday, when I do not have a thirteen-hour day) that becomes decidedly inconvenient. At least yesterday when I woke up I was able to take advantage of my early rise by going to get my bloodwork done. This morning I did some banking, answered some emails, but that’s it. I took Her Floofness out for her walk, I said my prayers before sitting down to my computer with a meal replacement and a cup of coffee… and I do not have to start teaching for another ninety minutes or so.

    The streak ended today. After nine straight days of watching my weight drop every morning, today it is the same as it was yesterday. That is not really a big deal, especially knowing that this morning was the first since I restarted the full-fast program that I did not have a bowel movement. Had my weight gone up I might not be so calm (although I would try to put on a brave face). Staying the same was not nearly so bad as a gain would have been.

    It is interesting to compare what my mind views as cheating when I am on the full program as compared to when I am not. For example: I know for a fact that there were a couple of days last week (before I started again) when I decided it would not be the end of the world if I bought a bag of mini crisps… or Goldfish crackers. At the end of any day I would likely not have been able to give you a proper accounting of everything that I ate. In contrast, yesterday I had four meal replacements (900 calories total), three cups of coffee (with oat milk, as much as 20 calories total), two cups of Royal Milk Tea (one caffeinated, one decaf – my best research puts this at 120 calories total), and three Bentasil lozenges (eucalyptus flavour – 8 calories). That comes to about 1,050 calories. Add to that about 100g of carbohydrates (75g of which are in the meal replacements) and it comes to a very successful day. Nonetheless, I thought long and hard about that second cup of tea, knowing that it would be a cheat. What only a week ago would have been an irrelevance now gives me pause. I am not sure if that is a good thing (that I am mindful and aware of everything that I am ingesting) or a bad thing (that I am so obsessive about it). A third possibility is possibly more balanced… that I should be more aware (and mindful!) when I am not on the program, but that I can be a little more forgiving of myself when I am being almost completely strict. And here we have yet one more thing I will need to think about this week.

    My goal for today is to stick to the program. I am not going to be stingy with the lozenges – I am doing a lot of talking this week, and my throat is my most important tool – but if I do feel the need for another drink in the evening, I might brew a proper cup of tea, rather than mix a second milk tea. I am not doing this because I am appalled by the sixty calories in each cup, but it is something that I can control better… I can control how much oat milk I use, as well as the sugar. That reminds me that I have to remember to buy coffee the next time I go shopping. I really wish I could remember where I bought it last time, because it was really very nice! Oh well… I will have to do some research and find a good source for the beans that I like.

    Again, I will not be exercising today. I got through yesterday very well, and even sat on the balcony to enjoy a cigar at the end of the evening. With that said, even if I thought I had the time today, I know that I did not sleep nearly enough last night, and I have to be careful to not only make it through today, but the rest of the week as well. I am glad that while I cannot jog this week, I also have very little opportunity (or temptation) to cheat. I know I lose weight faster when I balance exercise and the program, but if I can only do the program these next few days then I will still lose a little bit more weight… or at least I will not gain any.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 487

    I have been having a much more difficult time getting back into the groove of the full-fast program than I had previously, and I think I know why that is. I pushed myself with exercise. On previous attempts I might have walked, but this time I started the full-fast program (900 calories per day, plus maybe another 25 if we count my coffees) with jogs and walks that combined each day for over 10km per day. While I know that I am able to do those workouts, my body these last couple of days has sent me a clear message that doing it on reduced calories is either something I will need to work up to, or else something that I need to rethink. If the former then I need to take a couple of days off from exercising (which begins today – I rethought my 5:45am alarm last night and reset it for 7:15am), and then start back once my body is used to the full-fast again. If the latter, then I need to adjust from my full-fast program to a modified program that will either include a fifth shake, or else replace one meal replacement with an actual meal. I am leaning toward the latter.

    After my video chat with my diet buddy yesterday I went out for my jog. To read yesterday’s journal entry you would think that I was ready to run 10km without hesitation. I realized a couple of kilometres in that I was optimistic in that belief, and my energy drained much quicker than it had previously. While I jogged the first 4km without stopping, only the first kilometre was of a pace that I was seeing the previous days. I walked the rest of the 10km and had very little energy the rest of the day. Even sitting with Lyle and Dorothy on their patio they mentioned that I did not have my usual energy. Usually that would have been because was down emotionally. Yesterday I was perfectly happy… but completely drained physically.

    While I was originally planning to wake up early and jog today, I decided against that late yesterday afternoon. If I was unable to get through my day off yesterday without almonds and then a can of salmon, I did not want to risk that on a day when I have to be teaching and fully on. Tomorrow I am going to the vampires to have my bloodwork, so I was never planning to jog tomorrow. I will see after that how my body is feeling, and one of two things will happen. Either I will be ready to continue on my journey, or I will have to go shopping so that I can start integrating a meal at lunchtime to supplement my regimen. While I love seeing the progress on the full-fast program, I also know that getting out and exercising is equally important. I also know that one day in the not-too-distant future I will be weaning myself off the program (full or partial), and the two keys factors to my not regaining all of the weight are diet and exercise. By getting used to the exercise now I will not need to force myself to start later on.

    My plan for today is to stick to the program. The bathroom scale was kind to me this morning, showing a very slight drop, even though I cheated yesterday. I needed to cheat because I was literally falling over. Today I will not exercise (beyond taking Her Royal Floofness for her walks), so I expect that sticking to the meal replacements should not be too difficult. If I truly feel like I cannot get through the day then I will go shopping during my break and I will put the full-fast program off until the weekend. I do not expect that will be the case. I am teaching all day, and then in the evening I have my sommelier course. After that I will speak with my wife before getting into bed at a reasonable hour. I have changed tomorrow morning’s alarm to 6:30am so that I will be able to get my morning routine in before running to the lab to have my blood drawn and be back at my desk in time to start class. I have to stay mindful not only of my food intake, but also of my resting. The last two nights I could hardly stay awake until 9:30pm, but that was with me pushing myself. Today I will not push and should be able to make it through the day and then get a good night sleep.

    I am happy to be in best weight ever territory again this morning, but I need to balance my amazing progress with my ability to get through the day. My weight loss must be not only achievable but sustainable. Yes, I love when people stop me when I am walking with Princess Sophie to ask me if I have lost weight… but I also need to make sure that I can get through the day without collapsing.

    Have a great day folks!