Losing a part of me

Category: Success

  • Day 1319

    Sunday of the long weekend, and the last day of August. Tomorrow is Labour Day, and the unofficial end of the summer. What a season it has been.

    My summer has been far more productive than I thought it would be. For one thing, I did a lot more teaching than I had expected. Yes, most of my classes are booked within a week or two before the start date, but summers are usually slow. The fact that I taught three complete week-long classes and had five more days of 1- and 3-day classes since June 30 means that it was a very productive summer. However, if we add to that the fact that I have passed four certification exams since June 15 (including three major ones) and this summer vaults to the high end of productive and successful.

    While I consider my weight loss a complete shambles, I still weigh 22 lbs. less than I did on July 1… had my supplier not run out of meal replacements I know that I would be much further ahead… but here I am. I would rather be 22 lbs. less than two months ago than exactly where I was… or worse.

    In some respects the summer was a resounding success. Do I wish my life had not fallen apart? Yes… but that had nothing to do with the summer. Life is what it is… and I am going to continue to slog along. The last three certifications that I earned – SecurityX (Advanced Security Practitioner), Microsoft Cybersecurity Architect (Expert), and Certified Information Systems Security Professional (CISSP) – are going to mean a huge boost to my career; the classes that I can teach are more in demand at the higher level, and the daily rate is much higher, and when I do decide to take a job (when my whole situation starts to stabilize) I will be worth a lot (with a much higher demand). At least there’s that.

    I certainly do not have all of my ducks in a row… but at least I have a lot of them lined up. What is next? I don’t know… but one thing I can say is that my life is never boring. Just once I wish it were.

    Have a great long weekend folks.

  • Day 1280 – Afternoon

    I still cannot believe it.

    I left home at 11:15am so that I would be at the testing centre thirty minutes before the scheduled start time of noon (that is not only recommended, but ISC2 states that if you are not at least fifteen minutes early then you are considered late). I was driving down Walker’s Line when I realized that I had not taken my meal replacement shake with me, which had been my plan. With all of the stress and anxiety in my gut, I did not want to make things any worse by going into the exam room hungry. I stopped at a convenience store and picked up a sleeve of peanuts. They did not have any unsalted peanuts, and I know I will be paying for that tomorrow morning when I step onto the scale. With my emotional turmoil I decided that was a problem I was willing to live with. I even splurged… seeing that the nutritional facts were pretty close, I picked the salt and vinegar flavour.

    The staff were welcoming and helpful, but that would not be helping me to get through the next two hours. They had me take off my watch, ring, and my dogtag (although they let me keep my chai necklace), and empty my pockets of everything except my drivers license. It all went into a locker and I was escorted to the exam room.

    As I sat at the computer at the testing centre filling out the post-exam survey, I was trying to think how much more studying I would need to do before I would be confident that I was ready to re-sit the exam. I clicked ‘End Survey.’ I raised my hand to call the proctor over. She had me rescan my palm print, checked my ID, and escorted me out of the room.

    As I was reasonably certain that I would not like what I would see on the score report, I did not mind that the administrator told me to collect my things from my locker before collecting it. I was actually relieved by this because I was extremely thirsty, and along with my wallet, watch, keys, and jewelry I had also left the half-bottle of water that I was drinking as I arrived.

    ‘Congratulations! We are please to inform you that you have provisionally passed the Certified Information Systems Security Professional (CISSP®) examination. Your examination result is provisional in that it may be subject to further psychometric and forensic evaluation before a certification decision is reached.’

    I did not even read past the first word… my mind exploded with relief. Unlike last week, I did not wake up this morning with that sense of peace that came with the acceptance that I was unlikely to pass and that it did not matter. I was stressed, I was anxious, and I was frazzled. I wrote in my journal this morning that I was a bit out of sorts and that I had not slept well. All true. I walked into the exam room with that same heavy weight that I have been carrying on my shoulders for… how long? I don’t even know.

    I have another high-stress situation that came up this morning, but that is going on the back-burner until Friday. This evening I am going to go for a walk, then I am kicking my feet up and relaxing. Tomorrow I have several engagements that will keep me busy, but none of them are stressful – three meetings with friends for either coffee (the two in the morning) or cigars (the evening, and my cleaning lady is coming between those. On Friday I will deal with the bullshit.

  • Day 1017

    For the second time I messed up when I tried to download my data from my bathroom scale app. Drat. Oh well, I’ll live. At least I know that my weight was down one pound this morning from yesterday, despite not successfully moving my bowels. I am happy with the weight drop, although somewhat less pleased that my system is stopped up again.

    I set out yesterday to top 40km walking since Sunday, which meant that I needed to walk about 7.2km. I did not start out smart, only realizing after I was a kilometre from home that I had not brought a water bottle with me. Doh! Fortunately I am able to use my mobile phone as a credit card, and so at around the halfway point of my journey (along the DNT, where I would be turning back) I stopped off and picked up a couple of bottles of water. The 7.32km walk brought my total for the week to 40.15km. I will call that a definite success.

    Speaking of successes: I cannot find where I had written it, or maybe I just thought it and did not write it in my journal, but I did write that I was disappointed in myself for not dropping below the terrible 300 lbs. mark before this trip, and I remember thinking that I would love to drop at least a couple of pounds while I was here. The trip is not over, but as of this morning I am happy with my progress these last couple of weeks. Yes, after the first few days I had gained several pounds. Since the worst of it (Wednesday last week) I have recovered very nicely, and from my worst weight in a very long time I have now dropped over 8 lbs., bringing me comfortably under 300 lbs. (and for these past several days) for the first time since the first week of October. I have to continue to lose weight which means eating sensibly and continuing to walk. It is far too easy to regain the weight… history has proven that true too many times.

    I was shocked this morning to see the numbers on my fitness watch. My sleep score was an almost unheard of 94. It is rare for that to be above 90, and I feel it. Yes, I feel relaxed this morning after getting 8.5 hours of balanced sleep! My body batter was actually up to a 99 this morning, which I am not sure I have ever seen. I obviously did something right the last couple of days! Hopefully I can keep that up… but I would not count on these being consistent numbers.

    With regard to food: Yesterday morning I had my usual omelette. For lunch we were planning to eat leftovers, and I was relieved when Leslie asked if I minded if she ate the pizza. Mind? MIND? I was thrilled for her to eat it, and to leave me the grilled chicken and salad! We put the leftover falafel and hummus in the middle so I could dip my chicken in the hummus and Leslie could sop it up with her pizza crusts. It was delicious! For dinner we ordered fast food. The main was grilled chicken bites, and yes, I cheated a bit by enjoying the waffle fries that came with it. Sorry… not sorry. Late in the evening I was hungry again… and with so many bad choices that I could have made, I opted for a protein bar. All was well in the world, and I did not go to bed on an empty stomach.

    I do not know what our plans are for today, but I assume they will involve entertaining a nine-year-old boy, so it is doubtful that we will be eating smartly. It is my job to stay within reason on any foods we eat. We have three main meals (I take care of my own breakfasts) before they drop me off at the airport, and then the airport food court. If I can get back to Canada weighing under the terrible mark Monday morning, then this trip will have been (with regards to my weight loss) an overall success. Yes, I cheated several times, but I made up for it.

    When I get back to Canada, I have to remember the simple rules… eat less (and eat smart), and exercise. I know the exercise often falls by the wayside for time reasons… and this week coming I see a big issue right away in that I am taking a class from noon until 8:30pm every day. My plan is to get up, take Her Floofness for her walk, and then after breakfast I will get onto the treadmill. If I need any enticement, then I will remember that there is a lot of TV to catch up on. I know, most of what I watch is trash… we are all entitled to our minor harmless vices, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 955

    I was really down yesterday… because my weight was really up. I fell off the wagon Friday night, and while the circumstances that led to it happening were brought about by others, they only led me to the water… I drank on my own. No, I did not imbibe; I ate. Here’s the long and the short of it:

    My friend was meant to come over at 3:30pm to play backgammon. At some point during the afternoon, she told me she was running extremely behind, so I told her to just come when she could. At around 6:00pm I told her that if she wanted to eat together then we should do so before we sat out on the balcony. Little did I realize that she would arrive at 8:15pm, and that we would not be sitting down at the pub until after 9:00pm. I should not have eaten. To make matters worse, I stupidly ordered a hamburger. Even stupider, I did not ask for a salad on the side, I asked for the sweet-potato fries. All this to say that the only halfway smart decision I made was to walk to the pub instead of driving.

    I woke up yesterday morning and stepped onto the bathroom scale. To my horror, my weight was up 2.6 lbs. from the previous day. I was shattered. I spent the entire day down in the dumps. I also realized that I needed to eat. Somehow, rather than going nuts, I went to the supermarket and bought chicken and the vegetables I would need for a salad. I could have done much worse in the mental condition that I was in.

    I was hoping that this morning my weight would be down a bit from yesterday, but seeing as I was unable to move my bowels, I was not overly hopeful. To my utter surprise and shock I had dropped all of the weight that I had gained the previous day… and a couple more ounces to boot. Woohoo! While I could not cross off another number on my fridge chart, I at least did make good forward progress. Instead of needing to lose another 3.6 lbs. to get to my best weight from Leslie’s last visit, I am now .6 lbs. from that… and I have another week to achieve that. Woohoo! (I am still 18.6 lbs. heavier than I was when I was measured by my tailor… and I only have 3.5 weeks left before their next visit. I may not make it, and if I do not then I will not be ordering anything.)

    It is a beautiful day in Burlington, and I told Leslie this morning that I promise myself that I will exercise. I do not know if it will be a longer or a shorter walk, but I am going to hit the road. I just looked at the area map and decided what route I am going to take… it is probably going to be on the longer side, so I will make sure to have plenty of water.

    After that, I will come home, eat my chicken lunch/dinner, and then I will relax on the balcony with a cigar. Hopefully my wife will have a few moments to chat, but she has her son with her so that might not work. We’ll see. She will be here in one week, which is really exciting for me!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 586

    Yesterday was the first day in I don’t know how many that I got through the day without my wife being here that I did not cheat at all. It is not easy to get through these days, but I am finding inspiration in my wife. She is an amazing woman who has been through so much; if she is willing to put up with me then I owe it to her to look and to feel as good as I can, and to stay as healthy as I can so as to not make her a widow – or worse, a nursemaid to an infirm husband. I am back on track, and I will keep at it so that I can be the best me that I can be. When I pick her up at the airport in California in just over three weeks, she will see the slimmest Mitch that she has ever seen… I make that promise not to her but to myself.

    By staying true to the program I was rewarded on the bathroom scale this morning, this time by a drop of .6 lbs. Doing as I have done these last few days, there are now twelve days that I registered at or lower than my current weight. There was one day in mid-April, and then from May 20 (when my weight was the same as it is this morning) through May 31st. If I drop another .4 lb tomorrow morning, then that number will drop to nine. With a lot of mindfulness and discipline then within the week that scale should be behind me, and looking forward I will only see uncharted weight territory. How exciting… as long as I can stay true to the program.

    I have two obstacles today that I have to overcome with regard to my goal of staying on track. The first is a couple of errands I have to run in the afternoon. Before I go to see my barber, I have to stop off at an office to sign a few papers, but that is of no concern. I seem to have a pattern of going to Bulk Barn to buy peanuts after getting my hair cut. I have to be mindful that I come straight home after that. The second obstacle is that I am meeting someone to buy more meal replacements; he is someone I was advising on the program but who decided it is not for him, and we are meeting for a cup of coffee. There is no harm in the coffee; what else might be tempting at the café is quite another story. I will gird myself to stay disciplined and will not succumb to any temptations. It is so easy to say or write that at 9:45am, an hour after I finished my breakfast omelette, and in the comfort and safety of my apartment. It is quite another to say it in the face of the temptations. I can only do my very best to stay focused and remember why I am depriving myself of all of those foods that I love… so that I will eventually look and feel better than I have in decades.

    Okay, following the conclusion of that paragraph I should mention that I do now already look and feel much better than I have in decades… it is simply that I want to keep improving upon what I have achieved… looking and feeling even better than I do now. That will only come with discipline, and I know it.

    Last night following my class I had my first meeting in a month with my diet buddy. She has moved to Yukon for the year and so our meetings will all be virtual, but it was great to catch up with her. She told me about some of the challenges that she is facing in her new environment. We can talk about small towns in southern Ontario and joke about it, but they are nothing like the sheer isolation of the great white north. She is a schoolteacher, and the stories of her indigenous students tear at your heart. I remember the expression that ‘There but for the grace of G-d go I.’ Yes, I have experienced a hard and challenging life, but it pales in comparison to how some of those children are growing up. Nearly two months after the move she is still adjusting to her new reality, and I hope that when she does get acclimated she will resume with her weight loss success.

    In speaking with Leslie the other day I realized something horrible. She told me she was tempted by a particular food – I do not remember what – and I told her about a weight loss mantra that I have heard many times over the years: Nothing tastes as good as slim feels. When she told me that it was a mantra for anorexics I was horrified. I did not know that the people who said this suffer from a mental condition that is so unhealthy as to lead to hospitalization and even death. I will never forget that lesson and will tell it to the next person who says it to me.

    I am putting off buying a new hard drive. One of my external storage devices failed yesterday, and it will need to be replaced. Fortunately there was nothing critical on it, but I do need the device. I am thinking of purchasing a network attached storage (NAS) device to replace it, but I do not feel like spending the money just now. I have other priorities, and I will hold off a while. I think before I buy that, I should probably buy my server… which I have put off buying because I just do not feel like spending the money right now. There is no connection between that and the meal replacements I am buying today (which will set me back over $500 for what I am buying, and which cannot be put on a credit card); I need to eat, and while my storage will be a little tighter now than it was previously, I am sure I will be able to make do for a couple of months.

    Okay, I suppose it is time for me to get on with it. I am going to see if my wife is available, and if not then I will get a couple of hours of studying in before heading out for my first set of errands.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 585

    I was surprised that I was able to cross off another number on the fridge this morning. That makes three numbers in four days, and the seventh day straight that my weight has dropped. I once again feel bad for Leslie who was not happy with the number she saw on the scale yesterday morning, even though she is working so much harder at the program than I am. I also owe her a big thank you, and I told her about it yesterday when we were chatting as she waited for her much-delayed flight.

    We left the apartment at 11:00am to drive to Cambridge to see Ryan (and his sister) and smoke cigars. It was a lovely afternoon, except I made a mistake. I left the house without taking meal replacements with me. I had eaten my usual omelette in the morning but that was all. Leslie offered to share one of her remaining American meal replacements with me, which we shared at around 1:00pm. We left Cambridge around 4:30pm which would have me dropping her at the airport by around 5:30pm, so without any traffic I would be getting home by 6:15pm or so.

    I was not going to make it. I was hungry and I was not going to be able to make it until 6:15pm. As we sat in traffic on the Trans Canada Highway, I was thinking to myself that I could drop her off art the airport and then look for a convenience store to buy a bag of peanuts. Leslie would be at the airport, and she wouldn’t need to know. She was gone, and so was her scrutiny which had kept me honest during her visit. I started to salivate as I anticipated with gusto the snack I would be enjoying within a short half-hour!

    We were probably fifteen minutes out from the airport when she turned to me and said, ‘Okay… so what are you not going to do tonight?’ Without hesitation I replied ‘Cheat! I will not cheat!’ That was the answer she was looking for. Satisfied, we spent the rest of the car ride basking in our last few minutes of togetherness before she would walk into the terminal.

    Princess Sophie and I drove straight home making no stops along the way. As soon as we got into the apartment, I prepared my meal replacement. I then texted her to let her know that I owed it to her that I did not fall off the program… even if for a minute. I also told her that I do not know what will happen today or tomorrow… but my success on Sunday I owed entirely to her – first for sharing her meal replacements with me, and then for inspiring me to not cheat in the evening. For as many times as I have credited her support and encouragement for my success, this was one more time that it was a specific incident rather than a general helping.

    Over the last couple of days we also discussed my wardrobe, and I made an appointment with the Hong Kong tailor who will be in Hamilton for two days in September – the day I fly back from California, and the next day. Leslie suggested colours for shirts – navy blue, green, and purple. I am surprised she says I look good in green but that is likely because after the Army I spent so much effort avoiding that colour that I started thinking it was just because I did not look good in it. I trust my wife’s sense of fashion and style better than my own, so I will look for something green! I hope that I can be at my lowest weight ever by then (it is precisely thirty days from today), even though I will just be back from spending a week in California where I will try to eat well, but I will not be sticking to the program.

    With regard to my progress: I am now four pounds from my best weight ever, and as that number shrinks so too does the number of days when I weighed less. My spreadsheet shows thirteen days when my weight was lower than this morning’s; with the exception of a single day in April, all of those were between May 20 and May 31. It took me eight days to drop from 256.2 (what I weighed on May 19) down to 250 lbs…. and then just five days for my weight to jump back to 254.6 lbs… my weight on June 1. My plan is to not fall off this time, and to lose as much as I can between now and October.

    There is nothing particular about October 1… other than it is the beginning of a month. With that said, now that I might be back on track, it is not a bad time to try to set some new short-term goals.

    • This week: Stay on track! I am seeing my doctor on Thursday, and I would love to see my best ever medical weigh-in. I could, in theory, stay put where I am now and achieve that… as long as I stripped naked and stepped onto her scale the same way I do my own every morning. To be safe, I would love to continue with my current pace of .8 lb. per day, but assuming that unrealistic I would be thrilled if I could lose another 1-2 lbs. in these next few days.
    • Within the next ten days (that is, by September 7) I would like to drop below 250 lbs. for the first time in my post-Army life.
    • If I can maintain a weight-loss pace of 3.5 lbs. per week (or .5 lb. per day) between now and Rosh Hashana (the evening of September 15) then I would weigh just under 245 lbs. by then!
    • Maintaining that pace, the day I pick my wife up from Los Angeles International Airport I would weigh 242 lbs.!
    • Even if my pace were to abate somewhat, at a .3 lb. per day average drop (2.1 lbs. per week) then I would still weigh 246.8 lbs. when I pick Leslie up at the airport on the 20th. Even that would be a success!
    • Knowing that the week in California will be a difficult one to stay on track, I am nevertheless hoping that my weight the morning of September 27 – that is, the day of my appointment with the tailors – I should weigh between 245-250 lbs., which would be as much as a twenty-seven pound loss from my last visit at the beginning of March.

    How can I achieve these short-term weight loss goals? It is simple, but not easy. I just have to stay on track and not veer from the path.

    Sometimes it is fun to dream, imagining what I could achieve if I never veered from the program. I plugged some numbers into my spreadsheet to see when I would drop to 220 lbs. losing an average of .3, .4, and .5 lb. per day. At .3 lb. per day I would weigh 219.8 on December 20. At .4 lb. per day I would weigh 220.0 on November 21. At .5 lb. per day I would weigh 220 lbs. on November 4. All it would take is dedication without faltering, and no matter which way it goes by the end of this calendar year I would be a very reasonable 220 lbs. Not a bad dream, huh? How about we try to get through the next week or two without faltering… then we can look past that.

    I have a lot of studying to do this week so most of the days I will spend either watching videos of classes or else reading. If the weather forecast for the week holds up, then a lot of that studying will be done on the balcony. It would not bother me one bit if I could smoke a couple of cigars while advancing my mind… all the while preparing for a few exams I have to take and then a couple of classes I need to be ready to teach. It should all be good fun!

    My plan is to do just that… stay on track, studying on the balcony and smoking my cigars, preparing my meal replacements as needed (and properly timed). Tomorrow, I have to go out as I have a haircut scheduled, but there is no reason for me to leave the apartment today except for taking Her Floofness for a walk. I was able to stay on track yesterday, so there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to do so again today. If I can stay on track today, then there is no reason why I cannot stay on track tomorrow. That is how I have to continue to think.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 579

    After several days of sliding (which I suppose is a nice word for cheating) I finally had a day of sticking to the program on Monday. I did go to bed slightly hungry, but not terribly so. I woke up this morning after not sleeping very well (which had nothing to do with hunger which was forgotten very quickly) I was once again not successful in the restroom (which does get frustrating after a while) I was happy to see a significant drop on the bathroom scale. I lost nearly two pounds, putting me back to where I was a couple of days ago. I am still 1.4 lbs. from my best recent weight (it was six days ago when I crossed off the number 258.0 on the side of my fridge), so I am at least going in the right direction.

    It was not a very difficult day for me. I was sitting in a class throughout the day, and I taught in the evening. I took Her Royal Floofness for a walk in the morning and then another one in the evening – even though she spent the day playing with her friends Charlie (doggo) and Sue (human). They likely went out for a few walks, but when she asks so nicely to go outside, and the weather is agreeable then it is not at all a hardship for me.

    I did get a little hungry in the afternoon yesterday, and decided the best way to address that hunger was not to give in to it, rather to find a way to put it out of my mind. I decided to take my mobile office onto the balcony and sit through the last couple of hours of my class with a cigar. It worked, and I was able to get through the rest of the day by having a shake at 5:15pm and then another when I came in from Sophie’s walk at 9:45pm.

    My plan for today is to stay on track and do exactly what I did yesterday. I am not teaching in the evening, but I will make sure I can stay busy and keep my mind occupied. I suspect there might be a cigar or two in that plan. I just want to get back to my best recent weight so that when I pick Leslie up from the airport I will look as good as I can, in addition to feeling as good about myself as I can. I never feel good in the knowledge that I have failed in something.

    I have had this text open for a while and have been half writing, half listening to my class for the last hour. I am going to try to do my best today as I can… I did it yesterday so I can do it today, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 567

    I did it. Yesterday was a success. I was able to stick to the plan I laid out in yesterday’s entry. Following breakfast I had my midday shake, then one at 5:00pm, then one directly following my class (well, and after I walked the Floof). That was it. I sat on the balcony with a cigar, plugged my ears in to watch a movie, and then shut off the world. I did not really want to speak with anyone, which worked out because Leslie’s son had come home after a week with his father, so she was with him. The other phone calls were ignored. I was able to just relax, unwind, and decompress.

    The result? Despite my inability to move my bowels again this morning (despite adding fibre to my shakes these last two days) my weight dropped a little over half a pound, allowing me to circle (if not quite cross off) the first number on my fridge… I have lost .8 lb. since I printed that sheet a few days ago. .8 down, 42 lbs. to go!

    I have some errands to run today. I have two different people who are selling me their meal replacement shakes at discounted prices. The only problem is that they are both about 30 minutes away from here, and aside from not being in the same direction (well… a little) their schedules do not line up, so I am going to meet the first around noon and the second in the late afternoon/early evening. Oh well. I might reach out to Eduardo and see if he wants to smoke because the second one is in the same town he lives in, and it would be nice to see him again… and maybe Sam.

    I am not teaching today, but I am going to keep the same schedule as I did yesterday. Mindfulness leads to success, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 427

    After an extremely productive bowel movement, I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning and was shocked. I cannot remember the last time I saw a one-day weight drop of more than four pounds, but there it was. In a single day, completely unexpectedly, I not only dropped below the 260-pounds mark… but I blew right past my best weight from 2020 (by over 1.5 lbs.), beating the pace I had set on my comparative chart by a full three weeks. You see, on February 3 I looked at what I weighed, and realizing that I was 24.8 lbs. from my best weight of 2020, I decided to create a chart of my daily weigh-ins from that attempt. It took be sixty-nine days to lose those 24.8 lbs. back then, with a lot of hiccoughs along the way. In 2023 it took me forty-eight days. I am now solidly in best-weight-yet territory, and I am less than four pounds from achieving my best adult weight that I have any reliable record of. I am blown away, and more motivated than ever to keep going!

    According to the app that is connected to my bathroom scale, my Body Mass Index (BMI) this morning is 33.2, a tremendous one-day drop. It was a scant nineteen days ago that it dropped (for the final time) below 35. Mornings like this, when I see a huge and unexpected drop on the bathroom scale, make me look at things more finely than I usually do. Frankly, of late I know that I have spent a lot of time obsessing over my numbers and charts. I know that I have to start tempering this obsession with my weight loss, but on days like today that can be tough. After seeing the doctor, I will drive into Toronto to pick up my meal replacements, then I will come right back home, finish this entry (and publish it on my blog), and I will go about the rest of my day. For now, as I sit here at 7:45am, I am happy to take a few moments to kvell.

    There is a challenge on one of the apps I use to track my progress called You Vs. The Year 2023. The goal is to walk or run 1,023 kilometres in the calendar year. There are some pretty sweet prizes that those who complete the challenge can win (there will be a raffle). I only discovered the challenge a couple of days ago, but all of my walking and running from the beginning of the year are counted. Checking out the leaderboard I have actually run/walked nearly 200km… although that number is likely slightly higher, since only two workouts per day can be counted. I know there was a day a few weeks ago when I ran then walked then ran then walked, and that was four workouts… two of those would be discarded. So be it. I also see that of the 130,301 people currently enrolled in the challenge, I am ranked 32,700… nowhere near the top, but in the top twenty-five percent. I am quite happy with that!

    I picked Kerry up from the train station (as is the custom), so it was not until we got to my building that I stood up and she saw me. ‘How are you so thin? What happened to you? Did you leave part of yourself in Dallas?’ It felt amazing to hear her notice my weight loss. When we got upstairs, I showed her the most recent before/after photos and she was astonished. To put things in perspective, I am now fifteen pounds from having lost her body weight. That is a real trip!

    My outdoor jog yesterday was tougher than I thought it would be, but with a few short breaks to breathe I was able to complete a 10km outdoor run for the first time. There is an obvious difference between the mapping software I used to calculate the route in advance and the actual route, because what I had mapped at just short of 11km prior to setting out would have been short of 10km, and I only reached that number because there was a very long freight train that impeded my forward progress, so I circled back twice (nearly a full kilometre in total) waiting for it to pass. Most likely, the difference can be chalked up to running on the close sidewalk, rather than driving in the far lane of traffic. No matter, I did my first outdoor 10km run, and I feel great for it!

    Jogging

    • Distance: 10.1 km (8 km)
    • Duration: 1:22:34 (45:43)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 8m11s (5m42s)
    • pb Steps: 12,795 (6,390)
    • Calories burned: 1,243 (636)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (153)

    I am feeling like I can do anything… knowing that I am down so significantly since I left for Dallas just thirteen days ago (and remembering all of the cheating eating I did in that time) I have to wonder how long it might take me to get down to my ideal weight, whatever that might be. I cannot imagine that it will take me the rest of this calendar year but am going to remain cautiously optimistic. If my rate of loss were to drop to 2.8 lbs. per week then on my birthday, I would weigh less than 220 lbs. … a 115-lbs. drop from my last birthday. Before the middle of August, I would drop below 200 lbs., which I have not weighed since I was a teenager. I only have to stay focused and on track… but at a certain point, I am going to have to start listening to my body for signs that it is enough. As I have said, I do not know what I should weigh as a healthy fifty-year-old male. According to the BMI Calculator, I will not be ‘healthy’ until I drop to 194 pounds, which means I am less than sixty-five pounds away. I am 26 pounds from dropping from Obese Class I to Overweight, which will be a great accomplishment, but I still feel I am a couple of months away from hitting that goal… not quite a short-term goal yet.

    I am off to my doctor’s appointment and will find out what I weigh on his scale this morning. Last night I told Leslie how wonderful it would be to drop another 2kg from my last weigh-in. As it stands, if my bathroom scale is any indicator, that loss might be closer to an unheard of 5kg. The now very real possibility that in just over 90 minutes I will know if I have not only dropped below 120 kg, but also surpassed the 60kg lost mark simply blows my mind! If I do not make that, then I will still be down, and will have another milestone to look forward to two weeks from now.

    Shock and disbelief are words that continue to describe my reactions this morning. It is currently 11:45am. Just four hours ago I wrote that I was hoping my official weigh-in would have me down better than 2kg, although my bathroom scale was measuring me down nearly 5kg. The reality was much closer to that latter number than the former. I was floored to see I have dropped 4.7kg in two weeks. I have officially lost 60.8kg (134 lbs.) since my journey began. How can that be?

    Driving into Toronto I spoke with my wife about everything I discussed with the doctor, including my response to his question ‘what is your final goal.’ As I have written herein several times, I told him that I do not know. I did decide, however, that on June 1 I will be transitioned back onto regular food. I discussed this with Leslie, and she told me that she supports me as long as I no longer see myself as a fat man. I responded that might take a lot longer and we discussed the psychological effects of long-term obesity.

    I mentioned June 1 as my end date for a few reasons, but I do not think I had discussed it with anyone (nor written it down) before. The only reason it came to mind today was because the nurse at the clinic where I buy my meal replacements informed me that on that date the price of the products will be going up. While that is the reason I thought of it today, the price increase is not the reason I made that decision. I should mention that I will very likely buy another case of the meal replacements right before the price increase; Doing the math, and taking into consideration my next trip to Dallas, I would finish my current allotment plus one more case of the meal replacements on June 4. If I purchase one more case, that will allow me four more weeks of the full-fast program… but I am planning to use the final case to transition off of the full-fast at a measured and reasonable pace. While I have a couple of months ahead of me to think about it, my transition off of the program is something I will have to give consideration to. I will start discussing that plan with my doctor at our next appointment.

    It is a cloudy day outside, and while the temperatures are forecast to reach 7° by 6:00pm, I still think I am going to opt for a trip to the gym today. The treadmill is not as liberating as is jogging outside, but it does force me to push myself harder; I do not know why my pace on the treadmill is so much quicker than it is outside, but it is. Of course, the gym also allows me the added bonus of the post-workout sauna, which feeling my muscles today will be welcome relief. I am teaching this evening, which means I will be spending a great deal of time sitting down; a quick Google search confirms that some of the muscles I should be feeling with my increased jogging are also the ones I find myself sitting on!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Short Term Goals

    The day I decided to start losing weight a friend of mine asked me how much weight I planned to lose. I told him that I was hoping to lose between 180-200 pounds. The look on his face might have been amazement or incredulity, but he was encouraging and positive.

    A couple of weeks later he invited me out for dinner to the sort of restaurant that does not have diet friendly options. ‘It’s just one meal… you are doing so well, you deserve it!’ He was right… I was doing really well. He was absolutely wrong… I did not deserve it.

    It is great to have a long-term goal. This is where I plan to arrive. The farther out you go, the easier it is to take those breaks… it is easy to justify that one cheat meal or cheat day, or cheat week will not make a difference in the long run, as long as you get back on track the next day or week or when you are back from vacation.

    Long-term goals are important because you need to know when to actually declare victory. However, as I have proven to myself so many times, absent short-term interim goals, they can be detrimental to progress, and even to your ultimate success.

    During my weight loss journey, I have had periods with no clearly defined short-term goals. If I was serious about losing weight, then there is no good reason why on October 2 I weighed 311 lbs. … and on November 30 I weighed 311 lbs.

    And yet, from January 11th through March 17th I lost 35 lbs.

    What was the difference between then and now? The simple answer is that I set short-term goals.

    Ever since the beginning of my journey I have been looking forward to getting slim, losing all the weight, being trim and in shape. They say that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

    I started setting those single steps again, and it has been working wonders. When I was tempted two weeks ago by a restaurant, I saw I remembered the goal that I wanted to achieve by March 2nd, my appointment with my tailor. Driving home from that appointment I was tempted again, but I realized that I had a short-term goal for March 9th, when I flew to Dallas to see my wife. The short-term goals keep me honest and on track. I will have been in Dallas for ten days and I know that I have been off my regimented program for that time, but I have set goals for that too.

    One of my diet buddies said to me recently where they want to get, and how she looked at it as an impossible goal. ‘How can I ever lose seventy-five pounds?’ I told her to take off the seven. With a confused look on her face, she asked me what I was talking about.

    ‘Repeat your original sentence but remove the word seventy. Do you think you can lose five pounds?’ She replied that of course she can.

    Okay, good… that is going to be your first goal. Now let’s consider, for the sake of weight loss, that the short-term is a forty-five-day period. What else do you think you can do in the next forty-five days? I sent her home with that homework, but also with the ideas that each five- or ten-pounds lost is a goal, that every piece of clothing that is too tight or does not yet fit is a goal. I gave her two days to write up a list of between five and ten goals that she might be able to achieve in that 45-day period.

    This friend called me this morning upset that she had gained weight; she told me that she had only had some crackers and cheese, and a handful of chips. It is so easy to look at these mini cheats and not realize the consequences to them. The difference between gaining weight staying the same would be the cheese; the difference between staying the same and losing weight would be the handful of crackers. Of course, she had no short-term goals that she was aiming for, so did it really make a difference in the long run?

    Of course, it did… her distraught call that she was not losing weight. During that same call, she told me what her first short-term goals were, and she told me that she wanted to be accountable to me… she wants to make me proud. I am happy to be her support because she wants it… and is willing to do what it takes. It is not easy… but now that she has set out her short-term goals, she will more than likely start succeeding. I will be proud of her for trying.

    Will she achieve every goal on that list in the time frame? I do not know… but if she does not try, then she will not succeed. I have been disappointed that I did not meet quite a few of my time-based goals. For example, until the beginning of my trip I was hoping to lose twenty-five pounds from the last time I flew to Dallas to this time. That is, from January 24 to March 9, I wanted to lose that much. There have been several other goals in the meantime that I have achieved, but I fell short on that one. I missed the mark by 2 lbs. On the one hand, that is a missed goal. On the other hand, that means I lost 23 lbs. in forty-two days. A missed goal, maybe… but definitely not a failure by any means.

    There is an old saying that has many versions to it, all of which are horribly inaccurate, but still make my point. “Shoot for the stars, and if you miss, you’ll land on the moon.” The lesson of this astronomical fallacy is that we aim as high as we can so that if we do not reach the goal, we still did pretty well. This is so true with weight loss! I tried to lose twenty-five pounds, but I only lost twenty-three. That is not a failure! Had I tried to lose five pounds, but gained three pounds, that would have been a failure. It is so important for us to remember not to be discouraged when we miss our goals by a little bit… that does not make our short-term goals less important.

    When I set out short-term goals, I am less likely to try to justify whatever cheat I might be faced with. ‘You know what, I could eat that… but then I might not achieve my goal of losing two pounds this week.’ It is easier to justify taking a day off when the day of reckoning is months off. To put it in a way that every Christian parent will be able to relate to: You might tell your kids to behave, lest Santa put them on the naughty list. If you tell them that in November or December, it will have a much greater impact on them than it would in February or March. The consequences are much more imminent. Telling your kids that early in the year gives them the easy justification that they can misbehave now because they have plenty of time to make it up later in the year.

    The thing is, do they? Are kids better behaved in the Autumn if they are allowed to misbehave in the Spring? Maybe, but more often than not the answer is no. The same is going to be true for weight loss. If you only look down the road to the end, it is easy to justify those little (and not-so-little) cheats because you can make up for it later. Do you? Maybe, maybe not… but too often it is not.

    Try this with your kids: Tell them that if they misbehave, they will not be allowed to do something fun over the weekend… and if they do behave, then they can. Short-term goals involve short-term consequences, and they are more likely to be good. It is no different for adults trying to lose weight… if you promise yourself you are trying to lose five pounds this month, you know that every cheat makes it less likely you will achieve that goal. You know there are no excuses, either you are strict with yourself, or you are not.

    We tell ourselves lies like ‘just a little piece won’t matter.’ Let me tell you in no uncertain terms: YES IT WILL. It might not be the one little piece that matters, but the cumulative pieces for which you use that same excuse will add up and when you look back and wonder why you didn’t lose weight, you might realize why, but if you were lying to yourself that ‘this won’t hurt’ then it is not unusual to look back and wonder.

    Short-term goals have been instrumental throughout my weight loss journey. When I have succeeded it has been largely due to these incremental milestones that I was able to stay on course. When I have failed it has usually been because I did not have those short-term goals encouraging me to stay on track. I have set many of these throughout my journey and I am proud to look back and see how far I have come.

    Try it… it just might work for you too!