Losing a part of me

Category: Temptations

  • Day 1049

    I am always pleased when I see good numbers on the bathroom scale. It has dropped seven of the last eight days, for a total loss in that time of 11.8 lbs. Woohoo!

    There are times when numbers are important, and there are times when they can have a deceptive or misleading affect on us. Why is it that I see a difference of two or three points on my sleep score as being relevant? A few days ago I was disappointed that it was only a 79, yet this morning I was thrilled that it was 82. It does not make sense, but there we have it. It is not as if I am taking a test, and the difference between passing and failing is those three points. Yes, my sleep score was 82… and I woke up after eight hours of sleep… at 5:45am. I should mention that I did not change my routine last night, and I did not wake up with a headache. Maybe I am getting used to the new element.

    I got a lot done yesterday, and I still managed to get onto the treadmill for 5km… although I was dragging a bit and decided to slow my pace for the last kilometre. With that, and this morning’s walk with Her Floofness, I am under 4km from reaching the 1024kms goal of the fitness challenge. If I get on the treadmill today, then I will achieve it. If not, then it will be tomorrow morning. Either way, I am glad that I am approaching the finish line on that. I am hoping that I will be able to keep this habit going into the new year and beyond.

    I am meeting friends for dinner this evening and I am going to have to be careful, and possibly even deceitful. They are in from out of town, so I want to see them, but eating out is not a good idea. I am likely going to tell them that I am not feeling well so I will just have a drink as they eat. We’ll see.

    I am actually meeting someone else for coffee this morning, but he is local and that is a business meeting. Still and all, he is going to offer to buy me a muffin or doughnut. That is going to be easy to decline. He is a larger man and likely understands the challenges of taking it off and keeping it off. With him it will be easy to say ‘Sorry, I am on a diet… but you should enjoy one.’

    I realized last night that I had volunteered to make potato latkes for my Lodge’s holiday dinner (which is December 17th). When I discussed it with Leslie she agreed that it was a very bad idea… there is too much temptation for me to make such a dish while I am on a strict diet. I decided that I am going to let them know that I will not be able to deliver on that promise. It is bad enough that I will be eating the turkey dinner that night… deep-fried latkes would not be a smart addition to it.

    As I prepare to close out this article, I am looking at the bottom of the page in my Microsoft Word document. The page number is 999, which means that unless I am very short tomorrow, then I will cross that threshold on Day 1050. I know that over the last 1049 days I have had a lot of good days and too many bad ones, but I think it is this journal that has, more than anything, kept me from falling off the cliff completely. There were days when I was angry and just posted a word or two… and there were a number of days when I forgot to write but got back to it the next day. Each time I open this document I am reminded that I need to try to do better today than I did yesterday. That is my goal.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1019

    My weight was up this morning by more than a pound. As we know, yesterday was a travel day and airports are not conducive to good eating. After Leslie and her son dropped me off I got through the security checkpoint and then found a pub where I could safely get a plate of fish and chips – not great for my diet, but safe for my dietary restrictions. I then boarded the plane with a bag of almonds and cashews which I had picked up earlier in the week. All in all, I did not eat terribly. The problem is that I am still backed up! I am hoping that sometime today that will begin to pass. If not, then I am thinking I might want to take a laxative, or at the very least some fibre. We will see how the day goes.

    My sleep score dropped down to a 67 this morning. I am not surprised because I got into the apartment very late last night, and after greeting Her Royal Floofness I did some unpacking (I wanted to make sure that all of my cigars were properly stored in my humidor), and then did not really get to sleep until 1:30am or so. Despite that I did not sleep in… I was awake around 7:15am as usual, and probably tumbled out of bed around 7:30am. I dove into my usual morning routine, including taking the Princess for her walk, and the day went from there. Hopefully I will sleep better this evening… we’ll see.

    I am auditing a class this week that is set in the Pacific time zone which means I’ll be learning from noon until 8:30pm… a bit of an offset from the norm, but not terrible. I will not be adjusting my wake/sleep schedule at all, but I will adjust my eating as necessary. It is now 1:30pm and I just had my lunch… which for the first time in a long time consisted of a meal replacement shake. Yes, per what I wrote several hours ago in the previous paragraph, I added fibre to it. I will be preparing a full meal for dinner, which I will prepare for the mid-class break (around 3:00pm local time). I will likely have another meal replacement after class (around 8:30pm) but that is all I plan to eat today.

    I went shopping this morning and despite all of the temptations I was true to my plans… I bought milk (despite the expiry date the milk in my fridge had turned), eggs, and vegetables for salad. Nothing more. I was tempted by so many things… and bought none of them. It is a small victory because I will have to do this again and again every time I shop. I know that sometimes I will fail, but I will try to succeed more often. As a simple example, I looked at the bakery section… and walked by. Yes, I like to have a fresh roll with my breakfast, but I was strong and did not buy them… today. I will have to continue to be strong.

    I suppose I should be paying closer attention to my class so I will close here. See you all tomorrow folks!

  • Day 940

    I do not know why I was so hungry last night. Once again, I ate more thank I should have… but still within the parameters of what I had been doing the whole week. I was again afraid that my weight would be up this morning… especially since it is now a few days since I have had a half-decent bowel movement. In fact, my weight dropped another .4 lbs., bringing my weight loss since Sunday to nine pounds. That is nothing to sneeze at indeed, but I have to find a way to keep it going. The mental and emotional side of weight loss is the hardest part.

    Last night I was out after my class to pick up dog food and treats for Her Royal Floofness, and I briefly considered stopping into Fortinos to pick up a challah roll for Shabbat. I decided not to, and I think that is the reason my weight was down this morning. It is bad enough that I am not able to stick to only eating meal replacements in the evening, but if I were to add carbs and starches into my diet I know the results would be disastrous.

    Will I be able to get out to exercise today? I might try. The afternoon forecast is rain, so I would have to get out earlier. I have a couple of errands I need to run, so maybe I will go out in a few minutes and then do some work in the afternoon.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 859

    I made a huge miscalculation yesterday that could have gone badly. Fortunately, I think things worked out. At around 11:15am I wrote in my journal that I was ready to start my workout. That is not what happened. I ended up answering some emails including questions from my students (that were somehow asked of the customer service desk, so I got them third hand, and still needed (or wanted) to answer them before class), as well as a number of emails to a couple of different consulates. By the time I actually started my workout, it was a few minutes after 12pm. The problem with that is that I had taken my morning shake at around 8:30am, which means I was nearing the four-hour mark since I’d eaten and should probably have prepared my second shake before working out. Not thinking, I figured I’d be fine.

    I jogged 4km at a quicker pace than previous – I upped it from 4 to 4.3mph, which brought me down to about 8m50/km. From there I dropped to a brisk walk (3.5mph) for another fourteen minutes or so. My total distance was 4.83km in 50 minutes. Great. The problem was that I was so drained of energy that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get undressed, let alone make it to the shower,

    I managed to do all of that, but before I got dressed, I prepared my second shake. I was still completely shot after that and made the decision that I needed to go to the store to pick up some almonds. This was both a good and a bad decision. It was good because I definitely needed more energy. It was completely stupid because when you are in that state of mind, everything is a temptation. There is a saying that you should never do your grocery shopping when you are hungry, and I know that to be true. As I walked by the sushi counter, past the bakery, and then on my way out past the prepared food and soup counters I knew how easy it would be to just have a nip. Driving home with the bag of almonds open next to me I was still thinking that maybe I should just switch to my ‘adjusted’ program, where I have one full meal per day. Would that be so bad? I seem to recall doing pretty well on that…

    Not yet Mitch! It was just yesterday that I wrote about how much time it took to lose the weight, and how easily and quickly I put it all back on. I need to be mindful, and I need to be focused. I bought the usual serving of almonds, and I ran off to the car. When the thought about the roasted chicken I could be making for myself, I was relieved knowing that I had left the store, and that I do not have any of it in the house.

    I had a video date with Leslie when I got back from the store, but I was really weak and a bit lightheaded. I decided that if I was going to make it through my class in the evening then I needed to rest, so I got into bed, set my alarm, and took a nap for an hour. Phew! I made it through the class, and the day ended well. I was still asleep earlier than I normally would be, but Leslie understood. Princess Sophie even joined me on the bed for an hour before returning to her own bed.

    This morning was the first day that I did not lose any weight. It is a day later than I had anticipated, and I am fine with it. It is the second day in a row that I am not able to cross a number off on my fridge chart and knowing that I am a single down-day away from that is a bit teasing. At 280.2 lbs., the next day that I drop any weight will have me down to my second ‘decade’ – the 10-pound delineations – as well as that fridge chart mark. It would have been nice to hit them both this morning, but it will also be nice to hit it tomorrow morning.

    This morning, I am going to go to pick up my dry cleaning, as well as milk for my coffee. I realized only after I got home yesterday that I was running low, but it worked out well because in the state that my mind and body were in yesterday afternoon, it would have been a bad idea to have to walk through the supermarket. I have little doubt that I would have caved to temptation. I am now feeling much stronger. As I type this, I am finishing my morning meal replacement (and first cup of coffee) so if I go immediately after then I will be sated and strong. There are three things on my shopping list for the trip: Milk, one emergency stash of almonds (which I will keep in the car so as to not be close at hand when I get hungry), and my dry cleaning. That’s it.

    I have a couple of friends coming over today for different reasons and at different times, and both of them will be sitting on the balcony with me enjoying a cigar. One of them is starting the same program that I am on through the same clinic that I first did it with today, so I will be giving him a lot more advice than he will be giving me (as he is my mentor for Freemasonry it is usually the inverse). If I head out now, then I will be able to fit a workout in before my first buddy comes, so I’m going to hit the road.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 857

    While this will still be Sunday morning’s article, I am starting it Saturday afternoon. Why? Mostly because of how proud I am of myself for having taken my son the younger for lunch at Lone Star Texas Grill and I did not even take one chip. I did not cheat at all! This, despite the fact that I had forgotten that I would probably be hungry and should consider consuming my second meal replacement of the day before I left. This, despite having knocked on the door to the house (needing to pee) and being greeted by the man who had an affair with my ex-wife while we were married, and while I had socialized with him prior to (and possibly during) the affair, I have not seen him in ten years. It seems that my ex-wife got the days mixed up so nobody was expecting me to show up… otherwise I assume he would have hidden himself away (as he has always done previously). No, I did not cheat… and as I was driving home, I stopped at the supermarket because I needed to buy coffee, and I still did not cheat. Saturday morning was a series of huge non-scale victories for me!

    With that said, it is now 2:20pm, I have had my second meal replacement of the day, and I am still quite hungry. I have to take my mind off of it. I’m going to change into my workout clothes and get on the treadmill for an hour. That way, if I do falter and decide to buy a handful of almonds, I will at least have earned them.

    —

    Wow, Saturday is/was definitely not the day to exceed previous expectations. I wrote earlier that I hope that “…I am hoping that today or tomorrow I will be able to push that to a full hour of jogging…” well that really did not happen! I slowed from a jog to a brisk walk after 3km, and only did another half kilometre. I showered and realized that I needed energy. I broke down and drove to the store to pick up some almonds.

    I’ll write more Sunday.

    —

    I spent the rest of the day yesterday in a state of hunger or lethargy or whatever it might have been, and I was tempted to give up. I did not. I did eat my almonds, and I joked with Leslie that I was going to pick up Chinese food, but it was only in jest. I spent a few hours in bed watching television but did not nap. When it was finally time for my final shake, I got up and prepared it, then Leslie and I had a lovely video date on the patio.

    When we were chatting, I told her that one of the things that I am really looking forward to is ketosis kicking in. I did fine the first couple of days, but yesterday I hit a wall and my energy level dropped to nil. With my almonds (I am estimating that I had 250 calories worth yesterday) and my coffee with milk and sugar I estimate that my caloric intake was around 1200 calories, and that is not enough to sustain high energy levels until the body starts fueling itself by burning fat instead of the usual carbohydrates. Once I hit that then I should be good to go. It should be today or tomorrow… and I likely won’t know for sure until I get onto the treadmill later.

    I have not mentioned the weight loss chart that I printed and put on my fridge. Since pinning it there I have crossed off five marks in four days, which means that as of this morning my weight loss is over ten pounds, a tremendous feat for four days of dieting. I have a long way to go before I start celebrating though. While I know that I lost 17.5 lbs. in the first week when I first did the program in 2017 (I checked my records), looking at my spreadsheet from this time around (which starts on Day -11 – January 9, 2022) it took me ten days to lose fourteen pounds… but then again, that was also from the time when I know that my bathroom scale was not accurate. Whatever it might be, I will be thrilled if I drop 15 lbs. in the first week of the program… but even if I do not then I will still be happy with the ten-pound drop that I have already achieved.

    I wrote yesterday that I would be able to achieve a full hour of jogging this weekend. Obviously, it did not happen yesterday, but I am going to try again today. Even if I do not achieve that, I would still be happy if I could jog 5km and then finish the hour power walking. At the pace that I have been setting my treadmill at (4mph), I am tracking about 9m20s per kilometre, which means about 47 minutes for 5km… if I achieve that, then I will slow the pace to 3.5mph and will walk at least one more kilometre. This is all speculation of course and will depend on how much energy I have. If I cannot do better than I did yesterday, then at least I will make sure to do that much and will call it a day and try again tomorrow.

    While it is cooler than it was during the week, it looks to be turning into a lovely day, and I look forward to relaxing on the balcony with a cigar shortly. A Facebook friend (who is a member of my cigar group) has come into town, and he told me that he will be coming by for a visit this afternoon. I look forward to meeting him and enjoying a cigar and conversation with him. I will offer him a drink if he wants one, but I am going to stick to water and coffee. If I did not cheat on the program yesterday at Lone Star with my son, then I am certainly not going to do so at home with a friend who is still really a stranger. Who knows? Maybe he will just want coffee as well.

    I am not sure if it is because I have been adding fibre to one of my shakes every day, but so far, I have been able to move my bowels every day… although there was one day when it did not happen in the morning, but later in the afternoon. As for water, I have been drinking way more than is required, and as such I have been urinating in excess of ten times per day. I know that water is helpful not only for hydrating the body and flushing the system, but it is also supposed to help kerb one’s hunger. Thus far I do not think it has been working, but I will keep trying. It helps that the weather is nice… I usually want to drink less water when it is cold and rainy, and the mostly warm and sunny weather we have been experiencing this past week has helped.

    My weight loss buddy was out of town again this weekend, so we decided to push the meeting to Wednesday evening. I look forward to hearing how her life has been.

    Okay, I think it is time for me to wrap up. I will post again tomorrow… even if I end up starting the article this afternoon (as I did with this post).

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 692

    These last few days have been a very bad slide for me, and I have to put a stop to it. I have to get back on track. Just a few days ago I was hoping to see my weight drop below 250 lbs.; now I am almost a full pound over 255. I have to stop this and get back to it, but it is so hard. Emotional eating is such a challenge. Having junk food in the house (a Christmas present from a company I teach for) was a huge temptation. I should have given the entire basket away unopened. Instead I devoured it all, and my weight loss journey has taken a body blow from that. It is mostly all gone (two gluttonous days) and I can redouble my efforts to focus. Do not buy any junk food. If I can do that then I can at least get back to a somewhat normal routine again.

  • Day 591

    And then there were four.

    With my drop this morning there were only four days in May when I weighed less than I did this morning. With every .2 drop that number will decrease by one. I am less than one pound heavier than I was at my best weight ever on May 27.

    Yesterday I wrote about two challenges that I was to face regarding my adherence to my program. I managed to turn one challenge into an opportunity. I wrote that: ‘. In the car I am simply driving, in a conveyance, with no stake in my success or failure.’ Okay. When I went to go to the store, I got to my car… and decided that instead of driving to Fortinos I would walk to Freshco. While my plans for the day would not allow for me to go for my exercise walk, walking to the supermarket would give me a couple thousand extra steps, and it would remind me that I was working hard to lose the weight. I won’t deny that Freshco does not have the same temptations (prepared foods and bulk nuts) as Fortinos, but they still have breads and so many other tasty opportunities to cheat. We had none of that yesterday morning thank you!

    The second challenge was my trip to Lyle’s. I had my meal replacement right before I left, but I was still hungry. The chewing gum I keep in the car helped me both on my way there and on the return trip. I was proud to tell Leslie when I arrived home that I passed by Bulk Barn and did not slow down.

    As I lay in bed chatting with her last night, I told her I had a fear that despite being good that I would see an increase in my weight this morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale. I am not sure why, but I felt I had done something wrong… or maybe I did nothing wrong, but there are still going to be days when there is no forward progress. Last night’s fear was unfounded, but there will be days like that. I have to remember to take it in stride and not get upset when it does happen. In the meantime: on August 21 my weight was up 2.4 lbs. from two days earlier. Since then, it has dropped every single morning. Some days that drop was only .2 lb., but it dropped, nonetheless. Thirteen days in a row. That is a pretty good streak! I do not know if it will continue through this week, but it would be nice to be able to cross off that major milestone, not to mention the next two-pound increment, over the next few days.

    While sitting with Lyle, I did ask him once to stop talking about food. He understood that it was hard for me to hear it and still stay true to my program. I appreciate my friends being understanding.

    The Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR), often referred to as the Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR), is how many calories one would burn in a day with no outside factors. In other words, what we need to consume to stay as we are. I do not know the science behind it and how it might be affected by different macronutrients such as starches, nor am I going to spend any time researching it. I was introduced to the concept when I first went to a weight management and diabetes clinic over a decade ago. For the test they insisted I not ingest any caffeine for a period of time before the test. My smart scale just pops a number into my chart, so I assume it is not quite so accurate. I do know that 591 days ago my chart shows my BMR at 2,884. Six days ago (Day 586) it dropped below 2,000. It had been under 2,000 for a few days in May, but jumped back above on May 29, I am hoping that this time it will remain under 2,000… now and forever.

    While I thought it would be a daytime encounter, it turns out that my friends and I are meeting for cigars at 6:00pm, which means that after yesterday’s respite I will be able to go for a walk today. If I prepare my first meal replacement at 1:00pm then I will head out at 1:30pm; I will be home by 3:00pm and will shower and rest for a bit before taking my second meal replacement around 5:15pm. I will be home by 9:00pm and will finish off my day with my last one. That, dear reader, is the plan. Now let’s see if I can stay true to it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 590

    I do not know why but yesterday evening was extremely difficult for me. I was feeling weak and like I wanted to give up. I knew that I had the provisions to make any number of cheat meals after my class… pasta, tuna or salmon salad… well, maybe not a huge number, but at least a couple. I was lonely – Leslie was with her son and Princess Sophie was next door with her friend – and I sat at the kitchen table staring at my tablet. I did not even go onto the balcony to have a cigar. I just sat at the table and did something I have not done in a long time: I kept taking a piece of gum, chewing it until the newness of the flavour started to fade, and then spit it out and took a new piece. I’m sure by the time I was done I could have made a squash ball from what I had spit out.

    I might have gone through half a cup of bubble gum… but somehow, I managed to not cheat. I went to bed almost shocked that I made it through the evening without breaking my program.

    I know the days of losing multiple pounds in a day are behind me (unless I cheated for a few days, gained a lot, and then went back onto the program). Still, I confess I was hoping for a massive drop when I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning. It would have felt wonderful to be able to walk over to the fridge and cross another number off. Of course this was unrealistic… I crossed off 252 only yesterday morning so expecting to drop below 250 today was just unrealistic. I did drop .4 lb., and I am satisfied with that.

    I did not get as much studying done as I had hoped, although I did finish the last of the course videos I needed to watch. I went out for a jog/walk (third day in a row) and while I really did not feel like going on, I did manage to jog the first kilometre and then walked another eleven. I needed to take a break after 7.2km so I sat down to rest at the corner of Appleby Line and Dundas… but after five minutes I forced myself to continue. I suspected my pace slackened a little, but it turns out that my overall pace was better than the previous day… even though Thursday I jogged 1.5km and yesterday only 1km.

    My class wrapped up about where I hoped it would, and we now have a break for the next week. I challenged them to see how many could pass the exam for the first section before we come back, and I suspect there will be at least a couple of takers. I look forward to hearing of their successes. I remember the day I passed my first certification exam. It was March 31, 2003. What I thought at the time to be the greatest credential – Microsoft Certified Professional – was earned by passing Exam 70-210 (Windows 2000 Professional). I went out and got business cards printed with my fancy new logo, and I walked into my office and quit my job. It changed my life. Hopefully it will have a positive (if less harsh and bumpy) effect on some of my students as well.

    I am not sure if I wrote that I successfully moved my bowels yesterday, but I did… and when I cleaned myself up, I noticed there was bright red blood on the paper. I will keep an eye on that, but the fact that it was bright red worries me much less than if it had been darker. Most likely the sharpness of the stool cut the outsides a little. If it were internal bleeding it would have been darker. Nonetheless I will make sure to add a little more fibre to my diet the next few days.

    I have to shop today. I am not happy about that and am going to do my best to get into and out of the supermarket as quickly as possible. I have enough eggs for tomorrow’s omelette, but that is it. I am also completely out of shredded cheese and am almost out of hot sauce. If one wonders if I am a creature of habit, then one need only look at my breakfast while I am on this program. It changes occasionally only in what vegetables I add to the omelette… and which hot sauce I use. Hey, it works, right? As long as I am not cheating the rest of the day then I know that this breakfast is harmless to my weight loss. Would I be losing weight quicker if I were on the strict program? It is possible… but it would be an insignificant improvement when put in the balance against the fact that I suspect it has kept me from cheating more often than I do. I started this paragraph anticipating my trip to the supermarket; I will buy eggs, shredded cheese, Cholula, Tabasco, and milk… and nothing more. I have to summon the internal fortitude to stay away from the peanuts… and every other temptation I might come across in those aisles.

    Today is the first day of our September heat wave; that is to say that the weather, which has been reminiscent of mid-autumn this past week, should turn much hotter going forward. While today’s forecast high temperature is only 25°, tomorrow that jumps to 31°, then 33° for the following few days. There is no precipitation in there anywhere. Today’s gorgeous weather will be enjoyed on the patio at Lyle and Dorothy’s house, as Dorothy is away for the day with her father (leaving Lyle with no car). No matter, I enjoy going there; my only concern is that I seem to be drawn to Bulk Barn with I go there. I am going to have to pay special care to not cheat today, what with that and my trip to the supermarket.

    Tomorrow the plan is to see Eduardo and Sam. I am still unsure if they are coming here or if I am going to see them, and if I am driving there, I will once again have to focus on not cheating. It is really much easier when I am not getting into my car. I was thinking yesterday during my walk as I passed a fast food restaurant and, realizing how intoxicating the smells emanating from the place were, I was still not tempted to stop. I was exercising, and that garbage (and I know that it is garbage, no matter how good it might smell) would destroy the progress I had made on my walk… to say nothing of the last five hundred and ninety days of doing so well. It is different when I am driving, and I am not sure that I can adequately explain it even to myself. When I am walking, I am actively participating in my diet and working toward my success. In the car I am simply driving, in a conveyance, with no stake in my success or failure. There is nothing to remind me of the hardships I have endured to get as far as I have, nor how uncomfortable I was when I was fatter. I have to remember when I drive to stay more mindful than I normally might be for fear of how easy it would be to cheat… just a little. It has been over a year since I last took myself for fast food… peanuts are a different story though, aren’t they?

    Okay, it is time for me to get at it. I am going to head to the supermarket and come back quickly so that I do not have to remember to do so after Lyle’s… especially knowing that is when I am so often weak and would end up stopping in the peanuts aisle. I will come home and prepare my kit, and before I head out to Hamilton, I will prepare my meal replacement shake… complete with a heaping spoon of fibre.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 562

    Yesterday was my second really good day at watching myself carefully, and it paid off… at least, it has so far; two days is far to short a period to claim that I am back on track. The fact that I am down five pounds in those two days is encouraging, but it is neither a trend nor indication of a formed habit. I have a ways to go before I can claim either of those. Knowing myself, the former will come much easier than the latter. If bad habits were easy for me to change and good habits easy for me to form, then I would not have regained all of the weight that I did both times that had lost so much weight, and then regained it all back. I suppose I do not even have to look that far back! How many times have I fallen into a plateau and even slipped back before finally righting things these last five hundred and sixty-two days? I might have too hard a head to adopt good habits… and too much of an addict to shed the bad ones I have. It will only be with constant mindfulness that I will lose the weight and ultimately keep it off.

    This afternoon was a real test for me. I took my son (the younger) for lunch. My most avid readers will guess (correctly) that he opted for Lone Star Grill. I have, in the past, reviewed their menu, and know the smart choices to order for myself… and to eat as he enjoys his queso and chips and a plate of chicken wings deep fried and breaded. Never mind what I might order, my plans go out the window the moment I start going for the nacho chips and salsa that they bring before you even order your meal. I told Leslie this morning even before I knew where my son would ultimately ask to go that this would be my greatest challenge. Let me cut to the last page: I succeeded! I ordered a glass of water, and I did not touch the chips; the only things that I ate as my son ate were his two carrot sticks, and as we were getting ready to leave, I took two forkfuls of salsa (no chips). I consider that a huge victory of my willpower over my base desires.

    My plan was to drop him off and then come home and make a salad for myself. It was only as I was walking into my building that I remembered that I did not have any onions in the house. I switched my plans around and made a meal replacement shake for lunch; I had to go out later, so I would stop in at the supermarket and pick up onions. How was this a priority? Onions are a major part of my omelette!

    It is nearly 8:00pm and I am going to make my salad and then have a cigar with my wife. How great would it be to see my weight drop for a third consecutive morning tomorrow?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 503

    Was yesterday a complete success? It was not. Was it a failure? No. In the balance, while I cheated (I had a couple of bowls of cereal in the afternoon) I still stayed mostly on track, eating nothing after 5:15pm. The result: I was down one pound on the bathroom scale this morning. I will take that as a victory. It has to be a one-day-at-a-time strategy, and I have to be willing to accept that there is a lot of ground between the absolutes of success and failure.

    As I expected, my friend’s computer problem was not really a problem. He came over around 2:15pm, and we were smoking cigars on the balcony by 2:30pm. I am glad I was able to help him… even though I did not actually do anything this time. I did, however, upgrade his computer so that it will be easier for me to keep an eye on the health of his computer going forward. With that said, I did all of that while sitting on the balcony and smoking cigars.

    This afternoon I have a lot going on between my classes. I have a meeting with an old business colleague at Tim Hortons, and then I have an introductory call with a head-hunter who thinks he might have a job for me. I am always happy to take those calls… even though they seldom lead to anything, and I am quite comfortable teaching until my visa status changes. After class this evening I have a very important date. Today is my wife’s birthday. It is her first birthday since we are married (the anniversary of our civil ceremony is June 24th). I am hoping that it will be her last birthday that she has to celebrate alone. By next year I am praying that my visa will be approved, and that we will be living together so that we can celebrate together. While she is coming to Canada this weekend, her visit does not touch either of our birthdays, missing hers by four days and mine by eleven. Last year she was in Canada to celebrate my fiftieth with me. It just could not work out for either of us to travel for either of our birthdays this year. Next year… well, we are maintaining our posture of cautiously optimistic.

    I know what you might be thinking. I have an appointment at Tim Hortons… am I going to be tempted to cheat? The simple answer is that while I do like a nice doughnut or Timbit, I do not consider them temptations. It will be easy for me to order a cup of coffee and avoid the baked goods. It would be easy even if I was not planning to eat lunch before going, but I am… so it will not be a problem. The bigger temptation is usually walking through the supermarket. I went yesterday to buy vegetables, but I only realized when I got home that I am nearly out of milk. Drat, I have to go back today.

    When I wrote yesterday that I might be able to jog tomorrow afternoon I forgot that I have my cleaning lady coming, which means that will not be an option. Friday and Saturday are still on the table, and I will make sure to get at least one workout in before the big day when I drive to the airport on Sunday!

    Have a great day folks!