Losing a part of me

Category: Temptations

  • Habits

    I have been saying for weeks that I am pushing myself to walk until it eventually becomes a habit, and that I do not have to push myself to do it. I have been saying for years that I need to break my unhealthy relationship with food, and establish good eating habits. I have gotten into the habit of writing in my weight loss journal on a daily basis, even on days when I have nothing new (or good) to report.

    So much of our lives are dictated by habits. Someone who does not plan their time well might be habitually late. You might be in the habit of showering on a certain schedule; people who do not eat well might make it a habit of picking unhealthy restaurants or food choices at the supermarket.

    A habit is not necessarily good or bad. It is defined (by Oxford Languages, per Bing Dictionary) as a regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up. It is not the same as a schedule or routine. I do not take my dog for a walk twice or thrice daily out of habit, I do so out of necessity. To wit: When Princess Sophie is not with me, I do not go for a walk in the morning. I do not log on to Zoom to start teaching on days when I am not contracted to do so.

    There are good habits (I am in the habit of brushing my teeth in the morning when I wake up and in the evening before bed). There are bad habits (of which I have too many to pick just one as an example). There are habits that are neither good nor bad, they are just how we do things. I am in the habit of shaking a sweetener pack before tearing it open. Why? It is something that I do. Frankly, I remember watching my father doing it when I was a kid, and I picked it up from him. Would bad things happen if I opened a packet of sweetener without shaking it? Unlikely… but it is a habit, and I do it every single time.

    Habits around food are extremely common, and again, can be good or bad. Why do many people eat their salads before, or after, or alongside their main course? It is a habit, based on cultural norms of the country in which they were raised. Some people say a prayer before eating, which might be out of habit, or from a deep-rooted belief that their food is a gift from G-d, and that they should be grateful.

    Some people always take a second helping of… whatever. If you were to ask them, they might answer that they are still hungry, or that it was so good that they wanted more. Oftentimes it is simply because they are used to taking seconds. It is a habit. In some cases that might be a good thing, but more often it is not.

    I do not know a fat person, and likely neither do you, who was taught healthy food choices as a child. I do not mean that they did not learn about the five basic food groups – we all learned at least some form of nutrition in school – I mean ingrained education, their day-to-day meals. If you are taught about smart choices for ten minutes in a class one day, but are given huge meals of deep-fried this and creamed that and everything is drowning in gravy every night, then that is the habit you will learn. It is not an easy one to break.

    I have said for months that I want my good eating to be habitual, and my fitness walking to be a habit. So far, I know that neither has happened. Have I ever exercised on a daily basis? Of course I have… for years on end. Have I ever eaten well? Sure, and I have lost a lot of weight a couple of times to prove it. Yet it is so hard to make those habitual. Falling into my old routines is easy… like smoking cigarettes, it is easy to start, but hard to quit.

    Do you see the difference between those? Exercise is a hard habit to get into, and an easy one to fall out of. Eating well is a hard habit to get into, and an easy one to fall out of. Overeating is an easy habit to fall into, and a hard one to fall out of. Smoking cigarettes is an easy habit to get into, and a hard one to fall out of.

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    This seems to me to be an unfair reality, but it is a reality nonetheless. I wish it were the opposite, where good habits were easy to establish and hard to break, but it is not the case. That is why we must be extra vigilant, once we are in a good habit, to stick to it. I do not have the answer to that… and so far, I have not heard of a good one. I know people who put entries into their daily diary to go for a walk, and I hope that works for them… but it has never worked for me, at least not for the long term. A daily reminder to do something makes it a scheduled task or routine… but not a habit.

    Good habits are hard to get into and bad habits are hard to break. We may not like it, but it is a fact of life, and one that, if we wish to control our own habits, we will need to find a way to work at every day of our lives… until our good habits are so truly ingrained into us that we do them without thinking… and until we have so truly broken our bad habits that it would never occur to us to repeat them.

    With regard to food, I have gotten into the habit of buying only the foods that I know are allowed on my weight management program. Some people would point out that I seem to eat rather monotonously, but that is what I need to do to lose weight, and so I do not veer too far from my chicken or fish with a salad for lunch. I do not keep pasta and creamy sauces or fattening salad dressings in the house because it would be too easy to say ‘You know what? I do not feel like eating chicken today.’ It took some time, but when I go to the supermarket, I buy what I need, and I do not go looking for things that would be tasty but harmful to my weight loss plan. It is now a habit more than a routine, and I am grateful for it.

    When I decided to lose weight seriously, one of the hardest habits to break was eating at restaurants. That was one of the main reasons it took until January 20th to really start, and not January 1st as I had originally intended. Eating out is a bad habit, and therefore a difficult one to break. Sticking to my meal-replacements program was a very good habit to get into… and it did not come easy.

    Some religious leaders will tell you that the devil is always there to tempt you, and it is only your strong belief in G-d that keeps you from sinning. I do not believe in those concepts in the Christian sense, but I do believe that we all have good voices and bad voices in our heads. The good voices encourage us to do the right thing – and we usually know that is, whether it be helping a neighbour or eating healthy. The bad voices are shouting at us to succumb to temptation, to be selfish and to eat whatever we want. While the bad voices might be shouting, it is our responsibility to ourselves to tune them out and to listen to the good voices and to do the right thing, whether that be by others or by ourselves.

    Doing the right thing is not always the easy thing… but it is always the right thing. Our diet habits can be good or they can be bad, and it is the decisions that we make that will determine our paths… and eventually our waist size.

  • Day 202

    I had a harder time yesterday than I have in quite a few weeks, and I am not sure where it came from. To start with, I had a bowl of popcorn in the afternoon. Thankfully it is the last of the popcorn that I had in the house, so that will not become a habit. In the early evening, after my second shake, I was still hungry. I knew there were bagels in the freezer, and I was so tempted to pull one out, defrost it, and really ruin my diet. To curb that temptation, I decided instead to make a salad. I did not add tuna or salmon to it, only vegetables, salad dressing, and pumpkin seeds. There was nothing satisfying or even enjoyable about the salad… but it did the job of distracting me from the evil bagel, which was the point of the exercise.

    I will also mention that, once again, I forewent my evening shake because of the ‘cheating,’ which is probably why my weight this morning is exactly what it was yesterday, and not up.

    I took a break from walking yesterday, giving my legs a chance to recover somewhat. When I woke up this morning, my legs were achier than they have been in the last few weeks. Sometime last week I realized how nice it was that I was not having the next-day leg cramps that I had at the beginning. I wonder if it is because I had not been giving myself any chance to recover. Either way, the aches are not a bad thing. They are a reminder that my muscles are being used and strengthened, and that is all part of getting back into shape.

    Speaking of getting into shape, I need to have a conversation with my friend who owns the Taekwondo school this week. I do not know how that conversation will go, but I do want to speak with him. My plan right now is to start practicing and re-teaching myself at the park… but we will see how that goes.

    My goal for today is to get through today. I was weak on food yesterday, and I did not exercise. I will try to be stronger today, and if my legs are okay, I will go for a walk. I have other things I need to take care of though… and I do not want to injure myself by not recovering fully. We’ll see at the end of my class.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 194

    Down is better than up. When it comes to losing weight, most experts, pundits, and observers tell you that you should not weigh yourself every day. I have in this space gone into details on that before, but it is the general consensus. It is not so much that I buck the trend as much as it is that I am just that kind of guy, and I want to see every day whether I am losing weight or not. On the days that I am, I am happy. On the days that I am not, I review the previous day to see if there is a reason why – something I did that might explain not losing or even gaining weight – and try to adjust my behaviour for the next day. If there is no reason why, then I remind myself that weight loss is not linear, and what is important is the downward trend of weight loss over time, and not the individual points on the graph.

    This morning, my weight was down from yesterday… very slightly. Following a four-day streak that had me down 3.4 lbs, the loss of only 0.2 lbs could be seen as insignificant. That would be wrong, for two reasons that I called out in the previous paragraph:

    1. While it may not be the individual points on the graph that are important, several points on that graph make a trend. Five days of 0.2 lbs down is equal to a pound lost.
    2. When losing weight, down is always better than up. That loss of only 0.2 lbs may be seen as minor, but it is still down, and down is better than up.

    There are so many opportunities in life to gain weight. It is the psychological game, the constant reminders of things that you would like to eat but cannot. Avoiding temptations that are constantly in our face is so difficult and yet it is one of the cornerstones of weight loss. Yesterday afternoon I sat with a couple of friends on their porch, and they told me they bought me something. It turns out they bought me a package of Hebrew National sausages, which are of course kosher. I had originally planned that yesterday’s meal would be fish, but in the early afternoon decided that I was not in the mood for fish and would instead buy chicken. Either of these are options on my diet that I am familiar with, can control, and which are quite healthy. While the sausages might be lower in fat and whatever other macronutrients, I also know that there is no such thing in this world as a healthy hotdog. I accepted them gratefully and put them into my freezer for a day when I want and deserve a special treat.

    The sausages were not my only opportunity to cheat yesterday. In fact, they were not even close. Driving to and from their house in Hamilton, I passed myriad restaurants that called to me with Buffalo wings, shawarma, hamburgers, pizzas, and more. Forget that Bulk Barn is along the way, and I could have stopped in for a handful of peanuts (or so many indulgences that are far worse). When I got to the supermarket, I bought lettuce and onions and chicken… and having to pass through the prepared foods section and bakery to get to those is never fun. How easy it would be to cheat in the breads section alone? I wouldn’t need the fancy pies and other desserts to satisfy my cravings when fresh rolls were just as delicious… and just as evil.

    The other day I was thinking to myself how terrible traditional media is for a dieter, with every restaurant and unhealthy food staple being advertised with great imagery. Even the radio commercials paint a picture of the wonderful and terrible foods that I want but cannot eat. If you turn off the radio and television, you cannot drive down most streets without seeing a billboard or an ad on the side of a bus that shows temptations. If you can steel your mind to those, just walking into a supermarket to buy the healthiest of foods requires walking past the unhealthiest. It is no wonder that dieting is so difficult, with temptations at every turn. It is worse in the United States than in Canada, but it is no picnic here. If anyone asks why losing weight is so difficult, the reasons are everywhere… because marketing is everywhere, and nobody advertises salads.

    In the end, I did indulge yesterday. I feel bad about it, but I stopped at Bulk Barn and bought a very small handful of peanuts – they cost me $0.77, taxes included – to eat on my way to Lyle and Dorothy’s. To compensate for the added calories, I cut out one meal replacement. Previously when I was eating peanuts every day, it was in addition to what I was supposed to be eating. To quote a line from the movie For Love of the Game: “A lot of little bottles equals one big bottle.” Yes, I had about 250 calories worth of peanuts yesterday, but I had them instead of a meal replacement. Is it a habit I should be in? No. Is it a way to mitigate the affects of cheating once in a while? Yes. Even so, I will not make a habit of it.

    I still did not go for a walk yesterday. My intention was to try to go after I got home from my friends’ house. Owing to the sleepless night, I did not feel that I would have been safe walking. I could hardly walk a straight line down the hallways of my building. I hope to resume my walking today. While Princess Sophie did need to go out once in the night, it was only once… unlike the previous night which was completely lost due to her upset stomach. I will wear my bigger shoes, so as to not aggravate the already aggravated blisters on my heel, and I might limit my distance… but I will walk today.
    Before I do that, I have an entire day of teaching to get through… and of avoiding temptations.

    Have a great day everyone!

  • Day 181

    I mentioned yesterday that I love it when the numbers on the bathroom scale are kind to me. This morning’s drop of 2.2 lbs is a result of several things that I did yesterday, including mostly good eating, a really strong walk, and drinking a lot of water. It might also be partially a correction for whatever seems to happen to my weight when I travel, whether by plane or by automobile. Either way, it was a good step in the right direction!

    It was brought to my attention recently that, with regard to my weight management program, I tend to be hard on myself… I accentuate the bad while minimizing the good. As I am currently on a journey of self-improvement, I am going to try to end that.

    I had two huge non-scale victories over the last few days, and I am quite thrilled with them. The first:

    I am a Microsoft Certified Trainer, and have been for sixteen years. After ten years, the program sends you a polo shirt every year… or at least, they did when I asked for them. After fifteen years, they send you a jacket. I know there are 20- and 25-year gifts as well, but I do not know what they are. While the polo shirts always fit well (and over the years I had XL through XXXL), the jacket (I have two) sizes are ridiculous… way too small, and for the past two years I have not been able to wear either of them.

    I was cleaning out my car this afternoon after my week-long travel debacle and I found it in the trunk. I had brought it to Leslie to wear in case she was cold at one point, and I forgot to take it out of the car. It made its way into my trunk, and has probably been there for five months. I tried it on… it is tight, but it fits, and I can zip it closed! Don’t get me wrong, it is far too warm this month to wear it… but come autumn, I will be happy to wear it… especially as I continue to lose weight so it will fit even better!

    The second non-scale victory: Yesterday I drove from Long Island, New York to Burlington, Ontario – a nine-hour drive, if you count the border and the stop for petrol – with three dozen Montreal bagel in the car. I knew they were there, and I did not eat even a bite of one! For those of you who have never eaten a Montreal bagel let me tell you… this is a huge accomplishment, and one that I did not expect to do. I knew they were there; they were in easy reach from the driver’s seat, and I did not touch them. I wanted to… but I did not.

    I should mention that I started my nine-hour journey without a cigar in the cabin, so when it was safe (Madison Avenue near 72nd Street in Manhattan) I pulled over in a bus-lane (try finding parking in Manhattan… I dare you), put my blinkers on, and ran to my trunk to grab a couple of cigars. Yes folks, rather than eating my feelings and anxiety, I smoked them away.

    (Spoiler alert: my feelings and anxiety are still with me… but I did not go off my weight management program in a big way because of them these last few days)

    As I wrote yesterday afternoon, I went for an epic walk. I also spent a lot of time thinking about things I need to do to be a better person and a better husband. Some of those things are obvious, some of them are harder for me to comprehend. That does not mean that I do not accept them, just that I have a lot of work ahead of me. I truly hope I am up to the task.

    Let’s cover what I ate… Around 9am I had a meal replacement shake, and another one after my walk (and after I wrote my article, so that puts it around 3:30pm). I had two pieces of chicken and a garden salad for dinner, followed by one Japanese biscuit and a very small amount of Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn. Yes, it was left over from the trip; I ate some on my way to Long Island from Montreal, and we all ate some in the hotel. After eating a bit of it (and truly I did not overindulge) I decided that as good as it is, it is not smart for me to have it in the house. I took it to the garbage room and poured it all out into the bin. Lead me not to temptation… I know exactly where to find it!

    While cleaning out the car, I brought the rest of the bagels upstairs, and I put them all into the fridge. I had given my neighbour Sue about a dozen and a half of them… she took care of Princess Sophie, and asked for nothing. I was happy to share! The rest went into my freezer, and I told my son that I have Montreal bagels waiting for him. When he comes to get them, they will be gone. In the event that he does not take all of them, I will bring what’s left to Lyle and Dorothy because I know they appreciate them too.

    Aside from that, I do not much feel like socializing. I am in a pretty bad way, so I might just drop the bagels off at my son’s and at Lyle’s when nobody is home so that I do not have to socialize. I really am not in the mood. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Just Ignore Them

    A few days ago, I shared a piece that I wrote about peer pressure. I was angry that a friend of mine tried to get me to eat something that was not only fattening but also not kosher. I wrote the article to remind myself – and others like me – how hard it is to stay true to one’s diet (and to one’s religion), and that pressure from friends was unwelcome.

    I got a response from a fellow dieter that read: ‘Just ignore them.’ This got me thinking.

    The word ‘just’ should be taken out of the language as far as dieting is concerned. Let’s look at some of the advice I have gotten from people over the years that begin with that word:

    • “Just cut out the carbs and you’ll lose the weight.”
    • “Just drink a glass of grapefruit juice before every meal.”
    • “Just cut out sweets.”
    • “Just eat between 10:00am and 6:00pm.”
    • “Just cut out alcohol and the weight will melt away.”
    • “Just walk a couple of miles every day!”

    The list goes on and on and on, ad nauseum. There seems to be this colossal misunderstanding that by adding the word ‘just’ in front of a suggestion means that it will be easy. If that was true, there would be no fat people in the world. Nor, for that matter, would there be any poor people, or weak people, or people who abuse their spouses and children.

    What would happen if we were to replace the word ‘just’ with something more appropriate and honest?

    • “As much as you love carbs, if you cut them out you will lose weight.”
    • “You may not like the taste but drinking a glass of grapefruit juice before eating might help with weight loss.”
    • “They are so tasty and addictive… but if you cut out sweets you will lose weight.”
    • “It is not easy, but some people find they lose weight if they only eat between the hours of 10:00am and 6:00pm.”
    • “We all love a drink now and then, but alcohol is empty calories and cutting them out can help you to lose weight.”
    • “Exercise is good for weight loss, as hard as it might be.”

    This advice may not sound easy, but it is honest. There used to be a commercial on the radio that started: “Losing weight is simple… but it is not easy.” I do not know how simple it is, but it is certainly not easy… and it is certainly not a one size fits all thing.

    I have a close friend who is a gourmet chef, and probably outweighs me by a couple hundred pounds. He is having success losing weight with intermittent fasting (the 10-6 thing) but has told me flat out that he will not cut pasta out of his diet. Okay, he still eats his carbs… and is losing weight. I have another friend who has lost a lot of weight by dieting but does absolutely no exercise.

    Do you see where I am going with this? There is no one approach to losing weight, but none of them are easy. Likewise, ‘Just ignore them’ was what my mother used to tell me about bullies when I was in elementary school. IDIOT! It isn’t like I was going out looking to be bullied. They came to me, and if I ignored them, I got beaten up. This may not have been the worst advice I ever got from my mother, but it was pretty bad. It was if she was saying “Why are you so stupid! If someone gets in your face and calls you names, just walk away and they will never call you names anymore! Name calling doesn’t hurt anyone!” Thanks, Ma.

    Rather than saying to someone ‘Just ignore them,’ try “Oh my G-d, that is terrible. I know it is hard, but you have to remember to walk away. Whatever you eat hurts you, not them.” There are lots of things you can say, but whatever it is… take the word JUST out of it and throw it in the garbage. Unless you are explaining something on a computer when you say ‘Just press the space bar’ just stop saying the word.

    </rant>

  • Day 120

    Today is the day that I get back on track. I dropped Leslie at the airport yesterday morning, but before I did, I took her to Stacked for breakfast. While I had the healthy option, I did take a few bites of her French toast. The drive to the airport and dropping her off is always very difficult and sad for both of us, and there were a lot of tears. When she finally made her way to the terminal, I drove home to pick up Her Royal Floofness, who was in serious need of a haircut. I dropped her off at the spa at noon, and went home to have lunch, which was leftover Lebanese food. Folks, I love Shawarma, and while it is healthier than most other fast foods (and healthier still with the salad in place of the rice and potatoes) it is still a bit fattening. This is one of the reasons I knew that this meal was to be my last indulgence… at least, mostly.

    After a short nap, I picked up Princess Sophie… and some peanuts. Let me tell you, she looks so absolutely gorgeous! If you don’t believe me, check out her Instagram posting, where she is showing off her new necklace! Wed came home, and we rested for a bit again. Yes, the late night/early morning return from Cuba took a toll on my nearly fifty-year-old body, and I took two naps yesterday.

    When we woke up (of course, HRF naps with me too) I prepared dinner – my usual chicken with salad. Of course, it was later than I like to eat my dinner, especially knowing that I had been doing so well making my big meal the lunchtime meal. I was still hungry, and I had another helping of peanuts… and eventually I had a meal replacement shake as well. All in all, yesterday was not a good day on the diet. I am ashamed to admit that I also went searching for a couple of other snacks throughout the day. Fortunately I did not find them, otherwise the result on the scale this morning could have been even worse.

    Leslie (my fiancée! I love saying that!) is extremely supportive of my diet. She will love me no matter what I look like (as was proven in December) but knows that I want to make serious changes for me and for my health. She confirmed with me last night that this morning I was going to be getting back on my diet, and I promised her that I would be… and so far, I have done just that. I had my shake when we got back from our walk, along with my coffee. My plan is to make chicken for lunch, then a salad with tuna for dinner, and another shake in the evening. I am hoping that gets me back on the right track.

    Speaking of that track, yes… my weight was up again this morning. It is not terribly up, but it is enough to give me a strong reminder that the vacation is over, and it is time to start eating right again!

    By the way, we did bring sugar home from Cuba. We did not go into a grocery store to buy it, but we did empty a few containers that were on the table with coffee into a Ziplock bag. If you don’t know, Cuba was once one of the world’s leading sugar producers, and they still make a fine product… all natural, no chemicals or refining. Just pure cane sugar. It is amazing, and I now have a pound of it in my kitchen. It will go well with the Cuban coffee that we brought home… which we did buy from a store!

    I will spend a couple of hours at Lyle and Dorothy’s house today, and then will come straight home. It is always good seeing friends! Lyle asked me to bring him something from Cuba, so it will be a good opportunity to deliver that as well.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 110

    Travel, whether by air or by car, will always wreak havoc on the bathroom scale for a day or two. The fact that I am up significantly from Thursday is frustrating, but not overly worrisome. The fact that I did indulge somewhat – I had more peanuts than I should have, I had some karnatzl from Smoked Meat Pete’s, I had Corn Flakes for breakfast, and at lunch on Friday I helped Red with some of her poutine… not a lot you understand, but some. Also, of course I had two lovely chicken meals on Saturday – are factors as well, and I will not blame the entire weight gain on travel. I did not let myself go this weekend, but I did not completely maintain discipline.

    I will say though that I did show a level of restraint that I did not previously think possible. There are two feats that I accomplished that I am more or less stunned by.

    1. Saturday afternoon I went to West Island Bagel, and I picked up a dozen Montreal bagels (If you are not familiar with this delicacy then you are missing out!) that were fresh from the oven. I split the bag into two bags of six, which then sat in my car until yesterday evening. The first six I gave to Ryan and Lyndsay, who took care of HRF Princess Sophie for the weekend in my absence. The second six are in my freezer, and I will defrost one tomorrow morning for Leslie to enjoy with Kraft Crunchy Peanut Butter for breakfast. If she wants a second one, she shall have it!
    2. Last week Lyle asked if, while I was in Montreal, I would mind stopping by Smoked Meat Pete’s to pick up a pound of Montreal Smoked Meat for him and for Dorothy. There are some people who will say that they will do anything for friends, and there are some who mean it. I assure you that while Lyle knows of my weight loss plan, that was not on his mind when he asked me to walk into this den of iniquity, this garden of temptation, the home of my absolute diet kryptonite. I figured if I was in for a penny, I was in for a pound… I asked my son (the elder) if he wanted a pound for them to enjoy as well. That is how and why I found myself, returning from the cemetery, standing in line at one of my favourite Montreal delicatessens. It would have been so easy to order the two pounds of meat, and a medium old-fashioned sandwich with extra mustard and a side of fries. How easy it would be to justify that on the day of my father’s yahrzeit I should go and indulge in his favourite meal… it was a tribute and a memorial, and not an indulgence! No. I ordered the meat, and a side order of karnatzl, which was my only deli cheat. It was not good… but it was orders of magnitude better than it could have been, and better than I expected!

    Today is the day. No, it is not the day that I fly to Cuba on holiday – that is tomorrow. However, knowing that this evening I will be picking Leslie up from the airport is, for me, more exciting than going to the island beach vacation paradise. That she and I will be doing that together tomorrow is gravy, but I would be happy just having her here. We have been apart too long! I have a lot of errands to run today, but the last checkbox is to drive to Pearson International and to wait in the Cell Phone Waiting Lot for the call that says, ‘I have my luggage.’ I miss her so much!

    What else do I have to do today? Let’s see… I have a few small things to do, but they are just close-to-home errands. I am not going to go on one of my long walks – I do not want to get onto the airplane tomorrow feeling zonked. I will try to see my son the elder (smoked meat is a good excuse) and possibly even my son the younger (as I will not be able to see him this coming weekend, owing to my being out of town). Like every Israeli, I am not one to pack the day before I travel… but I will do laundry and organize my stuff. I did not look in the fridge so I do not know if I have food in the house, so I might need to do some shopping. Other than that? I have gone to the bank, I have bought everything that I think I need to bring to Cuba (including for my buddy), and if someone were to call me right now to say ‘Mitch, you have to go to the airport in 20 minutes!’ I would have everything I need to throw into the suitcase and go. Of course, I do need my girlfriend to get here, but I am set to collect her this evening!

    One thing that I will do that will affect my blog readers: After posting today’s article (which you are currently reading), I am going to receive a notification from WordPress that reads something like: “You are on a 110-day streak!” While I might be able to blog every day from Cuba, it is not always guaranteed that the Internet will be available. What I will do is this: I am going to write placeholder articles for every day that I am away, and I will schedule them to post at 4:00pm every day. That way, if I am able to connect and post then great, but if I am not, then I will not lose my streak. Yes, that is petty… but what are we gonna do, right?

    Oh, I came to a decision this weekend. I am finishing my current games on Words with Friends and will then uninstall the game from all of my devices. I have been playing the game religiously for eight years, and I decided it is time to stop. It is a good distraction and timewaster, but just maybe I have wasted a little too much time on it.

    I am stressed. I am really looking forward to seeing Leslie tonight, which will make my life better… and then we go on vacation, which will make our lives even better.

    Have a great day!

  • Lead Me Not Into Temptation!

    Thank you, but I know the way. I do not need any help finding temptation, it is all around me. When it is not around me, I am still tempted by things in my mind.

    To wit: While there are ‘naughty’ foods in my kitchen, most of them are things that are reserved for Leslie to enjoy during her visits. I have never been tempted by Bear Claw cookies or by marshmallows. Don’t get me wrong, they are both snacks that I would enjoy, but unlike other things that could be lurking in my cupboards, I have never salivated over either of these.

    We all have our temptations… our Achilles Heel, if you will. Among my favourites are Buffalo Wings… dipped in batter and deep-fried (or even baked), dripping with sauce… these have been a weakness of mine since I was a teenager. Of course, they have to be really good wings, otherwise they hold little appeal to me. Unfortunately, there is a restaurant which I used to frequent under three kilometers from where I am sitting, that makes absolutely delicious (and sinful) wings. According to their website (www.montanas.ca):

    “Dusted twice and cooked to a crispy finish. Try ’em sauced up just how you like ’em. Served with your choice of dipping sauce and carrot sticks. 390-410 Cals/serving, serves 2”

    That sounds pretty reasonable, doesn’t it? Until you realize that the 8 wings is not 410 calories, rather it is 820 calories, because they are saying that this order serves two. Would someone please tell me what self-respecting (or not) glutton with a food addiction and a particular predilection for Buffalo Wings is sharing this dish with anyone? Nay, pray bring forth the double portion, and if my table mates wish to taste them, they can bloody well get their own! 1,640 calories of deliciousness for myself!

    By the way, the same page of the same website is advertising their cheese nachos at 470 calories/serving… but oh yeah, that order serves four people, so the plate is 1,880 calories. Unlike the wings, this is a huge plate, and likely will be shared… by two or maybe three people, as long as they are planning on a good main course.

    Just like there are social drinkers and solitary drinkers, likewise there are social eaters and solitary eaters. There was a time when I would try to maintain a sheen of decorum… I would eat reasonably in company, and when I was alone, I would go wild. I do not know when that stopped; I do know that after I started my diet, Leslie mentioned to me that she was surprised by how much I was able to eat before. On a number of occasions, I took her to a pub for dinner, and we would devour a large pizza and a plate of wings. By we, I think you can guess who did most of the eating. No, I was no longer ashamed of my eating… or maybe I was, but I was not going to hide it anymore.

    I do not need to get into my car to go to the nearest fast-food restaurants to get a triple burger combo, or to the grocery store to pick up a large bag (or two) of chips. Of course, I probably would drive to either of those places if I was not actively trying to lose weight. There was a time when I would try to justify that ‘If I walk there, I will be burning off many of the calories I will be consuming there.’ No, Taz… according to www.mapmywalk.com, during the 5km walk that I did on Monday, I burned a total of 519 calories in fifty-six minutes. Extrapolating from that math, walking to Wendy’s and back (1.8km) would burn 186 calories… according to the website https://order.wendys.com, a Dave’s Double® burger (with cheese… they do not seem to list the without cheese option on their website) is 860 calories. A medium order of French Fries is another 350 calories. Assuming you add a bottle of water or a diet soda, you are still at 1,210 calories. If you burned 186 calories to get it, you are still over 1,000 calories.

    I have a diet buddy who was telling me just yesterday that she was going to visit some friends, and she was extremely nervous about the pressure she would feel to break her diet. That is very real for some people. It is difficult to say to someone, especially someone who is trying to be hospitable, that no, you do not want what they are offering. No, they cannot get you anything else. It is a bit easier when those people know that you are on a diet. It is just not everybody’s business that you are on a diet… or what diet you are on.

    There are several different responses you will get to the statement, “No thank you, I am on a diet.” These include:

    • You don’t know what you are missing!
    • Oh, come on… just one!
    • These aren’t too bad for you!
    • They are healthy!
    • You can diet tomorrow!
    • What else can I get for you then?
    • What diet are you on?
    • Dieting is bad. What you need to do is… <fill in the blank>.

    I will address these all individually.

    First of all, yes! I bloody well do know what I am missing. Do you think I got to be morbidly obese because I don’t know what really good food tastes like? I do not need to diet because I spent most of my adult life gorging on things that do not taste good.

    Just one is what we call ‘getting the ball rolling.’ Yes, it always starts with just one… and then there will be another one, and five more after that. We do not have the first one so that we cannot possibly have the second one.

    Whether something is bad for me or not does not mean that it is on my diet or not. That is for me to determine, and I do not want your help doing so.

    Avocados are healthy. They are also fattening. The fact that something is healthy also does not determine whether or not they are on my diet. Again, that is not for you to determine.

    Yes, I can diet tomorrow. I can also diet today, and that is what I decided to do. Do you know exactly how many days I said to myself ‘I will start my diet tomorrow?’ How many times did I say to myself, ‘I will just take today as a cheat day?’ I assure you, if we counted them all up, I would be slimmer than Ally McBeal.

    Please, do not get anything for me. I assure you that if I planned my diet properly, I will either eat what I feel I can from what you are serving, or I will not. I might have a meal replacement bar in my pocket, but that is not your concern. Whatever I am doing, any pressure that you might be applying to me is as unwelcome as it is unnecessary.

    If I wanted you to know what diet I was on, I would tell you about it. If I do not, then it is personal, and please do not try to pressure me into telling you.

    Yes, dieting is bad… we all know that moderation is the key. Healthy eating is the key. Eating a half a grapefruit before every meal is the key. Exercise is the key. Getting a good night’s sleep is the key. Walking is the key. Taking vitamins and supplements is the key. With all of these keys, pretty soon I am going to feel like the school janitor in the days before there were master keys. In the meantime, you do you, and let me do me. Is dieting bad? Trust me, so is being fat. Your advice is as useless as it is unwelcome.

    Do you see what I am getting at? There is temptation at every turn, and we cannot succumb to it. We got fat because we did. Is there really anyone on the planet who does not know that a diet of junk food and not exercising leads to obesity? We got fat because we were too weak to resist temptation. We are being strong now, and we do not need anyone’s help to falter. We know where temptation is, and if you think you are being helpful then I assure you that you are not.

    It is too bad that those around us who want to be helpful so often do not understand that unless we ask for their active support, the only thing they can do is to passively encourage us from the sidelines… and sometimes that will be from a distance. If they don’t understand, put it to them this way: When you are watching your favourite sports team losing a game, what can you do to help? Aside from cheering them on and encouraging them from the sidelines, there is nothing else you can do. Running onto the field of play is just not an option. Likewise, the coach does not need or want your advice. Cheer them on, encourage them… nothing else is helpful.

    Dieting is no different.

    Do not lead me to temptation. I know exactly where it is, and I will go out of my way to avoid it, if you don’t mind…

  • Brains!

    Okay, the honest title of this article should be Breads! But then I would have to explain that it had to be spoken in the voice of the zombies from an episode of The Simpsons… and I hate having to spend three sentences prior to writing my article trying to explain the title. I hope you enjoyed this daily helping of irony.

    I do not remember during which of her visits Leslie made a large bread pudding, but it was likely either October or November. This was well before my diet, and I indulged… and I did not regret a single tasty morsel!

    To put into perspective how much she made: Despite her having frozen more than half of what was left after the second night of our enjoying it, I still indulged nightly for a week. There was a lot of bread pudding.

    For better or for worse, I forgot that it was there. As will happen so often in freezers around the world, the container made its way to the back, and was forgotten for months. If it had not been frozen in a Corning ware pot, it might have stayed there until I moved.

    I have a collection of Corning pots and pans, and all the square(ish) ones have lids. Last week I cleaned the kitchen in preparation for Passover, and I decided to relocate these pots and pans. As I did, I noticed I had an extra lid… strange.

    I spent a few days trying to figure out where it came from? Did my friends who gifted me the set give me an extra lid? I think I would have noticed that when I put everything away the first time. Did I (or someone else) break one? I could not think that would have happened… Had it been Leslie or my cleaning lady, they would have told me. The only other people who have been in my kitchen since I moved in are Lyle (who has never cooked for me in my kitchen) and Eduardo (who I’m not sure has ever cooked for me anywhere), and my kids… Aaron did make me a meal when I was laid up with my broken ankle, but I was in the kitchen with him the whole time and I would have noticed. The only thing Gilad ever makes in my kitchen is microwave popcorn. Not them.

    Friday was the first night of Passover, and while I did not have a Seder to go to, I was going to do my best to make it as well as I could. Unfortunately, the stores were closed that day, so I had to make do with what I had in the house. I reached into the freezer for the homemade chicken stock that Lyle had given me a few months ago and I saw it… right next to the frozen chicken stock was a Corning ware pot covered not with the iconic glass lid, but with aluminum foil.

    imageThe mystery of the extra lid was solved.

    Yesterday afternoon I pulled the dish out of the freezer so that I could throw out the contents and reclaim the pot. Aside from it being Passover, bread pudding is seriously not on my diet. It had to go! The only problem is that it was frozen solid.

    Lyle and Dorothy had Leslie and I over one day and they told us that someone was going to buy some of their Corning ware, but decided not to, citing that it was not microwave friendly. That has become a recurring inside joke. All joking aside, I did not want to microwave it for two reasons:

    1. Doing so would render my microwave treyf (no longer Kosher for Passover); and
    2. The magnificent aromas of the defrosting desert would make my mouth water and would likely be too great a temptation to resist taking even a little taste.

    I decided to let the pot sit on the counter overnight. Sometime today it would be sufficiently defrosted to throw out.

    In the meantime, for nearly fifteen hours, there was a very delicious, very naughty, very inviting desert just sitting there on the counter, ready for anyone to just dive into. It need not be a dive… just a taste of the sweet syrupy goodness would be sufficient, right?

    Let us ignore for the moment that from mast evening through early this afternoon, I was very much in the doghouse, and worried that I might never be allowed out again. The emotions in me – the wholly negative emotions that coursed through my veins – were saying ‘WHO CARES? Why bother dieting? Everything put together sooner or later falls apart, and you only live once so indulge and enjoy!’ Had I given in, I would have been done for.

    There is a quote from the television show The West Wing where Leo McGarry (brilliantly portrayed by the late John Spencer) says ‘I’m an alcoholic. I don’t need a good reason to <drink>.’ (Season 2, Episode 7) He also says, in an earlier episode (Season 1 Episode 13), in response to ‘You can’t have a drink?’ he replies: ‘The problem is, I don’t want a drink, I want ten drinks.’

    When I am at my best, when I am focused, when everything is well in the world, then I might (and only might) be able to take a taste and leave the rest. Last night and this morning I was nowhere near my best, and my focus was shot. Had I taken a taste of the pudding, I would have taken another taste… and after a few ‘who are we kidding?’ tastes, I would have abandoned all pretext and I would have taken a very large serving… or two.

    Have you ever had a battle of wits with a recently discovered Corning ware pot full of homemade treats? If you have, then you might be a food addict. I know I am.

    Shortly before 1:00pm, I got the call that made my heart soar. Leslie had forgiven me. It is much more complicated than just that, but the details are nobody’s business but ours.

    As I started cleaning up my dishes from lunch, I held open the kitchen garbage bag and emptied the tempting, sweet, gooey contents of the pot into it. HRF Princess Sophie helped me to tidy up the tiny bit that fell onto the floor. I immediately filled the pot with hot water and soap, and then sealed the garbage bag and walked it to the garbage room.

    It does not take much to defeat us. It is easy to give up. That is why we must celebrate and share our victories, so that others who might one day be in the doghouse with a pot full of bread pudding sitting on the counter can draw strength and courage to do the right thing… when the alternative would be so easy.

    There are days when I falter, fall, and fail. Today will not be one of those days. We have to remember that as a mantra for every day.

    Mitch and his diet: 1

    Temptation: 0

    Final Score… for now.