Losing a part of me

Category: Weight Loss

  • Day 642

    I thought I ate better yesterday than I have the last couple of days, so I was a bit disappointed to discover my weight actually went up (only by .2 lb.) this morning. I think it is the combination of Leslie’s amazing protein balls and the can of Japanese coffee that I drank that did it. That, and the fact that I did not leave the house at any point, and only took 1300 steps. That is what happens when you work from 8:00am to 8:00pm with hardly a break.

    I am working during the day today, but when my class ends at 3:30pm I will be free for the afternoon and evening. I might go for a little walk, but I also have an errand that I have to run. Yes, I have to visit my cigar lounge in order to pick something up which we need before we go to Houston tomorrow evening. It will be nice to see the boys and to chat for a few minutes, but I do not expect that I will be sticking around for a cigar. Leslie’s son goes back to his father’s tomorrow, so this will be the last evening we can spend as a family for the week. I would rather be with them, and I will be able to smoke a cigar after he goes to sleep.

    Okay, it is time for me to get to work. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 638

    My weight this morning dropped but only slightly. I am comforted to be back under 240 lbs., but I know that I have to be more mindful of what I eat. I cheated yesterday with a very stupid cheat – I was in the mall to pick something up and I bought a bag of chips which I ate in the car. There is no excuse for this. I keep talking about mindfulness and choices. I have to continue to put my money where my mouth is… especially knowing that I am close to completely ending my ongoing relationship with meal replacements that have been so instrumental in my weight loss. I will do better today. That is not to say that I might not pick up some peanuts… there is a world of difference between peanuts and chips.

    I just got a call from my tailor letting me know that my alterations are ready. I am excited, and I am going to run to pick them up in a few minutes. I am hopeful that they fit better than they did. I am also worried that they might not fit as well as I would like; this fear is based on how poorly my first sports jacket fit after I had it tailored the second time. Yes, I have lost a lot of weight since and yes, there is that chance… but after the first alteration of that jacket it fit fine… it was only after I had it altered the second time that it just did not fit right.

    I had a very nice cigar date with my wife this morning. It is so exciting that in just two days I will be with her again. It has been too long. I know I say that every time… I married her because I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and not just a week or two every month.

    My first week in Dallas is going to be way busier than I would like… I am teaching all day for the week, plus my evening classes Monday Wednesday and Friday. Couple that with the trip we are taking to Houston and it will be slammed… but worth it! I love being with my wife and I love working… but in a business like mine I have to remember that when it rains, it pours. No matter, it will be a good couple of weeks nonetheless.

    I am going to run to the tailor and continue writing when I am back. Wait for me!

    —

    I am back… Saturday morning. I got distracted and did not finish. Oops!

  • Day 637

    I suspect my weight gain this morning was a correction of the two-pound drop from yesterday. I do not think I cheated so badly (I had some peanuts but that was the worst of it) that I should have gained 1.4 lbs., but there it was. I weigh 240.0 this morning, and I do not want to go above that again.

    I walked away from the keyboard after writing that one short opening; it was only later in the day when I realized that I made another change yesterday which might have contributed to my weight bump. I did not simply spice the chicken when I prepared my lunch, but I breaded it. I won’t be doing that again… not for a little while at least.

    My day is getting away from me, but at least I am being somewhat productive. I am hoping to have a relaxing evening tonight with friends. We’ll see. Before that, I am having a virtual meeting with my diet buddy. It will be good to catch up with her.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 636

    I mentioned a couple of days back (and not for the first time) that it is uncomfortable to discuss certain bodily functions such as bowel movements. I have thought it important to discuss these last few weeks because of the difficulties I have had, often for days on end, and then the pain resulting from my hard (and mostly minor) successes in that domain. This is why I am so excited to write that yesterday I had not one or two but three extremely successful (and not painful bowel movements. I literally felt like my bowels had been hoarding for weeks and finally decided to let go of everything. It was such a relief that I cannot begin to put it into words.

    I ran out to run a few errands yesterday and ended up picking up some farm-fresh eggs. I was so excited that I made an omelette for dinner, in addition to making one for breakfast this morning. I really can tell the difference between these, and the store bought eggs that I am used to. The result was absolutely delicious!

    I did not exercise yesterday. I did not even walk to the supermarket (as I mentioned I might). My legs were still feeling a bit wobbly from the previous day’s walk so I decided to take the day off. I might go this afternoon, but there are a number of factors that might interfere with that. We will see.

    With regard to the bathroom scale: I am back on track! Yes, this morning’s reading on the bathroom scale confirmed a new best weight ever. While I am only .2 lb. lighter than I was Sunday morning before my cheat day, I am a full three pounds lighter than I was the following morning. I’ll take that and run… and work hard to continue on track today.

    I am now the lowest weight I’ve ever been… and I am not sure if I have had a meal replacement in the past 4-5 days. I am thrilled that I continue to lose weight without any product. I am going to ride this without making any changes for a little while to see if I can continue to lose the weight doing what I have been doing, and if I can then I am going to put an end to the meal replacements. I have eleven boxes left which I know I would have no trouble selling should I want to do so. I am not ready just yet… let me see if I can continue eating two meals per day (plus cutting out all food after 7:00pm) and still lose weight. If so, then sometime next month I will sell off most of my remaining shakes. Leslie would be disappointed if I did not follow that up with ‘Do you know how many cigars that money could buy?’

    I have an appointment with a tailor today to see if she can alter my sports jackets and vests before I go to Dallas on the weekend. It feels amazing knowing that I need to do that in order for them to continue to fit well! I am not going to try to get my shirts altered, but the jackets and the vests would be nice… and she promised that I would have them back in time for me to take to Texas which is important because Leslie and I are going to a couple of events that will require a jacket and tie. Worst case scenario, I still have other jackets… but I would love to wear these.

    Okay, it is time for me to get a move on. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 633

    There is an episode of The West Wing in which Toby Ziegler (brilliantly portrayed by Richard Schiff) discusses with Tabitha Fortis (the U.S. Poet Laureate, portrayed by guest star Laura Dern) the satisfaction of crossing things off lists. In actuality it is she who discusses it with him; either way it is an episode worth watching not only for this interaction (which we are called back to at the end of the episode) but simply for the pure genius of the writing and the acting.

    TOBY: What are you doing?

    TABITHA: Crossing off the FDR Memorial, the Atrium, and the Folger Library. I like crossing off lists. It’s very satisfying. You like lists?

    TOBY: Yes.

    TABITHA: You like crossing things off?

    TOBY: I’ll let you know if it happens.

    To know the character of Toby is to understand that he is almost always fighting for the losing cause. His dry wit, along with his beard, smoking cigars, and his love of writing and the English language are just some of his qualities that I see in myself. (The Season 6-7 storyline in which his betrays his country by leaking state secrets to the press is where I get off)

    As does Tabitha, I too enjoy crossing things off. This morning, after a lot of failures that resulted in an extreme and disgusting seven-pound weight gain over Thanksgiving weekend, I was able to cross off another number on the list on my fridge. This morning’s weight not only takes me solidly into Best-Weight-Everland (as well as crossing off the next two-pound marker on my list), but it also allowed me to cross off another decade milestone… I am under 240 lbs. for the first time. I will keep going!

    The weather yesterday cleared up a little bit earlier than expected. When the forecast predicts a 40-50% chance of rain, especially in mid-October, we plan for rain. The rains that were predicted to stop around 5:00pm actually stopped much earlier, and it made for a lovely afternoon. I was hungry earlier than usual, so I prepared my lunch for noon instead of my usual 1:00-2:30pm. Following my lunch (the usual chicken with salad) I had a cigar date with my wife. After that my friend Eduardo came over and we enjoyed another cigar together. When he left, I took Her Floofness out for a walk. When I brought her home, I suited up for my walk. I knew it was going to be chilly, so a long shirt (and layers) and long training pants were the uniform of the day. I was sure that the extra weight and bulkiness of them would slow my stride somewhat.

    Boy was I wrong.

    I do not know if it was because of the chill in the air, or because I had pre-set expectations that the outfit might slow me down, or if I was just in better form than usual… but my pace (walking the whole way) was 8m37s per kilometre over the entire 12.65km of my outing! It is by far the best pace that I have ever recorded for a walk. There have been a few others under 9min/km, but those all involved at least some jogging along the way. I am chalking this up as a huge win, as well as a contributing factor to my remarkable two-pound drop from yesterday.

    This afternoon I am taking my son for lunch, and I have been on the fence about whether I will eat or not. I have asked my ex-wife to try to convince him that we should go for Greek food instead of his usual favourite, but I have not heard back yet. If he does agree to that then I can order a salad and be comfortable with it. If not, then I will not eat anything, and will come home to have a meal replacement afterwards.

    In the late afternoon and evening I am meeting with some people in Toronto, and I suspect there will be food involved. I will do my best to eat well and in moderation, but what will be available is an unknown to me. I will bring a meal replacement with me in the event that there is nothing that I can eat, but if there is something then I will stick to the moderation plan. At least I know that any food offered will be kosher.

    When Eduardo was here yesterday, I put on my Army uniform so that he could take a picture for me. It amazes me that not only does it fit, but it probably fits slightly better than it did the day I last took it off… nearly twenty-seven years ago. My last few months in the Army I let myself go a little, and was probably already starting to get pudgy. Aside from that, the only think that I noticed was that the buttons needed reinforcing… and that the IDF uniform (at least those from my era) were nowhere near the high quality cloth that the US uniforms are.

    As I have dropped below 240 lbs., my goal for this week is to drop a few more pounds to get below 235 lbs., so that when I fly to Dallas a week from today my wife will be able to see me at my absolute best. Of course, if I do not drop another ounce from right now then she will still see me at that – I have no recollection of weighing anything close to this low in the last twenty-five years. Nonetheless I still want to drop another few pounds for her.

    Okay, I am going to call my wife. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 632

    It was a week ago this morning that I woke up to a series of messages telling me that Israel was under attack. It took me about three hours to get off my duff and realize that I had to do something about it… I mean, aside from praying. For the last week I have been completely unsuccessful at what I have been trying to do, but I am not going to stop trying.

    This morning’s .4 lb. drop was a welcome sight. I am going to try to keep going today with no changes to the food plan. I am now only .2 lb. from my best weight ever, and I plan to be there within a day or two.

    I was both hungry and craving yesterday. I decided that if I was going to go to the supermarket to pick up some peanuts then I was going to walk there so that I could at least balance the cheat with exercise. It is a 5km round trip which I did pretty well, averaging 9m03s per kilometre. It was my first power walk in eight days, and nowhere near as long as most of my outings. With that said, it was also the first time I needed to wear long pants and long sleeves for my outing. It was a good reminder that the summer is behind us. My shorts and t-shirts can go away for the season… or at least they can come with me to Dallas for the winter.

    Of course that is not entirely true. I going to start going back to the gym shortly so that I will be able to keep up my progress. I thought about going yesterday and donning my IDF shirt, but my day was busier than I had anticipated and so that did not happen.

    As I walked back from the supermarket yesterday, I passed a group of girls who were probably in their mid- to late-teens. One of them waved and gave me a big thumbs up and I couldn’t figure out what for until I realized I was wearing an IDF t-shirt. It is nice to know that people around here are supporting us. After my walk with Her Floofness yesterday morning I hung the Israeli flag (which I had previously draped over my shoulders) from the balcony. As I sat outside smoking yesterday a couple of people looked up and smiled. So far it has not been vandalized, which is a good sign.

    My plan for today is to stay home for most of it. I have some work to do but not much, and I have chicken and salad to prepare for a late lunch. Yesterday’s peanuts took the place of a meal replacement, and while there are a few peanuts left over, I might leave them where they are and have my first meal replacement in a couple of days in the early evening. There is rain in the forecast until at least 5:00pm, so if I do plan to exercise then it will likely be at the gym. We will see. Maybe I will bundle up and walk outside after the rain stops. I am hoping to continue my weight loss these next few days… there is a decade milestone that is less than a pound away, not to mention that it is nearly two weeks since I crossed off the last number on my refrigerator chart, and it would be nice to be able to do so tomorrow or Monday.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 631

    I did not expect my weight would be down this morning. I certainly did not expect that it would be down 2.4 lbs. from yesterday. Wow! I am now within .6 lb. of my best weight ever from Saturday. I will keep on track as best I can!

    Yesterday I went to the supermarket and bought chicken and vegetables. I cooked the chicken with spices in the air fryer and I prepared an Israeli salad (with balsamic vinegar instead of lemon juice or white vinegar). The meal was finished, and the dishes put away by 5:30pm, and I ate nothing else the rest of the evening. I was not hungry; if I had been then I would have prepared a meal replacement shake. All was good though.

    I am going to enjoy a cigar date with my wife in a few minutes. After that I will prepare an identical meal as the one I ate yesterday. Because I will be eating much earlier today than I did yesterday I fully expect to need a meal replacement sometime either before my class, or else during the break. We will see.

    I am counting down the days until I get onto an airplane to go see my wife. Our time apart keeps getting harder for both of us. It is likely that this time is even harder for us as I try to get orders to deploy overseas. This war is not easy on anyone. My list of prayers for the Sabbath is too much longer today than it was just a week ago.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 629

    I am having a terrible time with what is going on in Israel. I have been trying these last few days to get what is called an ‘Order 8’ which would allow me to get onto an airplane and deploy, but I am having no luck. Most of my friends (and especially my wife) are happy about that. I feel as useless as I ever have. It has caused me to lose sleep, as well as cheat on my program. It is so frustrating that for the first time in twenty-five years my uniform fits… and they will not let me put it on. I just have to keep myself from falling off to the point that I no longer fit into it.

    My weight dropped another pound this morning. I am now 1.6 lbs. heavier than I was Saturday morning before I fell hard for two days. I will continue to try to get back on track with my program; I am flying to Dallas in eleven days and by then I want to be under 240 lbs., which should be achievable by early next week.

    Yesterday I ate only slightly better than the day before, which is to say that I had the same two omelettes and the same bag of chips, but instead of the turkey drumstick I had a shake. Today I will try to do the single omelette and three shakes. I will try my best.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 624

    Yesterday was another stressful day of teaching, but I did not try to relax by eating. In fact, at the end of the day I had originally planned to go to a friend’s house for a cigar but decided instead to go for a long walk to clear my head (and to get some exercise). How did it go? Well, when combined with the evening cigar I smoked after showering I think it turned out fairly well.

    My weight this morning was up from yesterday. It was not a significant increase – .2 lb. – so I am not concerned. When I was first gaining the weight in early adulthood, I would make the excuse that muscle was heavier than fat. Looking at the stats from my bathroom scale app it might be, for the first time ever, that might have something to do with it. There are only three stats that increased from yesterday to today: weight, BMI, and muscle mass. Maybe the 12km walk did build my leg muscles somewhat… and increased my weight ever so slightly.

    The measures on the scale yesterday were all over the place. After my walk I weighed less than I did in the morning. Before bed it was four pounds up from the morning. That worried me because I usually drop as much as 2-2.5 lbs. overnight, but seldom more. What I did not take into account was how much water I must have consumed and been retaining. I was feeling a discomfort in my bladder all day, but I couldn’t figure out why. If you want to know why I did not sleep well last night it is probably because I got up to pee seven times, each of which was a long and steady stream. While my weight was up this morning, it was not up enough to worry about… but the excess water is what caused my concern (and the discomfort).

    I should mention that I have once again not moved my bowels for four days. As I promised my doctor I am not going to wait until it gets painful and will take a laxative. I do not want to take it until my teaching is done because I do not know how my body will react. I will say that I have been feeling the sensations that I would like to go the last hour but will have to wait until lunch. I know that it will likely be more than a 2-minute pain-free experience. In my life I never thought I would be in the market for stool softeners and things like that. Not fun.

    My class lectures are done for the week! My students now have a few hours to work on their labs and of course I am happy to help them with those, but the lecture portion is done. I will take my lunch break in a few minutes during which I have some calls to make and will try to do those from the balcony. It is a beautiful day out, and in the Great White North we should never take those for granted.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 622

    I was only a wee bit disappointed to see that the numbers on the bathroom scale this morning were the same as they were yesterday morning. As I had previously written, it is not surprising after several days of dropping for it to stay the same (or even go up a little) for a day or two. Despite my decision to go out exercising after class yesterday (which I did not think I would have the opportunity to do this week) my weight stayed put. That’s quite alright… I would rather it stay put where it is than go up.

    There are two milestones that I would like to achieve before my next trip to Dallas (in just under three weeks):

    • I would like to drop below 240 lbs. (and then below 235 lbs.).
    • I would like to drop out of the Obesity Class I category.

    I am less than 10 lbs. away from not being obese for the first time in twenty-five years or more. I will still be, according to the Body Mass Index (BMI), be Overweight, but that is not nearly the same animal. I am a fifty-one year old man who has no aspirations to be an athlete, but I do want to prove to myself that obesity no longer needs to define me.

    I was rewarded last night, after logging my walk, to see that I have cracked the top 9% on the 2023 Challenge. Of 206,000 participants I am ranked 18,520; that puts me in the top 8.99% of participants. I never thought that I would crack into the top 10%… not even with half that number registered! I am not competing against them – I do not know who any of them are – I am just trying to push myself to be the best me that I can be, and if those faceless names attached to the other participants registered help to encourage my being more active then so be it… thanks Peep T. and Matthew H. and Bill J. for that.

    I suppose I did not get enough sleep once again last night. I am really feeling it this morning, and I am going to need to focus on staying awake and alert… not to mention relying on my pot of coffee to help that. I hope that I will get more sleep this evening, but that is entirely on me; I know what time my alarm is set for in the morning, so it is my responsibility to go to sleep earlier when I am feeling tired. After my walk last night I picked a very long cigar which kept me on the balcony rather later than I should have stayed out. This evening I will select a much shorter one… if I smoke one at all. I do have to teach until 9:15pm today, so a short cigar would still allow me to be in bed by 11:00pm. I will endeavour to be in bed and asleep by then.

    Today will be a long day, but I doubt it will be overly taxing. Yes, my daytime class is a bit of a challenge, but it is technology that I am pretty comfortable with, and I have a small and good group of students. My evening class is the same group I have been working with since July and I know the material cold, so I am not worried about that. Nonetheless I am still looking at a thirteen-hour day, so it will just be long. I know how to handle that.

    I also know that unlike these last few days I will not be out and about, which means I will not have the (convenient) ability to buy peanuts. My plan for today is to space my meal replacements out well enough so that my last one is before 8:00pm. I feel that the earlier I stop eating the better chance I have of a successful number on the scale the following morning. As I will not be exercising today, it is a good opportunity to test that theory.

    Have a great day folks!