Losing a part of me

Category: Wife

  • Day 858

    I had a feeling yesterday that I couldn’t shake that I would not be losing weight this morning. I had four great days of weight loss, and my body was going to steady or correct its trajectory and slow things down. This despite knowing that I had jogged 5km and had not veered from the weight loss program. Leslie reminded me that whether or not I lose weight on one given day should not be taken as an omen, but also that I might lose weight, but not as much as I had the previous four days. She was right of course… on both parts. I dropped a little over a pound this morning. I am going to keep doing what I am doing… even on days when I do not like what the bathroom scale tells me.

    Something else that I admitted to Leslie yesterday is that I am angry with myself for having thrown away so much of my weight loss progress over these last seven months. I was doing so well, and then I pissed it away (or rather ate it away). When I felt that my weight was safely below 250 lbs. I vowed that I would never let it go above that number again. I dropped below 250 ‘for the final time’ on September 17, and was going to keep at it… and yet it happened: on November 24 my weight peeked above that ugly number, and then ten days later it would jump above it and stay there… and there it is today. It only took 15 days to jump above 260 (which I had dropped below on August 21, vowing never again…) and yes, I was going through a rough spot… but suck it up Mitch! Don’t eat your feelings! It would take nearly three months for my weight to peek above 270 (March 4 for the first time, and then permanently on March 10). I had dropped ‘forever’ below that number on July 13, after a long diet break. I had not weight more than 280 since February 18 (first hit March 21), and my last weigh-in over 290 lbs. was January 31, 2023 (where I spent two days May 21-22).

    It took me 68 days to drop from 250 lbs. to 238.6 (Oct. 18 – 31 days), and then back up to 250 (Nov. 24 – 37 days). It took me 119 days to drop from 260 to that best weight, and then back up to 260 (December 19). It took 223 days to drop from 270 to by best weight and then gain it all back. The numbers for 280 lbs is a staggering 382 days… and for 290 lbs. it is 417. It took me 201 days to drop from 290 lbs. to my best weight ever… it took me 216 days to gain it back.

    What a fucking waste of energy.

    Leslie reminded me that we cannot change the past, we can only focus on now and the future. While this is true, I hope that tracking the past and studying it may help me to not repeat it.

    I am essentially starting the program anew with a fresh head, so it should not take me 200+ days to drop 42 lbs. … but just knowing that I wasted so much of it – I essentially threw away a year – upsets me. Getting back on track is hugely important, and I will do it. As of this morning’s reading on the bathroom scale, I am 41.6 lbs. from my best weight ever.

    Assuming there is no way that I will continue to lose over a pound per day, I would be happy if by the time Leslie arrives (in 38 days) I could lose another 15-20 lbs. I had originally told her than my goal was to drop to 270 by then, but I am amending that because I know that for that week I will not be on the program. If I could stay below 270 (or even 265) by the time she leaves the next week then I would consider that a huge success, and I will at that point get back onto the program.

    How long will it take for me to get back to my best weight ever? In other words: from today, how long will it take for me to lose 42 lbs.? I don’t know… but I would like to set a goal for the end of the September. That gives me 126 days to lose 40 pounds, or a little under 2.5 lbs. per week. It is an ambitious goal, but hopefully an achievable one.

    For the short term, I would really like for my pants to fit better… and for my sports jackets to start fitting again. I would like to be able to comfortably wear my guayaberas this summer, which I was able to do when I was last in Cuba (I have another 5 lbs. to lose until I weigh what I weighed on my last trip, but I am still 16 lbs. bigger than I was the previous month). I need patience.

    While my weight did drop again today, it is the first day since I started that I could not cross off a goal on my fridge tracker. To quote Maxwell Smart: Missed it by that much. Hopefully I’ll be there tomorrow.

    I should mention that I did two things worth mentioning yesterday: I did indeed jog my 5km (although I did not walk the rest of the hour, so my workout ended up as 5.23km in 49m51s). I also got through the day sans almonds, which means that I was probably at 940 calories on the day. I’ll call those both huge successes, as I had not previously been able to hit the 5km mark, and it was only the second day that I was able to get through the program without the added help.

    It is a wet and rainy morning in Burlington, and I am glad for the treadmill. I think I’m going to publish this entry and then change into my kit. Owing to the weather, Princess Sophie did not want to go for her usual 1.5-2km walk this morning, and so I am still under 1000 steps. My next jogging goal is 6km, followed closely by jogging for a full hour. Will I make it? We’ll see… but as I have said before, I may be tracking my workouts, but I am not competing with myself. My goal is to get into shape, and not to hurt myself.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 855

    There is something extremely satisfying about a successful bowel movement. In the middle of the day yesterday I felt the urge, and was very pleased with the result. My bowels felt like I had emptied them completely. It is likely the last time I will feel that again for some time. Peeing, on the other hand, is another story. You know that you are drinking more than enough water in a day when you cannot count how many times you have to urinate on both hands. Leslie and I were joking that our productivity might fall, but we would get our steps in throughout the day just between our desks and the washroom.

    I had a vivid dream last night that I had completely forgotten that I had restarted my diet program, and for some reason the delectable cheat that I was lured to cheat by was a sandwich made from matzah. I do not remember the fillings, but I remember the feeling or dread the moment I realized that I had cheated… and dreaded admitting so to Leslie. When I awoke to realize it had been a dream and that I had not cheated, it was oddly more of a relief than when I wake up from a bad dream from the Army. I suppose that could be explained by the 27.5 years that I have been out of the Army, and today is only the third day of my renewed diet program.

    Speaking with Leslie last night I thought of several things that I could add to my list of short-term goals, all of which are non-scale victories (a term that I had not thought of recently, but which my wife helped me to remember). Most (if not all) of them revolved around my clothes fitting better. I do have a lot of very nice clothes that I have had custom tailored that are either tight or do not fit at all anymore. That truly angers me, and I want to get back into them.

    I wrote about my thinner face yesterday. It is certainly something that I noticed at the time, but not until it was pointed out to me. My friend and occasional cleaning lady Kerry noticed and commented on it, and that made me feel good. She is someone I only see every couple of months so while I missed the gradual loss that I was seeing daily, the all-at-once transition hit her like that. Now if only I could get back to that…

    Yesterday looked almost exactly like the previous day in a lot of respects. I ate exactly the same (including the almonds cheat in the early evening), and my pot of coffee. I also drank more water than I have drunk in any two (or three) day period in a very long time. I did 5km on the treadmill, half of which was done at a jog (4mph), the rest at a brisk walk (3.5-3.7mph). I will try to do the same today, but that will partly depend on my timing, as I have to take Her Floofness to an appointment, and then I have some things I need to do in the afternoon. We’ll see.

    It is a lovely day, and I am not looking forward to starting my productive day… but it is time.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 854

    My wife has been joking, in our week leading up to restarting our diet together, that I lose weight if I even look at a meal replacement shake. While I wish that were true, I would be lying if I did not say that when I am on the program (and faithful to it) I tend to lose weight faster than others might. That is especially true on the first few days of my returning to the program, when I have been known to lose over ten (and once over fifteen) pounds in a week.

    I have been told often that it is easier for men to lose weight than it is for women, but never having been a woman I cannot attest to that. I am neither a scientist nor a medical professional of any kind, so I can only speak to my own experience. When I am able to stick to this program – a grueling one that many people would never want to try – I am able to lose weight. With that said, I think I tend to unintentionally stack the deck in my favour at the beginning. I know that if I were to have a lot of bread today then tomorrow my weight would be way up… but if I then ate sensibly and stayed away from all starches and carbohydrates tomorrow then I would shed much of that gained weight the following day. Tuesday I did not go nuts, but I did buy two rolls that I enjoyed with lunch and dinner… in addition to an apple. On Monday I had my cheat meal of the shawarma platter, as well as a bag of chips. Owing to that, my weight was up 3.4 lbs. over those two days. Yesterday I was mostly good… but I was really hungry, and so I bought a small bag of roasted and unsalted almonds, and I probably ate the equivalent of two servings of them (between 40-50 almonds). Other than that, I drank my four shakes and a pot of coffee. Not bad for a first day on the program.

    I was worried that the almonds would have impeded my success, but Leslie reassured me last night that I still consumed far fewer calories than I would on a normal non-program day. Of course she was right, and I was probably worried for nothing. When I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning I was extremely pleased to see that I had indeed dropped four pounds in one day. How amazing would it be if I could do that on a regular basis? I would only need to diet for three weeks and I would be at my ultimate goal weight! Of course that is not going to happen, and I am under no delusions that I should expect anything like that going forward. With that said, it is a good way to start, and will encourage me to keep at it… especially on those days when I do not see any drop.

    I have written before about the importance of setting short-term goals. Leslie reminded me of that last night as we were talking, and I set one on the spot. I would love to get back down to under 270 lbs. in time for her visit. From yesterday that would mean a drop of 20 lbs. in about six weeks. While that is certainly achievable, I would not have a lot of room for error in that. I will try for it though.

    Of course, that is more of a challenge and a deadline than it is a goal… so I’ve given a little thought to some other short-term goals:

    • I want to fit into all of my clothes again… especially the custom-tailored shirts and sports jackets that I vowed would never be tight on me again.
    • I want to look at my face and see the slimmer face that seemed to appear out of nowhere. As I was losing weight the last time, there seemed to be a tipping point at which my face looked slimmer and less round. I do not remember when it happened, nor when it reverted to the rounder face that I see in the mirror (and in pictures) today… but I want to get back there.
    • I want to be able to adjust my tuxedo pants to the smaller waist… and then eventually change down to the smaller pair that I bought that turned out to be too tight.

    I do not think that any of these are unreasonable… although the second goal is more subjective and difficult to quantify. I do not see why I couldn’t do all of this by my birthday… so when my wife takes me out I can look good once again.

    I marked off my progress on the fridge chart this morning and it felt good. It is a full page chart that counts down in the left-hand column from yesterday’s weight by twos. The last row at the bottom reads 240 lbs. and in the right it reads ‘Shave to Baby Face!’ in red. Giving that a little thought, knowing that I will be doing this primarily for Leslie, I will either not shave it until we are together, or else I will shave it and not start growing it back until we are. I will discuss this with her but I am sure we will figure that out.

    I exercised yesterday! As I wrote in my entry, I cleared off the treadmill and walked for nearly an hour at a pretty good pace. Once again there is a disparity between the measurements on the panel and that on my fitness watch, but I am not concerned about that. Right now I am not exercising to compete with myself, only to get back into it. At some point in the next few weeks I will calibrate them, but for the time being I am just happy that I did what I said… and will do so again today. Yes, it is a beautiful day out again… but I am still not sure how far I can go before I hit that wall… and it is safer on the treadmill. Additionally, I can watch TV on the treadmill, and I have a few shows I am catching up on.

    As I wrote yesterday and then followed up on earlier in this piece, I am trying to figure out how to comfortably space out my shakes so that I do not get too hungry throughout the day. I do not know how much more weight I might have lost had I not eaten those almonds, but I am not concerned with that. What I am aiming for is to be on the program where I can be on the program… without needing to supplement it with anything but water. Yes, I drank a lot of water yesterday, and will do so today as well.

    Dieting is never easy, and a program like the one I am on is probably more grueling than most. There may be no thought required with regard to what I eat, but I do have to figure out how to get through the day without suffering too badly. It is something I will continue to watch for. I know how my body reacted to the program starting from zero; I do not know how it will react this time around, and each time can be very different. I know that of course because this is not my first time rebooting… and each time has been different.

    I mentioned to Leslie last night that there are some things that I had forgotten from my previous attempts. She mentioned one that I had forgotten, and so thanks to her I will be adding fibre to my shakes a couple of times per day.

    When her meeting is over Leslie and I will be having a video date, but until then I guess I should try to be at least somewhat productive. I’ll write more tomorrow.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 853… Day 1

    Weight: 291.8 lbs. (up 53.2 lbs from Best Weight Ever)

    Last time I weighed this much: January 22, 2023

    I woke up this morning with dread and hope and excitement and fear and trepidation. That’s a lot of emotion to experience before your first cup of coffee, don’t you think? Today is the day that Leslie and I decided we were starting our extreme program together. Last night I took out the first of my boxes that I placed on the stove to remind me in the morning that I would be starting again… not that I would have gotten very far had I forgotten, as I planned it well and have no real food in the house. While that is not technically true, I do not have any eggs, which would have made preparing my regular breakfast of a large omelette quite challenging. I took Her Royal Floofness for her walk, and then prepared a pot of coffee and my first shake in many months. It is time.

    Leslie and I had a cigar date this morning and we discussed how w are feeling about it, as well as what each of our goals are. I made her a promise… the day I reach my best weight ever I will shave my goatee. While she has seen pictures of it from before we met, Leslie has never actually seen me without facial hair. She has often joked that should would love to see me with what she calls my ‘baby face’ and I am not setting that as a milestone for myself. I know that she will encourage me to get there… and that she will insist I keep my promise!

    (To be clear, once I have done that she will almost certainly encourage me to grow it back again, which I will gladly do. I like the goatee, and I know that she does as well. This is a one-time thing!)

    It is now 12:40pm, and I am sitting out on the balcony with my laptop. I have a lot of work to do, but it is a beautiful day and I am sitting out topless enjoying the weather. The work I have to do today can as easily be done on my laptop as at my desk, so why shouldn’t I enjoy the weather?

    My plans for the first week at least are to have my first shake when I get back from walking the Floof. The second shake will be at 1:00pm, the third at 5:00pm, and the final one at 9:00pm. My rationale is that I am teaching three days a week from 5:30-9:00pm, which means that I will have one right before class, and then immediately after it. There is a good chance though that I will have to delay the final shake some nights until I have walked the Floof again, but we will see. I am greatly encouraged that I am neither tired nor hungry right now, and that I am ready for that next shake. What does worry me a little is that I woke up late this morning, and by the time I finished my first meal replacement it was already 10:00am. I might push today’s second shake to 2:00pm to see how I feel with four hours between my first and my second shake. I am sure I will be able to make it, but I am curious to see how hungry I get. I am starting to feel the pangs now, but they are faint and I am not concerned. If they get worse then I will go down to 1:30pm, but I am sure I’ll be okay.

    I have not felt week yet, but the day is still relatively young. I also have all of the excess caloric energy from yesterday still floating around my system. Hopefully I will get through the first few days without too much difficulty. I really want to make it with the program again, although as of right now I am not sure what ‘making it’ really means.

    In my discussion with Leslie this morning she mentioned that she wants to shrink her stomach because she has been overeating. I agreed, and told her that one of my goals for my post-program changes is to reduce my meal size. Over the last few months I have been eating a four-egg omelette in the morning, followed by a whole chicken (plus salads and various other side dishes) throughout the day. The omelette should be reduced to three eggs, and the whole chicken should last me two days. I will make smaller portions of rice (or whatever side dish I choose), and I will only buy side dishes like egg rolls as a special treat. I will not completely cut out bread, but I will reduce the frequency back to once or twice per week… and reasonable portions when I do.

    It is time for me to start exercising again, and to that end I am not sure if I am going to go out for a walk this afternoon, or if I will get onto my treadmill. I am leaning toward the treadmill even though it is such a beautiful day outside because that will not only force me to stop using it as a clothes hanger (as so many people do), but it will also give me the opportunity to catch up on last night’s TV shows. While walking outside forces me to a certain distance (once I have walked three kilometres, I must then necessarily turn around and walk back another three kilometres), it has been a while since I have gone for a good walk, and I do not want to find myself completely out of steam and still a couple of kilometres from home. Today is my first day back on the severely reduced caloric program, and I do not know at what point I will run out of steam. It is too bad I cannot bring the treadmill out onto the balcony… but that would just be silly (not to mention extremely heavy and potentially dangerous).

    I have written so often about the need to be mindful in my eating. The good part of this program is that I do not have to worry or even think about what I am going to eat, as each meal replacement is pre-planned and measured. What I do have to be mindful of is my energy. I need to make sure that I can get through the day (including my evening class) without falling off. I also need to be mindful of my emotions and attitude, as those can be greatly affected by caloric deficiency. I think that Leslie and I will have to keep an eye on each other for that these next few days.

    Okay then… it is settled. As soon as I have finished my second meal replacement I will change into exercise shorts and a t-shirt and I will get the treadmill cleared off. I am excited to be getting back on track! I am not saying that I am back on track yet… I am five hours into Day 1, so until I have a week of successes under my belt I am not going to consider the necessary habits formed.

    One more thing… I have on several occasions in the past decided to go down to three meal replacements and a single full meal during my program. While I have definitely seen success with that, I am not going to do it for at least the first month. When my weight is back below 250 lbs. then I will think about it, but I want to see huge weight loss before I do that.

    There are a couple of things I need to do in order to make this work: The first: I am going to make an appointment to see my doctor. I have not seen her in a few months, and aside from my weight loss, I also need to discuss a few other things with her – my meds, as well as a mole on my face that I might want to have removed. I will make that call immediately, although I know I will need to leave a message and her staff will call me back.

    Wow! That was the first time ever that I called and got someone to speak to since I have been seeing this doctor. I have an appointment for June 10, and have made notes in my calendar appointment to hopefully remember some of what I need to speak with her about. Great! That is one thing off my plate.

    The second: I am going to make a new chart to put on my fridge. The last one was for the competition that Leslie and I had for a prize of a meal at our favourite steakhouse and cigar lounge in Addison. That is not coming down… I am leaving it up to remind me of how far I have fallen. The new one will be to track my progress on paper. Yes, I have the chart on my computer, and I have a spreadsheet that I keep… that is not in my face like the fridge chart was and will be. I will print that out now.

    Okay… I have made the chart, although it is not yet printed (this computer is not on the same subnet as my printer… long story). I put the increments at 2 lbs., and I will hopefully be able to start ticking those off tomorrow or Friday. We’ll see.

    It is now 1:50pm and it is time for me to head inside and prepare my meal replacement. I will then clean off the treadmill for a good workout. I am hungry now.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 852

    I woke up this morning thinking that if today was to be my last day of eating before I reembark on my extreme diet program with Leslie tomorrow, then I might consider going a bit extravagant… rather than the same old chicken that I would prepare in the air fryer. Those thoughts came to an abrupt end when I stepped onto the bathroom scale and saw the horrible number. 291 lbs..

    I had my usual breakfast, and then I took a coffee and a cigar onto the balcony to enjoy while chatting with my wife. We are both starting that program, and we are both a little nervous about how difficult it will be to get started. A little later on a friend came over and we chatted about a number of topics, including mental health. Despite us all having different problems, it is nice to be able to talk to someone who will understand.

    I went shopping, and it was much easier than normal… seeing as I am not going to be eating store-bought foods for a few weeks. I bought a chicken and a roll that I will eat today, and that’s it. Tomorrow morning I will wake up and prepare my first meal-replacement shake in over half a year. It is scary. It is exciting. Knowing that Leslie and I are doing it together will make it easier.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 851

    I have missed a couple of days blogging, and have not been too happy with myself. My weight yesterday morning was 289.2 lbs., a very short step to that dreaded 290 lbs. mark which I have been trying to stay away from. This morning I actually hit that mark for a minute… which is to say that after returning from my walk with Her Floofness I was preparing breakfast and felt the need to move my bowels, which is something I have not been very successful at these last few days. I finally had a good poop, and because I had not eaten yet I decided to reweigh myself. My weigh-in at 8:45am this morning had me significantly down from that, and from yesterday’s weight. Phew!

    Leslie and I decided a few days ago that when her son goes back to his father’s house for a few weeks that we will do the extreme program together for that time, and it begins on Wednesday. I have enough eggs for tomorrow morning’s breakfast, and I will shop today for tomorrow only. I miscalculated on my shopping only because I realized only this morning that today is a holiday and that the grocery stores are closed. The only food I have in the house is a couple of meatless burgers, so that will be my lunch with a salad. I will go out for dinner, but I will eat carefully. While it could be considered a ‘last splurge’ meal, I am not going to go nuts with it. Maybe I will pick up a shawarma plate or something. I will figure that out later today… but not too late, as I am teaching this evening and do not want to have my meal after 9:00pm.

    The past few days have been interesting. I wrote on Friday that my son the elder came over for a dram and a cigar, which was exciting as I had not seen or heard from him since October 11. We had a nice chat, and I invited him to come with me to the suits and tuxedo sale that my lodge was holding Saturday morning. He met me here at 7:30am and we drove down to Grimsby, where we both picked out a tuxedo. He was disappointed that they did not have a better selection of regular suits, but was nevertheless pleased with his new formal wear… as was I. We pulled into my parking lot shortly after 9:00am, and he was able to get to work on time for his shift… which had been my major concern.

    In the early afternoon on Saturday I tried on all of my new duds, and was extremely upset that the pants that I had selected did not fit. I ended up going back in the afternoon, at which point I not only got a pair that did fit, but also got a tails, and at the urging of a couple of the brothers I also picked out a couple more vests, cummerbunds, and bow ties.Now if I can only lose the weight to fit back into the smaller pants then I will be happy with myself.

    Following that, I went to a cigar and barbecue event at a friend’s house down that way. This particular friend hosts events on a regular basis and has been inviting me down for seven years, but this was my first time attending. It was a lot of fun, but I could not eat any of the barbecue because it was all pork products. I did snack, which I should not have. After one cigar I went home and prepared a proper meal for myself.

    Sunday was a strange day. I had very little energy, and although I had planned on going shopping for groceries, I kept putting it off. Around 5:00pm, after eating an early dinner, I lay down for a nap. I had a weird series of dreams that mostly involved my tossing and turning in bed trying unsuccessfully to nap, trying to get to a class that I was teaching and did not want to be late for, and dropping off my dry cleaning while alternately being hindered from doing so by the casts of Seinfeld and Friends… not the actors mind you, the actual characters who were doing their best to make sitcom bits of the dry cleaning experience. I found none of it funny, and when I woke up I was not at all rested, and it was too late to go to the supermarket. I was concerned by three things: one, I was as unrested after a long nap as I had been before the nap (you try dreaming about not sleeping well); two, would the supermarkets be open on Monday  which would be Victoria Day (Spoiler alert: They are not); and three, after having had a full meal at 4:30pm, would I need to eat again. I did take a couple of yoghurts, but nothing more.

    Something else that I was concerned about, although not necessarily just then, was that I had not posted either Saturday or Sunday. If I am going to get back to my best weight ever (I am fifty pounds up!) then I have to be on track. My journal is one of the ways that I keep myself accountable to that, even though it has not helped me these last seven months. Getting back on track is extremely important to me, and I am going to do it. Having Leslie doing it with me will make it a bit easier… it is an extremely difficult program, but doing it alone makes it even harder. She and I discussed it this morning and agreed that having each other to keep us company should make it a little easier. I am nervous… but I am going to succeed. I have to. I want to look good in my tuxedo, after all!

    I have a little more energy today than I did yesterday… but not much more. I have work to do so it cannot be the same sort of lazy Sunday as I had yesterday; even though today is a holiday in Canada, I still do most of my work for American companies, and so they have expectations that do not revolve around Queen Victoria’s birthday. Next Monday is Memorial Day in the US, although I still do not know if I am teaching that night or not. I sent an email just now asking for confirmation, although I have to assume that I am. I will also work during the day, as I am now on a writing project that will require no interaction with anyone else.

    I have changed my mind. After I finish writing this entry I am going to run out to pick up food. I am going to check in on the other supermarket to see if they are open, although I dout that they will be. I will pick up my restaurant meal for lunch, and will have the veggie burgers and a salad for dinner. It makes more sense to eat the heavier meal earlier in the day. After lunch I will probably rearrange my office because I am working on a project that will require me to be recorded for the end result, and we (the recording team and I) agreed that having my very busy apartment as a backdrop might work for live classes, but would not work for a proper and professional recording. I will take Princess Sophie to the neighbour’s so that she is not here while I am moving furniture around.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 835

    I woke up this morning with a bit of sadness in my heart, but not because the bathroom scale showed my weight up by .2 lb.. I was sad because after breakfast I would be packing my carry-on bag and then Leslie and her son would be driving me to the airport, which is where I am currently sitting waiting for my flight.

    It has been a wonderful three weeks with my wife, despite the stress caused by the invasive species criminal tw@t who invaded her home and planted her flag, knowing the laws in Texas would protect her until we got a court order to have her removed. I teach my students that social engineers prey on three emotions to succeed: sympathy/our desire to be good, pressure/urgency, and fear/threats. This loser used all three of these tactics on Leslie, and when I finally got involved, she was already onto the threats/fear stage… and figured that the tactics that worked against my wife (and which would work against most people) would work against me. Boy, did she misread her audience on that one. Some people do not scare easily… others just don’t scare. I fit into that last category.

    With all that, it was a stressful couple of weeks… but happy times too. My wife and I had not been having the best time for the last few months, and we’re happily reconciled. Now if we could only live in the same country, that would be great.

    With the exception of one really bad night, I have had an excellent sleep score for the last ten days. Well, that is my word… Garmin considers anything above 80 to be good, and only scores over 90 are rated as excellent. As someone who has traditionally had trouble sleeping the night, I am going to consider every score above 75 to be excellent… so the last ten days have been great. Yes, there were a couple of really hard nights, but I made up for them when I could.

    I am thrilled that I got out for two good walk/jog outings while I was in Dallas, and hope that I will be able to continue that when I get back to Canada. Yes, there will be rainy days when I might opt to use the treadmill, but knowing that spring is here and the cold and snow and ice are behind us is a great motivator to get out and to get moving again! With that said, I need to cancel my gym membership. Crap.

    My weight is up from my best weight of the trip, but it is still down from the day before I left Canada. Now that I will be home and not worried about eating out, I should be able to get back in control of my weight loss. I have had a lot of emotional stresses in my life these last six months, and the numbers on the bathroom scale reflect that. Now it is time for me to pick myself up by my bootstraps and to get back to my best weight ever. That will take a few months I am sure, but it will happen.

    I have an hour and a half before my flight leaves, and I am sitting in the same French café that I ate at the first time I flew out of Dallas. Despite having an omelette for breakfast this morning, I ordered a muffin with my coffee. I do not know if they are serving food on the airplane or not (yes, I know I would have to pay for it) so I will pick up a snack to eat en route, just in case. When I get home I will check my food stocks, and then I will go to the supermarket to pick up whatever I might be missing. Also, I have to make sure everything is just right for Her Royal Floofness to return to her palace – she has spent three weeks away, and she will expect a royal welcome! I will see to it that there are plenty of treats and scritchies and lovies for her when she gets home!

    Okay, I suppose I will sign off and get ready to fly. I will check out the duty free shop and see if there is a bottle that I really need. I will then find my gate and sit there to wait for boarding, at which point I will try to sleep a little bit.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 831

    Happy anniversary to my beautiful wife Leslie! A year ago today we were in Westlake Village getting ready to drive over to the synagogue. She was a beautiful bride indeed, and I could not help but realize that I was marrying way up.

    On this, the last day of Passover, my intestinal tract have finally succumbed to the matzah. That’s right, I did not successfully move my bowels this morning. Despite that, I was thrilled to see a drop in my weight from yesterday – nearly a pound! While this evening I will not go nuts, I am happy that I will at least be able to enjoy our anniversary dinner without terrible guilt.

    Today is the final day of Passover which means that at sundown we can resume eating bread… and every other leavened food that contains yeast or any of the other grains we are not allowed to eat. Leslie and I were discussing it this morning, and she mentioned how she is really looking forward to getting back to her normal routine. I thought about it and realized that while I am not looking forward to not having to worry about everything that I eat, I am also not jonesing for bread. I suspect there are two reasons for this. For one thing, I have been Jewish my entire life, which means that for fifty-one years I have been keeping kosher for Passover. Leslie is new to it, and is doing extremely well… but is just not used to the week off from bread. Also, over the last two years of weight management I have cut bread (and all carbs and starch) out of my diet completely for long stretches of time. I prefer the proteins to the carbs, so it is easier for me. With that said, when the server brings the bread or dinner rolls this evening, we will be digging in with gusto!

    Until we head out, my day is open. I am going to go for a walk, my first in some time. After that, I will come home and shower, and will relax. I need it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 830

    My weight this morning was back up to exactly 280 lbs., and I am not at all sorry for it. Yesterday’s dinner was absolutely delicious. Leslie prepared an amazing piece of lamb with garlic and wine which was to die for. She says that she had never prepared lamb before… Somewhat sus!! In any event, we enjoyed it tremendously, and then shared a bottle of wine with our cigar on the balcony. I have been drinking somewhat more alcohol these past couple of weeks than I normally do but I think I can be forgiven… given all that has happened. I might even write about it one day; it would make an interesting read.

    Other than the wine, I do not think I ate badly yesterday. Yes, we enjoyed a piece of chocolate-covered matzah, and yes, the matzah brei for breakfast is a bit indulgent… but it could have been worse. I know that my five-day streak of losing weight is broken, but I will get back on track today. I will eat smart and in moderation.

    Tomorrow is not only the last day of Passover, but it is also our wedding anniversary! It is actually our second first anniversary, and if that sounds convoluted then let me assure you that it is, but we have planned for it. You see, we got married in a courthouse on June 24, 2022, so our first wedding anniversary for the civil ceremony was last June. We got married in a religious service on April 30, 2023, and so tomorrow is our first wedding anniversary for that one. We decided last year that we were going to celebrate our civil anniversary just one time… and from then on we would commemorate only April 30 as our actual wedding anniversary. To celebrate, we are going to have an indulgent meal, which will also have the benefit of it being our first post-Passover meal so we can have leavened foods. While I always enjoy my Passover foods (maybe more so this year, with the goodies that Leslie bought, and with my finally figuring out how to make a good charoset and matzah brei), I would be lying if I said that I would not mind biting into a nice dinner roll. Tomorrow evening I shall!

    I know… I just wrote a couple of paragraphs ago that I need to stay mindful of what I eat. I will be… but our wedding anniversary is special, especially knowing all that we have survive this past year.

    As for today? I roasted a chicken this morning that will serve to provide meat for our chicken salad, and also we will have a dinner of roasted chicken with sauteed mushrooms. I will probably take the night off from drinking – we shared a bottle of wine Friday, Saturday, and Sunday… in addition to the wine for the Passover seder Thursday evening. Add to that, there was a shot of whisky when I found out that Princess Sophie had gone out for a stroll without telling anyone, and that adds up to a lot of alcohol over a four night period… especially for someone who hardly drinks at all.

    I will be spending the afternoon at the cigar lounge. I am meeting with a friend that I’ve known on Facebook for a couple of years, and every once in a while, we connect in Dallas for a cigar. That will be today! I am teaching from 5-8pm, and then Leslie and I will have our dinner and then a cigar on the balcony. It is so good to be able to spend time with her… especially after all of the hardships that our marriage has faced these past few months. I am comfortable saying that I think we are past all of that, and we are back to being a happily married couple… who have to live in different countries until the paperwork is completed (and boy is there a lot of paperwork!).

    Yesterday the weather was not great, but today we are looking at hot and sunny… at least, it is what we Canadians call hot. Today’s high of 83º (and tomorrow and Wednesday logging 87º each day) means that we will be sleeping with the air conditioner going, in addition to the fans. This weather does not bother me one bit, but I know that when I get to the lounge there will be people complaining about the heat. You can’t please everyone, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 828

    I feel like I am starting to get back on track. I ate well yesterday, almost completely sticking to my plan. Breakfast was the usual, and for lunch we had the rest of my chicken salad, but because there really wasn’t enough we supplemented it with a piece of chicken as well. For dinner Leslie made a lovely steak with sautéed mushrooms. After dinner we shared a bottle of Niagara ice wine which was the recommended pairing with a new cigar we were trying. Both were fabulous on their own, but the pairing was pure magic.

    I stepped onto the scale mid-afternoon yesterday and did not like the number, but I never do when I weigh myself out of cadence. This morning I had lost 1.4 lbs. from yesterday, and my weight was the lowest is has been in nearly three weeks. I smiled.

    Before I came to Dallas Leslie asked if I would make her French toast. Of course, during Passover we cannot eat that, but there is a Passover version called Matzah Brei. I prepared that for our breakfast this morning, topping it with fresh strawberries and blueberries, and then drizzled Quebec maple syrup over it. After two bites Leslie told me that you could not tell that it was not bread, and she ate the whole plate. Those are two compliments that brought joy into my heart! I finished my portion as well, and we both agreed that it was delicious and filling. It is now 11:00am and neither of us will need to snack before lunch.

    As we always do on weekends, we are now enjoying a cigar and a latté, which we would usually do on our balcony, but decided to do at our cigar lounge. When we are done we have some shopping to do, and will then go home for another yummy lunch of my chicken salad… I made another bowl of it yesterday because we agreed that it tasted better the next day. I don’t know what we will do for dinner, but we will both be mindful of my diet.

    As I told Leslie, I am happy to be out of the hotel. It is so hard to eat well when you have to order food in.

    Have a great day folks!