Losing a part of me

Category: Wife

  • Day 468

    What an amazing weekend this was! I was completely off my diet, and did not care. I told Leslie that I expected to go back to Canada on Sunday around 270 lbs., a little over 16 lbs. heavier than my best weight ever. I truly expected that with all of the eating and drinking that I did, coupled with the fact that I did not do any exercising whatsoever, I would step onto the bathroom scale this morning (we returned to Dallas last night) ten pounds heavier than when I left Canada. In fact, I was in for the shock of the day when I saw that I had actually lost 4 lbs. since the day we flew to California, which is absolutely a small wonder… if not really a victory. I should mention that in the week leading up to that day last Friday I was on edge, eating much more than I should have. I would even go so far as to say that I fell off the wagon completely, binging on the airplane ride from Canada to Texas. As such, my weight from that Friday was somewhat artificially inflated. With that said, I am extremely happy with this morning’s weight.

    When I showed Leslie my weight this morning she was shocked. The only meal that we did not enjoy together in California was breakfast Monday, and other than that she saw what (and how much) I ate. She is and has been my biggest supporter on my weight loss journey and has been very aware of my mental ups and downs caused by some of my transgressions, plateaus, and roller coasters. I had told her before we even left for California that I fully expected to gain ten pounds this weekend. For me to have lost four pounds blew her mind as much as it did my own. All of my friends commented on how amazing I looked with my weight loss (I have lost sixty pounds since I was there in October). One of them joked that brides and grooms do not actually gain weight during their wedding weekend, and I told him that I so wish that were true. Who knew that it actually is!?

    We sat on the airplane yesterday and I could not help but notice that the man sitting in the row in front of us had his fat hanging over the armrest. I thought back to not too long ago when that was how I was, and how much happier I am now. Eighteen months ago I would never have been comfortable in a seat that did not have armrests that could be raised… not to mention how embarrassing it was to have to ask for a seatbelt extender. We took our seats in the exit row (which afforded us much more leg room, but rigid armrests), and I was perfectly comfortable in my seat. I only wish I had taken the middle seat to let Leslie sit in the window… and what an amazing victory that is, knowing how miserable I would have been in the middle seat at my heaviest weight. Yay!

    So let’s talk about the weekend. Firstly, we woke up Friday to find out that our flight was delayed by four hours, and when we finally got onto the plane, we waited nearly two more hours while they dealt with a mechanical issue. Arriving in Southern California at 3:30pm instead of 9:15am completely wrecked our plans to meet a friend for cigars in Beverly Hills, but that’s part of life. We checked into our magnificent hotel room and went for dinner. We both had pasta which was out of this world, and which is of course completely forbidden on my diet program. Following dinner we attended the Sabbath evening services at the shul which was lovely. Not only was it great to see so many of the people I have not seen in two years and to experience my first such service in that time, but it was also Leslie’s first ever Sabbath service. Despite being a bit overwhelmed (by both the experience and some of the people), she really enjoyed it. Following services, we adjourned to the hotel where we enjoyed a cigar on the patio before turning in.

    The plan for Saturday was to run the last couple of errands that were outstanding – and there were not many of them – and to then meet with the rabbi and his family in the afternoon to discuss the wedding. We ate both breakfast and lunch at The Stonehaus (where I have spent countless hours, and where she and I would spend a lot of time during this trip). We then had dinner at a posh waterfront terrace where the sushi was some of the best we have ever eaten, and despite the lousy service (and the cold which came on fast when the sun went down) we had a lovely time. As is our norm, we then returned to the hotel for a cigar and then bed.

    Sunday was the big day! I was stressed because I was still waiting for confirmation that some of the final details (some of which were quite significant) had not been confirmed. I find it much easier to rely on other people when they communicate better with me, so not having heard anything from the bakery in a week I was stressed that the challah and wedding cake might not be delivered. It was not until 1:15pm (the wedding was starting at 3:00pm) that I received confirmation that they had been delivered. That was the last of it… we were ready to go! My bride was absolutely ravishing in her dress, and my new shirt and tie fit perfectly under my suit. I had a very minor scare that my belt might not fit, but I realized the problem and then there was no problem. We arrived at the temple exactly when we were meant to, and just before our first guests began to arrive.

    A Jewish wedding consists of three pillars: the ketubah, the chupah, and the yichud.

    The first pillar, the ketubah, is literally a contract. Before the actual ceremony the rabbi must read the contract aloud to us and have it confirmed by two witnesses that he read it correctly. While he reads it, we had to hold onto two ends of a handkerchief. Had one of us dropped our end, the wedding would not have happened. Fortunately that did not happen. It was a bit amusing that it turned out the two witnesses that I selected did not even know how to write their names in Hebrew, but this was not the rabbi’s first day on the job, and he knew to help them beforehand. Still and all, their signatures in English look much smarter than their Hebrew ones!

    The second pillar is the chupah, which is a wedding canopy that symbolizes the home. It is traditionally the groom’s tallit (prayer shawl) attached to posts held up by four men, and the ceremony takes place under that. Our rabbi did such a marvelous job of explaining all of the traditions and symbols to both us and to the attendees. I am glad that one of my friends recorded it, as so much of it was a blur to me. The important thing is that Leslie and I were married, and after we kissed I stepped on the glass to break it… an old Jewish tradition.

    The third pillar is the yichud, where the bride and groom spend time alone. While historically this was when the bride and groom would… consummate the marriage, this tradition is mostly an anachronism today… which is good, because the room to which we were led was separated from the hall by a curtain. Today the tradition is for them to spend a few moments together alone, feeding each other, and enjoying our first minutes as a married couple alone before greeting the guests. Leslie and I went into the library and shared a plate of food for ten minutes before we ventured out to the bridal table, on which was placed the largest challah bread I have ever seen. It was not only huge, but it was also delicious! We said the blessing over the bread, and I was asked to rip off pieces to throw at the attendees. It was a lot of fun, and this was a tradition that was new to me!

    When the wedding cake came out we shared a piece, and Leslie did manage to smoosh a piece into my face. The pictures of that are amazing! The cake, one of the last pieces I was worried about, was indeed perfect… as was the rest of the wedding.

    We finally drove to The Stonehaus, where most of the guests joined us for cigars. I think one of the guests bought a bottle of champagne as well, but at this point I remember very little The cigars were amazing, but the best part of the after-party was that I had nothing left to worry about. I had actually planned a wedding that went off perfectly, and at The Stonehaus it was all about chatting with friends. I did give a speech in which I hope I did not forget to thank everyone who needed to be thanked.

    Between all of the meals (aside from pasta, we shared several pizzas and French fries, breakfasts, a shabu shabu (Japanese hot pot) meal with desserts, plus so much more), snacks (don’t even get me started!) and drinks (I drank more wine this weekend than I have in the past year), it is a wonder that I did not gain fifteen pounds! I was certain that I had lost a lot of ground with my progress. I knew that I would need to return to my disciplined program; on our return to Dallas I would start with a modified program, and then when I return to Canada next Sunday, I will be back on the full-fast program. Despite the fact that I did not lose any ground this weekend, I plan to stick to that plan. I do not know for how much longer I will stay on the full-fast program, but I am going to try for at least six weeks more. We will see how well I do in the next month… and how well I feel doing it. One way or another though I am going to be transitioned to at least semi-normal (rather, my new normal, as my old normal was how I kept gaining weight in the first place) by the beginning of July and my birthday.

    Cigars… wow, did we smoke a lot of good cigars this weekend! Of course I brought a couple of very good boxes of Cuban cigars to share with our guests, and many of them gave us cigars and booze as presents. I also brought three special Davidoff Royal cigars – one for Leslie, one for me, and one for the rabbi. Any cigar smoker who has looked will know that while the Royal is not the most expensive of their offerings, it is in the top two. When Leslie first got into Davidoff cigars last year she saw them and bought two – one for me to smoke on the night of our civil wedding, and one for me to smoke on the night of our religious wedding. That was before she realized how much she really enjoyed cigars, and so I made sure that there were enough for the three of us. We took more than fifty cigars to California with us, and we came home with about the same number… having received many as gifts, and we also found a couple of unexpected treasures in my favourite Westlake Village cigar shop!

    Friends… everyone wanted to spend time with us, and while I love all of my friends, they had to understand that this trip was a short one with one purpose, and that we did not have a lot of bandwidth for extra socializing. One concession to that was Monday evening when we went to my old cigar lounge to meet some of the boys. It was a lot of fun, but Leslie and I were both already drained before we went there. It might be the only time I have been there when I only smoked a single cigar. One bonus that came from that evening was that one of the boys told me that one of our old members is now working at a cigar shop in Dallas! I plan to surprise him today by just popping in. I can hardly wait to see the look on his face!

    I have not been sleeping very well these last few nights, and last night was no exception. It is no wonder with the time change – we were in bed by 11:30, but where we woke up it was only 9:30pm. I hope tonight I will be able to get some rest. If I can, I will try to take a nap before I teach. Fortunately, I know that my class (the second to last one after three months with the same group) will be entirely review, so I really do not have a lot of preparation to do. That does not mean that I do not have to stay awake during class, so if I do not nap then I will have a coffee before class starts.

    Tomorrow I will try to get out for my first jog in over a week, but I need at least one more day to recover. While my fitness watch is showing my Body Battery at 69/100, I have no faith in that this morning, just based on the fatigue (both mental and physical) that I feel. It was a most wonderful weekend, but it was a stressful and exhausting one. My body may be in much better shape than it was in several months ago, but it is still nearly fifty-one years old and cannot get by on four hours of sleep like I did in the Army. No, I did not only sleep four hours last night… according to my watch it was 6.5 hours. It could have been ten hours, I still feel drained and I doubt there is anyone who watched me go these last two weeks who would question why that is. Tomorrow I shall jog. Today is one last day of decompression.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 466

    Yesterday was amazing! More to come (with pictures) when I am back down to earth. For now my bride and I are coming back down to reality on our own timeline 🙂

  • Day 465 – The Wedding!

    Too anxious to write much… tomorrow I’ll fill you all in, with pictures!

  • Day 463

    As the Airbus 319 hurls me toward Dallas I feel bad about how bad I have cheated these last two days. I have not been out of control, but I have been stressed and anxious and I fell off the path. It was not terrible, but it was not good. I do know that I was heavier this morning than I wanted to be for this trip. It will be easier to manage my anxiety and temptations when I am with Leslie. Her support is always wonderful. When we are together I feel stronger. These last two days I have felt a lot of things, but strong is not one of them.

    In just a couple of hours we will be together and things will be right again. Tomorrow morning we are flying to California for a few days. I continue to work to make sure that our wedding is the perfect memory for her. She deserves it!

    —

    It is now 1:30pm and after a wonderful reunion and a lunch of our favourite salad place, Leslie had to work the rest of the afternoon and so I drove out to my cigar lounge where I am enjoying a nice cigar and relaxing. I have time for one stick, and then I’ll drive back home to spend a wonderful evening with my wife. It is a grey and dreary day so I do not feel bad that I am not smoking on the balcony, but I am sure that after dinner we will enjoy a drink and another cigar together out there. The next few days will be a whirlwind for us, but this evening we get to relax together.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 445

    When I press publish on this journal entry for my blog, I will get a notice that I am on a 219-day streak. In just a few more days, my current streak will exceed the original streak of 225 days, which lasted through September 1. I will match that on Saturday, surpassing it Sunday. This is one of those irrelevant statistics that I like to keep track of. For example, while I post absolutely every single day, there are fully 101 more blog entries than days on my diet (this entry will be blog post #546). I know that in the first few months I would write a couple of times per day, especially when I was writing about my fitness walking. No matter. My blog now has 182 subscribers, although I wonder how many of those are bots who are just collecting data to try to market to me. In 2023, the blog has 1,941 views, which will eventually dwarf the 4,995 views that it had in 2022 (today is April 9 so we are just over a quarter of the way through the year). There are much fewer comments this year (15 so far, compared to the 81 from 2022). The journal is slightly more than 432,000 words… still not approaching the 587,000 words in Tolstoy’s War and Peace, verbose nonetheless.

    I made it through the movie yesterday without any issues, but when we got home, I was hungry. I enjoyed some matzah before dinner, which was Leslie’s scrumptious chicken salad. As it is still Passover, my sandwich options were limited, so I decided to simply eat it with a fork. She does something with Tony Sachere seasoning that is simply delicious!

    I woke up this morning after another good night of sleep. I was only very slightly productive in the bathroom. I am not surprised, with three days backed up (which is not unusual for one with a high matzah diet), to be up slightly. I am happy I am still under my 2020 best weight yet, but when I get back to Canada, I am going to kick the matzah diet, and do my best to lose a couple of pounds this week. I have not yet decided if I am going to go back to the full program, or to the partial program… but I do know that I am going to be back in the gym (and running in the street) again. This week has been lazy in that regard for a couple of reasons; starting tomorrow, any day that I do not exercise will be an excuse.

    My plan for today is to stay mindful. I will have lunch with Leslie and her son, and then around 4:00pm we will head to the airport for another tearful goodbye. Fortunately, this time we know that it will not be a long separation, as I will be back in Dallas in under 18 days… and we will then be flying to California to get married.

    Speaking of which, everything that I ordered for the wedding arrived yesterday. The ketubah, which seems to be correct, arrived in the largest flat package we had ever seen. It was definitely protected! The kippahs (yarmulkes) arrived as well, in a much smaller package (probably because they are not as delicate). As Leslie’s wedding band arrived earlier in the week, that ends the non-consumable items. The rest – food and such – will be delivered to the synagogue the day of. It is amazing to think that the big day is three weeks from today! Leslie is anxious, and so am I… but when it is all over, it will have been worth it. And yes, I will be eating cake that day.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 435

    I was so excited that I was going to break all of my distance records yesterday on the treadmill. I was nearly 2km into my jog when I realized I had not pressed the start button on my fitness tracker. Of course, this should make absolutely no difference to my workout; I am not running primarily to track my run, but to get fit. For some reason, that logic did not help me, and I just never got into the run. I will try again today, but not with the intention of setting records, only to get back up on the horse. My schedule is pretty packed, so I am not going to be able to spend hours at the gym. I will go, I will run for an hour, then I’ll pick up Her Floofness and we will go to Eduardo’s for a couple of hours. It would be slightly easier if my ultrasound appointment was at 10:00am, and not 11:00am.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    · Distance: 8.4km (5.6km)

    · Duration: 1:02:42 (39:09)

    · Average Pace (Min/km): 7m27s (7m01s)

    · Steps: 9,475 (6,075)

    · Calories burned: 1,117 (767)

    · Average cadence (steps per minute): 151 (155)

    I should remember that I should not be pushing myself at the gym today, knowing that I have my Taekwondo class this evening. I did spend ten minutes on the mat stretching before I jogged yesterday, and I will do the same today. In six months, I will be ready to test for my next belt… and I will be in the best shape of my (adult) martial arts life!

    My bowel movement this morning was solid, and there were slight indicators from my body that it is safe and prudent to resume my fibre additive in the mornings. I suppose it was simply something that I ate over the weekend that caused me issues, and that is behind me now. Phew! **Written later and before publishing the entry: No, I am still having loose bowel issues. Hold the fibre once again, thank you!

    I am so close. With two days left before I get up early to head to the airport, the reading on the bathroom scale this morning has me at 255.6 pounds. I am less than one pound away from achieving my best post-Army weight ever. As I woke up this morning, I started thinking that it might be today. That would have been a stretch, as it would literally mean I would have lost four pounds in two days. I also knew that it was possible that I would give back some weight this morning, but that did not happen. I was thrilled to see that I am inside one pound, and also know realistically that I might fall outside of that range tomorrow… but staying on track, staying mindful, and staying focused are how I will figure out how to get there. Over the next few days, I will be on the watch for it though. A few months ago, I would have expected that when I do get there, I would let out a loud ‘whoop!’ but now I expect a big smile, a quiet fist pump, and then I will go about my day. I will not be rewarding myself with a big cheat meal… that would defeat the purpose. I will be going off the full-fast program Saturday for the week that I am away, but I will not be starting out with the same wild cheat night that I usually have when I go to Dallas. When I leave town on Saturday I might or might not be at or under my best weight ever; I promise you, dear reader, that when I return to Canada the following Sunday I will be.

    Yesterday’s extreme winds brought a drop in the temperature (along with a couple of hours of wild snow). When Her Floofness and I went out this morning the thermometer read -8°, which in February is pretty seasonal but the last few days of March might be considered less so. As such, I will not even be thinking about running outside today; I will go to the gym where I can be comfortable. When I am out of town next week, I will likely spend a lot more time jogging outside and exploring my environs as I do. Hopefully by the time I get back to Canada we will be done with the below-zero temperatures, and spring (which supposedly started a week ago) will really be ready to kick in.

    Leslie and I made a very exciting decision on Tuesday; I followed that decision up with a long phone call with my rabbi yesterday afternoon. With that, the path is clear, and the date is set. My wife and I are getting married! That might sound weird, so let me explain. We were married by a judge in the State of Texas. There were no witnesses – there were three people in the courtroom – the bride, the groom, the judge. We have set the date for our religious ceremony, which will be at the synagogue. When I fly to Dallas at the end of the month, she and I will then board a flight to California, and that weekend we will be married under the eyes of G-d… and a few friends who will be gathered to witness our happiness. There are so many things that we have to do between now and then, and I am glad that the rabbi (who is also a friend) is guiding us through it. Last night I ordered the ketubah (the marriage contract, a hand-drawn and calligraphed document that will be signed prior to the ceremony, and then framed and mounted on our wall forever). This morning, I decided to order customized kippot (yarmulkas) – the skullcaps that Jewish men wear, which is so often a tradition that a couple shares with their guests. This afternoon, I will have to speak with a couple of people in California regarding the logistics, food, setup, and everything else. It is a frenzy, and it is exciting! The countdown is officially on.

    Wednesday evening (six days from now) is the beginning of Passover. Not realizing that I would be traveling next week, when I was last in Dallas, I purchased a box of Matzahs. That box will be getting onto yet another international flight, making it a very well-traveled box of unleavened bread! With the expectation that by then I will be safely into best-weight-ever territory, I plan to make a very minor feast, including some of the traditional foods that have always made Pesach one of my favourite Jewish festivals. I will prepare the Pesach plate, I will fill a cup of wine for Elijah the Prophet, and with very few people around the table, I will tell the story of our flight from the bonds of slavery into the dessert, where we wandered for forty years before the descendants of the slaves crossed the Jordan River into Eretz Yisrael. While Matzah is completely not good for my weight loss regimen, I am going to celebrate my holiday… and I will do it weighing less than I have in this millennium.

    Over the last few days, I have been fitting things into my schedule for today, and every time I did, I kept trying to remember what it was that I have scheduled for the evening. I have long said that if it is not in my Outlook, it will not be remembered. This morning, I finally created a recurring event for Tuesdays and Thursdays… my Taekwondo classes! I have a lot of learning to do, or rather relearning. Before I am ready to test for my next belt, I have to relearn every pattern that I had to learn for all of my previous belts… or at least, all of the official patterns. That means I need to relearn eight Taeguk patterns, Koryo, Keumgang, and Taebek. I will also have to learn a pattern called Pyongwon, which I have seen but have never learned. Of course, the patterns are one thing… I also want to vastly improve my form. The major takeaway from my first class on Tuesday is that my kicks are garbage, and I have to work on them… a lot.

    My plans for today are to stay mindful, to stay on track, and to try to stay focused. I have a lot of things I need to get done, starting with my ultrasound. I’ll pack my gym kit so that I can go straight there from the clinic. After that, I will come home, have my meal replacement, and then Princess Sophie and I will head up to see Eduardo and Gladys. I hope to also stop into see Ryan at his job before coming home to teach this evening. Staying on track means that my Saturday I might be there… but I must stay on track!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 433

    A good buddy of mine has lost a great deal of weight in the past year, and posted a picture of himself online showing how his old belt no longer fits. I am so happy for him, and many of us commented positive feedback. He replied to me privately that he knows that I do not like to share my progress publicly, but that he and his wife are also extremely proud of me. It is ironic that people feel that I am not public about my weight loss… I post an article about my progress and successes (and struggles and failures) every single day). I just do not want to share it to my public Facebook feed, where I am going to be bombarded by questions about how I did it… and suggestions on what I should be doing. The questions about how do not bother me, but geez folks, do you really think that telling a man who has lost the equivalent of a whole person’s weight what he should be doing to lose weight? Those comments just piss me off, are the reason I do not post my progress.

    My day went well. Firstly, the car ended up taking half an hour and cost me $40. My transmission is fine, but there was a garbage bag melted onto the bottom of my car, which accounted for the burning smell. While we still have no idea what caused the gearshift issue Sunday, we suspect it was likely a freak anomaly of some sort. When I take my car back in to have the tyres changed mid-April, I will have them flush the transmission fuel, but in the meantime, he suggested I keep driving as I would without worrying. All of this was a tremendous relief… I suspected the issue might end up cost me thousands of dollars!

    From there, I went to the gym… following a text conversation with an old Army buddy. It is always great to catch up with old friends. Hopefully we will have more time to talk soon. While I would have liked to do more, as I was walking into the gym, I got a call asking me for a meeting at 4:00pm. Okay, then I kept it short, taking the opportunity to calibrate my new fitness watch. As it happened, I could have spent another 90 minutes on the treadmill because the 4:00pm appointment was pushed to 5:30pm… and even with that, he was 20 minutes late, which meant that I had seven minutes to talk to the guy before I had to go teach my class. All in all, that is probably not the way to impress them… but then again, they have now four times proven to me that they have no respect for my time, so I don’t know that I’m that disappointed.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 7.4km (11km)
    • Duration: 53:41 (1:27:32)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m16s (7m57s)
    • Steps: 8,165 (13,750)
    • Calories burned: 1,000 (1,400)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 152 (155)

    My class went well, and then I got a text that was so tempting that I could not resist doing something completely spontaneous. More details on that next week! Yes, I know… that absolutely negates the point of spontaneity… live with your disappointment for the sake of discretion. I have to make some changes to a few things, but next week there will be some excitement!

    Okay, so I have decided to set a new timed short-term goal. I would like to reach my Best Weight Ever by Saturday morning. I am four pounds from achieving it, and I have four days to do it. I am going to jog every day, in addition to returning to Taekwondo (Tuesday and Thursday evenings, starting tonight). I am going to stick strictly to my full-fast program, and I am going to do it!

    Next week is the start of Passover, and I have already bought my matzoh (which will be very well-traveled by the time I crack the box open). I will be celebrating the holiday of course and observing it to the best of my ability. It is one of my favourite holidays… and not just for the food! The LORD brought the Israelites out of Egypt with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, and he did bring plagues onto those who did enslave them. It sounds to me like a good story for a good Israeli soldier. With that said, I am going to prepare a traditional charoset for some of my people to try. I have never made it before, but as I have gotten a bit more comfortable in the kitchen (and with all of the people who would previously have prepared some of my favourite Jewish dishes gone from this mortal coil) I figure I should give it a try… if for no other reason than to prove to myself that I can do it! Oh, and there is the minor coincidence that it is (and always has been) one of my most beloved treats that you only get for two days out of the year!

    Once I finish this journal entry, I have a few tasks to do, and then I will go to the gym. In the afternoon I have a doctor’s appointment, followed by my haircut. The company I interviewed with today asked me my availability for the rest of the week so that might change… but knowing how they have scheduled and rescheduled and delayed the last two interviews I strongly suspect that my plans for the day will not be interrupted. We shall see though, right? One never knows. In the evening, my diet buddy is coming by around 5:30pm, and we will share our first meal replacement together ever. It will be too late for coffee (unless I don’t want to get any sleep), so a chocolate shake will be the order of the day. I was told today in no uncertain terms that I had better get my rest in preparation for the spontaneity. Late-night coffee is not in the cards this week! Of course, after that I will go to my first Taekwondo class since the summer… it will be interesting to see how my body reacts to jogging in the morning and then doing martial arts in the evening… and at a lower weight than I have been in over twenty years!

    Leslie mentioned today that she missed our Saturday morning cigars and latté dates. Where there’s a will, there’s a way… we are going to coordinate so that we each pick up our lattés from our local Starbucks and we can make it work… even if it is in the Rectangle Zone. I am literally counting down the days until we can be together again, and the number is always too high. I really miss her and hate that we have to be apart. Hopefully, the next time we are together I will be at my lowest weight ever… I really love that every time she sees me, I am so much lighter than the previous time. I want to keep succeeding for her… and of course for myself.

    My morning got away from me. I had a lot of small issues to take care of, but a couple of them took much longer than expected. I am almost ready to go, but I do not know that I will be able to go to the gym… at least, not for as long as I would have liked. I have packed everything that I need for the gym (as well as my Taekwondo kit) to take to the car, and I will head out. I should remember to take my meal replacement to eat after the workout (and before my appointment). As long as I keep my eye on the clock, I should be okay, but I should head out now.

    What are my plans for the day? Stay focused, stay mindful, stay on track. There is no way that I will get onto the plane Saturday morning at my best weight ever if I veer even a little bit.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 432

    Yesterday was one of those days where very little went as planned, and almost everything worked out great. I had lunch with my son the younger at Lone Star Texas Grill, where I did eat four tortilla chips but only four. When the waiter told us he would be right back with the chips and salsa I told him not to bring them, unless he could bring celery sticks in place of the chips. He did not. The four chips that I took were off my son’s plate of chips and queso. He tried to ask the waiter to refill the queso at one point, not understanding that he was asking for another order. I explained to him that what he had eaten, combined with the chicken wings that he would be bringing home with him, was enough. He demurred. I ate my fajita bowl with grilled chicken, but I forgot to ask him to leave out the cheese. This was bad because I cannot mix cheese with chicken, but good because they were not mixed. I simply cut the food around the cheese and left that – along with most of the rice. All in all, I don’t think I ate too badly.

    When I was dropping him off, I asked him to bring the present in for his brother. As I sat in the car answering a text, he ran back up to the car and told me I was invited in. His brother was thrilled with the bottle that I had selected for him and invited me to sit down for a wee taste of it… and insisted his mother (read: my ex-wife) join us. Theresa and I get along just fine, but I have known her for seventeen years and I have never seen her enjoy even the smallest drop of whisky or whiskey, but our son insisted and poured for her the smallest portion, just to taste it. The look on her face was exactly what I would have expected, and while it was mildly entertaining to watch, I felt bad for her having to drink something that she really does not like. The rest of the conversation (which lasted more than two hours) was extremely pleasant (Theresa did not stay for most of it) and my son and I caught up. It was absolutely delightful… and extremely interesting in ways that I will not share in public. I am so happy for him though!

    Had I devoured an entire plate of tortilla chips, or even a full dram of whiskey (I did have half an ounce, and he was right insofar as it is absolutely the best Irish whiskey I’ve had), I might have come home and felt so guilty that I would have immediately suited up and gone for a jog. I did not feel guilty about what I ate yesterday (although I do feel bad about the previous day), but it was such a gorgeous day that I felt I needed to hit the road. Julie had canceled our meeting, and my buddy Eduardo was going to come over after 6:00pm for a cigar, so I suited up and did just that. I had no expectations, I just wanted to get a workout in.

    Jogging

    • pb Distance: 11km (13.45 km) **
    • pb Duration: 1:27:32 (1:18:45)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m57s (6m00s)
    • pb Steps: 13,750 (11,350)
    • Calories burned: 1,400 (1,626)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (155)

    ** While I know I have recorded a higher distance on the treadmill, due to calibration issues I have little faith in the accuracy of that activity. This distance was measured by GPS and I believe it to be accurate.

    I killed it. I jogged a full 11km with fewer stops than I have done do far, and one of those stops was because I needed to take a chat. I would have gone farther if it was not for Eduardo, but I know that he would be arriving around 6:00pm, and I did not want him to wait too long for me. Had he not been coming over I would have tried to finish the 15km that would earn me the badge for the month of March. While I still have a few days to try to achieve that, I am not sure that I will… I was surprised that I was able to do 11km without falling down! I did, in the meantime, crack the top 22% for the yearlong challenge on the other app that I mentioned. While it is somewhat disconcerting to see that I am in something like 28,000th place, knowing that there are 132,500 participants in the challenge (and that more than 100,000 of those are behind me) does feel good. Also, I know that the point of the challenge is not to win, but to complete it. The prizes will be raffled off to those who complete the challenge, and not awarded to the winners.

    I am still very upset that I lost my Black Belt. There are still two places where it might be, but I am resigned to the fact that I will almost certainly be buying a new one this week. While the money does not bother me as much (it will cost about $50 to replace), there is an emotional attachment to such an item. Unlike my previous belts which were tied on to me by my GrandMaster, this one I purchased myself (I was promoted officially after I had moved to California), but I am still attached to it. There are still two places where it might be – one is at the Taekwondo school where I will be training, so I will be able to drop in today to ask, and the other is in Dallas (which is much less likely) – but I am not holding out hope. I will check… but when I get to the dojang today and they tell me it is not there, I will bite the bullet and order a new one. It is sad, but it is necessary. In the meantime, I have a second belt with the appropriate rank. When I had my belt made, they accidentally confused inches with centimetres, so I have an embroidered belt that is five sizes too small. I will not be able to wear it properly, but at least I will be able to wear it.

    Yesterday was a day filled with huge positives. I already mentioned that I spent some great quality time with each of my sons in turn, which was great. I also had a nice and positive conversation with my ex-wife about the progress of my son the younger and our struggles with getting him the appropriate help for him and his issues. Seeing a number of my friends who are divorced parents who have horrible relationships with their ex-partners, I am always so grateful that Theresa and I have always been able to maintain a civil relationship. We will never be friends, but there is no animosity. I thank G-d for that. I digress. My son the elder commented that he noticed that I have lost a lot of weight and that I am looking great. I showed him the most recent before/after picture that I took a couple of weeks ago, and he was so amazed that he called his mother downstairs to come look at it. Later in the evening I realized that while I had a milestone a few months back for dropping below the weight I was when Leslie first saw me, I am also now at the lowest weight that Theresa has ever seen me. When I lose five more pounds, I will weigh less than I did when any of my three wives knew me. That blows my mind… not only the weight, but the fact that I have been married three times. I never thought I would be one of those statistics. Hopefully with all of the work I have done to improve myself – both mentally and emotionally but also physically – Leslie and I will be able to live happily ever after together.

    The next great feeling was when my neighbour – Charlie’s mom – commented yesterday that I have lost a lot of weight. It always makes me smile! She asked how much, and I told her. She was floored, and asked how I did it. I told her that it was a lot of hard work… and the realization that the pace at which Princess Sophie walks is not exercise. It did not hurt that I said this as I was coming in from my jog

    I just had a conversation with my mechanic. The car has to go in to check the transmission. The first step will be to check the transmission fluid. If it is not that, this is going to be a very expensive week. I am truly hoping it is the fluid. MY appointment is an hour from now, so I should know more by lunchtime. I will bring my eBook reader with me to the appointment in case it is going to take a while… and a cigar. Yes, it is a bit chilly out, but if this exercise might cost me anywhere from $100 to $3000, I think a cigar to keep me relaxed would not be the worst idea!

    After three days of gaining weight (2.8 lbs.) I was happy to drop 1.2 lbs. this morning on the bathroom scale, despite my cheat eating. I have to assume that the jogging really helps. I was still above 260, but only very minimally. I am now 1.6 lbs. heavier than my best weight yet, and 5.2 lbs. from my best post-Army weight ever. Knowing that, my plan for the day is to stay on track and to stay mindful. After my trip to the mechanic, assuming that my car is drivable, I will go to the gym for a good run, to be followed by a good hydro massage and a shvitz. I am teaching this evening, so I have to be back here by 5:00pm, which is not a problem. I am truly hoping that my car is still drivable, because if it is not then I will not be going to the gym, instead taking an Uber to come back home. I suppose I could take the Uber to the gym… I will consider that when the time comes. I should also plan to take my meal replacement with me to the mechanic. My appointment is at 11:30, and I am due for the meal replacement between 1:00p and 1:30pm. In the best-case scenario, I will be drinking it as I drive to the gym.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 427

    After an extremely productive bowel movement, I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning and was shocked. I cannot remember the last time I saw a one-day weight drop of more than four pounds, but there it was. In a single day, completely unexpectedly, I not only dropped below the 260-pounds mark… but I blew right past my best weight from 2020 (by over 1.5 lbs.), beating the pace I had set on my comparative chart by a full three weeks. You see, on February 3 I looked at what I weighed, and realizing that I was 24.8 lbs. from my best weight of 2020, I decided to create a chart of my daily weigh-ins from that attempt. It took be sixty-nine days to lose those 24.8 lbs. back then, with a lot of hiccoughs along the way. In 2023 it took me forty-eight days. I am now solidly in best-weight-yet territory, and I am less than four pounds from achieving my best adult weight that I have any reliable record of. I am blown away, and more motivated than ever to keep going!

    According to the app that is connected to my bathroom scale, my Body Mass Index (BMI) this morning is 33.2, a tremendous one-day drop. It was a scant nineteen days ago that it dropped (for the final time) below 35. Mornings like this, when I see a huge and unexpected drop on the bathroom scale, make me look at things more finely than I usually do. Frankly, of late I know that I have spent a lot of time obsessing over my numbers and charts. I know that I have to start tempering this obsession with my weight loss, but on days like today that can be tough. After seeing the doctor, I will drive into Toronto to pick up my meal replacements, then I will come right back home, finish this entry (and publish it on my blog), and I will go about the rest of my day. For now, as I sit here at 7:45am, I am happy to take a few moments to kvell.

    There is a challenge on one of the apps I use to track my progress called You Vs. The Year 2023. The goal is to walk or run 1,023 kilometres in the calendar year. There are some pretty sweet prizes that those who complete the challenge can win (there will be a raffle). I only discovered the challenge a couple of days ago, but all of my walking and running from the beginning of the year are counted. Checking out the leaderboard I have actually run/walked nearly 200km… although that number is likely slightly higher, since only two workouts per day can be counted. I know there was a day a few weeks ago when I ran then walked then ran then walked, and that was four workouts… two of those would be discarded. So be it. I also see that of the 130,301 people currently enrolled in the challenge, I am ranked 32,700… nowhere near the top, but in the top twenty-five percent. I am quite happy with that!

    I picked Kerry up from the train station (as is the custom), so it was not until we got to my building that I stood up and she saw me. ‘How are you so thin? What happened to you? Did you leave part of yourself in Dallas?’ It felt amazing to hear her notice my weight loss. When we got upstairs, I showed her the most recent before/after photos and she was astonished. To put things in perspective, I am now fifteen pounds from having lost her body weight. That is a real trip!

    My outdoor jog yesterday was tougher than I thought it would be, but with a few short breaks to breathe I was able to complete a 10km outdoor run for the first time. There is an obvious difference between the mapping software I used to calculate the route in advance and the actual route, because what I had mapped at just short of 11km prior to setting out would have been short of 10km, and I only reached that number because there was a very long freight train that impeded my forward progress, so I circled back twice (nearly a full kilometre in total) waiting for it to pass. Most likely, the difference can be chalked up to running on the close sidewalk, rather than driving in the far lane of traffic. No matter, I did my first outdoor 10km run, and I feel great for it!

    Jogging

    • Distance: 10.1 km (8 km)
    • Duration: 1:22:34 (45:43)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 8m11s (5m42s)
    • pb Steps: 12,795 (6,390)
    • Calories burned: 1,243 (636)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (153)

    I am feeling like I can do anything… knowing that I am down so significantly since I left for Dallas just thirteen days ago (and remembering all of the cheating eating I did in that time) I have to wonder how long it might take me to get down to my ideal weight, whatever that might be. I cannot imagine that it will take me the rest of this calendar year but am going to remain cautiously optimistic. If my rate of loss were to drop to 2.8 lbs. per week then on my birthday, I would weigh less than 220 lbs. … a 115-lbs. drop from my last birthday. Before the middle of August, I would drop below 200 lbs., which I have not weighed since I was a teenager. I only have to stay focused and on track… but at a certain point, I am going to have to start listening to my body for signs that it is enough. As I have said, I do not know what I should weigh as a healthy fifty-year-old male. According to the BMI Calculator, I will not be ‘healthy’ until I drop to 194 pounds, which means I am less than sixty-five pounds away. I am 26 pounds from dropping from Obese Class I to Overweight, which will be a great accomplishment, but I still feel I am a couple of months away from hitting that goal… not quite a short-term goal yet.

    I am off to my doctor’s appointment and will find out what I weigh on his scale this morning. Last night I told Leslie how wonderful it would be to drop another 2kg from my last weigh-in. As it stands, if my bathroom scale is any indicator, that loss might be closer to an unheard of 5kg. The now very real possibility that in just over 90 minutes I will know if I have not only dropped below 120 kg, but also surpassed the 60kg lost mark simply blows my mind! If I do not make that, then I will still be down, and will have another milestone to look forward to two weeks from now.

    Shock and disbelief are words that continue to describe my reactions this morning. It is currently 11:45am. Just four hours ago I wrote that I was hoping my official weigh-in would have me down better than 2kg, although my bathroom scale was measuring me down nearly 5kg. The reality was much closer to that latter number than the former. I was floored to see I have dropped 4.7kg in two weeks. I have officially lost 60.8kg (134 lbs.) since my journey began. How can that be?

    Driving into Toronto I spoke with my wife about everything I discussed with the doctor, including my response to his question ‘what is your final goal.’ As I have written herein several times, I told him that I do not know. I did decide, however, that on June 1 I will be transitioned back onto regular food. I discussed this with Leslie, and she told me that she supports me as long as I no longer see myself as a fat man. I responded that might take a lot longer and we discussed the psychological effects of long-term obesity.

    I mentioned June 1 as my end date for a few reasons, but I do not think I had discussed it with anyone (nor written it down) before. The only reason it came to mind today was because the nurse at the clinic where I buy my meal replacements informed me that on that date the price of the products will be going up. While that is the reason I thought of it today, the price increase is not the reason I made that decision. I should mention that I will very likely buy another case of the meal replacements right before the price increase; Doing the math, and taking into consideration my next trip to Dallas, I would finish my current allotment plus one more case of the meal replacements on June 4. If I purchase one more case, that will allow me four more weeks of the full-fast program… but I am planning to use the final case to transition off of the full-fast at a measured and reasonable pace. While I have a couple of months ahead of me to think about it, my transition off of the program is something I will have to give consideration to. I will start discussing that plan with my doctor at our next appointment.

    It is a cloudy day outside, and while the temperatures are forecast to reach 7° by 6:00pm, I still think I am going to opt for a trip to the gym today. The treadmill is not as liberating as is jogging outside, but it does force me to push myself harder; I do not know why my pace on the treadmill is so much quicker than it is outside, but it is. Of course, the gym also allows me the added bonus of the post-workout sauna, which feeling my muscles today will be welcome relief. I am teaching this evening, which means I will be spending a great deal of time sitting down; a quick Google search confirms that some of the muscles I should be feeling with my increased jogging are also the ones I find myself sitting on!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 424

    When I press ‘publish’ on this journal entry, I will immediately receive a notification from WordPress that I am on a 198-day streak on my weight loss blog. How crazy is it that I have written 400,000 words about weight loss over the last fourteen months?

    Yesterday was not the relaxed and fun day I had hoped it would be but Leslie and I did what we needed to do, followed by a delicious Mediterranean meal that was not even close to adjacent to my program. I told her that I knew I was going to go back to Canada weighing less than when I arrived in Dallas, no matter what… this is one of her favourite restaurants, and I wanted to take her out to enjoy it. It does not hurt that I am a huge lover of Mediterranean food. While the meal was delicious, something that we ate upset both of our stomachs. At first I thought it was simply that I had overeaten – I should never go back to another all-you-can-eat buffet – but it turns out that we both had cramps all night. We will be more careful next time.

    We finished the evening as we so often do – we had a lovely cigar on the balcony, which would have been much more enjoyable if we were both not feeling under the weather. It was also sad that before we did that, I packed my luggage. It sucks knowing that we had to wake up this morning and drive to the airport. I hate leaving her, and I know she hates it too. Fortunately I have my next trip down here booked already, and we know exactly how long it will be. While counting down those larger numbers may be sad, there was a time when we did not know when the next trip would be, and that was much harder on both of us.

    There was no doubt that the numbers on the bathroom scale were going to be significantly higher today than they were yesterday. In the end I am still down 1.2 lbs. from the morning I flew down here, and that is a huge success. Yes, I might have done better had we not indulged last night, but I did not go into the meal blind. I made the decision in advance that I did not mind giving back some of my progress for a night of Lebanese food. The only thing I would do differently next time is I will order off the menu rather than the buffet… not only would it control my portions, but it would also ensure that the food was fresh. As I mentioned, something that we both ate did not agree with us.

    It is a cold and dreary morning in Dallas, a perfect metaphor for how I feel having to leave. I will be mindful at the airport and on the airplane, and hopefully when I get onto the bathroom scale tomorrow morning I will have lost some if not most of the weight that I put on this morning. If the weather is agreeable then I might even go for a jog this afternoon… we’ll see what the weather is like by the time I get home.

    I might write more from the airport, but for now I’ll wish you all well. Have a great day folks!