Losing a part of me

Category: Work

  • Day 765

    I am still not feeling 100%, but I know I have been doing the right thing by resting and staying close to home. I have been invited to a herf to smoke cigars with some friends this evening but I am going to stay home. It is not only that I should be coming down from the massive amount of cigars I smoked while in Cuba, but also because I simply need to allow myself the time to get better. I am going to run out to the store for a little while because I need some supplies, but other than that I have no reason to not relax and recuperate.

    I will eat normally today, and I will make sure I have done everything that I need to prepare for the class that I am delivering this week. Microsoft Learn has made it a lot more complicated to download courseware over the last couple of years. Fortunately, I was able to figure it out, and I will spend some time reading the newest version of the course to make sure there are no surprises waiting for me… and for my students.

    Okay, I guess I should get my day going… I will run to the store to pick up the few items that I need, and then I will come home to prepare lunch.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 742

    After my weight did not drop at all yesterday, I thought that I might try to adjust my eating. That did not happen though, and I ate the same as I had the previous day – an omelet with the last of my rolls for breakfast, and then in the late afternoon I had my usual chicken with a couple of spring rolls (all air-fried). I ate nothing after 5:30pm, despite slight hunger pangs in the evening before bed. I was asleep much earlier than normal – for the first time in a few weeks I was asleep before 11:00pm, and despite getting up twice in the night to pee (which I had not been doing lately), I slept a full eight hours. According to my fitness watch, my sleep score has been between 79 and 87 every night this past week (except for Sunday, when I hardly slept – see Day 739). I am still extremely down about what is going on in my life, but at least I am starting to sleep better.

    All of this to say that while I did not lose the entirety of the weight that I gained two days ago, I did drop most of it. Phew! I hope to be able to continue that trend tomorrow.

    I was originally supposed to be teaching yesterday, today, and tomorrow. For reasons that have nothing to do with me each was canceled, giving me three days of paid work that are essentially days off. I still spent much of yesterday preparing for the classes because today and tomorrow were not cancelled until late yesterday afternoon, but today I get to breathe.

    Speaking of room to breathe, I am thinking seriously about taking off for a week or ten days. I might head down to Cuba for an escape from reality. It has been nearly two years since I was last there, and I miss my friends… and I have too many things rattling through my head that I need to figure out how to clear. I am going to ask a couple of buddies if they want to come along. Hopefully it will be fun.

    See you tomorrow.

  • Day 718

    It was a long day. I will try to write tomorrow, but the entire week looks to be long days. It’s a good thing that I enjoy my work!

  • Day 669

    Recording a three-pound drop from yesterday morning was a good way to start my morning. When there is little good in one’s life it is helpful when even the most minor successes are achieved.

    My new clothes are on a truck out for delivery, which means that sometime today I will get my new shirts and sports jacket. That would have been so exciting just a few weeks ago. Now? Well, at least I will have new shirts to wear next week when I am teaching. I am not nearly as excited as I would have been.

    Speaking of clothes, I went shopping yesterday. I am likely going to return most of what I bought, but it was so exciting to be able to purchase a ski jacket in size XL. The one I purchased two years ago was a 4XL, and the one I was wearing since 2005 (which did not fit when I was at my most extreme weight) is a 3XL. I will be taking both of those to the charity donation bin later this week, even though I will not be wearing either the ski jacket or the coat that I bought (yes, I bought a jacket and a coat… don’t ask). I will take them both back and go looking for a proper long jacket that will serve both purposes. Yes, it will cost a little more, but it will still likely cost less than the two items combined. I am keeping the sweater I bought… it is a size L, in contrast to the size XXL that I purchased two years ago. Actually, Leslie bought it for me. Maybe that’s why I needed a new sweater.

    I noticed something on my body a few nights ago that is a bit worrisome. If I did not have an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning, I would have made one. I have a weird sensitivity and a lump in my pelvic area. I am not one for Doctor Google but from everything I know, I suspect it is a hernia. I will not self-diagnose and will ask my doctor in the morning.

    Speaking of my doctor’s visit, my weight this morning was within .2 lb. of what I weighed the morning of my last appointment with her. With a bit of luck (and a lot of effort) I might drop another pound tomorrow morning, but even if I do not, I am both relieved that I do not weigh more, and disappointed that I have not lost more. Of course, that is ignoring the fact that three weeks after that appointment I was down nearly 8 lbs., and that just three days ago I was 3 lbs. up from that. The last month has been a maelstrom of travel, emotion, and some wonderful and some terrible things… all of this putting aside the fact that my country is still at war and that the lies of public opinion make Hamas look like the heroes of the story while my people are seen as the forces of pure evil.

    It is nearly 1:00pm and I have had a slightly productive morning. I also realized that I did not defrost chicken, which means that I can either put it in the microwave, or I can go to the supermarket to pick up a defrosted package. I think that is the option I am going to take, as the packages are too large to rotate in my microwave oven… and I do not have the ‘stay put’ tray for it. In the afternoon I will be studying for the exam that I need to take within the next couple of weeks. Hopefully I will be able to focus and remember what is in my head. I am not placing any bets on that. The exam is paid for and it expires in two weeks so I am going to take it whether or not I am fully prepared… but I really do not want to fail.

  • Day 664

    My weight is up this morning, but only by .2 lb. which is up… but within the margin of error of any given day. Considering my stress and anxiety levels, I am not pleased… but I am also not giving up. I did not eat more, but I also did not cut out my starch with the evening meal. No wonder.

    My food plans for today are to change it up slightly. Rather than having chicken for lunch and dinner, I will have meatless burgers and air-fried potatoes for dinner.

    I have three more days of the 14-hour teaching schedule, and then I have ten days off. I am looking forward to being able to being able to get some exercise back into my schedule. That should help to reverse the trend of these last three days.

    One of my students last week broke down emotionally after failing her mid-course exam, and I spent a lot of extra time tutoring her. This morning she told me that she passed it and was feeling better about understanding more of what I am teaching. There are some very rewarding moments in my job!

  • Day 652

    I am happy that my weight is down another .8 lb. from yesterday, which puts me four pounds up from my best weight ever, one pound up from the day I left Canada, and 3.6 pounds down from my highest weight since flying to Texas. Considering I expected my weight to go up significantly more during this trip, I am still happy with that.

    I know that the bathroom scale would have been slightly nicer to me this morning had I been able to successfully move my bowels, but that just means that when I eventually do that later today, it will come off of tomorrow’s weigh-in. I will need that because I know that we are having a sinful treat for dinner this evening, and I am expecting to be reminded of that tomorrow.

    I did not end up going for a walk yesterday. It was a mostly sedentary day of work – I have three different classes that I will be teaching next week (it is a weird schedule with a morning group learning one topic, an afternoon group learning a second, and an evening group learning a third), so I am making sure I have all of the material that I need to deliver them prepared. Yes, I know the material – none of them are going to be overly challenging deliveries for me – but I do need to get into the proper headspace. I also am resigned to the fact that I will only be able to work out on the weekends, and my eating schedule might be a bit of a challenge. That will start with having to go shopping on my lunch break Monday, as I will only be arriving home late Sunday night. I have eggs in the fridge so I will be prepared to start the day right.

    I will likely not be doing a power walk today, but I have some parcels I need to drop off at the UPS Store, and I might walk them over rather than driving. It should be a moderately nice day. Knowing what’s for dinner I suspect I can use the steps!

    My class this evening is the last class that I will be with the group of students that I began with in July. It will be weird parting from them, but I hope that some of them will stay in touch with me and let me know how their careers progress because of our time together. It is an exciting step for all of them, and I love seeing my students succeed. Just yesterday morning I received an email from a student I taught last week telling me that he has already passed the exam for the class. I feel great every time I get one of these emails! I expect to continue getting them from this group… some slower than others. I was told that I will be getting another group from the same company sometime in April, which is exciting. I am glad that I will be able to continue helping this company’s employees.

    Okay, I have some work to do and then it’s time to relax with my wife. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 643

    After speaking with my wife last night I made a decision. I have adjusted my weight goal on the app that ties to my scale. I am feeling so much better about myself than I have in so many years, and while I think I still have a little way to go, I also recognize that I want to be slim, but not sickly thin. With that, my new weight loss goal is 210 lbs., both for my well-being and for a number of other reasons.

    I had a stressful day yesterday and I did eat (and snack) a little more than I should have. I was a bit concerned about the numbers, but sure enough (after a half decent bowel movement) I had lost .6 lb. from yesterday morning. I am not back to where I was before my stumble began, but I have always said that down is better than up. I will call it a win!

    I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that now that I am wearing my pants around my waist and not around my belly there is a significant difference in the length. For decades I have bought pants in a 30” length. Since changing to the waist I have been showing off a lot more sock than I used to. Late last week I ordered my first pair of pants that were a 36×32… the smaller waist and the longer leg. They arrived at Leslie’s mailbox on Friday and were here when I arrived. I was afraid to try them on – not because of the length, but because of the 36” waist. I know I have a couple of pair in that waist that do fit, but I have several others that do not. This morning I tried them on. Lo and behold… they fit perfectly! I was (and am) so excited about that!

    One more thing that I realized a while ago was that my underwear has been much looser than it could be. I ordered several new pair, some of which arrived Monday. For the first time in I don’t know how long I am wearing Size Large! It has been so many years since I have worn anything that was not XL (or XXL or XXXL…) and it really feels great to be able to order some things in regular sizes. I am not going to say that I am over the moon about underwear, but it is a nice feeling to know that I can wear normal sizes.

    Today will be a very long day. I am teaching from 8:00am to 8:00pm, and then we are driving to Houston (probably a 4-hour drive). When we get to the hotel, I am sure we will both be ready to collapse into bed immediately! My workday tomorrow begins at 8:00am again, although it is mercifully much shorter. In the evening we are going to the Davidoff event at the Blend Bar – the entire purpose for our trip to Houston, and the reason behind the timing of this trip. Yes, there will be fatigue, and the anxiety of working from a hotel room, but it will be worth it. We will look like a million bucks together as we enjoy our event… and our weekend away together.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 642

    I thought I ate better yesterday than I have the last couple of days, so I was a bit disappointed to discover my weight actually went up (only by .2 lb.) this morning. I think it is the combination of Leslie’s amazing protein balls and the can of Japanese coffee that I drank that did it. That, and the fact that I did not leave the house at any point, and only took 1300 steps. That is what happens when you work from 8:00am to 8:00pm with hardly a break.

    I am working during the day today, but when my class ends at 3:30pm I will be free for the afternoon and evening. I might go for a little walk, but I also have an errand that I have to run. Yes, I have to visit my cigar lounge in order to pick something up which we need before we go to Houston tomorrow evening. It will be nice to see the boys and to chat for a few minutes, but I do not expect that I will be sticking around for a cigar. Leslie’s son goes back to his father’s tomorrow, so this will be the last evening we can spend as a family for the week. I would rather be with them, and I will be able to smoke a cigar after he goes to sleep.

    Okay, it is time for me to get to work. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 624

    Yesterday was another stressful day of teaching, but I did not try to relax by eating. In fact, at the end of the day I had originally planned to go to a friend’s house for a cigar but decided instead to go for a long walk to clear my head (and to get some exercise). How did it go? Well, when combined with the evening cigar I smoked after showering I think it turned out fairly well.

    My weight this morning was up from yesterday. It was not a significant increase – .2 lb. – so I am not concerned. When I was first gaining the weight in early adulthood, I would make the excuse that muscle was heavier than fat. Looking at the stats from my bathroom scale app it might be, for the first time ever, that might have something to do with it. There are only three stats that increased from yesterday to today: weight, BMI, and muscle mass. Maybe the 12km walk did build my leg muscles somewhat… and increased my weight ever so slightly.

    The measures on the scale yesterday were all over the place. After my walk I weighed less than I did in the morning. Before bed it was four pounds up from the morning. That worried me because I usually drop as much as 2-2.5 lbs. overnight, but seldom more. What I did not take into account was how much water I must have consumed and been retaining. I was feeling a discomfort in my bladder all day, but I couldn’t figure out why. If you want to know why I did not sleep well last night it is probably because I got up to pee seven times, each of which was a long and steady stream. While my weight was up this morning, it was not up enough to worry about… but the excess water is what caused my concern (and the discomfort).

    I should mention that I have once again not moved my bowels for four days. As I promised my doctor I am not going to wait until it gets painful and will take a laxative. I do not want to take it until my teaching is done because I do not know how my body will react. I will say that I have been feeling the sensations that I would like to go the last hour but will have to wait until lunch. I know that it will likely be more than a 2-minute pain-free experience. In my life I never thought I would be in the market for stool softeners and things like that. Not fun.

    My class lectures are done for the week! My students now have a few hours to work on their labs and of course I am happy to help them with those, but the lecture portion is done. I will take my lunch break in a few minutes during which I have some calls to make and will try to do those from the balcony. It is a beautiful day out, and in the Great White North we should never take those for granted.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 623

    For the second day in a row my weight remained where it was. Not only did I not cheat yesterday, but I also did not have all of my meal replacements. I am teaching a very stressful class during the day (for very different reasons from my previous stressful classes) and so I did not have the opportunity to prepare my first meal replacement until nearly 2:30pm. At the end of my daytime class I was so stressed that I needed to sit on the balcony with a cigar to decompress. I knew that I would have an easier class in the evening (which I did), but I was thinking about anything but food. Combine that with the fact that it was less than two hours since I had finished my first replacement. When I began my evening class I figured I would take it at the break… which was late as well.

    Today has been a very stressful day with my course but it is almost over. It is now 2:30pm and I just prepared my meal replacement. It looks like today might be another ‘less than normal’ day. I am hoping to go for a walk this evening but there are a number of factors that might depend on. We will see.

    Have a great day folks!