Losing a part of me

Blog

  • Day 1012

    I will start with the here and now… my usual daily update. As I said that I would, I did go out for a long walk yesterday. I power-walked 8.4km in the 28° sun, even though my initial plan had been to do 6-7km. I do not follow a route I had taken before, and when I crossed over the highway to start heading back I realized that there was no service road – let alone a sidewalk of any kind – on the other side of the highway. I had to go through residential streets that were unfamiliar to me, and somewhat winding. I would also have to contend with finding a level crossing of the railroad tracks, not to mention an underpass that would get be back onto the friendly side of the aforementioned highway. I was proud of my accomplishment though, even though I did need to stop to rest for a minute once along the way.

    It was that accomplishment that I felt gave me leave to enjoy the movie theatre popcorn that I shared with my wife. In the future though I think we should share the medium size and not the large. Had I thought of this at the time I suspect my weight would have been down more than it was – a mere .2 lb. from yesterday morning. At least I did register one food-related accomplishment… we went for peri-peri chicken for dinner, and for the first time in I don’t know how long I ordered the quarter breast meal instead of the half chicken. I need to start eating less… even when the foods are healthy, I need to control my portions.

    As we sat on the patio smoking and talking last night Leslie did something extremely meaningful and helpful. She asked me what my plans for succeeding on this weight loss journey were. I told her, and it led to a good conversation.

    1. Yes, I need to eat less. I have to control my portions. There is no question that this is going to be important.
    2. I need to stop buying any foods that are bad for me. She pointed out that when she reads in these pages that I ate a mango, for example, the mango is full of sugar and however otherwise healthy it may be, the high sugar content is bad for weight loss.
    3. She asked what my plans for activity are, citing that in the winter months I can get lazy. I told her that when I get back to Canada, I am clearing everything off my treadmill and will be using it regularly throughout the winter months. I acknowledged that while I do walk HRF Princess Sophie twice daily for nearly 4km total, that is all at her pace, and is not really exercise. I will me making sure to use the treadmill and it is easy because I can just put something to watch on the TV and go for an hour. On days that I am teaching I need to do it in the evening, and when I am not teaching I can do it during the day… but I need to do it.
    4. I need to be accountable to myself. When I have a bad food day, I need to enumerate in these pages not just ‘I had a bad day’ but rather how… and why. If I am to ask her to hold me accountable then the only way she knows when I am going off is from my journal, and if I write out ‘I was bad today… this is the list of what I ate’ then not only does it help her to help me, but it will help me to help myself.

    In addition to all of this, I need to write when I have a massive failure. Over the past few weeks, I have been wearing my dress pants when I need to wear long pants because they are the only ones that fit me. I ordered two pair of slacks from Amazon that arrived Monday… and they were a size 40. FORTY! It was such a huge accomplishment when I was able to fit comfortably into a size 36 in some fits, and now I am back into a size 40. I am disgusted with myself over this, and need to reverse that. I need to get back into the smaller sizes again. I recognize that it will take time, but I need to do it.

    (I also needed to order a new belt Monday morning when I was securing the one that I had brought with me, and it broke. This was more because when I wear looser pants (such as my dress pants) I need to pull it tighter to hold them up, and I have more belly pushing back against it. I had known for a few weeks that it was on its last legs, and it was folly of me to not bring another one with me. Oops!)

    The Size 40 is bad… but the fact that my suits are tight, and that I can only wear one of my sports jackets is worse. How I have not discussed in these pages that so many of my nice clothes (which I was so happy to call a non-scale victory at the time) no longer fit because they are too tight… I was just so embarrassed by my failure. I am ashamed to be where I am.

    I have never been one of those people who needs to put a positive spin on everything. I do not need anyone blowing smoke up my rear. When I screw up, I need to acknowledge that I screwed up. That is what will encourage me to un-screw whatever was screwed. That is why I am writing all of this. I need to get out of the Size 40 and into the custom-tailored clothes that I was so proud of. I need to be wearing my pants around my belly button and not around my hips with my belly hanging over them. I need to know that if I put on a shirt that does not fit, it is because it is too big, and not too tight.

    If this new attempt works, then I have Leslie’s pointing it out to thank for it. I will do the work, but I am so happy that she is not coddling me about it. That is what people who love you need to do some times.

    For the record, if you are a friend who is also a reader and you think this gives you leave to start talking to me about my needing to lose weight, let me stop you there. I am happy to take it from my wife. That’s where it ends.

    As for this being where it begins, I am going to try to record another 24km of walking between now and the time I return to Canada. That is four walks of 6km each… or three walks of 8km each.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1011

    I was not expecting great things this morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale. I wrote yesterday that I prepared French toast for breakfast (with real Quebec maple syrup). We then ordered in fast food (Five Guys) for a late lunch. During the baseball game, Leslie lamented that we should have brought food with us (which meant that she was hungry). I went down the street to the Middle Eastern restaurant and picked up a manakish, essentially a cheese pizza with za’atar. I did not expect to lose weight after eating this poorly. However, I did finally have a decent bowel movement this morning… I think my system was just clogged up for a couple of days. The result: My weight was down nearly (but not quite) one full pound this morning from yesterday. Yay!

    (Note: After writing this paragraph I retired to the W.C. and was able to repeat the success of this morning. It will not apply to this morning’s weight, but maybe tomorrow?)

    We have tickets to see a movie this afternoon. It looks like it will be interesting – a suspense surrounding the choosing of a new pope. I am excited for the subject (it seems to be along the lines of Dan Brown’s DaVinci Code). I doubt it will have the symbological aspects of that book, but it is still of interest to me. Jews do not have any sort of supreme leader, so the whole ritual around the pope is interesting to me.

    My sleep score was up to 84 last night, the highest it has been in a month. That brought my body battery up to about 60, which is still low but better than it has been in a while.

    I did not go out for a walk yesterday, but I think I will go for one now. It is a beautiful day out and we have a couple of hours to kill before we head out to the movies.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1010

    My weight gain from yesterday was canceled out today. Phew! We ate reasonably well – Leslie picked up salads for our lunch, and we ordered Japanese curry chicken katsu for dinner. I snacked in moderation. I am still much heavier than I was hoping to be by now. I do not mean long term, I mean a couple of weeks ago. I hope that as I start walking this week, I will be able to get down below that terrible mark. In the meantime, I am enjoying my time with my wife.

    As had been the plan, I woke up this morning and made French toast for our breakfast. I then went out to pick up lattés for us, which we were able to enjoy on the balcony with our cigars. This evening we will again go to watch the baseball game at our cigar lounge, and hopefully we will eat intelligently before we go.

    It is a beautiful afternoon, but it is hot in the sun. After our cigars we came into the apartment. Leslie took HRF Duchess of Chif for a short walk, and I got a few things done. We might run an errand this afternoon, but if not then I might go for a walk. We will see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1009

    My weight was slightly up this morning. I am looking forward to next week when I can go for my walks.

  • Day 1008

    Despite the disgusting weight gain of yesterday morning I was happy to order Chinese food to enjoy with my wife for dinner last night. It was not a good choice, but we were both tired and it was her suggestion. I also decided to have a dram of whisky with our cigar on the balcony, and it turned out that it was needed because it was a very emotional conversation. As hard as it is to hear the outpouring of emotion from my beautiful wife, we both find it so much better when I am here so I can hold her and comfort her. This whole ‘living in different countries’ thing is getting old.

    With all of that, I was relieved if somewhat surprised this morning when I saw that I had lost all of the weight that I had gained yesterday. That 2.2 lbs. jump killed me, and seeing it reversed was a real relief. I wonder how much it helped that yesterday midday I was finally able to have a really good bowel movement.

    Today is a new day and I am likely going to have a chicken salad for lunch. For dinner I am planning to buy a nice piece of fish that I will prepare to a recipe that my buddy Lyle gave me the other day, which will be completely different from how I usually prepare it. I am excited to try it. I also know that if it is a complete failure then I can throw it out and we can defrost something from the freezer.

    It is Thursday today and I have two more teaching days before the weekend. I am enjoying the class, but I am really looking forward to not having to work full time next week. I do have some work that needs to be done, but I will also have the freedom to power-walk almost every day. I need to get active again… it has been too long (nearly a month) since I was able to.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1007

    The last few days have been a complete and total disaster with regard to my diet. I have no idea how I ended up gaining over two pounds this morning. I hate myself for it.

  • Day 1006

    I wrote yesterday that I had made some bad choices (or rather that the family had, and I went along with it). That trend continued yesterday when I ate the leftover deep-dish pizza for lunch. I am grateful that it is now gone (or at least the vegetarian one that I can eat is) and while I do not know what Leslie and I will end up doing for lunch, I can be certain that it will not be nearly as bad for my weight as the pizza was. The .2 lb. increase on the bathroom scale was no surprise. Now it is time to go the other way for a few days, and hopefully by the time I return to Canada I might be back below that dreaded mark.

    I will say that it is difficult to eat well with a 9-year-old boy whose pickiness must be accounted for. I do not fault him for my weight gain, I just think it will be easier to manage after he goes back to his father’s house tomorrow.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1005

    Yesterday was a very long day… a travel day no less. Yes, I ate poorly. Yes, I made some bad choices (but also had to eat what my family wanted to eat, which was Chicago-style pizza. Yes, I could have done worse… so even though my weight has continued to creep up, I am thankful for some small victories. I could have eaten much worse yesterday.

  • Day 1004

    You know you spend a lot of time traveling when the officer at US Customs and Border Protection’s secondary screening office greets you by name… before he is handed your passport. Because I am in the middle of the Green Card application process, every time I cross into the United States I am scrutinized to make sure I am not planning on staying. This trip was no different, and the nice officer put me at the front of the line and had me out of there in minutes. I was able to relax at the Admiral’s Club Lounge and enjoyed a reasonably (not entirely) healthy breakfast. The days of my worrying that I must have forgotten something are long behind me, and in a few minutes I will head down to the terminal to board my flight.

    By the way… I did forget something. I meant to bring a few meal replacement shakes with me, and I forgot to pack them. I am not worried because I brought plenty of protein bars for Leslie, so I might eat a few of them.

    It is so exciting that we are lets than five hours we will be together again. I am so looking forward to seeing her, my stepson, and of course the gorgeous Duchess of Mischief! Of course, when I dropped her off at Susan’s apartment last night it seemed that Princess Sophie knew that I was leaving again… I had forgotten to bring her bowl so I ran home to grab it, and when I returned she refused to come to me and looked at me with a glare that told me that she was not pleased with me. Sigh.

    The last couple of days have been unseasonably beautiful and warm in the Greater Toronto Area, and that is predicted to continue through Tuesday before the Canadian seasons return. That will have no affect on me until I return though, with the Texas autumn set to keep me warm during the days and cool but comfortable in the evenings.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1003

    I got a lot done yesterday and today in advance of my trip, culminating with reserving my Uber (which will pick me up at 3:45am) and taking Princess Sophie to our neighbour Sue, where she will spend the next fortnight. Of course, I took her for one final walk before dropping her off. It is now 7:30pm, and after I pack up my carry-on bag (which will include my laptop) I am going to shower and shave, and then I will likely have a cigar on the balcony… only because I know I will not be able to sleep yet.

    I was hoping to arrive in Texas under that terrible weight-loss mark, but it was not to be. This morning I had regained the miniscule amount that I had dropped yesterday. Hmph. Honestly I do not think I ate poorly yesterday, but you cannot argue with numbers.

    I will likely write tomorrow’s entry from the airport over breakfast, which seems to be my habit for early morning flights.

    Have a great evening folks!