Losing a part of me

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  • Day 1041

    I suppose it is fitting that as today is my first day of breakfast and meal replacements only that I am back to my highest weight. That said, as I had thought I did pretty well yesterday, I should have dropped at least a few ounces, and not jumped nearly two pounds. The fridge chart starts today, and I am on a mission to first drop below the terrible mark, and then drop another twenty pounds by the end of the year.

    I went out for my first chilly walk in a while yesterday and managed to walk 7.33km with an average pace of 9m18s per kilometre… a very respectable pace for my size. My fastest laps (3rd and 4th) were under 9m10s, and my slowest laps (5th and 7th) were 9m25s. In contrast, when I was walking in Dallas a month ago (November 27th) my fastest lap was 8m44s, but only the first four of eight and a half laps were under 9m30s. In other words, yesterday’s first outing (with much more than just shorts and a t-shirt) was quite respectable. I will probably head out for another go today, but we will see… while there is only a slight chance of rain, the forecast is quite windy so I might dust off the treadmill instead.

    My sleep score last night was only 71. I was in bed early, but I watched TV and played on my tablet until midnight. I will try to do better tonight. I hope that after a couple of days of exercising my body will start needing the sleep. I also had trouble in the bathroom this morning but made up for it after breakfast. I wonder what my weight would have been had I been successful earlier?

    I did not write anything about the certification exam I sat last Wednesday because my mind was elsewhere. It was a very entry-level exam, and I was not at all anxious about it. While they do not tell you the actual grade, I am confident that I achieved at least 90% on it. With that, and with my very open schedule for the next few weeks, I decided to register for my next exam, which is not nearly so entry-level. I booked it for next Monday, which means I have a week to study. I began yesterday and spent several hours on it. I will do the same today. The cost of the exam is $599 plus tax (US Dollars), and the fact that someone else paid for it does not mean that I will give it less import; far from it, I think that when a training company pays for me to take a course and the exam then I have to give it all of the respect that they showed me and make sure that I pass on the first try, and that I am worthy of teaching it as soon as possible. With that, I will be studying hard almost every day this week (I am taking Thursday off to go somewhere with a buddy.

    My plans for today, starting with earlier:

    • Take HRF Princess Sophie for her walk.
    • Breakfast
    • E-mail, other correspondence, and writing this journal entry
    • Suiting up for a long walk
    • Come back home, shower, then have a meal replacement shake
    • Run to Costco to return an item, and to buy protein bars
    • Study for a few hours
    • Another meal replacement shake
    • Early to bed.

    Oh, and somewhere in there I need to drive out to Hamilton to pick something up.

    Will I succeed? I do not know, but that is what I am hoping for. Will my weight be down tomorrow? It will have to be!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1040

    I was a bit surprised to see that my weight was up slightly this morning, but not terribly so. Today I will be eating the last of the chicken that I have in the house, and starting tomorrow I will be eating breakfast and then only meal replacements for the rest of the day. If my knee holds out I will also start walking. In fact, It looks to be a pretty nice day out today (albeit chilly), so I may go for a walk after my appointment.

    I do not know if this is the time that I will start and get all the way to my goal weight, but I am going to try. To that end, I printed a new fridge chart to encourage me. I have to do more than print papers though; I need to redouble my efforts and make it happen. I have to stop eating but more than that I need to stop cheating. I need to change my attitude toward food, and I need to once and for all break the unhealthy relationship that I have with food.

    While I am planning to walk outside today (with high temperatures of 7°C (41°F), I just went into my bedroom and cleaned everything off the treadmill. If it is my intention to use it this winter to keep active, then I have to as of right now stop using it to hang clothes. Yes, that stereotype is real… except in my case it will be temporary.

    Yes, I went to the supermarket yesterday. Knowing that I have a meal or two left, I purchased vegetables so that I can have a salad with them. I also bought a handful of trail mix which I should not have done… but I also thought about buying breakfast cereal and stopped myself. A smaller transgression is better than a larger one.

    I finally got a good night’s sleep. I woke up feeling refreshed, and while my body battery was low from the time I woke up, the 80 on my sleep score was a relief to see. I will try to sleep well again tonight and am hoping that if I do exercise then it will contribute to that.

    When I picked up my prescription meds yesterday, I also took the opportunity to get my Covid-19 and Flu vaccines. I have still had no ill effects and hope this proactive measure will help to keep me healthy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1039

    I am two pounds closer to the terrible mark this morning than I was yesterday. I was disgusted with myself that I weighed over 305 the last three days, and am really glad that starting tomorrow I am going back to eating breakfast and then meal replacements only.

    I am still not sleeping very well… I took the pill last night but it still took a while to fall asleep. Once I did, I had very weird and disturbing dreams. I will likely be tired today, but I will do my best to not nap so that I will be able to fall asleep at night without medicinal help.

  • Day 1038

    I took a nap yesterday afternoon, and paid for it at night… I could not fall asleep. So this afternoon, after I came back from my busy morning, I did the same thing. I know… that was stupid. I told Leslie that I will probably take a sleeping pill this evening (despite how much I hate doing that) in order to try to get back on track.

    I did not write much yesterday, so I did not write about the previous day; on Thursday when I brought my car in to change my tyres I went for a walk. I walked 5km, thinking I was not making very good time. In fact, I was making very good time, despite the lack of athletic shoes. I am not unhappy that I was doing about 9.5 minutes per kilometre wearing my Blundstones!

    I am still not back on track… but I am working on it. Hopefully today was better than the previous few days, and the numbers on the bathroom scale will reflect as much tomorrow. I also mentioned to Leslie earlier today that for the first time in my memory I am getting bored with chicken. While there are a lot of ways I could address that, I decided that once the chicken I have in my fridge is done, I will go back to two meal replacements per day (plus my usual breakfast). I would like to get down not only under the terrible mark, but much lower. I may not be able to do it over the holidays, but if I can get down to 280 lbs. before Hanukkah they I will be quite happy with myself.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1037

    I do not remember a night when I got worse sleep than I did last night. My sleep score was an abysmal 30, and when I got up to pee at 4:15am I was not able to get back to sleep. I have been dragging arse all day but that is to be expected.

    My weight did not improve from yesterday. It did not move at all. Hopefully tomorrow.

    Have a great day.

  • Day 1036

    Okay, I can try to get back on track now…

  • Dqy 1035

    I did not do very well yesterday again. I just need to get through today and then try to get back on track. In the meantime, I twisted my ankle as Princess and Sophie and I were out this morning. I do not think it is bad, but it is something I need to pay attention to.

  • Day 1034

    Did terrible yesterday. Emotional pain. Paid for it on the scale this morning.

  • Day 1033

    I was disappointed this morning when there was no drop on the bathroom scale. I suppose that when I cannot move my bowels that is more likely to happen. As usual, I took Princess Sophie for her walk, then as I was preparing breakfast I felt the need to go. I had not eaten yet so I was still within my own self-set guidelines, so I stripped down and weighed myself again. I did not recover all of the weight I had gained yesterday morning, but at least I was down half a pound.

    I did not sleep very well and have a packed day today. I will at least try to eat well.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1032

    The bathroom scale can go pound rocks this morning. There is no reason that I can think of why my weight should have been up by two pounds from yesterday. Argh!

    I did a great deal of studying yesterday, and I am confident that I will pass the certification exam I have scheduled for Thursday. In fact, I might try to schedule it for earlier in the week. We’ll see if I can.

    Today was the second day on my full meds, and I am hoping that my knee will not be in pain this week so that I can get some walking in.

    My plans for today are breakfast with a friend, then a cigar with another friend. Later in the afternoon I hope to see my kids and deliver the laptop that I have been preparing for my younger. I will put it in the car so that if I can, I will go straight from Grimsby.

    Have a great day.