Losing a part of me

Blog

  • Day 843

    I forgot to post yesterday. I just had one of those days when I vegged all day and did not do much of anything. If I had posted, then I would have written that I was extremely upset with myself because I bought four rolls on Friday and ended up eating all of them. It was no surprise that my weight was up yesterday morning to my highest weight since January of 2023. I weighed 289.2, and it was small wonder that my weight stayed below 290 lbs. I kicked myself, and then I ate properly yesterday. I dropped two pounds this morning, and will continue to eat properly.

    I have to go to the store today because I have an extremely busy week ahead, which was not supposed to be the case. Friday afternoon I was given a daytime class to teach this week, which means that with my evening classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I will be teaching tomorrow and Wednesday from 10am to 9pm. Long days indeed. I have enough food for today, but as I will likely not have the time to go to the supermarket tomorrow I will be doing my grocery shopping today. I will bypassing the bakery for sure, and will only be buying chicken, vegetables, and eggs… along with some cleaning supplies that I need. I have been saying all along that I need to get back on track, and that means getting my mindset back into it. Mindfulness and focus and resolve have to be my focus. That means that I will not be buying eggrolls or bread or any of the other little cheats that I like to pretend are things that I can only have a reasonable portion of. I will not buy peanuts. There will be no snacking this week. A buddy might be coming over Tuesday evening to barbecue, and he would be bringing steaks and potatoes. If he does, then that will be the only starch that I allow myself this week. I have no Lodge meetings this week so that wouldn’t be an issue (I ate poorly at the dinner Thursday evening as well), so I will not be tempted.

    I hate that my pants are so tight that I have to suck my belly in to close the few pair that actually fit… and that my beautiful jackets mostly do not close. I hate that I have lost my way. The only solution is to get back on track. Fortunately I have the support of my friends and my beautiful wife to fall back on if I feel weak.

    This evening into tomorrow is Yom Hazikaron… Israel’s Remembrance Day. For the first time I will light two candles… one for my friends and brothers, and one for the hostages in Gaza. May they all return home soon.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 842

    Oops…

  • Day 841

    I saw another tremendous jump on the bathroom scale this morning. I am not quite back to where I was Wednesday morning… but I am close. I have to get a handle on this!

  • Day 840

    I am getting ready for bed after a very long day, and while I have to backdate my post by a couple of hours, it is not too bad. I lost a bit this morning but did not eat very well at the lodge. Hopefully I won’t pay too much of a price tomorrow.

  • Day 839

    I was disgusted yesterday morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale and saw that my weight had jumped back up to 288 lbs., but I also had a very busy and stressful day yesterday, so not only did I not have the time to take any positive steps (such as exercising) to do something about it, but I also did not think to write about it. It was Leslie who told me this morning that I had neglected to post, and I took a minute to write up my thoughts.

    I was relieved this morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale and saw that my weight had dropped back below 285 lbs. because it meant that the jump was likely a temporary result due to high sodium intake and retaining water. I will also say two things:

    1. Aside from my usual pre-bed pee, I woke up a few times in the night to repeat, and then also had a very strong pee this morning, and
    2. I had my first good bowel movement in several days this morning.

    All of that contributed to getting my weight back down, but that does not mean that I can be complacent. If I am going to do this, I have to do this.

    It took me a long time to fall asleep last night, and so I am pretty tired today. I will try to take a nap before class.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 838

    Oops! I saw a crappy number on the bathroom scale. I also forgot to post.

  • Day 837

    I was certain that after how I ate yesterday, I would have gained even more weight this morning. Fortunately that was not the case, and I even dropped a pound from yesterday. Today I did not snack much, and I stuck to my breakfast, lunch, dinner, and then a protein bar because I felt like I was not going to make it through the end of my class. Today was my only complete 8am – 9pm day of the week, and I was mostly sitting at my desk. I did walk Her Floofness this morning, and somehow my steps are above 4,000 on the day. In a few minutes my evening class will be over, and I will take her out for another walk.

    I did not sleep well last night. I also did not move my bowels well today. Hopefully both of those will be resolved tonight and tomorrow morning. I also hope that if tomorrow is a nice day that I will be able to go for a nice walk.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 836

    I am back in Canada. I have not eaten well these last two days and I know I need to reset. It is time to give myself a good kick in the keister. Tomorrow I will do better.

  • Day 835

    I woke up this morning with a bit of sadness in my heart, but not because the bathroom scale showed my weight up by .2 lb.. I was sad because after breakfast I would be packing my carry-on bag and then Leslie and her son would be driving me to the airport, which is where I am currently sitting waiting for my flight.

    It has been a wonderful three weeks with my wife, despite the stress caused by the invasive species criminal tw@t who invaded her home and planted her flag, knowing the laws in Texas would protect her until we got a court order to have her removed. I teach my students that social engineers prey on three emotions to succeed: sympathy/our desire to be good, pressure/urgency, and fear/threats. This loser used all three of these tactics on Leslie, and when I finally got involved, she was already onto the threats/fear stage… and figured that the tactics that worked against my wife (and which would work against most people) would work against me. Boy, did she misread her audience on that one. Some people do not scare easily… others just don’t scare. I fit into that last category.

    With all that, it was a stressful couple of weeks… but happy times too. My wife and I had not been having the best time for the last few months, and we’re happily reconciled. Now if we could only live in the same country, that would be great.

    With the exception of one really bad night, I have had an excellent sleep score for the last ten days. Well, that is my word… Garmin considers anything above 80 to be good, and only scores over 90 are rated as excellent. As someone who has traditionally had trouble sleeping the night, I am going to consider every score above 75 to be excellent… so the last ten days have been great. Yes, there were a couple of really hard nights, but I made up for them when I could.

    I am thrilled that I got out for two good walk/jog outings while I was in Dallas, and hope that I will be able to continue that when I get back to Canada. Yes, there will be rainy days when I might opt to use the treadmill, but knowing that spring is here and the cold and snow and ice are behind us is a great motivator to get out and to get moving again! With that said, I need to cancel my gym membership. Crap.

    My weight is up from my best weight of the trip, but it is still down from the day before I left Canada. Now that I will be home and not worried about eating out, I should be able to get back in control of my weight loss. I have had a lot of emotional stresses in my life these last six months, and the numbers on the bathroom scale reflect that. Now it is time for me to pick myself up by my bootstraps and to get back to my best weight ever. That will take a few months I am sure, but it will happen.

    I have an hour and a half before my flight leaves, and I am sitting in the same French café that I ate at the first time I flew out of Dallas. Despite having an omelette for breakfast this morning, I ordered a muffin with my coffee. I do not know if they are serving food on the airplane or not (yes, I know I would have to pay for it) so I will pick up a snack to eat en route, just in case. When I get home I will check my food stocks, and then I will go to the supermarket to pick up whatever I might be missing. Also, I have to make sure everything is just right for Her Royal Floofness to return to her palace – she has spent three weeks away, and she will expect a royal welcome! I will see to it that there are plenty of treats and scritchies and lovies for her when she gets home!

    Okay, I suppose I will sign off and get ready to fly. I will check out the duty free shop and see if there is a bottle that I really need. I will then find my gate and sit there to wait for boarding, at which point I will try to sleep a little bit.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 834

    I know I did not eat very well yesterday, what with the snacking and having leftover pizza for dinner, but I had hoped that with my exercise I would have at least lost a couple of ounces. I stepped onto the bathroom scale to see a slight increase. I was not pleased, but I deserve it after the way I have been eating these last few weeks. The fact that I will be returning to Canada under 290 lbs. is a success… I would love to have been under 280, but unless there is a miracle tomorrow that is not going to happen.

    I went for another walk/jog yesterday. The first kilometer I jogged with Duchess, and because of that my pace was nowhere near what it would normally be… but it was still a good jog. I brought her home after a circle of 1km, and then proceeded to walk another 6.25km. I was quite satisfied with that, knowing that I have been out of it for so long. My pace for the last kilometer was much slower than the previous ones, and I am glad that I did not try to extend the path.

    I had my omelette for breakfast today, and for lunch Leslie and I shared the leftovers of chicken and a tiny piece of steak, and the sautéed mushrooms from the other night. I do not know what we will do for dinner, as it will depend on what her son is in the mood for. Whatever it is, I will try to eat carefully.

    Have a great day folks!