Losing a part of me

Blog

  • Day 823

    Tonight the festival of Passover begins and I am going to begin my annual ritual of not eating any bread or ‘risen’ products for eight days. That does not mean that I need to eat healthier, but it definitely limits what I can eat. I will try to be mindful of what I put in my mouth.

    I have given a lot of thought to how I have fallen again and am not going to let it happen. I have already said that when my friend starts his program that I will be joining him on that journey to support him. In truth I will be restarting the program because I have, once again, let myself go. I know that I have had tremendous emotional stress over these last six months… it began October 7 with the terrible attacks on Israel, and the realization that so many people around the world are working to spread disinformation designed to spread hatred of my country and my people. The problems in my marriage, many of which stemmed from that attack, made things worse. None of that should matter though. I need to stay strong and focused.

    It has been a terrible slide from my best weight in October and I have to put an end to it. While the actual reset on the program will not start until the second week of May, I am going to try to get back to at least not overeating and not eating so many of the wrong foods. If I can do that then I can hopefully start to get back into the mindset of making progress… or at least stopping the slide that has resulted in my gaining nearly fifty pounds from my best weight ever.

    This is going to be hard, but I think one of the things that I need to work on is making sure that I start taking this journal serious again… not just writing placeholder articles for days that I miss because when I do not think about weight management then I do not think about my journal.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 822

    I have not been doing well on my eating these last few days. Tomorrow evening is the first night of Passover and my eating will be curtailed, and Wednesday I’ll be back with Leslie so I won’t be unchecked.

    A buddy of mine got his start date confirmed for the program that I am on for the second week of May, and I have decided that I am going to join him. I need to get back on track. In the meantime, I have to try to be better today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 821

    Oops…

  • Day 820

    Oops…

  • Day 819

    I moved into a hotel last night for a few days because Leslie has allowed a houseguest to stay longer than she expected, and with that when Leslie’s son is home there is just not enough room for all of us. It was planned a few days ago and is temporary. The fact that everyone in the house is sick and that my being away might keep me healthy is a bonus. What is a downside is that I will not be cooking my own meals most days, and that I will need to rely on restaurants. Yesterday evening I did not do well; I am hoping to do better today.

  • Day 818

    Not a good weight this morning. Gotta get back on track!

  • Day 818

    Oops…

  • Day 817

    After a huge drop in weight yesterday I was not terribly upset that I gained .2 lb. this morning. I did not eat great but I did not eat terribly… but I did eat dinner at 8:30pm, and I shared a bottle of wine with my wife after that. I regret nothing.

    Today has been a pretty good day so far. Leslie and I will decide shortly what to do for dinner, but I think the day has been a success. We’ll see tomorrow morning when I step onto the bathroom scale.

  • Day 816

    Today is my first full day in Dallas, after a long travel day yesterday. I was up at 2:30am to be at the airport for a really early flight, but all went well. No, I did not eat particularly well… but I also did not eat particularly badly either. This morning I stepped onto Leslie’s bathroom scale and was delighted to see a drop… and not a small one! I dropped nearly four pounds, so while I am still above the 280 lbs. mark, I am thrilled to be back (significantly) below 285, which really upset me yesterday morning… until I realized that I was weighing myself at 2:45am, that I had hardly slept at all, and that I had not successfully moved my bowels. None of that really tamped that I was so freaking heavy… but at least I got back down today.

    Speaking of today, it has been a mostly good work day… if long. I had my usual breakfast, but for lunch I just made a couple of pieces of toast, as I did not feel like going out to pick anything up. After my daytime class I had a reasonable portion of dried mangos, and then a reasonable helping of crackers. My class will be over in ten minutes, and Leslie has ordered Chinese food for us for dinner: I asked for soup, spring rolls, and the Buddha’s Delight (a vegetarian dish which we quite enjoy). After that we will enjoy a cigar, and it will be another quiet evening… I am still catching up on my sleep and after a 12-hour day of teaching I need it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 815

    Okay, change of plans: I am flying to Dallas this morning and not waiting until next Saturday. Why? My wife is having trouble with something that I can help her with, and nothing else matters. You do not mess with my family. She and I have had our issues, but we are working on them and doing very well with that… but even if we were still having trouble then I invite you to reread the italicised sentence: You do not mess with my family. Someone is about to find out that they have messed with the wrong f.cking Jew.

    Yes, I continued to stress-eat the last few days… there were a lot of moving pieces that I needed to put right before I could actually make that change to just get onto the airplane, including (but definitely not limited to) asking my very good friends who are taking care of Princess Sophie to pick her up yesterday and not Friday. I had a hundred other things that needed to get done as well, none of which I could do while waiting on hold with American Airlines for nearly two hours trying to change my ticket. I then went nuts getting things done, all of which had to be put on hold while two friends came over for a cigar (one of which was picking up the Princess, the other picking up something that I thought I had another week to get to him). I had banking, shopping, paying bills, sending invoices, and all of that before I packed for a three-week trip. Yes, I was stressed. Oh, and it did not help that I felt that I needed to eat more because there was food in the fridge that would spoil otherwise.

    And now I’m at the airport waiting to board. I hope to sleep on the plane, but even if I don’t, I slept pretty well last night. I am excited to see Leslie, and I am girding for the fight to defend her. Do not mess with my family.

    Have a great day folks!