Blog

  • Day 824

    My wife and I are dealing with a situation that is extremely stressful for us, and it is all that I can do to not dive into all sorts of really bad foods. I am staying strong because she needs me to be strong, and we are getting through it together. In the meantime, there is someone going out of her way to make our lives miserable. It is disgusting that some people just take and take and take some more, and when you are not willing to do everything in their power to make your life difficult. We will get through it, but until it is behind us, we will likely not sleep very well. I have to continue to remind myself that my pants are far too tight as it is, and I do not want to slip any further after the last six months.

    This evening we will have our very small and abridged Passover seder, and I am looking forward to it. We have Chicken soup with matza balls, I made a batch of charoset, and for the main course I will make air-fried chicken breasts. We will tell the story of the exodus from Egypt and I will remember that while we escaped slavery, we have been an oppressed people for most of our existence. We will read the line ‘B’chol dor vador chayav adam lir’ot et atzmo k’ilu hu hatza mimitzrayim. “In all generations it is the duty of man to consider himself as if he had come forth from Egypt.”’ We will also read the line that ‘In every generation, they rise up to destroy us.’ How fitting is it as we are in the seventh month of our war in Gaza we are still fighting the Amalek – the evil enemy hellbent on our destruction. They have realized that they cannot only do it with weapons, so they have engaged in a misinformation campaign of lies that too many people are ready to believe… partly because the deep fake is so good but mostly because so many of them hate Jews… either consciously or not. I have spent the last seven months combatting the lies online but it is like swimming against the tide. I will not give up, and I will remind my wife and my son that we are wonderful people just trying to survive… tonight and always.

    There are so many problems in this world, and it is easy to forget that eating right is my best way to get slim and to stay that way. I have written a thousand times in this journal that I have to remain mindful. I will continue to remind myself.

    Chag Sameach… and have a great day!

  • Day 823

    Tonight the festival of Passover begins and I am going to begin my annual ritual of not eating any bread or ‘risen’ products for eight days. That does not mean that I need to eat healthier, but it definitely limits what I can eat. I will try to be mindful of what I put in my mouth.

    I have given a lot of thought to how I have fallen again and am not going to let it happen. I have already said that when my friend starts his program that I will be joining him on that journey to support him. In truth I will be restarting the program because I have, once again, let myself go. I know that I have had tremendous emotional stress over these last six months… it began October 7 with the terrible attacks on Israel, and the realization that so many people around the world are working to spread disinformation designed to spread hatred of my country and my people. The problems in my marriage, many of which stemmed from that attack, made things worse. None of that should matter though. I need to stay strong and focused.

    It has been a terrible slide from my best weight in October and I have to put an end to it. While the actual reset on the program will not start until the second week of May, I am going to try to get back to at least not overeating and not eating so many of the wrong foods. If I can do that then I can hopefully start to get back into the mindset of making progress… or at least stopping the slide that has resulted in my gaining nearly fifty pounds from my best weight ever.

    This is going to be hard, but I think one of the things that I need to work on is making sure that I start taking this journal serious again… not just writing placeholder articles for days that I miss because when I do not think about weight management then I do not think about my journal.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 822

    I have not been doing well on my eating these last few days. Tomorrow evening is the first night of Passover and my eating will be curtailed, and Wednesday I’ll be back with Leslie so I won’t be unchecked.

    A buddy of mine got his start date confirmed for the program that I am on for the second week of May, and I have decided that I am going to join him. I need to get back on track. In the meantime, I have to try to be better today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 819

    I moved into a hotel last night for a few days because Leslie has allowed a houseguest to stay longer than she expected, and with that when Leslie’s son is home there is just not enough room for all of us. It was planned a few days ago and is temporary. The fact that everyone in the house is sick and that my being away might keep me healthy is a bonus. What is a downside is that I will not be cooking my own meals most days, and that I will need to rely on restaurants. Yesterday evening I did not do well; I am hoping to do better today.

  • Day 818

    Not a good weight this morning. Gotta get back on track!

  • Day 817

    After a huge drop in weight yesterday I was not terribly upset that I gained .2 lb. this morning. I did not eat great but I did not eat terribly… but I did eat dinner at 8:30pm, and I shared a bottle of wine with my wife after that. I regret nothing.

    Today has been a pretty good day so far. Leslie and I will decide shortly what to do for dinner, but I think the day has been a success. We’ll see tomorrow morning when I step onto the bathroom scale.

  • Day 816

    Today is my first full day in Dallas, after a long travel day yesterday. I was up at 2:30am to be at the airport for a really early flight, but all went well. No, I did not eat particularly well… but I also did not eat particularly badly either. This morning I stepped onto Leslie’s bathroom scale and was delighted to see a drop… and not a small one! I dropped nearly four pounds, so while I am still above the 280 lbs. mark, I am thrilled to be back (significantly) below 285, which really upset me yesterday morning… until I realized that I was weighing myself at 2:45am, that I had hardly slept at all, and that I had not successfully moved my bowels. None of that really tamped that I was so freaking heavy… but at least I got back down today.

    Speaking of today, it has been a mostly good work day… if long. I had my usual breakfast, but for lunch I just made a couple of pieces of toast, as I did not feel like going out to pick anything up. After my daytime class I had a reasonable portion of dried mangos, and then a reasonable helping of crackers. My class will be over in ten minutes, and Leslie has ordered Chinese food for us for dinner: I asked for soup, spring rolls, and the Buddha’s Delight (a vegetarian dish which we quite enjoy). After that we will enjoy a cigar, and it will be another quiet evening… I am still catching up on my sleep and after a 12-hour day of teaching I need it.

    Have a great day folks!