Losing a part of me

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  • Day 755

    There are some things that would be difficult for anyone who has not spent time in Cuba to understand. One of these is that Internet is only available in some places, and then only when it feels like working. As an example, it rained yesterday, hence despite having written my article, I could not publish it because the Internet does not work in Cuba when it rains. Additionally, the previous day’s article was written and I thought it had published… but I was wrong. Don’t worry, I am able to backdate them so that when today’s article goes live my 756-day streak should be intact.

    I do not go out of my way to be online when I am here. Several hours after my article was finished, I was sitting at a café and the Internet was working… but my article was on my computer back in my apartment. I did not feel it necessary to run back, grab my computer, and come back to the café… not only because it is possible that in the fifteen minutes I was gone, the Internet might have dropped again. It’s all good.

    Despite writing about it in the past tense, I am actually starting today’s article yesterday… which is to say, last night. Yes, as I type this out I am lying in bed and ready to sleep. My feet are in agony – between Monday and Tuesday I walked over 44,000 steps! I got back to the room and peeled my shoes and socks off, then hobbled to the shower where I stood painfully but necessarily under the hot water. I did not shower this morning and I felt grungy. I briefly considered not shaving because that would entail standing for another five minutes or so. Once my stubble was gone I then considered (again briefly) not walking to the kitchen where I had to shut the gas for the water heater… I did the responsible thing and endured those extra thirty or so steps. Now I am lying comfortably so that the soles of my feet (which are currently about 40% blister) do not have to touch anything for the next eight hours or so.

    I am not eating as well as I should, but in the balance between caloric intake and calories burned I suspect I am doing well. I had a reasonable breakfast, a rich lunch of pasta with cream sauce (and a couple of glasses of rum, thanks to my buddy who owns the restaurant), and a mostly healthy dinner (although the French fries were not a good choice). I smoked several cigars throughout the day and drank more coffee than I probably should; the restaurants here serve a piece of chocolate with each cup of coffee, and I do not feel too guilty for eating them. Unlike yesterday (when I indulged in a piece of chocolate cake for desert after lunch) those were the only sweets that I had. I also had two glasses of juice… but I am sure my body will forgive me. All in all, I am hoping that were I to step on my bathroom scale this morning I would not be too disappointed.

    I am planning on taking it easy Wednesday (today). I will do some walking around Old Havana in the morning, and sometime in the afternoon I am meeting friends at the Hotel Nacional (4km from here). Unless my feet experience some sort of miraculous recovery, it is my intention to take a taxi to get there and back. Those will be the first I have taken since the one that brought me from the airport. The plan is to relax, smoke cigars, and to chat. No harm in that, right?

    —

    Okay, it now really is tomorrow (today) and I am sitting at the café in Calle Aguilar. I had the same breakfast I’ve had every day and am enjoying a cup of coffee. I just had a nice conversation with an American who lives just south of Montreal (in New York State) who is on his first trip here, and we spoke about cigars and economics and how to help the people here… while not getting taken in by the ploys that abound. Now I am going to finish my second cup of coffee and when I put my computer away I will pull out my backgammon set in the (probably vain) hopes that someone will sit down to play. It does not seem to be a very Cuban game. Oh well.

    My feet are still hurting, but not nearly as bad as they were last night. I am still going to take it easy – I doubt my step count will exceed 10,000 today – and will take taxis if I am going to leave Old Havana. Unless my friend from Portugal invites me to the Hotel Nacional for coffee I will not be leaving the neighbourhood. I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night because of them, and finally I broke down and took a couple of Aspirin. I took two more this morning and will proactively take a couple more throughout the day. I have no problems pushing myself, but there is a fine line between pain and injury… and I want to make sure my feet do recover so that I am not in pain the entire trip. I know that I overdid things my first few days here, and I know I have to pace myself. I can go back to Canada and limp around, but if I want to go to the store in Canada I can get into my car if I am in too much pain to walk. That is not an option here.

    It is still cool and a little cloudy, but the sun is coming out and I will be wearing sunglasses today. What else will I be doing? Who knows… whatever it is, I’ll have fun. There will be cafes and restaurants and music… and hopefully some backgammon involved.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 754

    I surpassed all expectations yesterday and am quite proud of myself for it. I ate a healthy breakfast, I went for a jog (which after 1 km in the heat and humidity turned into a power-walk), and I had a healthy dinner. I did a lot of walking, surpassing 25,000 steps! I had a single alcoholic beverage (a rum that was offered to me by a cigar roller friend as we smoked his creation, so I could hardly refuse). All in all, it was a good day. Had I brought my bathroom scale (which I ended up not doing) I suspect I would have been happy with my number this morning.

    I did get taken by a teenager who offered to convert my money at a decent rate. My usual guy was not available, so I tried to convert fifty dollars. The guy disappeared, and I am now $50 poorer than I was. The way I see it, it was my charitable donation to the Cuban economy. While I am usually careful with money, in the grand scheme of things that money was about 30-minutes of work for me… and three months’ salary for him. I was thinking that if I come across him again, I can hold my head high… he may think he got one over on the stupid turista, but in truth he just proved that I am much more of a man than he is. It means I will be able to buy three fewer cigars than I would have. Put in that perspective, I came out okay.

    When I did connect with my brother, we sat with a couple of friends of his for a little while and talked. The guy is from South Florida and works in technology, so we had a lot to talk about. The four of us would end up having dinner later.

    I told Johnny that I would go for a run while he did what he had to do; we went back to my apartment so that I could give him some real money to convert for me, and then he left to do his thing and I changed into my kit. We agreed to meet at 2:30pm at another friend’s café. I hoped to jog five kilometres but decided to pull up at 1km because of the conditions. I ended up walking along the Malecon to the Hotel Nacional, making about a 4km distance. I took a break there, reviewed my stats (6m45s for the jog, and under 9m30s per kilometre walking). I used the restroom, looked in at the cigar shop, and then headed out to walk back – another 4km. I took a cold shower (I miscalculated how far in advance I have to turn the water heater on), and then went to meet Johnny.

    The Conde de Villenueva hotel is absolutely magnificent… and it is currently closed… as is the cigar shop which is one of my favourites. Johnny was able to hook me up very well though – he has friends who were able to arrange for us to meet the senior torcedor (cigar roller) there. Raoul replaced my friend Reynaldo when he moved to Mexico, so I was not sure about what I would find. I was pleasantly surprised not only by the stock but also by the quality of the custom-rolled cigars. We sat for an hour chatting, smoking cigars, and drinking coffee and then rum. After enjoying one of his cigars, I asked him to make twenty-five of them for me for next week to take home. Yay!

    While neither Johnny nor I had eaten lunch, we had one more stop to make before heading to the restaurant in Calle San Rafael to meet Dennis and his wife for dinner. We popped in at my buddy Osiris’ restaurant and spent an hour talking with him and his wife. It was wonderful to see him (as it always is), and we promised we would meet him for lunch today (which we will do shortly).

    Dinner was at a Turkish restaurant, and I had a Doner Kebab. I had asked for the plate, but there was a miscommunication, so I got the sandwich instead. No great loss. It was quite good, and while all four of us were exhausted, we stayed there until 11:00pm chatting. I introduced Dennis to cigars, showing him how to properly enjoy it. In fact he enjoyed it so much that he enjoyed a second one! Johnny told him that he was getting a Master Class from me; I told him that he might be getting a class from a master, but it was really a primer. Master Classes are not for beginners!

    When we finally got up and left the restaurant, we said our farewells and exchanged contact information. Johnny and I will meet Osiris today, but Dennis has already flown back to the USA. I walked around for another ninety minutes or so before finding my way back to my apartment… after tracking down (with some difficulty owing to the late hour) some bottled water to take back to the room.

    As I prepared for bed, I realized that I was hungrier than expected. Not only had I skipped lunch, but by now the sandwich I had for dinner was nearly six-hours in my rearview mirror. I decided to have a protein bar so that I was not uncomfortable trying to sleep. My buddy Lyle had recommended the protein bars I brought, and he was right about how good they are. I lay my head down to sleep satisfied after a very complete first full day in Havana.

    The decision to come to Cuba was made because I needed to clear my head and get away from the usual grind. I wanted to relax, do a lot of walking, see my friends, smoke my cigars, and be beholden to nobody. In those respects, yesterday was a perfect day. What will today bring? We’ll see… it started to rain shortly after I finished my breakfast, so I brought my laptop into the smoking salon of the bistro, and here I sit. The Internet is down (welcome to Cuba), so I will likely have to wait until later in the day to publish. In the meantime, the rain seems to have stopped, and I am going to walk back to my apartment, drop off the computer, and then head out to see my buddies for lunch. After that? Whatever I want.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 753

    Saturday evening was not nearly as successful as the rest of the day was. I took my son the younger for dinner, and I was very happy to see him (as I always am). He confided something in me about his relationship with his brother that disturbed me so much that when I got home, I was not able to concentrate on anything. Packing my carry-on bag should normally take me five minutes but it took me nearly an hour because I was so scatterbrained. Likewise, when I did get to bed, I was not able to sleep a wink. It is frustrating as all get-out when one is tossing and turning, head full of terrible thoughts, knowing that the alarm is set for 2:00am. The last time I looked at the clock it was 12:25am, and I was extremely worried that I would not wake up with my alarm.

    Fortunately, I did wake up, and while I was exhausted the whole time, my travels were uneventful. I was in my apartment in Havana by 3:00pm, and by 3:30pm I was sitting with my brother in his bistro in Old Havana. I said several times that I was going to take a nap, but that never happened; I alternated between walking around the old city and siting at my buddy’s restaurant.

    I will be good today. There is no good reason for me to cheat. I will even try to go for a run… despite the fact that my feet are blistered from walking around in my sandals yesterday. I’m already at 5,000 steps, which is nothing to sneeze at.

  • Day 752

    I hardly slept a wink. Family stuff kept me tossing until 12:30 and my alarm woke me for my flight at 2:05am. I got through the airport without issues and am now in Havana. More tomorrow. It is good to be home.

  • Day 751

    I am having a good day so far… after a wonderful but very late night last night. No details; I was out and had a nice time. Unfortunately, that gave me precious little sleep. I was relieved that of the 3.2 lbs. that I gained yesterday morning, I dropped 2.8 lbs. this morning… putting me once again below that terrible 270 lbs. mark that I was so angry with myself for exceeding… even if it was only for a day.

    I am packed for my trip… although when I am back from dinner with my son, I will pack my carry-on bag. I tried to check in this morning, but apparently you cannot check in online for flights to Cuba that go through the USA. Okay, I will have to check in at the airport. No big deal.

    I had a late breakfast this morning, followed by lunch with my friends and godchildren. I ordered the salmon power bowl, which was probably a bit high in calories, but healthy. I am soon taking my son the younger for dinner, and wherever we go I will make sure to eat smart.

    Almost as soon as I am home from dinner I will be going to bed. Aside from the fact that I only slept about four hours last night, I am setting my alarm for 2:00am so that I can get to the airport for a very early flight. Once I am through the US Immigrations checkpoint, I will officially be on vacation. Yay!

    I’ll see you all tomorrow… either from the airport, from Miami International Airport, or from Havana!

  • Day 750

    Yesterday was a terrible day for my eating. I had a lovely (but very large) steak for dinner which I had bought at Costco earlier in the day. I also had a lot of peanuts. Stupid stupid stupid! At least I did a 5km jog as well.

  • Day 749

    I seem to be a day behind in my thinking… or I lost a day along the way somewhere. I have been thinking today was Wednesday, so when my countdown timer to my trip showed that I was just under three-days away I was confused. Did I accidentally input Saturday instead of Sunday? No… it turns out I am just a bit skewed. Yes, in sixty-five hours I will be catching my ride to the airport, and by just past noon three days from now I will be in Havana. I can hardly wait!

    I cheated again last night, but apparently not as bad as I had the previous days. My weight dropped all of what I gained yesterday morning, pulling me away from the precipice of that 270 lbs. mark. Still and all, I have to find a way to stop cheating!

    My doctor asked me yesterday if I had considered speaking with a professional about my emotional problems. I told her that I do not feel that I am ready for that. I also assured her that I have a good support system around who I speak to, and who are looking out for me. She also told me that my tests came back clear (although one is still pending), and that she is happy that I am exercising.

    Speaking of exercise: I did a full 5km on the treadmill yesterday, and I did the whole thing at the higher pace of 4.2 mph. My ankle did not hurt, but it did remind me that it was there. Now that I have properly calibrated my fitness watch, it is reporting a pace of 8m50s per kilometre which seems slow to me. I know that when I was running outside last summer, I was doing a kilometre in under 8m, and I am not sure that I was running much harder than I did yesterday. I know that I am just ramping up again, and that I am probably not going quite as fast as I was… but I also suspect it is possible that the treadmill’s calibration might not be exactly right. Oh well… I ran for just under 45 minutes, and that is a win for me by any measure.

    Once I finish this article, I am going to go to run a couple of errands… including the trip to Costco that I have been putting off. I have already taken my gift card and an item I’ve been meaning to return and placed them by the door. I also want to stop at the bank to pick up some US dollars (although I will have to make another trip to the bank to pick up my Euros, but I have my reasons). I will come home and make a reasonable lunch. In the afternoon my friend Eduardo is coming over for a cigar. Hopefully I will have time between these to run on the treadmill, but if not then I will be able to do it this evening. I am serious about getting back into the habit of running, and not just forcing myself to do it. To that end, I need to make sure that I do it when I am in Cuba as well… which means I will be jogging in the streets. That sounds like fun!

    See you tomorrow folks.

  • Day 748

    I was disappointed this morning to see that I not only gained weight again but gained a substantial amount of it. I did not eat badly yesterday, and I jogged nearly thirty minutes. The things I can point to from yesterday that were not on my program were a roll for breakfast, an apple in the evening, a dark chocolate wafer that my master (Taekwondo before you ask) brought and insisted I try, and the eggrolls that I had with my dinner. I am going to cut the eggrolls down today and skip the apple and chocolate. I already ate my roll with breakfast.

    I am counting down the days until I get onto the airplane. If there are no delays, then I will be landing in Havana in three days and twenty-two hours. I do not want to think about what issues I might have but I am hoping for clear sailing from beginning to end. Here’s hoping!

    My sleep score last night was an amazing 85. According to my fitness watch I slept 7h 25m, and got plenty of deep sleep. I suspect that something was a little off on that, as I woke up around 7:30am, and I thought I was in bed much earlier than midnight. Oh well… even if I did go to sleep that late, I am not used to getting that much good sleep. It was the third night in a week in which my score was above 80, and with the exception of Friday night (which was a terrible night, although I cannot remember why) it has been 77 or higher every night. I am glad to be sleeping better… now if I can just stop eating and gaining weight!

    I have no plans to overeat today… although I suppose I seldom do. My goal is to stick to my program and drop a couple of these pesky pounds before I get onto the airplane. I could hardly believe when I saw the numbers on the bathroom scale this morning… I weigh nearly 270 lbs. again! I have to get off this rollercoaster and start dropping some of that. I do not want to do anything too extreme, but I also do not want my weight to creep above that terrible mark again.

    I ran less than I had planned to yesterday, but at a slightly faster pace. When I first started the treadmill – within the first fifteen seconds – I realized there was a sharp pain in my ankle. It was not an injury, but if I pushed myself, it could easily become one. I stopped the treadmill, spent a few minutes stretching it, and then started up again. I have been setting the pace to 4 mph (at a 3% incline). Within the first minute of my run, I pushed that up to 4.2 mph. I pulled up at 2 miles (I have been doing 3 miles) because I was worried about my ankle. I re-calibrated my fitness watch (which was nowhere near accurate) and called it a day. I will try to get a couple of miles in again today but will now be paying attention to both my knees and my ankle. Sigh. Getting old is not fun, but as my parents used to say… it beats the alternative.

    I am slowly trying to get back to my happy self, but that is going to take some time. I have a new normal to get used to which is harder than I thought… and I never thought I would be here. I am seeing my doctor this afternoon, and I am going to ask about increasing my dosage of the antidepressants (which she said was likely going to happen after a month or so, which is about right on track). I hate being chemically dependent… but that is not the worst of my life right now, so I will live with it.

    I’ll see you tomorrow.

  • Day 747

    Okay, repeat after me: I must stop buying breakfast cereal! If it was not for that then I might be okay today. As it is, I am up again. I ate too much of it last night and bang… all of the progress I made over the previous two days is gone. Today I will not cheat.

    My plans for today are to have my lunch, then spend an hour on the treadmill running. No matter what I do, I will still weigh at least 85 lbs. less than my last trip. That does not mean that I would not to lose a couple more pounds between now and Sunday. Hopefully I can make that happen. I might go to Costco as well because I want to take a supply of protein bars to Cuba with me. I have been told that the food situation there is not very good right now, and a buddy told me there is a really good one that they have on sale. If I do not go today then I will definitely go tomorrow.

    I spent the morning smoking a cigar with a friend in Grimsby. I then went to the bank and was home by 1:00pm. I did a few things that needed to be done and am now going to prepare my lunch. It is a beautiful day, so I might spend some time on the balcony after the treadmill and a shower. We’ll see.

    See you tomorrow.

  • Day 746

    I am usually very good at doing quick calculations such as miles to kilometres in my head, so I am not sure why I thought that when I hit three miles on the treadmill that would be 5km, but that is when I stopped my run yesterday. It was silly because I then had to calculate that 3mi is 4.83km so that I could properly calibrate my fitness watch. I will do another jog today to confirm that it worked – which would mean that if I ran 3.11mi I would hit my 5km. It is worth noting that according to my Garmin Connect page on my computer, despite my effort to calibrate the watch, yesterday’s treadmill run is still marked as a 5.83km run. I suppose maybe the calibration only takes effect after that run? It does not make any sense, but okay… I’ll see what it records today.

    I ate well yesterday, and my weight dropped nearly another half-pound this morning. While I am disappointed that it was not more of a drop, I should not be surprised. Yes, my horrible cheat-day a few days ago resulted in a nearly three-pound jump. No, I should not expect a couple of good days to reverse that completely. Yes, that has happened often enough… but I am a fifty-one-year-old man and I have to be realistic that my body will not always rebound as I would like it to.

    Speaking of my body rebounding: I was walking with Her Floofness this morning and felt an almost unnoticeable something in my knees. I should not be surprised… or maybe I should be surprised that it was so small. I will keep an eye on them over the next little while; I assume it is just my body reminding me that I am exercising again, and that it is normal to feel aches when working out.

    I have to go to have a test done today. I am going to do it after lunch but before I pick my housekeeper up from the train station. After that, she will be here for a few hours… and then the apartment will be tidy again.

    I guess that means I should think about eating an early lunch… or at least, early enough so that I can be at the clinic by 1pm. I made an appointment to see my doctor on Wednesday, and I should have had this test done last week. Hopefully she will get the results in time. If not? Well, that’s life.

    I am trying to decide if You should bring my bathroom scale to Cuba or not. I will make that decision later… depending on how heavy my suitcase already is. I will not need as much space for my clothes as I once would have, but I am taking a lot of clothes to give to friends, and that will likely completely cram my suitcase. We’ll see when I am packed.

    Speaking of suitcases and Cuba… I remember the last time I left Cuba that one of my cigar tools was confiscated ‘for security reasons.’ In truth, it was because the kid scanning my carryon luggage wanted it for himself. (look up ‘Xikar 011 Twist Punch’ and you’ll see why I am so sure) In any event, I had best remember that when leaving the country, I pack anything even remotely possibly interesting in my checked luggage. I do not want a repeat performance!

    Okay, my lunch is in the air fryer. I would never eat this early, but when there are timing factors as there are today, I do what needs to be done. I do not want to eat later because I want my cleaning lady to completely clean the kitchen.

    Oh wow… it just occurred to me that I won’t have time to get on the treadmill until after she is gone. I guess I could do it while she is here, but then I will have to make sure I am decent both on my way to and from the shower. I’ll think about it.

    That is another thing I have been thinking about… I want to run when I am in Havana. I don’t know how much or how far, and I also know I plan to do a lot of walking while I am there. With that said, if I can do 5-10km jogging a couple of times then I will be a very happy man. We’ll see…

    See you tomorrow folks.