Losing a part of me

Tag: Health

  • 2026 Day 3

    Irrelevant to my progress, I realized yesterday after I published my daily entry that I had already used the title Day 1, Day 2, etc… and so in order to make things clear, I am changing the titles. Today’s year-Day is not set in stone, but it’s what I came up with for now.

    I cheated yesterday. It took me less than 48 hours to fall off the wagon. Fortunately, it was not a terrible fall. After my third meal replacement I went out to visit with friends. On my way there I realized I was very hungry, and I did not want to arrive at their place and see temptations on the table. I stopped off and bought a handful of peanuts, which I ate in the car as I drove down there.

    When I arrived I realized that I had absolutely made the right decision. Before I even sat down, I was told that there were delicious fried chicken wings over here, and sour gummies over there. Less than an hour earlier I was speaking with my new diet buddy and she told me that a cup of celery per day was allowed on the program. With that knowledge, I took two spears of celery from the bowl of crudités before sitting down to light my cigar. Despite the temptations that were everywhere, I did not indulge.

    I had told my diet buddy that I was not going to start integrating celery into my program, but I am beginning to rethink that decision. I am going to reevaluate that decision. I have not made a decision yet, but I will think about it. I do have to go to the supermarket today to pick up a quart of milk for my coffee, and depending on how I feel (and how they look in the produce section) I might pick up a celery. We shall see.

    It is important to point out that while other vegetables might be healthy, celery is probably the lowest calorie vegetable per volume, with a medium stalk containing six (6) calories. There is a myth that we burn more calories than that when eating it which is untrue, but it is still a very healthy way to get full (and get more dietary fibre) without any of the negative contents (carbohydrates, starches, sugars) that I am trying to avoid.

    Aside from milk and celery, I also need to fill my propane tanks if I have any plans to smoke on the balcony this week. While the forecast high temperatures will be above zero through Thursday, there might be wind which would make that uncomfortable… but in case it is not, I would like to have the option. I am seldom tempted to snack when I am smoking a cigar.

    I remembered yesterday that one of the most important things to remember when dieting is to drink a lot of water. I was negligent on that on Thursday, but yesterday I refilled my 30oz bottle at least three times throughout the day. It might have been four. I do know that I spent a lot more time running to the latrine than I usually do. I will try to keep that up. The weekend might be more challenging because I do not think about it, but during the week while I am teaching it will be easier. I will make a point of trying to drink at least two litres every day, which is a little more than sixty-five ounces. During the week when I am teaching that will be easier, but I am already at least a third of my way there this Saturday afternoon. Not too bad!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 3 Drama

    Yesterday I was strict on the program during the day, but not in the evening. If I am going to cheat, I know it should be during the day, and not at night. I didn’t have a lot of choice. I didn’t even cheat too bad… a friend brought Vietnamese pho for dinner. Yes, the noodles are bad for the diet, but that is the only ‘permanent’ bad of it. The reason my weight was up an astonishing 3.5 lbs. this morning was more for the ridiculously high sodium content, which is bad for the water retention issue, but will likely be reversed within a day or two.

    I was not feeling well yesterday evening. I felt a cold coming on starting mid-afternoon, and it continued to worsen throughout the day. I told my friend, who understood and went home after dinner so I could get into bed quickly. I may have been in bed by 8:15pm, but I did not fall asleep until 10:45. I still slept quite soundly, and am (so far) feeling better today.

    I am enjoying the class that I am teaching this week. It is way outside my usual comfort zone, but I spent the requisite time preparing, I sat (and passed) the exam over the weekend, and two days into it my students seem to think that I am doing well. Phew! Occasionally there is a class that I am forced to teach which I really have to ‘fake my way’ through. This week is not one of them. I have been using Microsoft Windows since 1985 and very deeply since Windows 2000 and am considered one of the top guys in it; with that said, I have used Linux quite a bit, especially for my cybersecurity work, and while I never considered myself an expert in it, the week I spent preparing for the exam (and this class) solidified a few concepts for me that were probably the difference between ‘user’ and ‘expert’ levels. I plan to keep working with Linux, and hope that I can continue to get more comfortable with it.

    In the opening paragraph of this journal entry I mentioned that if I am going to cheat, it should be earlier in the day; this is so that my body can process the bad before I go to sleep. I also said I often will not have a choice in the timing, especially when there is an evening meal involved. Today I do have the choice! There is leftover pho which I will enjoy for lunch. Not only can I eat it earlier, but because it was my friend’s leftover portion (they ordered the same as I did, but because of a weight loss surgery their stomach is much smaller, hence so is their appetite) so it is a much more reasonable portion than what I ate last night. I trust that since I will be eating smaller and earlier, I will still see a drop in my weight tomorrow morning. Even if I do not, I still feel that I am getting back on track.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1309

    I forced myself to stay awake as long as I could… which is to say until about 3:30pm. I then crawled into bed and slept for a couple of hours. As happens far too frequently, especially when I try to sleep during daylight hours, my eyes popped open a couple of hours later. I then did something that I do not usually do. Despite feeling like I was awake, and knowing that I was still exhausted, I stayed in bed. I probably got up to pee, but then I got right back into bed. I might have checked my email quickly, but I did not stay on my phone for any other purpose. I stayed in bed, and I eventually fell back asleep. While my fitness watch did not register it as such, I probably slept a full nine hours last night. It was blissful. I feel much more awake today than I have these last several days.

    These last couple of days I have eaten one of the new meal replacements for my mid-night breakfast. Aside from the fact that I would not have had time either day to prepare anything, it was a healthy and convenient ‘meal’ that I would not feel guilty about. I had the wafers both days – yesterday’s was mocha, today’s was chocolate – and they were both tasty and satisfying. By the time my lunch hour comes around (at 6:00am) I will make an omelette. As I mentioned, I have enough food in the house for a couple more days; by the weekend I should be able to get back onto the program… as long as I can do it with these meal replacements. It will be an adjustment, and I am not sure if I will succeed. I just looked and the product I usually use is still sold out. That is frustrating, and I am not sure how I will adjust… or if I will stick to a revised partial program for the time being.

    For the third night in a row, my weight dropped… significantly. I am now 5.8 lbs. lighter than I was just a few days ago. That is great, except that I am also still six pounds heavier than I was on my best day. I have a long way to go to even be back on track.

    This program is easier when the product is available but maybe the non-availability will force me to use some sort of self-control which might, in turn, become a habit.

    It is now 8:15am and I have less than three hours left to go before the end of my work day. I am hoping that a buddy is coming over for a cigar in the afternoon. I am also hoping that I can repeat yesterday… sleep from 5pm-1am. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1306

    I need to get back on track. This morning I was disgusted by the ground lost on the bathroom scale… or I supposed I should say last night. I was in bed by 5:30pm but never fell asleep. I might have gotten 20-30 minutes of sleep at some point, but I forced myself to stay in bed with my eyes closed until 11pm or so, at which point I got up and showered and shaved and got ready for the day. My very unpleasant encounter with the bathroom scale was therefore around 11:30pm.

    I do not know how long it will take for my new meal replacements to arrive, and I do not know what to expect when it does. My daily caloric intake on my usual ones is 900 calories spread across four 225 calorie shakes. These products are, as memory serves, 150 calories each, which means that to keep cadence I will be on six products per day until the other ones are available again. I can live with that. I am excited and reticent at the same time knowing that these are not all the same old shakes… which I do actually like and do not find boring. These are different types of chips and cookies and things like that. If they are really good then I will have to remember to maintain my self-control and not over-indulge.

    It is 8:45am and yes, I am exhausted, but the hardest part of my class is over. I have no more lecturing to do today – they are doing practice exams all afternoon. In just over two hours the class will be over for the day. I have to run to the post office, but other than that I can come home and relax. Hopefully with my current level of exhaustion I will get to sleep for real this afternoon.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Dat 1301

    Wow did I sleep! Yesterday after class I slept at least five hours. It was very nice. I got up and did whatever I needed to do, and then sat on the balcony with a cigar. When I realized how tired I was I decided to go in and try to sleep again. I slept another four and a half hours. In fact, I slept so deep that I overslept. When I opened my eyes and saw that it was 1:40am I jumped out of bed and scrambled to be online with three minutes to spare… not for the ‘I’ll be online thirty minutes early in case you have any questions’ but three minutes until class started. I will not make a habit of that.

    My weight was up significantly this morning. It is partly because in my rush I did not position the scale properly, but also because my system has been out of whack. I am not going to beat myself up over it.

    I have to wait one or two days more before I can reorder my meal replacements, but it is nearly that time. I am about to open my last box of 14 shakes… that is 3.5 day. If I cannot order them in time to get them by the weekend then I am going to be short. In anticipation of that I am going to cut down to three per day, plus one meal. That will start this afternoon, but will end when I receive my new shipment.

    With that said, I have a weight in mind at which I am going to make that transition to three plus one – three shakes and one meal. The meal will be much smaller than it was the last time I tried this, but I have to start eating responsibly. I expect that by mid-September I will be there.

    Because I was so late getting up, I did not have my meal replacement until my morning break – three hours later than normal. I was not feeling hunger pangs, but I do expect that had I waited much longer, I would not have been operating on all cylinders. That was not intentional, and will not be repeated.

    It is time for me to get back to class. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1299

    As I lay in bed unable to sleep from 5:30pm until I did something about it around 8:00pm, I believe I learned an important lesson. While it is not good for my weight loss progress to overeat, it is also bad for me to undereat. Yesterday I was thinking about other things, and by the time I got into bed I had only eaten two meal replacements. For all of the people who have told me that my usual 900 calories per day is unhealthy (despite what the medical professionals have told me), I know that 450 calories is a bad idea. I tell my student all the time that good and bad are subjective. Objectively, without judgement, undereating prevents me from falling asleep. Last night was the second night in the last week that I consumed significantly fewer than my normal 900 calories, and it was the second time that I could not fall asleep. Eventually I got out of bed and had another meal replacement, bringing my daily total to 675 calories. I still had difficulties falling asleep, but I got back into bed and rested until I did. I might have gotten two hours of sleep… but I doubt it. I will take a nap this afternoon.

    I am back to teaching ridiculous hours, which means that my weigh-ins are going to be at crazy hours. Well, that is not fair… I will be working from 1:30am until noon, which means that I will be weighing myself around 1:00am every weekday for the next two weeks. That began this morning, and my weight was exactly what it was yesterday morning at my regular time. Considering the lack of sleep and no bowel movements, I am not displeased with that. For the next ten weekdays I will weigh myself at the same time, and will hopefully continue to see my weight drop.

    I have written about this before, but I was reminded of it today. I hate food commercials. When I am trying to lose weight and to maintain my discipline it is just evil to show me wonderful tasty and extremely unhealthy foods which I love, crave, and absolutely cannot eat. It is not only TV commercials, it is also billboards, TV shows and movies, TikTok and Facebook reels… you get the picture. I want it all! I am also aware just how guilty I felt yesterday morning when I realized that the ground I had lost was because of those stupid onion rings. However tempting it is, it is a temporary satisfaction followed by days of guilt and self-loathing. That does not mean that I like the temptation. Seeing those ads is not easier for knowing that I would hate myself if I succumbed to temptation. I am not saying that anyone is guilty – freedom of expression extends to ads – I am just saying that when I am trying to lose weight I hate it.

    So far I have stuck to the plan for the day… at 1:00am I had my first meal replacement, and while I am starting to feel hungry (itis currently 5:15am) I will be able to make it through to my lunchtime – after I walk Princess Sophie. By my calculations that should have me enjoying that second shake in 90 minutes. I am drooling with anticipation!

    Okay, it is time for me to get back to work. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1298

    I wrote yesterday that when I fell off the wagon on Friday, I bought enough chicken and vegetables for two days, in addition to a challah. What I forgot to mention (and this was a complete blank on my part – that’s what sleep deprivation can do) is that I also bought from the prepared food counter (never a good destination for a dieter) a container of onion rings. It was because I had forgotten about this major transgression that I had a bit of trouble accepting that my weight jumped two pounds day-over-day. Worse, I had gained 3.6 lbs. in four days. As soon as I remembered that, it all made sense.

    I weighed myself twice this morning – once before taking Princess Sophie for her walk, and once after we got home; I had made coffee, I had prepared my meal replacement shake, I had sat down at the computer, and I had even typed in the first couple of sentences of this article before the urge hit. A productive bowel movement was just what the doctor ordered. Not only do I feel better, but instead of the .2 lb. drop from my first encounter with the bathroom scale, the drop from yesterday is now 1.4 lbs.; that is a good start, but I still have 2.2 lbs. from what I weighed five days ago.

    Yesterday was the first day in a month that I did not have a single meal replacement. For breakfast, I had challah with margarine. When I was finished eating, I removed the remaining challah from the bag… and threw it in the garbage. Just having it around would be too tempting. Around 2:30 I prepared the remaining chicken and salad. After running an errand, I picked up a handful of peanuts, and four dried peaches. That was it. I am done.

    This morning is not a new Day 1. Rather, it is Day 32… knowing that I fell off for two of those days.

    In addition to being able to void my system, I can also brag this morning of a wonderful night sleep. According to my fitness watch, my sleep score of 92 is the result of 8h55m of balanced and optimal sleep stages. After the last week, as well as knowing what is ahead of me, I am relieved. It was very much needed!

    It is going to be a beautiful day today… hot and sunny, with a high of 32°. I will spend most of the day at my computer preparing for my class which starts tomorrow… or should I say because of the time zone shift… at 2:00am tonight. That means that for Day 1 (which is tonight) I need to be online at 1:00am. Yes, I have now set my alarm for 12:30am for tomorrow, and 1:00am for the rest of the week… and the next week. Oh what fun we will have! I have friends who work the night shift on a regular basis, so I have nothing to complain about. I actually enjoy it to a degree… but the transition can be less than fun.

    The course that I am teaching is a very advanced cybersecurity class, and I am really looking forward to it. This will be the first time I have taught the course, thus why I will spend the day going over the material and the labs. It will be exhilarating to be sure… but every time I teach a new course – especially one at this level – I get a bit nervous. Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance, right? That’s my plan.

    My plan for the week is to stay on my program… and to try to shift my circadian rhythm for the fortnight. In other words: When I wake up at 12:30am it will be my early morning. After getting dressed I will have my breakfast shake… let’s call that 1:15am. When my class breaks for lunch I will take Princess Sophie for her walk, and on my return I will have my midday meal replacement… we should get back from that walk at around 6:45am. Class ends at 11:00am, and I will spend the next 30 minutes reading and answering emails. I will probably need until noon to deal with everything else that is on my plate. At that point I will have meal replacement number three. I have a few things to deal with in the afternoon, but by 4:30pm I should be able to have my fourth and final meal replacement. I will take Princess Sophie out for our second walk of the day, and when we get home it will be time to go to sleep so that I can hopefully get seven good hours of it.

    That is the goal. Will I be able to stick to it? I do not know. I always underestimate the challenges posed by the transition from a diurnal to a nocturnal lifestyle. All I know is that I will do my best.

    Speaking of doing my best… it’s time to hit the books. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1286

    This morning’s weight was worse than the last couple of days, and it is infuriating… even though I know it does not really mean anything. What I might weigh at 2:30am is always going to be different from what I would weigh at 8am. I also know that it had been three days since I had any sort of bowel movement, and when I was finally able to do that later in the morning I was quite relieved… and expect that will impact my weight tomorrow morning.

    Today is my last day of teaching overnight… until Monday, when I start a two-week class doing the same thing. In short, my sleep schedule is going to be quite horked through to August 22, and there is very little I can do about it. I am not about to turn down huge amounts of work so that I can get a good night sleep. I am excited to begin that class, and once I get into a rhythm I should be able to manage the six hour offset quite well. The hardest part of it will be the following weekend, when I am meant to be back on a normal (Eastern Daylight Time) for two days and then immediately pop back to Central European Standard Time. I’ll survive!

    Since I will be doing it for two straight weeks, I am going to establish my 1:00am weight as my normal through the fortnight. At that point I will not be worried about the hour because it will be consistent. Hopefully I will still be losing weight; hopefully I will be able to follow a reasonable routine.

    I wrote the previous paragraphs earlier. It is now my lunch hour (that is, 7:15-8:15am). I just came in from walking Her Floofness, and I prepared my first meal replacement shake. I have a few more minutes to enjoy it before my lecture starts up again, so I will do that and wish you all well.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1294

    **NOTE: This post was written August 6, 2025… I just noticed that it did not publish. I am backdating it for that reason. -MDG

    I was shocked when I saw the numbers on the bathroom scale this morning. Remember that nearly-1.5lbs. drop from yesterday? I put back 1.6 lbs. this morning. I was furious… until I realized two things: Firstly, it was 1:30am. I am teaching in Europe for the rest of the week, and I had to be at the computer and online for 3am. Secondly, I had not slept a wink. Try as I might, I did not fall asleep for even a minute. My alarm was set for 2:15am but I turned it off and got out of bed and showered long before that. Those two factors make this morning’s (sic) weigh-in completely meaningless.

    I passed my exam! For the second time in two weeks, I passed a very high-level cybersecurity exam. I was comfortable with most of it… until they gave me a Linux virtual machine and told me to do something that I have not done in a very long time. For the life of me I could not remember any of the necessary commands, and eventually I did what I could and then closed the VM. I was convinced that would have ended my chances of passing. Nope! I then took care of a bit of work, and then enjoyed a fine celebratory cigar on the balcony.

    I am sure there is more to write, but I am looking at the clock and my class break is nearly over. I will try to do as well with my eating today as I did yesterday… which will be more of a challenge because I will be taking my son the younger for lunch again. I am looking forward to spending time with him… but not to sitting in a restaurant and not eating.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1283

    I did not expect to see another huge drop this morning, so imagine my surprise when the numbers on the bathroom scale were another 1.4 lbs. down from yesterday!? That puts my loss-to-date at 31.8 lbs. on Day 27 of my latest attempt. I am thrilled with that! As well, after dropping only 3.2 lbs. last week, So far this week I have dropped 5 lbs.! What I am not thrilled with is that I am still well above the terrible mark. I hate that I let myself get so out of hand this calendar year.

    Analyzing the past data, while my weight first crept above the terrible mark at the end of September, in October it was higher than that for fifteen days, and then November it was fourteen days. In December I was doing better for a while… only seven days above that terrible mark. And then there was January… where I dropped below the terrible mark only once – and not since that day have I been there.

    If all goes well then by the middle to end of August I should drop below it once more. I will breathe a sigh of relief when I do.

    As it stands, the clothes that I ordered in June are a bit loose on me. I am wearing them comfortably, but you can tell I have lost a pound or two… or rather 18.4 lbs. to be precise! I am still disgusted that I cannot even button up the biggest of my sports jackets (although I am more comfortably able to wear my suits), and have reluctantly made a decision. Each time I have lost all of the weight, I have said ‘I will never gain it back again!’ and I have given away all of my fat clothes… which is why I had to get a new sports jacket and three new shirts made for me in June. When I can finally wear my slimmer clothes again I am going to take these new shirts and jacket and put them in a garment bag marked ‘If I am ever Fat and Ashamed again.’ I will not throw them out… but I will put them away in my storage locker.

    (I should mention that while I gave away the largest of my sports jackets, I am currently wearing a shirt that I had made in 2022, when I was first losing the weight. I have several shirts that do not fit yet, but I now have several from the down swing that do. They did not fit a month ago.)

    I mentioned yesterday that I had not moved my bowels in the morning… well in the afternoon I had what was probably the best movement since I stopped eating solid foods. I would not be surprised if that was a big contributing factor to this morning’s significant weight loss. What a relief! This morning I have thus far been unsuccessful, but there is still hope for the afternoon.

    My sleep score was up to an 87! I was surprised because of a number of factors:

    1. Even though I was in bed at a reasonable hour, I had a lot of trouble falling asleep.
    2. There was an Amazon delivery driver who decided to phone me at 6:30am to let me know he was leaving a package at my door. That is really my fault for disabling Sleep Mode on my phone… but I did not think I was going to get back to sleep after that. I did (phew!)

    I cannot think of the last time I had three nights in a row with a sleep score in excess of 80… Saturday night through Tuesday morning I registered 86-84-87. Woohoo! This, in addition to the nap I took yesterday afternoon.

    Yes, I took a nap. I spent most of the day trying to record a video for the course I am writing, and there was not one minute when I was not holding back a yawn. I could not figure it out, and finally I decided to walk away from the computer. I took Her Floofness out for a walk (she did not really feel like being out, so we only walked the perimeter of the building before coming back inside). She ran to Sue’s (the neighbour) for a visit, and I sat on the balcony with a cigar and a book. I thought that just maybe a break from not only sitting at my computer but also from studying computers would be beneficial. After my cigar was done I was feeling no more awake, and gave in to the temptation. I slept for an hour.

    While the nap certainly did my body good, I was still yawning all evening. On something like take 87 I was finally able to submit my video. (There was one take, maybe twenty or so takes earlier, that was definitely good enough… only for me to realize that while the screen and the mic were working, my camera was not. ARGH!) Video work is a lot more frustrating than teaching a live class… when I stumble over my words in class I can make light of it. That would not work for a recorded class.

    I did have a handful of peanuts yesterday…and I will again today. I am, as I said a few days ago, eating them in lieu of my fourth meal replacement. Three shakes and a handful of peanuts is not a bad compromise. I also suspect (with no scientific basis for it) that the peanut oil is helping the fibre in easing that last part of the digestive process. Maybe yes, maybe no… but I had the peanuts yesterday and recorded a huge weight drop, so maybe in moderation even if it doesn’t help… it doesn’t hurt.

    I do have some more video work to do today, but I also have an exam to prepare for this afternoon. As such, my plan is:

    • Head out after publishing this journal entry to visit with my son, stopping for a handful of peanuts along the way.
    • Come home, study for my exam for a few hours.
    • Clean off my kitchen table so that it will be completely clear for my exam.
    • Set up the exam computer.
    • At 4:45 I will either drop Her Floofness at Sue’s, or if she is not home I will put her in my bedroom so that I can take my exam.
    • After the exam, I will try to record the next video in the series.
    • After the sun goes down I will sit on the balcony with a cigar… if I pass my exam it will be a celebratory cigar (yes, it is a pretty advanced certification); if I do not pass then it will be an everyday pedestrian cigar. Let’s hope!

    Okay, it’s time to get moving. Have a great day folks!