Losing a part of me

Tag: Health

  • Day 1292

    30.4. The bathroom scale this morning confirmed that it took me twenty-six days to drop 30.4 lbs., and I nearly wooted out loud. I suspect it would have scared Her Floofness so early in the morning, but I quietly smiled.

    Yesterday was the second day in a row that I moved my bowels twice. I suppose the fibre is finally doing its job! Aside from dropping another half pound, I was also happy to see my sleep score of 84 this morning. Even though I wish I could have slept another 30-60 minutes, and my fitness watch categorized it as: ‘shorter than ideal, plenty of deep.’ That means that four of the last seven nights I had a sleep score of seventy-five or better. I think it is a combination of the melatonin and going to bed a little earlier that is helping. Of course, that ends Wednesday… I am teaching another class in Europe Wednesday through Friday, which means my sleep cycle will be completely upside down again. To make things even more interesting (sic), I should be receiving confirmation today or tomorrow that I am also teaching a class in Europe the next two weeks straight. Financially that is a relief. Sleep wise? Not so much.

    The class I should be teaching the next two weeks is for a certification that I do not currently hold, so I am preparing to sit the exam Wednesday… although I will be deciding sometime today whether or not to move that up to tomorrow… or even this evening. We’ll see. It is another high-level cybersecurity exam, and while it is slightly different from the CISSP, it is not significantly different. Going through a lot of the material I realized that there is a huge overlap in material, which is why I am thinking of moving it up. Practically speaking, that also would give me more time to reschedule it for the weekend if I do happen to fail… which is unlikely, but always a possibility.

    Yesterday I drove out to see my son around 11:00am, and then after about an hour with him I drove to Hagersville for my cigars, just as I had planned. I also take the opportunity when I am out there to fill my gas tank – the difference is at least twenty cents per litre!

    I kept telling myself that I needed to stop off for milk and cheese before I went home, and then I got distracted. The next time I thought of it I had already parked the car. Rather than hop back in, I went into the house, greeted Her Floofness, and took out the garbage before I headed out. I grabbed a reusable bag and walked to the supermarket on the corner. I was surprised that even with that walk I had not hit my steps goal for the day. As low as the goal is, I figured that would have done it. Luckily, despite several earlier outings, Princess Sophie told me she wanted to go out after I came in from my evening cigar, at which point not only did she poop, but I was also able to achieve my daily steps goal. I am hoping that yesterday was Day 1 of a new steps-goal streak. I know that with my crazy work schedule it might be a bit challenging, but let’s see if I can do it.

    Okay, I have rescheduled my exam for tomorrow afternoon. Now I have a bit more prep to do before I am ready. I also have some videos to record today for a contract I have been working on. It should be a fun if harried couple of days.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1290

    I was in bed and asleep at a reasonable hour last night… but when I woke up to pee around 1:10am I got into my head. My worries over both of my children (who are of very different ages and who have very different problems right now) kept me awake for a couple of hours. My sleep before and after that was good, which is how I ended up with a sleep score of 67… but yeah, I had it pretty accurate – looking at the data from my fitness watch, I was awake from 1:06am to 3:06am. I likely would have slept another 30-60 minutes were it not from a phone call from my son the elder at 8:30am. I have heard from him more this past week than likely any time in the past decade, and I am so grateful for it! I will also not be upset with him for a phone call at 8:30am, even if it did wake me up. Sorry society, but that is not an unreasonable hour for a call!

    My weight dropped a full pound from yesterday! That brings my current weight loss to 28.2 lbs. in 24 days. That is certainly nothing to sneeze at! I did cheat with peanuts again yesterday, but I find that if I replace one meal replacement with a reasonable amount of unsalted peanuts then it does not harm my progress. It is when I have the peanuts in addition to my complement of meal replacements that I get into trouble. That, and the day of my exam when I ate salted peanuts (because that was what was available).

    Today will be a challenge because I am taking my son the younger for lunch. I know that I will be tempted, but I will do my best to stay strong. I cannot give in to temptation! I will also then take him grocery shopping, and the instructions from his mother are to let him buy what he wants. The only item I need for myself is coffee, and I hope I do not forget. If I do, then I will be scrambling tomorrow morning!

    It is another beautiful day, and my friend Eduardo is coming over this afternoon. He needs help with his computer, and I am always happy to see him. I doubt that his issues will take me more than a few minutes to solve, after which we will sit and enjoy a cigar on the balcony.

    I scheduled another certification exam for Wednesday because I have been asked to teach the class the following week. While it is certainly a topic I will not have any issues with, they want me to be certified so I will take the exam. I will also spend some time studying over the next few days – while I am not worried, I still want to be prepared. I spent more time studying for the CISSP exam than for any I have ever taken… and it felt good to know that pass or fail, I gave it my all. Seeing as I have work I need to do on Monday and Tuesday, I will spend some time this afternoon (after Eduardo leaves) and tomorrow with my head in the books.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1289

    This morning was the first in several days that I moved my bowels as part of my early morning routine, and not after walking Her Floofness. It was not huge, but it was good to be able to do it. As I mentioned yesterday, I have to be careful so that I do not end up in agony from a blockage like a few weeks ago.

    My sleep score was up to 77 this morning… again, if I had gone to bed earlier… but also if my alarm was not set for 5:45am I am sure it would have been better. I know next week I am teaching a three-day class in Europe so I will bve jetlagged again, but I hope that it does not throw my diet willpower off.

    If today is Day 23 of my renewed efforts at weight loss, I can proudly say that I have so far lost 27.2 lbs., and while the pace of more than a pound per day will fall off within a week or two, I can still be proud for what I have achieved thus far.

    Yesterday I ran off the rails a bit… I left the house, once again, unprepared. I did have some peanuts along the way, and when I got to my meeting at the pub I immediately ordered food and a drink… I asked for a glass of water and a plate of carrots and celery. I am a bit down about the peanuts, but not the veggies. There was some family stress and although I felt bad for what my son was dealing with, there was also nothing that I could do to help other than giving him advice… which I did. I spent half an hour with my son the younger as well… it was great to see him, and I will do the same again this evening.

    I have to run out now – my new optometrist is waiting, and I am looking forward to getting glasses with an up to date subscription so I can see but more important hopefully my eyes will not tire as quickly.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 1288

    With my weight down another pound this morning, I am, after three weeks, down 26.8 lbs., and while I am impatient with my slowed rate, and somewhat disappointed by the week-over-week loss of only 3.2 lbs., I nevertheless have to remember that while my commitment to the program has not wavered, nonetheless my strict adherence to it has this past week has not been great. It has also been quite an emotional week, what with my passing my exam, my son the elder going off to begin his Master Degree, of course that on top of all of the usual excrement that is pervasive in my life… I will take it and run.

    With all of that said, I have no excuses for this week coming… at least, not that I can think of. I will be taking care of my son the younger from this afternoon until next Wednesday – he will not be staying with me, but I will be dropping in to see him twice per day as his mother and her partner drive our son the elder down to university. She specified that I can take him out to eat only once maybe twice… and I will use her instructions as my excuse to him. For the times that we do go out to eat, I will simply not eat. If I am terribly tempted then I will do what I did Tuesday evening… I will order a plate of carrots and celery. I cannot allow anything to get in the way of my success. If in the next week I achieve the same weight loss as I did the last week then I will be able to say that in four weeks I dropped thirty pounds. If I falter? Well to put it bluntly then I will not succeed.

    I was in bed and asleep at a more reasonable hour last night, and while my sleep score was up, it was only a 75. Nothing to write home about. With regard to my other bodily functions, I have not been able to move my bowels this morning. Thinking back to how I was two weeks ago, I am tracking this because I do not want to be back in the position where I am in pain because of it… let alone such extreme pain as I was in on Day 8 (Day 1275). I know that I moved them yesterday, and that while I am not eating solid foods it is not always going to happen every day… but if I go more than two days without voiding my bowels then I am prepared to take the second of the two packets the pharmacist gave me that helped clear me out. I do not want to be in a position where I am in agony before I act.

    After I pop in to see my son this afternoon after my class, I then have to drive down to Grimsby again to meet with someone with whom I have been trying to connect for the last six weeks or so. For this meeting I have no choice but to meet at the resto-pub that I was at Tuesday… the man I am meeting with is the owner. I hope he does not get offended that I will refuse his hospitality but my diet cannot afford for me to eat. If he insists then I will accept the carrots and celery that I indulged in the other day.

    Last night as we sat on my balcony, it started to rain… and rain it did! I do not know how long it lasted, but this morning was notably cooler than it has been these last couple of weeks; they say the rain broke the heat wave. While it was not raining when Her Floofness and I were out, it was clear that it had rained quite a bit overnight. There is no more rain predicted for the day, and while the rest of the week’s forecast is sunny, the temperature predictions are definitely lower than they have been. It will not be chilly, but they will be seasonable.

    My goal for the day is to get through it, then go to see my son, and then get to Grimsby and back without breaking my program. Wish me luck!

  • Day 1287

    Phew! My weight dropped this morning… even though my bowels did not. Okay scratch that – for the third day in a row, I was able to move my bowels… but only after starting this paragraph. My weight dropped from yesterday, but it did not change pre- to post-movement. Nonetheless, it is down this morning… and down is good. I am now only three pounds heavier than I was the day my world started to fall apart. That was April 1.

    My sleep score last night was way down – a 67, which is still classified as Fair by my fitness watch. I suppose my 5:45am alarm clock had something to do with that. I am glad that I got an early start, and hope to sleep better tonight.

    When I got into the car to drive down to Grimsby yesterday, I realized I still had some peanuts left from the previous day. It was not a lot, and I nibbled on them as I drove. My other cheat for the day was as good a cheat as I can think of… after our meeting at the café (where I had a cup of decaf coffee and a glass of water), the guys insisted we go to the pub – we were not quite done speaking, and the café was closing. As everyone else was ordering their food, I had what I think was a funny dialogue with the waitress. I asked her if they served chicken wings. They do. I asked if they served them with crudités (celery and carrots) on the side. They do. I asked for a plate of that… hold the chicken. She laughed, asked if I wanted the ranch dressing, and then when she brought the food she brought me a plate of celery and carrots. Perfect. drizzled some white vinegar on them and munched down as my table mates ate French fries and whatever other wonderful yet forbidden foods they ordered.

    Today is the first day of a three day class that I am sitting through so that I can teach it starting next week. It should be three easy days for me, as I am intimately familiar with the subject matter. Nonetheless, I am going to pay attention and do my best! 🙂 I believe the last classes I sat through as a student were for two of the three ISC2 certifications – one of which I have, the other I am still waiting for final approval… but I passed the exam, and that was the hard part.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1285

    I hate these days when my weight creeps up a few ounces. I know that I should not, and that it is about the trend and not lines on the graph, but please…

    For the second time in a week I started my article in frustration, and then before finishing a paragraph I felt the urge, and was able to void my bowels and then re-weigh myself. Rather than being up by .6 lbs., my weight is now .2 lbs. down from yesterday. Phew! Rather than falling back to less than that 25 lbs., I crept a couple of ounces down.

    My sleep score dropped to a 72 last night. It is not because I was up too late (I was in bed by 11:30pm). I remember lying in bed worrying about all sorts of things that I am dealing with. It is not always about my weight loss… or even always about personal problems!

    It is interesting that when I am not on the program, my bowels are almost scarily predictable… nine days out of ten I have a successful bowel movement as part of my morning routine before I walk Princess Sophie. Since I have been on the program (and each of the previous times as well) it has been much less predictable – sometimes it is in the same morning routine, sometimes later in the day, and of course, sometimes it just does not happen in a day. That is not surprising since I am simply not eating any solid food. Days like today, however, throw things off a bit because normally I would be weighing myself once in a day, and that is usually before 8:00am, but certainly within thirty minutes of waking up. This morning I stepped onto the scale at 7:49am… and then again at 9:04am, definitely not within that half hour.

    My son the elder came over yesterday afternoon. It is likely the last time that I will see him before he drives down to the USA to begin his Master program. It was wonderful to see him, and while I do not see him nearly as often as I would like, at least he has been a quick twenty-minute drive from me. Now he will be 1,200km from here… with an international border to contend with along the way. When he called me a few days ago, he thought we might go for dinner. Once I told him that I was on my diet, he was satisfied coming over for a drink. The only violation of my program was a dram of whisky, which was quite tasty. I know that alcohol is not good for any diet – both because of nutritional values, but also because they lower your inhibitions, and you are more likely to eat. I did none of that.

    I have a lot to do but my mind is all over the place. I am going to take a breath and hopefully get some work done before I have to leave around 2:30pm.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1283

    After yesterday’s gain of 1.2 lbs., I was relieved to see than I dropped all of that this morning. I would have liked to drop more, but I have to be satisfied with what I have. I have to continue on this track and not veer from the path. I will continue to ingest the meal replacement shakes only, and will not reintroduce solid foods for at least a few more weeks.

    While not quite what it was yesterday, my sleep score was 85, which is definitely good… and much higher than my average. My body battery this morning was a 94 – truly amazing. If these two things are telling me anything, it is that going to bed earlier results in better sleep and better recovery. I am going to try, but that will not always work. We will see.

    I am in the middle of a contract to write and record a course. This morning I read an email from the company asking if I could record the remaining videos for the first modules. I told the woman I am speaking with that one of the reasons I have been putting it off is my self-image, but now that I am on track with my diet I told her that I would be recording them next Monday. As it happens, I am otherwise engaged most of this week… but I would also love to drop another 5 lbs. before going on camera. The fact that I am ashamed of what I looked like is only part of it… on Day 1 of my new effort, I did not have a sports jacket that fit me… and even my largest dress shirts were pretty tight. Not only do I now have the new jacket and shirts, but I also just checked, and one of my vests fits again. I expect while they would be tight, my suits will fit too. I am still a couple of inches from being able to wear my other sports jackets, but that will come in time. In the meantime, at least I can go on camera wearing a comfortably fitting shirt and jacket.

    I am heading down to St. Catharines today to see a couple of friends. I do not expect I will have too many food temptations, but to make my life easier, I will not leave home until after I have had my second meal replacement of the day, and I will be sure to have another meal replacement with me just in case I am there longer than expected.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1282

    I was not at all impressed this morning to see that my weight was up more than a pound from yesterday. I have to assume that was mostly related to the extremely salted peanuts I had eaten the previous day, but also the (unsalted) peanuts I ate yesterday. Other factors would include not moving my bowels (which I did quite successfully some time after weighing myself)… and the fact that weight loss is about the downward trend and not individual plots on a graph. Yes, I ate a handful of peanuts yesterday… a conservative estimate of my total intake yesterday would be 1050 calories which is by no measure excessive, and there was no significant sodium or carbohydrates or starch added to my usual four-per-day meal replacements. There is only one measure by which yesterday was a dietary failure, which is only the strict interpretation of the strict rules of the medically supervised program that I am on. I am not going to feel guilty about that.

    By the by… a clear indicator that my weight issues are likely related to the previous day’s salted peanuts is that my ring, of which I wrote just three days ago, is much tighter than it was. Fingers swell from water retention which is caused by sodium. I expect it to once again fit much better tomorrow or the next day than it does this morning.

    What I do feel guilty about is that I gave serious thought yesterday to switching to a partial program – two or three meal replacements plus an actual meal. I did not do anything about it, but I gave it thought. Why should I feel guilty? Maybe guilt is the wrong word, but I know it is, for the moment, a bad idea. I set out on this renewed journey only two weeks ago (today is essentially Day 16) and I have done very well so far… I have lost 22.4 lbs. so far, which is great… until we factor in that from my best weight ever (October, 2023) until my worst day ever (Day 1 of this new effort) I had regained 106 lbs., at which point we have to recognize that I have only scratched the surface of what I want to – what I need to do. I am still 83.6 lbs. heavier than I was when I was at my best, and that will not just melt away in a heartbeat. It will take much longer if I start compromising now on what is working. Yes, I see images of food and I am tempted. I should by no means give in to that temptation, and there is currently no justification for my doing so. All of the times since the beginning of the year that I have tried to start on a modified program were failures. Why? Because I negotiated with myself. ‘This works… but if I just put in some of the effort instead of all of the effort, then it should still work.’ No. I am not saying never, but for the time being I have no intention of compromising.

    My sleep score this morning was the best that it has been since January 2 of this year. I suspect that it has been over 90 only a handful of times in all of the years that my fitness watch has been tracking it. When I saw the tremendous score of 93 this morning I was relieved, knowing that a good night sleep is crucial for health in general, but it also helps weight loss in particular. My body battery was an unprecedented 97. Hoorah!

    I just did something that I should have done on Day 1. I went onto Facebook looking for the support group that I was a member of previously. In fact, I am still a member, but because I had not participated in quite some time it was not prioritized in my feed. I posted my first message there in a very long time. The group does not seem to be very active – beyond being a buy and sell group – but hopefully I will get some response, and some support.

    Today is a rainy Friday, and in a sense that is a good thing. I have been delinquent on a project that I need to work on, and I will put in a lot of work on it today. I am also going to try to get help with that other issue that I have been dealing with, which will involve a support session with Microsoft. I am not looking forward to that, but I am hoping that it can get resolved satisfactorily.

    I just got off the phone with my son the elder who is off to university next weekend. He wants to see me this weekend (which is great). He also respects the fact that I am back on my diet, and that because of that I would rather he come over for a drink than go out for a meal. I look forward to seeing him and having a nice chat.

    With that, I am going to try to get some work done. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1279

    I was going to say that I spent the morning procrastinating, but in truth I have been diligently writing emails that needed to be written. I have also (at long last) made an appointment to get my eyes checked (I suspect it has been three years since I did) so that I can then get new eyeglasses, which I suspect has been a problem for me the past year or so.

    While my bowels are again stopped up (It has now been two days since a successful movement) I am not worried because it has also been thirteen days since I last ate solid food, and …

    Okay, that was fortuitous timing. I was right in the middle of writing about it that I felt the urge, and was quite successful in the endeavour. Here’s to the fibre I have been (since Friday) religiously been remembering to add to my meal replacements in the morning!

    I have often in the past talked about how my clothes fit was a good indicator of my progress. I have a masonic ring that I purchased in the autumn which over the last couple of months has been quite tight on my ring finger. There have been days when I wore it on my pinky, and others when I did not wear it at all. These last couple of days it has fit much nicer – it is a bit tight going over the knuckles, but is comfortable to wear. I look forward to it being even a bit looser in the next few months.

    Yesterday I reported that my weight had, for the first morning weigh-in since I started on the program, was slightly up. This morning it righted itself, with a 1.6 lb. drop from yesterday (and a 1.2 lb. drop from the previous day). I was not discouraged yesterday; I know that there will be days when this happens, and I do not have to be worried or disheartened on those days. When it happens I need to remember that what tiny progress I lost on Day Q will usually more than be recovered on Day Q+1. As I have written in these pages so many times, weight loss is about the downward trend and not about individual plots on the graph.

    My sleep score last night was up from the abysmal previous night, partly owing I would think to the fact that it recorded 8.25 hours of sleep. It reported that I did not get enough REM sleep. Still and all, a sleep score of 75 is much better than yesterday’s 56. I’ll take it! How well will I sleep tonight? That depends on how prepared I feel for my exam… which is tomorrow. Right now I do not feel like I am adequately prepared. I have less than twenty-four hours to get just a little bit more prepared… if that is even possible.

    The company that offers the certification for which I am testing tomorrow is called ISC2, and I have been certified with them in other programs since December. I was made an Authorized ISC2 Instructor in April, and yesterday was my first delivery of one of their courses. The class was for the very basic entry-level certification, and is meant to be a 2-day course. The training provider scheduled it as a 1-day class, and I only saw the discrepancy over the weekend. I was worried that I would not be able to inject the class with my usual panache, and in the afternoon felt like I was rushing through material at a pace that nobody (or at least not a beginner, which is who entry level classes are for) would be able to follow. Even with cutting the lunch hour to forty-five minutes and with the rushing my lecture went over time by three minutes. With trepidation in my mind I nonetheless apologized for rushing through and asked the students to fill out their evaluations. When I read them this morning I was elated to see that yes, they all wanted to class to be longer… but gave the instructor perfect scores. That is the only metric that I am judged on, and I was quite relived to see it.

    I have to get working on my studies… there have been too many necessary distractions today and while none of them were wasting time, they were also not studying for my exam. The rest of the day will be dedicated to that. I’m not sure if I will write tomorrow’s entry before or after my exam, but one way or another I’ll see you all on the morrow.

    Have a great day.

  • Day 1277

    It has been three months (and then some) since my fitness watch measured a sleep score of 89. Last night was bliss. I only slept 7.5 hours, but I woke up refreshed and ready to face the day.

    After ten complete days on the program, my weight has dropped slightly over twenty pounds. Yes, that is a great feat. I am still just about fifteen pounds heavier than I was the day my terrible issues started near the end of March. I will be past that in three weeks, mark my words. In fact, by Friday August 1 I would like to be there. I am hoping that it will not take as long, but within six weeks (from today) I would really like to drop below the terrible mark… and hopefully that will be the last time I ever cross that threshold in either direction.

    There are some things that are seldom discussed, and others that are just taken for granted. However, it has always been the purpose of this blog to be open with my journey. You read these past two days that Friday was a difficult day because of a blockage in my colon that affected my back as well as my bladder. All of that is behind me, but I was standing in the washroom last night peeing and thinking to myself how easy it is to take for granted the satisfaction from a strong urinary flow. I have been peeing well since the blockage cleared (as can be read in yesterday’s journal) but it has been consistent. I am trying to drink more water than I had been (which is hard because I was drinking a lot) so it is frequent, but knowing what it was like Friday to try to squeeze out a few drops… just a big relief.

    I placed an order for more meal replacements yesterday. I have enough shakes to last me until Friday midday, and I ordered two more weeks’ worth which should take me through the first week of August. If I can continue to order every two weeks then I think it will be easier to manage both from a financial and from a space standpoint – after all, the boxes are not small and do need to be stored. Two weeks at a time should be just fine.

    I will be at my desk working for most of the day today. Not only do I have to study for my exam (which is more important than anything else), and I also have to prepare for the class I am teaching tomorrow, but I also have to rebuild my demo lab environment. Owing partly to flaws in the version of Windows Server that I used, and partly to a very minor but critical error I made some weeks ago, the environment that I had built is no more… or at least, a lot of work needs to be done to restore it. That work will be done today (and in fact is already underway) so that tomorrow during class I will be able to demonstrate my concepts should I need to. In other words… it’s going to be a long day for me.

    I have been having issues with the computer keyboards that I have. I have three of them but one the keys stick (especially when it is humid, but not exclusively); one of them some of the keys do not work unless you hit them twice. The last one (the one that I had been using) seems to randomly pop open other windows as I type – as an example, if I am typing into a web browser it might randomly open a new tab. While it is possible that it happens because I am fat-fingering, I suspect that it happens far too often and far too consistently for that to be the reason. Either way, I need to be able to type quickly and reliably without needing to constantly delete fifteen consecutive characters after a key stick, or having to stop six times mid-post so that I can close out new tabs and then find the original browser tab that I had been working in. I do not consider myself extravagant with regard to keyboards – the three that I have include one that was purchased for me by my company six years ago, one that was gifted to me, and one that I needed for a second computer (on which I needed to be able to type simultaneously and without needing to un-plug and re-plug the keyboard. I did not order a cheap keyboard, but I also did not go wild. I am hoping that this Bluetooth Logitech keyboard and mouse set will last me for years to come. It will arrive tomorrow. Yay.

    I suppose, with that, I have procrastinated quite enough for the day and should be getting to work. Actually, I have been working on the servers all this time, but only on reinstalling the host operating system on the two physical servers… and copying the contents of my Storage Area Network (SAN) onto a physical disk so I can re-configure the SAN while I am at it. I will take 30 minutes to prepare my notes for tomorrow’s class, and will then spend the remainder of the day studying.

    …and I should mention that this keyboard is sticking as well. I wonder if it is the humidity? Just in case that is the case I have closed the balcony door and turned on the air conditioner. That will drastically lower the ambient humidity of the apartment!

    Have a great day folks!