Losing a part of me

I am not going to add the date to the title every day… maybe once or twice per week. When I went through the program on my own last time, I did not actually mark the starting date, and it became a bit weird trying to calculate… especially when I had not recorded in my journal for weeks or months.

Reading back on my Day 4 last time around showed little but impatience. I was glad that the numbers on the scale were down, and sad that my clothes were not fitting better. I think it would be asking a lot to see significant changes in 96 hours. I don’t know what I was thinking!

Yesterday might as well have been a regular workday for me. I do not usually work Saturdays, but when working on client servers, some operations require significant downtime, and they cannot be performed during normal business hours. Aside from the pain in my knee, I’m doing okay. I would like to see some movement on the scale, but that was not to be. I suspect that is going to take time… I don’t think the scale is going to be good to me for a week or two, and I just have to live with that.

Aside from working, I spent time with my son (the younger) yesterday. I picked him up for a few hours, and we picked up dinner (for him) and brought it back to my apartment. This led to a rather uncomfortable time. You see, when one is drinking a lot of water throughout the course of the day, one has to use the restroom several times throughout the day. I did just that before I left my apartment and took a water bottle with me for the drive. It is a 20-minute drive to get there. I asked him what he wanted for dinner, and he told me a restaurant that was a 10-minute drive, mostly in the opposite direction. This meant that the drive from the restaurant to my apartment would be as much as 30 minutes. However, he is my son, and I am happy to buy him what he wants for dinner… especially since I wasn’t eating, so I did not have to concern myself with what I would like.

We called the order in from their place, and we were assured it would be ready in 20-25 minutes. We headed out, and I decided to run an errand along the way, so that we would arrive at the restaurant around the time it should have been ready.

We arrived at the restaurant. I walked in and told the manager that I was picking up an order, but I really needed to use the restrooms first. “I’m sorry, but our restrooms are not open for customers.” Yes, it is because of Covid… and if the food had been ready or nearly ready it would not have been a burden. Instead, I had to wait 25 minutes longer than their original estimate. I then had to drive home (25 minutes). By the time I got into the restroom at home, I am not sure I had ever been in that much discomfort for that particular reason in my life. I have a pretty strong bladder and I can hold it with the best of them… but this was an extreme situation. It was a little funny and a bit embarrassing explaining to my 12-year-old son that I needed to run from the car into the apartment the second we got home.

I remember from my first attempt at the program that sitting with my son the younger as he ate was one of the temptations that was impossible to avoid. I had to be strong and resist. That my son decided he wanted chicken wings – one of my favourites, as well as one of the unhealthiest options – with a side of tortilla chips and queso dip would make it harder for me… but I was not going to falter on Day 3!

I decided that the best strategy was to eat my meal replacement as he ate his dinner. I prepared a bowl of soup and did just that. Of course, he takes longer to eat than I do, but I had planned for that too… or at least it worked out that way. By the time 5:30pm rolled around and we were eating our dinner, I had only had two meal replacements throughout the day. After a bowl of soup, I was able to have a ‘desert’ – a chocolate bar. While I was still drooling over Gilad’s wings, I was able to resist because I was sated, if not satisfied. I even had the willpower to give Princess Sophie a few of the tortilla chips without taking any for myself!

I chatted briefly with my diet buddy today. She was not as religious on the program as she wanted to be, but the pickled carrots that she ate are not the worst thing in the world. She also told me she did not do as well as she wanted to with regard to water intake, and we discussed a couple of strategies that she might use in the future to do better.

Speaking of water, I am not as happy with the water bottle that I purchased as I had expected. The biggest issue is that it is a right-handed bottle. Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to drinking, I am ambidextrous; however, the way my desk is configured, it is less comfortable that would be a left-handed bottle. I went looking and found something that I hope will be a more comfortable fit for me. It should arrive tomorrow, and I will report in then!

It is 11:30am on Sunday, and I am going to wait until noon for my next meal replacement. I don’t really have to… but sometimes I want to remind myself that I am the master over my appetite, and not vice versa.