Losing a part of me

I dropped Leslie off at the airport a few hours ago and miss her already. After trying (unsuccessfully) to run a couple of errands, I came home to make dinner. I made boneless and skinless chicken breasts that I had been marinating since yesterday, and I a nice salad. I have to remember to buy more lettuce tomorrow. I think I have all of the other vegetables I usually put into my salad, but I will check before I go out.

Following my meal, I was still hungry… or at least I felt hungry. I wanted to eat something else… and I know that I have a lot of food in the house that I could have turned to. I was tempted to have a meal replacement bar to satisfy my cravings, but I decided not to do that either. I know that the hunger is not real, rather it is my emotions telling me that since Leslie is gone… since I am sad, I should fill the void with food. I drank two glasses of water and washed the dishes instead of eating, and then came to my desk to join my class. Sometime in about two hours, the instructor will give us a twenty-minute break for dinner, and I will have my evening shake. I am glad that I had the willpower to overcome the temptation, and to defeat my emotions.

One tool that I could have used when overcoming the temptation is my blog. This morning, when I got off the scale and saw how well I had done – and how much weight I have lost over the last few days. I have lost six pounds since Thursday morning, and I was elated each morning when I got off the scale. I do not want to ruin all of that with what… a jar of peanut butter and a spoon? Whatever I might have eaten, it would not have been as satisfying as knowing that this weekend I put on a pair of jeans that had not fit in a year and a half. I also know that a single misstep can begin a slippery slope that would lead to all of those great colourful and flowery shirts and bathing suits that I bought for our Cuba trip no fitting me.

I won’t do it. I will check myself every time I feel the need to indulge. I will call Leslie I will call my diet buddy if she is not available. I will do whatever I need to do in order to not fall off. I have come so far… I have not lost fifty pounds yet, but it is close. While I am nowhere near where I want to be, losing nearly fifty pounds is huge, and I have vowed to not go back. Every bit of progress, every milestone, every pants size, every pound lost is a bit of progress, milestone, pants size, and pound that I never want to see again. I know I will fall from time to time – I have done so already, and I am sure I will again – but falling down and getting right back up again is so much better than falling down and giving up. I will remember the Japanese saying… Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

I am going to start paying attention to my class, but I will be back tomorrow morning. As I seem to write at the end of every article… Have a great evening!