Day 95

Sad news of loss is always a potential trigger for bad behaviour. If not outward, then certainly dietary. I was saddened to receive word last night that a friend of mine had passed away. I knew that I could not let my emotions get the better of me, and I stayed the course. I did not indulge. In fact, the only food that I had after hearing the distressing news was my evening shake. I am quite proud of myself for that.

In short, yesterday I ate what I was meant to eat on my revised program. I had a meal replacement in the morning and in the evening, at lunch I had my main meal, and for dinner I had a salad with salmon. I drank more water than I do most days, but that might be owing to my walk. Five kilometers is a long way to go, and the sweat lost must be replenished!

While I was feeling the effects of the walk all evening, I am feeling much better for it this morning. I do not feel that my muscles are crying, and given the opportunity, I might happily go for another walk today. Sadly, after spending a couple of hours taking my son for brunch, I will be congregating with friends to mourn Cam’s passing. He was a fellow cigar smoker, and we will spend the afternoon doing just that – smoking cigars in his honour.

Speaking of breakfast with my son, I will take him, and I will be careful. I know there are too many temptations at a breakfast/brunch table, and I will do my best to stay as true to the program as I can. If on every second Sunday I am going to break my diet routine to spend an enjoyable couple of hours with my boy, then I will do so happily; at the same time, I can focus on good behaviours, and not go nuts. The plan is to have a vegetarian omelet, no potatoes, no toast. It is near to as boring a brunch meal as I can think; my weight did not get so out of hand as to require a year-long extreme weight-loss program to recover by being boring. Knowing that is how I got to where I am (and to where I was three months ago), I will forego the exciting at the restaurant.

It is a beautiful day out. The sun is shining, and while the forecasted high temperature is 13°c (55°F), it looks like the daytime temps will be a couple of degrees shy of that. I don’t mind… I’ll have my jacket if I need it, and we will sit around sharing stories of our friend. Our friend who never took care of himself. Our friend who five years ago lost his leg to diabetes, and never made any lifestyle changes to prevent the loss of much more. Our friend who has been falling deeper into the depths of despair and depression, who spent so much of his time cloistered in his untidy basement apartment, and who, despite the encouragements of so many of us, did nothing to prevent his senseless and premature passing. In the large group who will be there this afternoon, we will share the wonderful stories of him. When those who were not as intimate are gone, we will lament that we did all that we could, but it was never going to be enough unless he was going to do his part. He stopped doing his part months ago.

If ever there was a sign from the universe that I am on the right track, and that I need to get myself healthy and into shape, it is this. So yes, I will raise a single dram to his honour today… but I shall neither eat nor drink my sadness away. Unlike Cam, I have way too much to live for.

Have a great day folks.

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