Losing a part of me

Category: body

  • Day 12 Screwup

    I was doing well through the first half of yesterday… and then I fell hard. After I took my son to the gun range (a very positive experience I will say) I ran a couple of errands, and then decided that a salad at my favourite Italian restaurant wouldn’t hurt. It likely would not have… except that it ended up as a salad and a plate of pasta with creamy sauce. What a mistake. I’ll be back on track today… especially knowing that my new meal replacements should be arriving today and I can try the soups!

    I paid the price of course… my weight was up over a pound this morning. Of course, had I re-weighed myself after my second trip to the washroom that might have been down some. I really felt it after a while, and hope to get back on track today, if only so that my stomach does not bother me like that again.

    Today is Friday, and I am looking forward to getting through to the weekend. The Montreal Canadiens are playing this evening, and I will be watching them at my local bar. I will not be tempted to eat there – at least, I have not been yet. I just enjoy sitting in my stool and watching the game with a cigar.

    I know I have only dropped about fifteen pounds, but I am tempted to say that my sports jackets are already feeling like they fit a little better than they were. That is progress. My short(ish) term goal is for the jackets and shirts that I bought fifty pounds ago start fitting me. Hopefully by the end of the year… but it is more important that I do it and stick to it than that I do it fast.

    Happy Friday folks!

  • 2026 Day 29

    I stuck to the plan yesterday. I ate chicken for lunch, but nothing else that was not covered on my program. I lost about half a pound overnight.

    I slept pretty well, with a sleep score of 82 (Good). I slept just short of 7 hours, and it was not because I had an alarm set for 7:15am… my eyes popped open at 6:50am. Tomorrow is going to be a whole different story. I have to write an exam, and I have to do it before the end of the week. I logged on to schedule it yesterday, only to discover that I could either write it anytime tomorrow morning before 6:00am, or I could write it tomorrow night (after I finish teaching) from 10pm until midnight. Aside from the fact that I would not want to take the exam so late into the night, especially after having taught a completely different class just prior, I also know that if I pass it in the morning, then the people who are waiting on my results to take certain actions will have the entire day Friday… rather than losing the entire weekend. As it stands, I have serious doubts that I am going to pass this exam… but I will give it my best shot.

    While I was unsuccessful in the early morning, I just now was able to move my bowels. What a relief. If that sounds crude, then you likely will not remember when, a few months ago, I was completely stopped up and in agony from it. I am making sure to add a good helping of fibre to my morning shake every day in hopes of avoiding a recurrence of that. I do not remember exactly when it was – probably last summer or early autumn – but I remember being unable to sit or lie down comfortably, and how I resolved it. While I have proactively purchased the cleansing solution that I would need for that eventuality, I hope that the fibre prevents my needing to use it.

    As I mentioned a minute ago, I am not confident about tomorrow’s exam, so I will spend the entire day studying for it. I have already set my alarm for a ridiculously early hour, and I have arranged for Princess Sophie to have a sleepover with our neighbour so that I will not have to deal with her in the morning. Now it is time for me to get to work, and hopefully get in enough to actually pass.

    Have a great day folks!

  • 2026 Day 26

    I am going to blame my weight this morning on my neighbour. No, I am not up… but I am not down either. And no, I never actually blame anyone else for anything that goes into my mouth. When my downstairs neighbor offered me some of her homemade cauliflower soup yesterday I accepted. When she told me she was giving me a couple of slices of fresh bread I could have said no… in fact I did, but then I said ‘Okay, okay… one slice won’t hurt.’ When she gave me four slices I could have refused, of I could have politely accepted them and then thrown them out when I got home. I did dispose of them… but not in any way that I should have. They were delicious with the soup. I hate myself for having done it, but I did it.

    Owing to that, this morning my weight was exactly where it was yesterday morning. While there is still a chance that my weight will measure 10kg less than my last visit to the doctor, that will depend more on the time of day than my actual success. I fell slightly short of my promise.

    For those avid readers who obsess over these things, I mentioned in yesterday’s entry that following the first part of the entry I finally had a successful bowel movement. This morning I actually had two – one before stepping onto the bathroom scale, and one more productive one later on in the morning. By later, it would still have been early enough to get back onto the scale… but I decided not to. In truth, the only weight reading that matters today will come in about ninety minutes when I step onto the scale at my doctor’s office. As we say in French, on vera.

    My sleep would have been excellent across the board last night… had my eyes not popped open at 1:35 and stayed open for an hour. Yes, right in the middle of a great night sleep there was an hour that I was awake and could not for the life of me close my eyes. While I try to avoid screens when this happens, I knew that doing some reading on my phone would at least tire my eyes. When I finally felt the fatigue come on I embraced it immediately, throwing the phone to the side and it happened. My overall sleep score, even with the hour awake, was a 78 (fair). Three of the six other readings were in the Excellent range. I’ll take it after the previous night’s abysmal score of 37.

    I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel on a project that I took on nearly two years ago, and on which I am now sixteen months late on completion. I have put a lot of work into it these last three weeks or so, and I am satisfied that the end is near. Of course, I have to wait for approval on everything that I have written so far before I can do any more recording (it is a course that requires both content creation and video delivery). With that said, the project is one that has had me lying awake in bed many nights. For over a year it was the stress of having to sit down and do the work. Last night it was not what popped my eyes open, but as I lay awake I did give some thought to some improvements I could make to what I wrote… and how to better go forward.

    While my appointment is not until 9:15am, I am glad I set my alarm for 6:15am… and was not displeased that my eyes popped open a few minutes before it sounded. I have gotten a few things done already, and will be ready to leave home in plenty of time to get there early.

    Over the last few minutes I stepped away from the computer once again for another bowel movement. This third BM of the morning was by far the most productive of them, and I feel a relief I have not felt in a few days. It is almost as if my insides know that when I was at the pharmacy a few days ago I purchased the powder that I used last year to flush out my colon when I was in so much agony from being stopped up. Yes, I am back on the fibre… but this was a bit more than I expected!

    Okay, now I am off to the doctor’s office. I will leave this entry open so that when I get back I can write about the results.

    Okay, I am back. My doctor was pleased by my 9kg drop, and the improvement to my blood pressure. I promised I would continue to stay on track. I did admit to her that the entire weight drop is the result of of these last nearly four weeks of effort, with a big fall in the middle of that. As long as I can keep showing improvement she is happy. I will see her again in six weeks.

    After a couple of weeks of absolute bitter cold, this afternoon the temperature is set to rise to an almost bearable -5°. What a relief!

    I have a lot to get done before I head out for my afternoon in Grimsby and Beamsville, so I will close out here.

    Have a great day folks!

  • 2026 Day 19

    I was good on my diet yesterday. It doesn’t hurt that the worst winter storm of the year hit us and that we were hit with 18″ (46cm) with driving winds which drove the the already unpleasant -10° temperature to feel like -25°. You can be darned sure that I was not spending any more time outside than I needed to… and I was not going to order food in because I am sure I will falter but it will not be on Day 1!

    I am not disappointed with the 3 lbs. drop in weight from yesterday morning. That is the sort of drastic day one drop that I am used to. What I was disappointed with was the fact that after I weighed myself, I then had another (quite successful) bowel movement, and when I decided to weigh myself again my weight was up .2 lb. from twenty minutes before. This is not the first time I have experienced that, and I am not sure whether to chalk it up to the bad floors and cheap bathroom scale… or possibly a weird phenomenon that can cause one who eliminates over a pound of waste can immediate gain weight from the oxygen that takes its place in the body. I can joke about it, but I will not give it a lot of thought.

    My sleep score was a 78 last night. Not bad, just not great. It’s my fault for turning on a movie that was much longer than I’d expected when I got into bed.

    Owing partly to the weather, yesterday was another very productive day on the project I am working on. I am extremely late on my deliveries, but I have dedicated myself to getting it done and having the entire project completed, submitted, and billed for by the end of February… if not sooner. I think that is a realistic goal. It would be much sooner than that, but I have to wait on other people to check and edit my written work before I can produce the videos for it. As long as that is done in good time then I am optimistic that can be pushed up by several weeks. I have more work to do on it today and will get to it right now… as soon as I am done procrastinating by writing this journal entry.

    My car is covered in more than a foot of snow and I have no intentions of digging it out today, which is to say that I actually might do that but I will not be driving anywhere. I have no need to go anywhere until Wednesday. If the weather were not so terrible (we will not be entirely dug out today or tomorrow) I would have gone to a memorial ceremony tomorrow evening, but even if the roads are clear the parking will be impossible. No, Wednesday is good for me. I need to get a few errands done and then I will collect my cleaning lady from the train station. The apartment is looong overdue for her visit.

    All that to say that I will be good today on my weight loss program.

    Have a great day folks.

  • 2026 Day 17

    I woke up today a whole new man. What a difference a good night sleep makes! According to Garmin:

    • Sleep score: 91 (Excellent)
    • Duration: 8h57m (Excellent)
    • Stress: 15 avg (Good)
    • Deep: 1h21m (Fair)
    • Light: 5h41m (Good)
    • REM: 1h55m (Good)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 4m, 37 Restless Moments (Excellent)

    I suspect that I was probably asleep earlier than that, but I am not going to complain. I woke up at 7:00am to pee, and then rather than staying up (as I usually would at 7:00am) I got back into bed and slept another 95 minutes. Princess Sophie did not mind at all… and after the week I had, I really needed it!

    I did not eat well this week, which started with my Day 13 Chinese Food debacle. The following day I ordered Shawarma… a better choice than General Tao Chicken to be sure, but still a terrible aberration from what anyone who is trying to lose weight should be eating. I weighed myself that afternoon and was five pounds up from the previous day! I thought that with eating the rest of the week (including that shawarma dinner later that evening) my weight would be a little bit up from there this morning, but in fact it was down… albeit by just over one pound. Progress is progress, and what is important is that I get back on track. I have enough chicken left to make one more meal which will be this afternoon, and as of tomorrow I will be back on my meal replacements only for the foreseeable future. I have to continue to lose.

    The one upside to eating this week is that I have had a number of healthy bowel movements. As much of a relief as those may be, I would rather see my relief on the bathroom scale… and eventually in how my clothes fit me.

    Have a great weekend folks!

  • Day 1304

    I nearly opened this article with the word DISASTER… but then I realized that with everything that is going on in the world in general and my world in particular this does not rank very high. The vendor of the meal replacements that I rely on is out of stock, and there are supply chain issues so they do not know when they will have them again. I am, for the next few days, off the program. I have ordered a different type of meal replacement from a different vendor, and they should arrive by Thursday. In the meantime, I am going to try to eat smart.

    After a week of terrible sleep and difficult if any bowel movements I closed my eyes last night at 5:00pm, and with the exception of of getting up to pee a couple of times I slept thirteen straight hours, with a sleep score of 89. I then had a great bowel movement. I started my day as well as I have in quite some time.

    My weight shot up this week, but I will try to keep it steady where it is at now until I get the new meal replacements. It will be a challenge, but I am not going to go nuts eating. The overnight classes make it harder to stay true to the program, but I hope that since I am back eating it might be a bit easier this week. We will see.

    I am off to see some friends this afternoon. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1298

    I wrote yesterday that when I fell off the wagon on Friday, I bought enough chicken and vegetables for two days, in addition to a challah. What I forgot to mention (and this was a complete blank on my part – that’s what sleep deprivation can do) is that I also bought from the prepared food counter (never a good destination for a dieter) a container of onion rings. It was because I had forgotten about this major transgression that I had a bit of trouble accepting that my weight jumped two pounds day-over-day. Worse, I had gained 3.6 lbs. in four days. As soon as I remembered that, it all made sense.

    I weighed myself twice this morning – once before taking Princess Sophie for her walk, and once after we got home; I had made coffee, I had prepared my meal replacement shake, I had sat down at the computer, and I had even typed in the first couple of sentences of this article before the urge hit. A productive bowel movement was just what the doctor ordered. Not only do I feel better, but instead of the .2 lb. drop from my first encounter with the bathroom scale, the drop from yesterday is now 1.4 lbs.; that is a good start, but I still have 2.2 lbs. from what I weighed five days ago.

    Yesterday was the first day in a month that I did not have a single meal replacement. For breakfast, I had challah with margarine. When I was finished eating, I removed the remaining challah from the bag… and threw it in the garbage. Just having it around would be too tempting. Around 2:30 I prepared the remaining chicken and salad. After running an errand, I picked up a handful of peanuts, and four dried peaches. That was it. I am done.

    This morning is not a new Day 1. Rather, it is Day 32… knowing that I fell off for two of those days.

    In addition to being able to void my system, I can also brag this morning of a wonderful night sleep. According to my fitness watch, my sleep score of 92 is the result of 8h55m of balanced and optimal sleep stages. After the last week, as well as knowing what is ahead of me, I am relieved. It was very much needed!

    It is going to be a beautiful day today… hot and sunny, with a high of 32°. I will spend most of the day at my computer preparing for my class which starts tomorrow… or should I say because of the time zone shift… at 2:00am tonight. That means that for Day 1 (which is tonight) I need to be online at 1:00am. Yes, I have now set my alarm for 12:30am for tomorrow, and 1:00am for the rest of the week… and the next week. Oh what fun we will have! I have friends who work the night shift on a regular basis, so I have nothing to complain about. I actually enjoy it to a degree… but the transition can be less than fun.

    The course that I am teaching is a very advanced cybersecurity class, and I am really looking forward to it. This will be the first time I have taught the course, thus why I will spend the day going over the material and the labs. It will be exhilarating to be sure… but every time I teach a new course – especially one at this level – I get a bit nervous. Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance, right? That’s my plan.

    My plan for the week is to stay on my program… and to try to shift my circadian rhythm for the fortnight. In other words: When I wake up at 12:30am it will be my early morning. After getting dressed I will have my breakfast shake… let’s call that 1:15am. When my class breaks for lunch I will take Princess Sophie for her walk, and on my return I will have my midday meal replacement… we should get back from that walk at around 6:45am. Class ends at 11:00am, and I will spend the next 30 minutes reading and answering emails. I will probably need until noon to deal with everything else that is on my plate. At that point I will have meal replacement number three. I have a few things to deal with in the afternoon, but by 4:30pm I should be able to have my fourth and final meal replacement. I will take Princess Sophie out for our second walk of the day, and when we get home it will be time to go to sleep so that I can hopefully get seven good hours of it.

    That is the goal. Will I be able to stick to it? I do not know. I always underestimate the challenges posed by the transition from a diurnal to a nocturnal lifestyle. All I know is that I will do my best.

    Speaking of doing my best… it’s time to hit the books. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1292

    30.4. The bathroom scale this morning confirmed that it took me twenty-six days to drop 30.4 lbs., and I nearly wooted out loud. I suspect it would have scared Her Floofness so early in the morning, but I quietly smiled.

    Yesterday was the second day in a row that I moved my bowels twice. I suppose the fibre is finally doing its job! Aside from dropping another half pound, I was also happy to see my sleep score of 84 this morning. Even though I wish I could have slept another 30-60 minutes, and my fitness watch categorized it as: ‘shorter than ideal, plenty of deep.’ That means that four of the last seven nights I had a sleep score of seventy-five or better. I think it is a combination of the melatonin and going to bed a little earlier that is helping. Of course, that ends Wednesday… I am teaching another class in Europe Wednesday through Friday, which means my sleep cycle will be completely upside down again. To make things even more interesting (sic), I should be receiving confirmation today or tomorrow that I am also teaching a class in Europe the next two weeks straight. Financially that is a relief. Sleep wise? Not so much.

    The class I should be teaching the next two weeks is for a certification that I do not currently hold, so I am preparing to sit the exam Wednesday… although I will be deciding sometime today whether or not to move that up to tomorrow… or even this evening. We’ll see. It is another high-level cybersecurity exam, and while it is slightly different from the CISSP, it is not significantly different. Going through a lot of the material I realized that there is a huge overlap in material, which is why I am thinking of moving it up. Practically speaking, that also would give me more time to reschedule it for the weekend if I do happen to fail… which is unlikely, but always a possibility.

    Yesterday I drove out to see my son around 11:00am, and then after about an hour with him I drove to Hagersville for my cigars, just as I had planned. I also take the opportunity when I am out there to fill my gas tank – the difference is at least twenty cents per litre!

    I kept telling myself that I needed to stop off for milk and cheese before I went home, and then I got distracted. The next time I thought of it I had already parked the car. Rather than hop back in, I went into the house, greeted Her Floofness, and took out the garbage before I headed out. I grabbed a reusable bag and walked to the supermarket on the corner. I was surprised that even with that walk I had not hit my steps goal for the day. As low as the goal is, I figured that would have done it. Luckily, despite several earlier outings, Princess Sophie told me she wanted to go out after I came in from my evening cigar, at which point not only did she poop, but I was also able to achieve my daily steps goal. I am hoping that yesterday was Day 1 of a new steps-goal streak. I know that with my crazy work schedule it might be a bit challenging, but let’s see if I can do it.

    Okay, I have rescheduled my exam for tomorrow afternoon. Now I have a bit more prep to do before I am ready. I also have some videos to record today for a contract I have been working on. It should be a fun if harried couple of days.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1291

    With regard to my weight loss and health, this morning is a big one. My sleep score was an 86, which is absolutely wonderful for me. I had a very small bowel movement, and on the bathroom scale my weight was down… about 1.5 lbs.! Happy day!

    I expected yesterday to be more of a challenge than it was. I took my son for lunch at his favourite restaurant and ordered a cup of coffee. I did not eat so much as one chip! I did eat the carrots off his plate of chicken wings… and I confess that I did not try to wipe off the very small amount of barbecue sauce that had found its way onto one of them. Yum! I did not stop for peanuts – not on my way there, and not on my way home. I did have a little bit of grated cheese that I share with Princess Sophie, but that was it. Oh, and I only had three meal replacements, and not four as I normally should. I will not make a habit of that, but I know that the cheese compensated for the caloric deficit.

    I am going to see my son again in a few minutes, and then I will drive out to Hagersville to pick up some cigars. I have been smoking them way too quickly. It is not an addiction by any means, but I do use them as a nervous crutch – when I am anxious or nervous – in addition to just relaxation, and occasionally for celebrations. My humidor is not empty by any means, but most of the cigars I have are not to be smoked… at least, not yet. I have five boxes (which might amount to 50 cigars) of Davidoff Limited Edition cigars… I am going to sell them eventually. What I can earn off of these fifty cigars would conservatively buy me six hundred everyday cigars. No, I am not smoking those. Additionally, I have 46 Davidoff Limited Edition cigars (two cigars each of twenty-three releases) that I was planning to save for a decade… to see how well they smoke with ten years on them. I am not ready to break into those just yet – the oldest of them still need another couple of years.

    There were times when I would smoke high-end cigars on a daily basis, but right now times are lean – and because I cannot travel either to the United States or to Cuba (the State Department still has my passport) I am forced to pay Canadian retail prices. To give you an idea of what the difference is: I have two boxes of Davidoff Year of the Dragon (2024). The two boxes that I have still have the retail price sticker on them – they were selling in November, 2023 (when I bought them) for USD$59 per cigar. If we converted that today it would be CDN$81.30 per cigar. One of the stores that I shop at on Native land (which is not bound by import duties or tax laws as we would be off the rez) sells them for $190 per cigar. That is a significant markup. Davidoff pulled out of Canada a few years ago because the import duties and tobacco taxes are so ridiculous as to price their cigars in the stratosphere (in Ontario, because of those taxes, a box of 20 cigars that sells for USD$250 (CDN$345) in the United States will retail for $1,067 in Canada. Thank you, I am going to mostly smoke decent but not great cigars for the time being… until I can buy them abroad, or until I win a very huge lottery jackpot.

    The cigar that I smoked the night I passed my CISSP exam was a USD$500 cigar. That was a special occasion cigar. I still have several of those, which I will smoke when I pass a very significant exam or celebrate another milestone. For the every day smoking… Yeah, it’s the more pedestrian cigars for me.

    All of that to say I am driving out to pick up cigars after I see my check in on my son, and then I will come home and study for an exam I am sitting on Wednesday. I will try to not cheat, but I also will not short myself on meal replacements. The only reason I will do that is if I do cheat.

    Speaking of cheating, I need to stop at the supermarket to pick up milk, and I am going to pick up more grated cheese. The cheese is not for me, it is for Sophie… but I do enjoy the spoils 😉 I have a lot of it left in our current bag, but I found a whole lot of mould in it, so a new bag is in the cards.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1289

    This morning was the first in several days that I moved my bowels as part of my early morning routine, and not after walking Her Floofness. It was not huge, but it was good to be able to do it. As I mentioned yesterday, I have to be careful so that I do not end up in agony from a blockage like a few weeks ago.

    My sleep score was up to 77 this morning… again, if I had gone to bed earlier… but also if my alarm was not set for 5:45am I am sure it would have been better. I know next week I am teaching a three-day class in Europe so I will bve jetlagged again, but I hope that it does not throw my diet willpower off.

    If today is Day 23 of my renewed efforts at weight loss, I can proudly say that I have so far lost 27.2 lbs., and while the pace of more than a pound per day will fall off within a week or two, I can still be proud for what I have achieved thus far.

    Yesterday I ran off the rails a bit… I left the house, once again, unprepared. I did have some peanuts along the way, and when I got to my meeting at the pub I immediately ordered food and a drink… I asked for a glass of water and a plate of carrots and celery. I am a bit down about the peanuts, but not the veggies. There was some family stress and although I felt bad for what my son was dealing with, there was also nothing that I could do to help other than giving him advice… which I did. I spent half an hour with my son the younger as well… it was great to see him, and I will do the same again this evening.

    I have to run out now – my new optometrist is waiting, and I am looking forward to getting glasses with an up to date subscription so I can see but more important hopefully my eyes will not tire as quickly.

    Have a great day!