Losing a part of me

It is days like today when I want to yell obscenities at my bathroom scale. While I was hoping for a slight drop from yesterday, I was horrified to see a 2.2 lbs increase. I cannot imagine that the five slices of dried mango and the handful of pumpkin seeds accounted for that; no, it is the universe getting back at me for not exercising yesterday. Just like that, my hopes of possibly getting down to 315 lbs in time for my trip to Dallas have been replaced with just hoping that I can get back down to 320 lbs. As has been said by many a cartoon character, &%^$@!!

I felt guilty yesterday for being too tired to exercise. I neither went to Taekwondo as planned nor went for a walk. Over the course of a number of walks with Princess Sophie, plus a trip to the supermarket (and liquor store), I managed to surpass 5,000 steps… but that is not my goal. I would like to at least try for 10,000 steps per day, which will not always be possible, but is worth aiming for. I know, I had blisters on my feet from the previous day’s painful walk, but that is not an excuse. Maybe it is… but I still feel guilty, and that guilt is compounded by the number on the scale.

The nature of my job is a sedentary one, and so it is incumbent on me to get out after work. Even if I am not going to suit up for a fitness walk, I should be going out beyond the fifteen minutes of walking Her Floofness twice per day. When weather is a factor there is room for compromise, but on a warm and dry day I should be walking… fitness walking or not.

The problem is that I have been exhausted these last few days. I have not gotten a good night sleep in over a week, and I do not know why that is. I have been able to empty my mind of the stresses and anxieties of the day (and while there are some real ones, none of them have been keeping me up… at least, not this week), I just cannot keep my eyes closed. If this continues, I am going to try to pick up some sort of natural sleep aid… melatonin or something. I am not ready to go for narcotics just yet… but if there is a natural remedy that I can try, I am going to try it.

My day is going well so far, even though I got out of bed late. Coffee is helping me through, and my classes are fun today – I love when there is a lot of hands-on labs that we can go through… not only because it is less lecturing, but because I feel the students learn more.

Leslie gave me some really good news this morning, so I am happy. Seeing her happy makes me happy. Also, one week from today I will be waking up in Burlington, Ontario… and then going to sleep with her in my arms in Dallas. Yay!

Have a great day folks!