Losing a part of me

Happy Labour Day to all! It is ironic that on the Canadian civil holiday in August, I was teaching for an American company, so I did not get the day off. Today is an international holiday, but I am not on a contract so my day is no different than any other day, other than that the stores are closed, and I cannot go shopping… which is a good thing, I suppose.

Yesterday in the late afternoon I had a panic/stress/anxiety episode. I wanted to cheat. I texted my wife that my defenses were failing me, and that I wanted to go out to eat, splurge, and indulge. Within minutes, my phone rang, and she talked me down from it. Actually, she reminded me that I had homemade baba ghanoush in the fridge, as well as a container of cherry tomatoes. I sat talking with her as I dipped my tomatoes into the eggplant, and when the tomatoes were finished, so was my desire to jump off the weight loss wagon.

Later in the evening, Leslie asked me how my cravings were. I told her that I intentionally smoked a second cigar in the evening to help distract me from them, and my plan must have worked because not only did I not eat as I smoked (which I seldom do), I also did not have another meal replacement. My food intake for the day consisted of my morning meal replacement shake, my regular chicken and salad for lunch, a handful of peanuts, and a small box of cherry tomatoes with baba ghanoush. All in all, a reasonably health day’s food intake for a man on a weight loss regimen.

I should mention that it really paid off, putting a huge smile on my face when I stepped onto the scale this morning. I mentioned yesterday that I was not surprised to have gained a pound following Saturday’s intake. This morning, I had not only recovered that pound, but was an incredible 2.4-pound drop from yesterday morning, taking me into lowest-weight territory once again. I assure you that this morning I did not try to step off the scale, and then re-weigh myself hoping for a better result!

I have not been for a fitness walk since I am back from Dallas, owing partly to the weather, but mostly to a turned ankle. I am going to give it a go today, right after lunch. The forecast calls for cloudy and a high of 20° Celsius (68° Fahrenheit), which will be comfortable enough to wear shorts, even though I wore jeans and a long sleeve shirt to take Her Floofness on her walk this morning.

Speaking of Princess Sophie, this evening I am going to take her to my neighbour’s for a few days. Tomorrow I am going to drive to Montreal for a few days, and while I would normally drop her off in the morning, Sue is leaving for her office early tomorrow, so it is just easier for me to drop her off tonight. I am going to miss her, but I know she will be in good hands… and will get plenty of walks, and treats, and love… and lots of play time with her best friend Charlie!

I had thought for a bit that I would not be sticking to my meal replacement program while I am in Montreal. I thought that it would be a good opportunity to cheat. I do not know what made me think that, but I will not be indulging in Montreal bagels, smoked meat, and other local delicacies while I am there. I do not even know what made me think about it, but I know that it would be a terrible idea.

I sometimes feel like I really do have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, like you see in old movies. For a couple of days, the devil was whispering how nice it would be to have those foods that I love so much, and that I will only be in Montreal for a few days, so what’s the harm? Look how well I have been doing! Don’t I deserve it?

On my other shoulder, the harp-playing angel is saying ‘Yes, exactly! Look how well I have been doing! Why would I want to spoil it by indulging in so many of those foods that made me fat in the first place? Don’t I deserve to feel healthy, to fit into smaller and nicer clothes, to look better? Don’t I deserve to feel better, to be healthier, and to probably live longer? What’s more, doesn’t Leslie deserve all of those things mentioned of me?

I do not know if this is the first time ever that my better angels are shouting down the devils… and winning. I also do not know how long that will last… but I am going to do my best to always nurture those angels and muting the devils. It will not always work, but I am going to try to continue to succeed, and I can only succeed by listening to those angels.

I realized just now that I have been all excited to get back to Taekwondo this week, and then remembered that I am going to be in Montreal from tomorrow through Sunday. I completely forgot that I need to extend my trip so that I can take care of a couple of errands. I do not relish the idea of having to visit the courthouse, but I need a document from there, and expect there will be bureaucratic delays in getting it, and so I will leave tomorrow and not Thursday or Friday. Oh well.

I have to be cognizant of the fact that five days in Montreal would give me a lot more opportunity to cheat on my diet, and that doing so would hurt nobody but me. I have to be as good as I can be and stay as strong as possible. I recognize that I will be having a few meals with others and will be as diligent as I can be to eat well… or as well as I can. I will pack extra meal replacements, just to be safe.

Have a great day folks!