Losing a part of me

It was pointed out to me yesterday that I made a numbering error on the blog, this time the other way. It seems I had repeated Day 402 twice. Fortunately, that is a much easier issue to correct!

How dare the bathroom scale be so cruel this morning? Knowing that I was true to the program yesterday (save for two throat lozenges throughout the day), how could it possibly revert my weight back to Sunday’s 273 lbs.? How can it kick me back into Obesity Class II from yesterday’s victory? I am extremely unhappy about it. It is as if simply the act of handling the snacks that I ordered to bring to Dallas for Leslie is sufficient for me to gain nearly an entire pound. It was painful to see, despite knowing the likelihood that tomorrow it will recover, and possibly even pick up a few extra ounces. In the meantime, it just sucks. I will not let this temporary setback take me from my path. I have an appointment with my tailor two days from today, and I will not fall from grace ahead of that – or just nine days from my flight to Dallas – because of one morning’s disappointment. I wrote just Sunday that, ‘This is not the first time during my journey that the bathroom scale has shown a very slight gain from Day X to Day X+1, only to make up for it greatly on Day X+2.’ I have to remember that and stay on track.

I made it through yesterday without feeling the same weakness or fatigue that I had the last few times that I taught late, and I am grateful for that. I was worried, following last week, that I would need either a cup of tea or an energy drink to get through the grueling 13-hour day. In fact, I was fine. That is not to say that at the end of my class I was not really ready for it to be over, or that I did not really need that final meal replacement. Getting through these days is not an option, only how well I get through them. There is an old saying that you make hay when the sun is shining. When I am offered these long-day contracts (rather, they are two coinciding contracts, but from the same company) then I am going to take them. Just one week of that per month ensures that I will be able to pay my bills, plus a little extra on the side.

As has been the case every day this month, my plan is to stay on track today. I am only teaching during the day, which means that my schedule looks pretty reasonable. If the weather forecast stays true, I might try to go for a short jog after class, followed by (if she is amenable) a cigar date with my beautiful wife. I know that her son comes back tomorrow, which means that the next time she might be able to have another cigar with me will be when I am actually there… nine days from today! Of course, it is not inconceivable that I might try to do that mid-afternoon instead. The temperatures here will be mild for the season, and if Leslie does not have a meeting in that slot, then who knows what could happen? We’ll see. As long as I am not eating. Enjoying a cigar with my wife would not be the worst way to spend my lunch break!

Today is the last day of February. It is amazing to realize that in the entire month I have had two meals… one on the 1^st because of my flight debacle, and one on the 12^th with my son. I have made it through an entire month on two meals, and probably 110 meal replacements. I feel like I have had so many successes this month that it is almost a shock that I am only fifteen pounds down from February 1… but the experts say that even on such an extreme program you can expect to lose about two pounds per week… and I have beaten and nearly doubled that, so there is no logical reason for me to be disappointed. I am just impatient with it. No matter how many times I remind myself that this is a journey that takes time, I cannot seem to shake that impatience.

Leslie and I were talking yesterday, and I realized something that I had never considered before. There has never been any doubt that the tremendous changes to my body are having a huge psychological affect on me; it never occurred to me that it would be affecting her as well. I suppose I just thought that I was slimming down so I would be more attractive to her. I never stopped to consider that yes, she has always loved me… but the man that she fell in love with has shrunk tremendously. While I would gain thirty pounds from when we first met face to face to my apex weight, I am still ninety pounds lighter than I was when she first wrapped her arms around me… or at least, as much as she could. On my last visit to Dallas, she was surprised that she could actually wrap her arms around me completely… with inches to spare. I have to remember that I am not alone in this, and that while there are no negatives to losing the weight, I have to be cognizant that she is affected too. This came to light after I sent her a picture from my heaviest weight in 2019, before I began my second extreme weight loss journey. We talked about it yesterday, and I hope we will continue to talk about it.

After the extremely successful bowel movement on Saturday, I have not had any success in that department. I have also not gone out to get the fibre supplement which I mentioned. This evening I will try to go to the store to pick up more non-milk and will remember to pick that up as well. It is not that I am not now feeling that I would like to… but it is the first time in three days that I am feeling that. Perhaps sometime today it might happen. Maybe that success would have mitigated this morning’s ridiculous weight bump. Who knows?

Okay, it is time to start my day. Princess Sophie went for a very brief walk this morning, but the rest of the day should go like clockwork. Stay on plan, stay focused, and tomorrow the bathroom scale will be kinder to me.

Have a great day folks!