Losing a part of me

My weight did not drop significantly this morning, but as I have said so many times: down is better than up. My session with my therapist yesterday was disappointing. I am not sure if she is helping me at this point, but I will give some thought before I make any decisions about how to proceed. I know she was a tremendous help with my diagnosis of ADHD, and I will never say that my time with her was a waste. I only wonder if she can continue to help me with what I need, which is more to do with habits and addictions.

Over the next couple of weeks, my living in Canada but teaching remotely for US companies will bite my schedule. It will not be the fist time. In Canada, Monday is Victoria Day, and this weekend is what we call the May two-four weekend… partly because Victoria Day is traditionally May 24^th, and partly because Canadian slang for a case of beer is a two-four. Either way, Monday will be a holiday. I will be working, which does not really bother me. The following Monday is Memorial Day in the USA, which means they will be off, because most of my classes are five days, and they do not schedule them on shortened weeks. Oh well… maybe I will take that opportunity to drive to Montreal for my long weekend. We’ll see.

I am hoping that I can stick to the plan. Over the weekend when I spoke with Leslie, I told her that I needed to get back on the program, and I needed a couple of days to work into it. The deadline we set was Wednesday or Thursday, but in my head it is today (Wednesday). I have enough food for my meal today, but that is it. Tomorrow I am going cold turkey. I am going to go back onto the full-fast program and am going to push myself to start making positive progress again. I am hoping that if I can do it for one more month then I will be done with it… but I am not making any decisions. My previous plan of being done by mid-June was affected by the stress of my wedding and my backward slide, but I can and will get back on track. I am not going to lose this time.

There were two positive things that came out of my session with the therapist yesterday. One of them was that if I set unrealistic goals for my exercise then it will be unsustainable. To wit: If my goal is to exercise seven days per week, and there is a day that I cannot make it, then I will consider myself a failure for not meeting my goal. We all know there are seven days in a week, and a missed day cannot be made up. If, on the other hand, I were to set a goal to exercise four or even five days, if I have to miss a day for any reason then that day can still be made up. While I never really had a set number of days per week that I wanted to exercise, I was trying to get out most days. I will give this some thought and see if it helps.

My plan for today is to not do anything excessive. I will not be able to jog because after my morning class I have an appointment at the Apple Store (the Temple of the Cult of Spend as Much as We Can) to get my iPad fixed. I seldom pay for extended warranties, but this time it paid off. I think I have a cracked screen.

My evening class is about to start. At the evening break I will have a shake, which will be the first one I have had in the evening for a couple of weeks. I am trying to get back on track… starting now!