Losing a part of me

Despite a small cheat yesterday afternoon I was able to wake up this morning and cross a number off on my fridge. Again, it is borderline… but 258.0 is lower than yesterday’s 258.2, and I need the motivation this week. A small victory might just be the success I need to get through the week.

I originally thought to follow up with mentioning my streak in the bathroom, but before I got to that paragraph, I finally felt that urge. It was 10:00am and I had my breakfast so I would not be able to re-weigh myself, but I am quite certain there would have been at least a minor adjustment. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am thrilled to be back on the program (modified though it is) and I am going to stick with it and get back down to my best weight ever… and then start moving that number downward. With that said, there was always something to be said for the regularity of my morning bowel movements that I am not currently experiencing. For the record: I still hate writing about bodily waste in any of its forms, but it is relevant to my weight loss journey and so be it.

My son the elder gave me wonderful news yesterday. He graduated with honours from law school. It is difficult to express how proud I am of him. It is also hard that it comes as I have made the difficult decision to stop chasing after his affection. I love my son dearly, but I am tired of being mistreated and disrespected. I truly hope he comes back to me… but I am done playing his games.

I went to the supermarket yesterday evening, knowing that I was low on eggs and milk. The only additional item I picked up was a handful of peanuts which I know I should not do, but I honestly think that by doing so I was encouraged to not look at any other possible cheats on the shelves. As I walked past that aisle, I thought briefly about Goldfish crackers and mini crisps, but knowing that I had the peanuts in my shopping basket I did not even walk into the aisle. I still see it as a transgression, but maybe the occasional strategic cheat is not such a bad idea sometimes.

My friend who was meant to come over for a cigar on Monday should be coming today. It will be great to see him… it has been too long. While it is not why I invited him, I know that while we are smoking, I will not be tempted to eat/cheat. He is coming around 1:00pm so I will have my midday meal replacement directly before that, and my second shake before I start teaching this evening. As is usually the case, I will finish the day following my class when I will have my third and final meal replacement of the day.

After yesterday’s cool and rain I am happy that the forecast for today is sunny and warm. I did sit take my computer outside to study yesterday so that I could enjoy my cigars while doing so. It was raining but there was no wind, so I was mostly not worried; I did have a bit of a concern when I saw the lightening flashes but did not feel that I was truly in danger. Besides, it was a very high quality cigar that I would have had to sacrifice!

Damn, I realized I have to go back to the supermarket. I am out of raw sugar; a few weeks ago I decided to start putting a very small amount into my coffee again, and so far, I do not believe it has negatively affected my progress. If that changes then I can cut it out if needed but I do not anticipate that happening soon.

My plan for the day is to stay on course and to stay mindful. How hard can that be, right?

Have a great day folks!