Losing a part of me

I was mostly good yesterday… until I was not. It is amazing though how our perspectives can change with our circumstances… and with who we are in general. As an example, allow me to list everything I ate yesterday. I will then write what I felt yesterday, and then will try to get into my head from two years ago and see how I might have felt:

• · Morning meal: omelette with a teaspoon of olive oil in the pan, onion, broccoli, mushroom, and cheese.
• Late morning snack: Tamari almonds (1/3 cup)
• Mid-afternoon meal: omelette (identical to morning meal but with one extra egg)
• Late afternoon snack: a bag of salt and vinegar mini crisps.

How I felt last night: I felt like such a failure with all of this. I did not stick to my regimen. I was 100% certain that my weight would be up the next morning, and the best that I could hope for was that, owing to my exercise, it might stay the same… but I doubted it.

How I might have felt two years ago: I am happy that I ate so little. Normally I would be eating three large meals per day, with a couple of snacks mixed in for the fun of it. I have little doubt that eating like this I should likely see a slight drop in my weight the next morning, but if my body wanted to mess with me then it might stay the same.

Do you see the difference? I certainly do! There is both good and bad to this difference. The good is that I am certainly eating less, more easily sated, and more aware of what I am eating. The bad is that I was down on myself for overeating… even though I did not. I have to take care that I am not exchanging one eating disorder (overeating) for another (would it be considered anorexia? Probably not… but it is something). While I am not prepared to resume therapy for this just yet, it is certainly something that I should at least be aware of.

In fact I was wrong about the bathroom scale this morning. I did not gain weight or even stay the same, but actually dropped .4 lb.; I am now back to the same weight that I was the day before I flew to California. If I stay on track for another couple of days then it is entirely possible – nay, likely – that I will be in best-weight-ever land by the beginning of next week.

I do not write a lot about sexual function or activity in these pages for many reasons; it is not something I ever really had a problem with (even at my heaviest). The only real issue I had was that I did not have the stamina that I would have liked. As a happily married man who has referred often to my wife, I will not change that for reasons of decency and discretion. Suffice it to say that we have always enjoyed our healthy intimate moments, but that over the course of having lost thus far approximately 150 pounds, that portion of our life has steadily improved, owing mostly to the increased stamina that has come with the combination of weight loss and (mostly) consistent exercise.

With that said: It is important in discussing significant weight loss and body transformation to take note of the changes and improvements of all aspects of my life that are direct results of same. I started this journey as a 49-year-old man, and over the course of these 617 days I have celebrated two birthdays. As a 51-year-old man I could lose all the weight in the world and yet will never be what I was when I was last a normal weight. With that said, there are some changes I have noticed of late that are significant.

As one example, I cannot remember these last few decades waking up in the morning with a solid erection. Over these last few weeks that has changed. It is not every day, but it has happened a few times. I did not think much of it the last few times, but this morning I noticed it and remembered it happening a few times this past month.

Another example was noticed by both of us a few weeks ago when Leslie was here. At the end of a night of passion, my erection did not subside immediately (as has almost always been the case) after ejaculation. In fact, several minutes after same I went into the washroom, and it was still quite solid (to the point where I was unable to urinate). Despite that inconvenience it felt good to know that my with regard to sexual performance, ability, and stamina my body is showing real improvements with the weight loss and body transformation. These bode well for my future. These improvements give me yet another reason to continue to lose the weight… and to never let myself go again!

I had a lovely cigar date with my wife this morning and I did take care of some business, but it is time for me to get moving. I have a lot of studying to do before my class this evening, but before I dive into that I am going to go for my walk. I would love to try to get fifteen kilometres in today! On yesterday’s outing I jogged the first kilometre in 6m21s before pulling up and walking the remainder of the 12.5km course. My plan for today is to try to increase that to 2-3km jogging. We’ll see. I was going to wait until I was home before preparing my first meal replacement, but realizing it is now 12:55pm I am actually going to do that before I go out. It is never a good idea for me to let myself get hungry… as we see far too often, that nevber seems to work out well for me.

Once I am done, I will come home to shower and then will sit on the balcony with my studying and a cigar. I will be ready for my evening class on time and look forward to finishing my current class with this group so that I can begin the next one (with the same group) on Monday. After class I am probably going to a friend’s house because he invited a group of us to enjoy a cigar by the fire pit. It should be a lovely time and knowing that I am arriving late I will miss the food that he usually puts out (and which is never diet-friendly).

Have a great day folks!