Losing a part of me

The weekend was one giant dumpster fire of cheating. I am really hoping that it is now behind me, and that I can get back on track this week. I will not list all of the ways that I cheated but suffice it to say quite a few of them were emotional eating based on my current levels of depression.

I have gained two pounds in these last five days. I know that if I can rein my eating in for the next few days that I will get back to where I was a week ago. Once I do that then I can continue on and try to get back down to my best weight ever.

I have started to think that maybe where I am (hovering around the 250 lbs. mark) is where I am meant to be. I am not willing to accept that so quickly though. I think the combination of how busy I have been and how depressed and despondent I have been have made it easy to think that. I am not done trying to get back down to within a more reasonable range – if I can get down to 220 lbs. then I will be satisfied. If I can get lower than that, then even better. We will see… I have to get out of my emotional funk before I decide what I am going to do about my weight. For the time being, the most that I can do is to stop falling off the wagon and not cheat. It has not been an easy month. The coming month will be no easier.

See you tomorrow.